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Original poster

what does your 8yo DS know about sex?

66 replies

IceColdToes · 31/01/2012 13:04

New boy recently started in DS's class has been teaching them lots of swear words and sex talk at playtime. DS isn't repeating them - we don't swear at home and he knows the rules - but he is telling me about this new boy "who is allowed to swear" And I guess the time was always going to come when DS would be curious about sex...

Now I need a bit of advice as to what to do. I bought an usborne book a while ago which is at the back of my wardrobe as I knew one day we'd need to sit down and have the talk - but I'm not sure how much to say. But I'd rather he learnt the facts correctly from me. But I don't know if I'm overreacting and he's still so young. Too young ???

Tips please!

New boy has only been in this class for 3 weeks so is this just a novelty / hero worship thing that will pass. Or do I need to sit down and do the whole sex talk.

Thanks!

OP posts:
surewoman · 31/01/2012 18:03

There's a really good book called 'Mummy Laid an Egg' (Nanette Newman?)which is in cartoon form and gently explicit.

I bought hamsters (M and F) around the time my DS's started asking questions and we sat and watched them!! Even to the point of giving birth!!! Unfortunately I didn't realise that mini Siberian hamsters could mate again a few hours after giving birth and having finally got rid of the last baby to friends - or so I thought - there was a cry of 'But Mum, there are more!!!'... end result, another 11 baby hamsters to find homes for! Learnt my lesson there, and from then on just answered every question as it came up in as much detail as possible (probably bored them silly) but they just sort of grew up knowing pretty much everything as it really is, properly explained, rather than playground chit chat.

(Only thing I forgot to mention was 'wet dreams' and my DS aged 11 came home all upset saying 'How is it that I know all about periods, tampax and PMTs but you haven't told me what a wet dream is and now the girls are all laughing at me.... well, we went for a walk and talked about egg white, swimming pools, wet pyjamas....!!!!Blush - you can't ever really get it right)

NoMoreInsomnia12 · 31/01/2012 18:16

I don't ever intend to have a big "Talk" with my daughters but just feed them information and answer their questions as appropriate to their age. DD1 asked me how DD2 got into my tummy when she was 3, and I told her in basic terms, which she accepted and her next question was "Can I have a biscuit?" :)

Chandon · 31/01/2012 18:25

My 8year old boy learned from a friend about "f&cking, humping and sex".

So I told him about sex, how it is done and why, and that it is strictly for grown ups, and what is and isn't appropriate for a child to say (or do).

He foind the whole thing quite boring, once explained by his mum, and dropped the language and the grinding moves he had learned.

Hasn't mentioned it since.

I told him about sex as I had rather he got the facts from me than from his mate. I think books are for the feeble, it is better if they can talk to their parents, as they can ask questions then.

It is not embarrassing at all, honest.

Ispywith · 31/01/2012 18:37

Another vote for the Claire Raynor body book. I grew up with this & got a used copy from amazon. It is excellent. Even if for just reading yourself to give you an idea of how to word things. It includes skin, skeletons, reproduction, birth & death. Great pictures! I remember laughing at the willy pictures like my kids do, but it is something we all openly discuss and give very straight answers to. I am a midwife so my kids often ask where babies come from etc. think my 3 yr old has pretty good knowledge!

mumblecrumble · 31/01/2012 20:40

DD aged 4 has been quite happy to chat about boys and girls looking different, babies coming out of the vagina and the seed from the man;s pip, called a penis, we call it a willy etc etc putting the seed into the vagina when they have special cuddle.

I toold her EVERYTHING(ish) when she was a few months old hoping that subconciously it would all come back to her when she was ready to understand... ;)

I was more worried that if we started using grown up words and concepts such as sex etc that she would start chatting about it with her friends and they all be worried what was going on at home etc .....

Hope this doesn;t soun d too odd but as DD is obsessed with giraffes we watched giraffe giving birth on YouTube then wached them mating.... (checked them first!!!!). She was quite matter of fact and explained to Daddy everything we'd just chatted about. She then went on to ask if she could have shreddies for breakfast...

Also encourage her to look at her own bits with a mirror if they are sore and point out where everything is. I think much older than 6 I wouldn;t feel as confortable as she would be passed the ';mummy wiping my bottom' kind of stage.....

GeorgeEliot · 31/01/2012 20:52

Well when I explained how it all worked to ds the first question he asked was, 'Do you have to go the doctor to have sex?'

So I guess I didn't do a very good job!!

TeamDamon · 31/01/2012 21:09

I answer DS's questions as they come up and let him direct how much he wants to talk about it at any given time. He knows about seeds and eggs, and how one gets to the other, and about erections, and a bit about periods, but not much more than that.

OneLittleChicken · 31/01/2012 21:22

We have always talked to DC's (ages 3 and 6) about how babies are made but in an age appropriate way. My parents never spoke about sex or periods with me and I think it affected me.. I want our household to be open about it.

lingle · 31/01/2012 21:36

I don't see the connection between swearing and knowing about sex?

Swearing is a problem because it upsets people and is designed to upset them. Knowing about sex is something utterly different. So whatever you decide to talk about with your son, I wouldn't set the scene by mentioning swear-talk-new-boy.

Meglet · 31/01/2012 21:38

DS is 5yo and in reception class.

He knows how babies are made and how they come out (both ways as he was an CS). We read 'Where willy went', we giggled Grin.

I wanted to tell him now before he heard silly things in the playground.

I'm suprised people leave it so late Confused. My parents told me from a young age so it seems normal to explain it at infant school age.

DD is only 3m, she knows how they come out but I haven't bothered to tell her how they are made just yet.

lingle · 31/01/2012 21:39

Oh, and my 8-year-old couldn't sleep at night because he had heard about the pain of making babies and associated that with my description of seeds coming out of his willy. I reassured him that ejaculation would be more like a special tickle..... but it shows you can't win.

