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Original poster

shocked by sons text message

50 replies

wheelybird · 25/01/2012 13:35

this morning we were getting ready for school and ds1 (10yrs) asked if he could have 40p and i agreed. then ds3 (18mths) was having a tantrum refusing to put her coat on so i asked ds1 and ds2 (4yrs) if they would put on their coats while i dealt with her. instead they had a fight. so they both got told off and ds1 told he could not have 40p. after a few minutes of general stroppiness he left to walk to scool by himself while i took ds2 to school. 15 mins later ds1 sent me a text saying...
u suck completely. give me 20p or ill punch you in the face.

i am incredibly shocked and angry about this. it is not something he has done before. he does have a bad temper but normally directs it at himself, never threatening anyone else. i can deal with disciplining him about this, but am floored by his lack of respect and violent threat. do you think he really feels like that?

OP posts:
PosieParker · 25/01/2012 13:38

Confiscate his phone, his TV, games console EVERYTHING for a week. Make this the most punished he has ever been, go in very very hard. It's absolutely unacceptable and you need to send this message very very clearly.

I would give stuff back very very slowly when he earns it by doing chores and things that may teach him to respect how much you do.

And I'm really sorry he did this to you, but do find out what the 40p was for.

PosieParker · 25/01/2012 13:38

Of course he could be a bully and meant it for someone else.

docket · 25/01/2012 13:39

How horrible, am not surprised you feel shocked and angry. Are you sure the text message was meant for you? (not that it's any better if it wasn't)

Tamoo · 25/01/2012 13:41

How horrible for you. That's pretty scary too. I'd take his phone off him and not give him any money at all until he's realised what an awful thing that was to say to someone (esp his mum!).

smalltown · 25/01/2012 13:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

docket · 25/01/2012 13:41

And yes, what was the 40p for? I am thinking this text can't have been meant for you....

iklboo · 25/01/2012 13:43

Odd, but could he be forwarding a message to you that he's been sent by someone else and that's why he needed the 40p?

Original poster
wheelybird · 25/01/2012 13:45

thanks for replies.
fairly certain text was for me as phone is just for emergency and has only family members numbers in it and i check it regularly.
i am concerned that this seems an extreme reaction for something. he asked for money, then misbehaved so didnt get it. i am quite conscious of discipline, he knows where he stands if he misbehaves. i understand he is cross if he doesnt get something, but this is an unreasonable response

OP posts:
ragged · 25/01/2012 13:47

DS(7) says stuff like that to me... as a joke. I can tell from tone of voice.
DH used to say semi-horrible things to his mum too, I know you'll think they're a bunch of psychos family but both sides knew it was pure silliness.

So I wouldn't take it seriously (I think DC find that scary about me).

Deffo gotta talk to him about it, though.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 25/01/2012 13:49

Why 40p? It seems such a random amount.
I don't think I'd take his phone away if he needs it for emergencies, but something else would be held to ransom until he could fully explain why he would send such a horrible message.
My DD sent me a couple from the bus we were travelling on together but in different areas due to a row.
One said Piss. The next said Off. She lost a couple of teddies until she apologised enough.

Original poster
wheelybird · 25/01/2012 13:59

you have all made me think about things. i assumed 40p was for buying sweets, but maybe more too it. proper discussion first then decide what to do??
either bullying involved, so not really punishment issue, or he really has no respect for me and i need to lay down the law??!!

OP posts:
docket · 25/01/2012 14:02

I think that sounds sensible. Good to find out if he's having a hard time or giving someone else a hard time before going ballistic. Hope you get things sorted - let us know?

notso · 25/01/2012 14:16

Did you ask why 40p? I assume he is in juniors so what could he need money for?

Had it not been an emergency phone I would have thought it was meant for someone else and he was messing about if he doesn't usually speak this way. Texts are hard to take in context, DD always sounds a bit bossy in hers.

You need to speak to him about it before going in all guns blazing, it might be the case he was moaning about you to a friend who dared him to do it for 20p or something daft.

WTFlike · 25/01/2012 14:17

Huh? If he meant it for another child, therefore bullying, it's not really a punishment issue??

notso · 25/01/2012 14:18

Think OP meant if he was being bullied.

thisisyesterday · 25/01/2012 14:19

my first thought on reading it was that it wasn't meant for you.

otherwise why didn't it say 40p?

poorbuthappy · 25/01/2012 14:20

It maybe a text message which had been sent to him which he forwarded on?? Trying to show you he is being bullied?

TheRhubarb · 25/01/2012 14:26

It tells you if a text has been forwarded.

Bit random that first he asks for 40p and then 20p?
Was he expecting you to run over to the school and give him 20p?

OP, whatever you say about the phone for emergency use only, I would take it off him when you get back and check all his sent messages, because that text WAS meant for someone else. Otherwise it doesn't make sense.

Why ask for 20p when he wanted 40p?
Why send a very aggressive text like that to his mum?
How does he expect to get 20p from you during the school day?

I think he is bullying someone (sorry) and got his person's mobile phone number but mistakenly sent the text to you instead. He'll be sweating now wondering what you will do.

PinotMN · 25/01/2012 14:33

Don't go in hard until he's explained himself.

The clues to a mix-up are there (40p then 20p) so allow him to explain himself THEN you can decide on punishment.

If it's out of character he may well take some coaxing to give up the truth as it may be complicated. Good luck.

elvisaintdead · 25/01/2012 14:36

my first thought, having a 9 yr old and an 11 yr old is that he has told someone else about it (a friend) and given them his phone to send a reply. My DC think that letting other people send messages from your address book is hilarious and this led to my Mum getting a not pleasna t message seemingly from DS1.

KIs often don't think through the difference between spoken and written word and also between saying somethingabot someone and saying it actually to the person.

Not excusing it at all, just advising to ask questions first then decide on a suitable consequence

elvisaintdead · 25/01/2012 14:38

not sure what is going on with my typing todat!!

elvisaintdead · 25/01/2012 14:38

today!!! aaargh!!!!

TheRhubarb · 25/01/2012 14:39

Ah yes, the old "let's swap phones!" trick that has led to dd's phone being used to text a boy telling him that she loves him.

But as pinot has said, let him do the talking. He's had all day to work out an excuse and I've a feeling that if that was sent by a friend, he would have contacted you by now to say so. Unless he doesn't know yet.

And I'd still check all his sent messages. I regularly check dd's. She doesn't know but it's just my way of keeping tabs on her.

notso · 25/01/2012 14:44

Can't believe people are assuming he is bullying someone from one text.

cockle84 · 25/01/2012 15:05

Seems more likely to me that he is the one that may be being bullied....would explain why he go so upset? I would phone the school and have a chat with him?