Friends baby keeps biting my baby!!

[Nikki1stbubba]

Evening all!

Im new here and this is my first post (although if ever i've needed an answer for something i've always come on here and read other peoples advice).

I'm at a loss as to what to do and could really do with some advice.

My friend's baby is 10 months old while mine is 9 months old and they couldn't have more different personalities if they tried!

I'm really not being bias but DS is an absolute angel and has been since birth. He's always been a good sleeper / eater / communicator etc and is generally an absolute joy to be around as he is such a happy and loving little boy.

My friend on the other hand, seems to have had the 'problem child' out of the two of us (even saying that I feel guilty!) Her little boy has been a screamer since the moment he entered the world......and still is a screamer.

My MIL works with children that have a whole range of disabilities such as Autism, Asperger's, ADHD and so on, and she seems to think (just by what i've told her) that he may have a touch of either Asperger's or Autism.

I'll give you all a run down of his behaviour and see if anybody else could shed some more light.....

*He screams non stop

*Doesn't interact with his mum (although he is a bit better with other people, by that I mean you might be lucky enough to get a smile out of him)

*He flaps his arms about a lot

*Has no perception of other childrens feelings (10 months old is very young I know, but to sink his teeth into my DS over and over again, dig at his eyes, scratch him and just generally terrorise him causing him to cry for 4 hours solid one morning without batting an eyelid and just going about his business until he gets bored and comes back to bite DS some more) seems a little disturbing to me. He didn't even bat an eyelid when DS was balling his eyes out because he had attacked him so much!

*He doesn't say anything yet, not even mumbled 'mummm' or 'da da da', he just makes this high pitched screaming noise when he's playing

I feel really bad but its making me not want to meet up with my friend (of 15 years) anymore.

She popped round to me the other day for a 'play' date. They arrived at 11am and left at 4pm. The whole time my other wise sociable angel clung to me, sobbing and looking absolutely terrified. I was getting a little bit annoyed as I thought that if it was my DS that was causing such upset, I would have been mortified and made my excuses / apologies and left, but she never, she stayed and more or less told me that my DS needed to 'toughen up'!!!

I dont know what to do, do I mention to her that I think maybe she should get some advice (he viciously bites her aswell, she has deep scars all up her arms and legs and a fresh looking wound on her eyebrow now aswell) and risk offending her or do I continue to stay quiet and put my poor child through this torture at our so called 'play dates'????

Sorry for the REALLY long post, Its been on my mind for a while and its nice to be able to vent my frustration on here instead of chewing DH ear off :D

Thanks and look forward to your replys xx

I apologise if I offended anybody, it really was not meant to be that way.

I feel like ive walked into a clicky playgroup and am getting judged for everything I say! I was told not to read into peoples responses so much, maybe people shouldnt have read into my post so much too?

smallwhitecat I have not harped on about the ASD, other people have kept bringing it up

Im sorry if I seem ignorant towards it, I really am not an ignorant person and this is really not how I like to spend my evenings??

Actually. Reading back your op you do say that he bit and scratched your baby several times.

I think that you are being too worried about the feelings of your friend. It is ok to say that since the babies don't get on too well ATM, you would prefer to keep them apart.

Or just not have time for her when she suggests a playdate.

Nikki
We are not a clique and we are not judging.

You asked what we thought and we gave you our thoughts.

Put it this way - would you rather have a group of strangers on the Internet tell you that you are sounding rather insensitive about ASD children or would you rather offend a good friend?

There's no clique here at all, Nikki. This is just the reaction you've got to what you posted. Unfortunately, if you try to diagnose people's children on the basis of stuff that's, well, not that out of the norm, it will raise people's hackles. If you further suggest that a parent should assume that your baby's cries over a four hour period were her responsibility instead of yours, then people will raise their eyebrows too. Please don't ever suggest a child has ASD or ASD-like symptoms again, it is so volatile. Just choose not to think like that. Also, I really did initially just want to help you by giving you information about development as it seems like you really don't understand it. I'm sorry if that sounds patronising, but you will work yourself into a total frenzy with these situations if you don't get a better handle on what is a reasonable and unreasonable expectation at this and other ages. Far better to get a grip on it now and understand why babies do what they do, and learn the tricks to get through e.g. like separating them, avoiding these situations getting out of hand etc.