Meglet · 31/01/2012 21:40

ooops, DD is 3yo. Not 3 months.

bouncysmiley · 31/01/2012 22:00

My sister is a primary school teacher and her school taught sex-ed to 6-7 year olds. She said she was dreading it but it was absolutely fine and she just got lots of interested questions with no embarassment as their hormones hadn't kicked in yet. She reckons it was much better teaching it at this age then when the kids were older...

ASByatt · 31/01/2012 23:50

I'm another one feeling slightly odd about it all.

We had always said that we would just answer any questions from our DC openly and without embarrassment, at a level appropriate to their age/understanding at the time.

All fine - except.............. they're not asking any questions!

Well, they both know where babies come out of, but neither of them have asked how they get in there.....

I think that it's time that they knew a little more (especially oldest DC, 8) but don't want to have an artificially engineered 'chat' of cringe-tastic proportion - it seems tricky to introduce the subject now without making a big deal out of it, which is what we wanted to avoid.

hmm Hmm

QED · 31/01/2012 23:57

DS is 8 and has a basic knowledge about sex. He knows that sperm come out of willies (although not until he is older) and that to make a baby you need a sperm and an egg to meet. That happens by the willy going into a girls bits (in the hole that babies come out of and that willies can go into, called the vagina). Due to me having a mirena coil and no periods that subject doesn't come up much but he has a vague idea of blood coming out of girls bits when they are somewhere between about 10 and 16 to start with and that it lasts for a few days.

He did ask me if XH and I had sex twice as there is him and DD who is 6. Swallowed my giggles and explained that it is a nice thing to do and that grownups do it quite often and that there isn't necessarily a baby every time. I did mention contraception a bit but think it went over his head a bit.

Really can't remember when I started talking about it but a few years ago anyway.

blameitonthecaffeine · 01/02/2012 00:06

My 8yo DD knows where babies come from etc but hasn't needed 'the talk' because I have 2 younger dds so she asked questions when I was pregnant with them and she has 2 older dds who filled in all her gaps nicely! Grin

ChasTittyBeltUp · 01/02/2012 00:15

i have told DD 7 about seeds and how a baby grows but I just cant bring myself to tell her about periods! She has seen my sanitary towels and I always brush them off...last month I managed to say "THey're for my period" Blush and then chanhed the subject!

She's a bit of a squeamish kkid and I don't want to freak her out. She sees me and DH naked from time to time...we arent prudes...but how on earth do you break it to a squamish girl! I tried once to eplain about the lining of the womb forming...but she seemed either bored or embarrased! Are there any books dedicated t periods?

conorsrockers · 01/02/2012 04:57

I gave my DS1 a book about 7 called 'Mummy Laid An Egg' it approaches the whole thing with a bit of humour. I just gave it to him and said 'you might like to read this, thought it was funny' and leave it at that. Mine keeps his in his drawer, and I know he has referred to it a few times.
The most important thing is : don't tell him more than he asks. Make the replies simple and don't break into a biology lesson otherwise he won't ask again!!

My DS1 (now 9) knows pretty much everything, but figured it out for himself from the book and random questions here and there. He usually asks in the car (I turn the music up so DS2 & 3 aren't listening!) boys like to talk side by side, ie whilst doing something else with no eye contact - while girls are more face to face.
As for the swearing - there isn't a word my 4 year old doesn't know (not something that Im proud of incidentally!) as a consequence of older brothers, playground talk and days out at football!! We allow it in context (when singing a song or telling a story "so and so said"). But not general chit chat (!), I can sometimes hear them swear when they are playing on their own but we pretend we don't hear. If you make a big deal of it so will they. My Mum would have burnt me alive if I swore as a child (or teenager) but it didn't stop me once I grew up. Our policy on this and similar is 'time and a place'. My kids wouldn't date swear in school or in public or at Aunty Fannys, but know they are not going to get grounded for accidentally letting one slip in the comfort of their home. They have never stepped over those boundaries so we have never had to say anything else.

anewyear · 01/02/2012 07:30

Yep Ive had the wet dream talk a while back, with my now 13 yr old Ds,
it was 11.44pm and he woke me because he couldnt sleep and was 'uncomfortable' because his PJs were a bit damp..
Bless

daytoday · 01/02/2012 07:46

My DS wanted to know at 5 (curious due to me being pregnant). He was curious in stages so I answered each question at a time.

It was really not that bad. But he has forgotten several times and has had to be retold, so be prepared to tell many many times. I have also explained the actual meaning of swear words, which he has found gross.

They were also had sex education at school in year 3 and year 4, which filled in gaps.

cory · 01/02/2012 08:47

agree with mathanxiety that it is very important that you give clear signals that naughty playground behaviour is not linked to sex as sensible mature people understand it

Jajas · 01/02/2012 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MistyMountainHop · 01/02/2012 09:10

oh god i dread the day i have to do "the talk" Blush

dc are only 5 and 2 atm so hopefully have a while

thehairybabysmum · 01/02/2012 09:19

marshmallow...we have this book and it still has the 'sex robots' in....its hilarious!!

MY DS's are 4 & 6 but they love this book....however the sex page is ignored in our house for the other sections (particularly the excreting pages!) which are much more fascinating to them! Its a brilliant book for their age and likens the body to a machine (similar to the eating machine at Eureka if anyone has been there).

thehairybabysmum · 01/02/2012 09:22

Im doing the same as others and answer Q's along the way in the hope of avoiding 'the talk'. Mine know about eggs/sperm/periods/where babies come out (i had 2 c/s so had to explain they dont normally come out of your tummy!) but havent yet asked how do the sperm get there...guessing that will come soon though!