Friends baby keeps biting my baby!!

[Nikki1stbubba]

Evening all!

Im new here and this is my first post (although if ever i've needed an answer for something i've always come on here and read other peoples advice).

I'm at a loss as to what to do and could really do with some advice.

My friend's baby is 10 months old while mine is 9 months old and they couldn't have more different personalities if they tried!

I'm really not being bias but DS is an absolute angel and has been since birth. He's always been a good sleeper / eater / communicator etc and is generally an absolute joy to be around as he is such a happy and loving little boy.

My friend on the other hand, seems to have had the 'problem child' out of the two of us (even saying that I feel guilty!) Her little boy has been a screamer since the moment he entered the world......and still is a screamer.

My MIL works with children that have a whole range of disabilities such as Autism, Asperger's, ADHD and so on, and she seems to think (just by what i've told her) that he may have a touch of either Asperger's or Autism.

I'll give you all a run down of his behaviour and see if anybody else could shed some more light.....

*He screams non stop

*Doesn't interact with his mum (although he is a bit better with other people, by that I mean you might be lucky enough to get a smile out of him)

*He flaps his arms about a lot

*Has no perception of other childrens feelings (10 months old is very young I know, but to sink his teeth into my DS over and over again, dig at his eyes, scratch him and just generally terrorise him causing him to cry for 4 hours solid one morning without batting an eyelid and just going about his business until he gets bored and comes back to bite DS some more) seems a little disturbing to me. He didn't even bat an eyelid when DS was balling his eyes out because he had attacked him so much!

*He doesn't say anything yet, not even mumbled 'mummm' or 'da da da', he just makes this high pitched screaming noise when he's playing

I feel really bad but its making me not want to meet up with my friend (of 15 years) anymore.

She popped round to me the other day for a 'play' date. They arrived at 11am and left at 4pm. The whole time my other wise sociable angel clung to me, sobbing and looking absolutely terrified. I was getting a little bit annoyed as I thought that if it was my DS that was causing such upset, I would have been mortified and made my excuses / apologies and left, but she never, she stayed and more or less told me that my DS needed to 'toughen up'!!!

I dont know what to do, do I mention to her that I think maybe she should get some advice (he viciously bites her aswell, she has deep scars all up her arms and legs and a fresh looking wound on her eyebrow now aswell) and risk offending her or do I continue to stay quiet and put my poor child through this torture at our so called 'play dates'????

Sorry for the REALLY long post, Its been on my mind for a while and its nice to be able to vent my frustration on here instead of chewing DH ear off :D

Thanks and look forward to your replys xx

Glad to know im not the only one then Agnes! Talking of rough schools, we're moving area in 2 weeks to get away from it all, its becoming a joke in the area, schools are a going really downhill in ofsted reports and kids are coming out knowing nothing and thinking its ok to scrounge off government. Time to get out for us!

Thesecondcoming

Im confused, who's Tosh?!

Bite back?! Yikes. Might be worth having a gentle, very casual chat along the lines of 'I had to tell LittleNikki 'no' the other day, he didn't like it much but it worked, I think he's about the right age to start understanding that hitting / biting / isn't nice and I don't want him to get into bad habits..'

Might be worth a try!

Cough medicine it is! Cheers

TheSecondComing

Haha no its not Tosh, I wont say his real name, small world and all that

DaPrincessBride

I have done that in the past regarding things that she has done with him, some really stupid ( and I mean totally stupid, not me being overprotective know it all mother type of advice) but as I said in an earlier post, I get labelled a snobby mum for it so now I hold back on he advice, she obviously does things the way she likes to do them

I take it judging by the time im not the only mum who sits up all night whilst baby is sound asleep, then regrets it when the early wake up call comes?! :)

ArtexMonkey

Im lost, do you mean Hunning as in calling people hun? And lolling as in using LOL? Whats bubbaing?

Personally I cant stand being called Hun either! AAnd Lol, definitely a no no for me too :)

Seems like you have to be really careful what you say? Freedom of speech? Ahemm

Wow have just read this thread and can see both points of view. I am not going to comment on the autism stuff as this has been discussed.

If a child acted like that around my DD I would be upset too and certainly would feel angry. I have been there and my DD is a confident little thing but still ended up in tears at being clocked round the head with a toy teapot!! And generally picked on by someone 9 months older than her. Whether first born or not I can see you are looking for support and reasoning for this. I decided to put some distance between myself and this family which has proven hard as we live very close but there is no major friendship. Maybe try going out to soft play places for example with this friend next time-both DC will had enough space to be free from one another and if something does start you can distract your DC away.

I too am a bit quick to judge other kids behaviour verses my PFB but mumsnet does help me remember this and bring me down to earth. I thought my DD was an angel, advanced language, walked early, didn't misbehave etc I soon learnt she is just an normal but special girl who is now
going through a 'throwing' stage - not my PFB!!!

Hmm well if she won't even try to stop him, you can't make her. Keep them separate until either a. he grows out of it or b. she realises that no one wants to meet up anymore. It's not nice seing your PFB being hurt, even if the other baby doesn't realise what he's doing, so I do know where you're coming from.

I'm crap at going to bed at a reasonable time...sigh...

EssexMumma

Hi EssexMumma!

Its horrible cos you dont want to tell the other child off yourself, but if the mum isnt really doing much to stop him what are you supposed to do?

The funny thing is, she worked in a nursery before she went on maternity leave and she said that there was this one child who went around biting everybody and being a general bully and nobody liked him, parents, children etc.

It must be horrible knowing that sometimes your child is behaving like 'that' child but I suppose we all have to go through it at some point!

My DS is a big boy and always has been, he was 9lb 130z at birth and has followed the 98th centile line all the time, so being big (he's tall and sturdy rather than chunky) people just assume that he's the one more likely to be the bully but couldnt be further from the truth!

We all think our first borns are the best babies ever to have walked the earth (well, mine actually is :) thats our god given right when we squeezed them onto this earth :)

DaPrincessBride

I cant sit here knackered but I still wont go to bed as otherwise it seems like ive had no chill out time before the next day starts and have to do it all again, DH dont get it but then again why would he, he gets chill out time

*can

My first thought was in line with TSC's, I must say, no-one thinking the amount of mn buttons being pressed is quite impressive??

8 out Of 10. You haven't mentioned early weaning or fruit shoots.

side stepping all the asd stuff.....four hours to me sounds like far too long for a play date....an hour and a half is what we aim for....i had an angel baby too until he hit two now hei is the puncher and hitter! they change dramatically! do you get out to lots of groups? i found this very helpful in the first year so i could gauge what was normal behaviour and what not.....also if you stlll want to see your friend in less scary environments, try baby swimming classes together, my friend and I did this for a term when our babies were your age, they loved the water then afterwards we sat in the cafe all had lunch and they went to sleep and we had a good chat,

Hi Princess

4 hours was way too long! As i've said though, it was at my house so I could hardly leave ( or maybe I should have?) or ask her to leave without being rude.

We are both signed up to baby swim classes but sods law, every time swim day comes, DS has a cold or something or the other!

We are moving soon so we will wont be seeing each other as often, small doses sounds good to me! :)