MmeLindor sorry that wasnt meant towards you, I was responding to Rita's post.

No more play dates will be arranged, at least not in a place that I cant choose when to end it and no more posts will be made regarding it

(I mean that as kindly as possible.. it really does the world of good to know some of this stuff, it helps in ALL sorts of situations!).

I don't feel I've been rude on this thread at all. I think you're being a bit prickly about someone daring to hurt your PFB, which is fine, we're all a bit Mummy Tiger at times. Attempting to diagnose your friend's child as havigg ASD/Aspergers traits at 10mo with no qualification to do so is not an appropriate response imo though.

smallwhitecat I have said over and over that I did not mean to come across prejudice or ignorant, I cant stress that enough.

You are obviously offended by what I have said, I cant change your mind on what I actually meant with the OP so in the nicest way possible, maybe you shouldnt follow this thread anymore?

That sounds like a good idea.

Don't worry about coming back and asking for advice. You have survived your first post on MN and your first argument.

It can only get better from here

COCKadoodledoo

Whats PFB?? New to all this!

MmeLiindor You mean there's more arguements to come?? Jeez! haha

I feel like Ive just passed an initiation test with classmates in school! :o

Precious First Born

Yes, you have done it. Survived your first MN semi-flaming and come out alive. Good for you, now you are truly a MNetter.

:)

Ok I've skimmed the thread and can see you are getting a bashing here.

Some babies can be aggressive. Crying a lot, apparently angry. It doesn't mean they will become these troubled children, it's just a snapshot of how they are feeling right now. None of us can say what is up with this baby he may be teething, be unwell, not sleeping, ...or lots of things.

Pick your baby up and protect him, as you all ready are. But yes, we knew a baby boy when our son was tiny (between us we referred to him as The Psycho boy) and his behaviour was dreadful, hitting, scratching, horrid.

I let the friendship drop when he locked my son in a room at 1 yrs.

MmeLindor

My God you people are harsh!!! :)

So anyway, going off topic a bit, what do you all think of topping up baby's bottle with a little whisky to help him sleep better? JOKING!!!!!!!

No more lynching please, One argument a night is enough thank you very much! :o

You will never have another one quite like your first! My first was when my ds was only a few days old and I posted for advice about bfing and accidentally trod on someone's toes. Believe me, I really took a beating. Was called "monumental twat" and all sorts. It is sort of like an initiation around here! I don't remember it fondly but I learned to be careful and always play out what I was saying to make sure it sounded relatively sensible/meant exactly what I meant it to before posting an OP again! Good luck

AgnesBligg

Hi Agnes!! Are you sure you wouldnt like to stick the boot in just a little bit? All the others have, why not?! :)

Locked him in a room? Thats awful! I wont comment any further towards 'Physco Babies' as I think I may not survive round 2

I'm sorry if you felt I was flaming you. The 'how can we help?' question was totally genuine, but I appreciate it may look a little arsey.

I would suggest meeting away from home where the babies are easily separated until the bitey phase is over - maybe arrange to meet in a coffee shop (highchairs on opposing sides of table) or a walk in the park (i.e. separate buggies). It's most likely just a phase.

TBH it sounds like your friend needs to start saying 'no'. How else is he going to learn that biting isn't OK?

OP I do think you need a though...this is MN, you asked for opinions and you will get them - you may not necessarily like them.

working9while5

Thanks for the advice, seems like walking on eggshells is the way forward. Until I get me foot under the door then I can join in the thrashing of the newbies too! Not really, not nice as you know but seems it is the done thing around here :0

DaPrincessBride

Thats the thing, the advice that she has chosen to go with regarding the biting, is to 'bite back'???? Cant say I agree with that myself, just seems to be reinforcing the behaviour?

I have a bottle of wine in the fridge but no sodding bottle opener! Cough mixture it is then

Cockadoodledoo

By gone's be by gone's?

I wouldn't dream of sticking the boot in to a new mother . If it makes you feel better I was roundly flamed on here when I was worried I'd sent my PFB to a 'rough' school when he was five. I didn't totally deserve it, but all view points can help . Arsehole MNetters.