At wits end with DS wetting, embarrassed myself at his nursery crying!

[lydiathetattooedlady]

Ds is 2.6yr and goes to nursery full time. At the end of june he started wanting to copy his sister (4) and use the toilet, over a long weekend he was dry and went onto be dry for 8/9 weeks at nursery. Virtual no accidents whatsoever, and the only ones he did have were poo accidents. During this time he also started to become dry at night, we had weekend away and went to an all day wedding, again no accidents.

Since the beginning of sept he has had accidents everyday, but more so at nursery. When it first started we put it down to him moving up to the next age group and leaving some friends behind, and that dd started school. As it continued through sept and got worse we had him tested for water infections which all came back clear. The nursery were good and started stiocker charts and keeping a potty in the room etc but there has been little improvement. His toilet habits at home remained good and we had little to no accidents but he has now started dribbling in his pants, not alot but enough to leak through.

Today i collected him and between 10 and 3 he had 5 wet accidents. I just don't know what to do, i ended up crying at the nursery manager as im so fed up of collecting him and seeing a bag of wet clothes. I'm 100% sure its not through any fault of the staff as i know other parents who are having no problems with their dcs toilet habits. If he hadnt had that long period of dryness through the summer id assume he wasn't ready, plus apart from the odd dribble at home he's dry. He doesnt like wearing nappies and hates having to wear one for bed. I tried asking him why he does it and he says because he's sad, but to be honest i dont know if this is something he's just randomly decided to say.

I dont know if it has anything to do with it but he is becoming increasingly more clingy, and has started to be quite rough in his play towards dd but im guessing this is normal boy behaviour?!

I dont even know what im asking really, maybe some advice or anyone who has been through this??
TIA

My DD had a similar story. The accidents just seemed to go on and on, and be so random.

I have no amazing advice. I had to just tell myself 'it's only wee' as I'd get too emotional about it.

I wouldn't make ANY fuss about it and it soon just stopped for no particular reason.

To save your sanity, could you get some more absorbent pants?

No answers but marking my place aa going through this with DS2 (2.8). It's driving me nuts!

Just a few questions--
3 months of accidents every day?
How was he at the Christmas Break?

My DS potty trained I think quite early, and fast, and then had quite a big regression of accidents every day for about a month. Then he righted it again.

IME and those of my friends, the only thing I would say is that you have come this far, so you just have to ride it out.

I think a bit of regression when potty training is pretty common. My DS2 went through a similar phase a few months after potty training (at around 3.3y). I knew he knew what to do and was physically able but just reverted to peeing all over the shop (well, nursery/home, etc). Even if I'd asked him 1 min beforehand whether he needed the toilet, he would then go on the floor. He wasn't bothered by it at all. Drove me a little potty though. And yes, seeing those many bags of shame (not really, but you know!) hanging up used to be very frustrating. My DS2 still does the dribbling thing (actually, my DS1 who's 6 still does it) - far too keen on playing and doing what he wants to do than bother with something as dull as peeing.

Anyway.....best thing to do IMHO is to just make as little of it as possible. Don't give it any attention. And remember that nursery have seen it all before - he won't be the first and certainly won't be the last - so they won't be judging you or your DS harshly. Maybe you could read through a few books or get DVD about potty training (think there's a Big Blue Bear or Elmo one?) - might help to get him excited about thinking peeing is cool?

Thank you for the quick replies...
smacka i do try and not get too emotional over it but as i said to dh tonight i feel like somewhere i have let him down. With dd she was trained at the same age in a few days, no regression not even when ds was born. However the difference in their early childhood is that until she was 3 (and went to nursery) she was with me everyday, i took her to work and she has become a very bright out going little girl. I worry that with putting ds in child care from about 8months i have let him down.

meg glad im not the only one

gapants yes accidents every day of nursery (he has had the occasional dry day) since beginning of sept. At home he continued to be dry but has in the last 6 weeks or so had a little dribble in his pants.
Over xmas he was off nursery and with us from xmas eve and was back in nursery on the wednesday so 4 days with us. He had two accidents and some little dribbles which seem to correspond with not getting there in time , 1 on xmas day late in the evening and one on boxing day night both of which we put down to tiredness.

Im not sure whether it would be related to the accidents, but when getting him tested for uti's our gp did think his foreskin might be a bit tight as she said it looked like he might have thrush, we were given canestan (sp) to use for a few days. I think im going to take him back to gp for advice as today when he had a wee at home he said his willy felt hot.

I think you're being way too harsh on yourself beating yourself up for changes in childcare arrangements for your children.

You haven't let him down.

Repeat ad nauseum

"it's only wee"

op That is interesting, my DS does a bit of dribble in his pants and only because he is too busy to get to the loo on time. maybe go back to reminding him to go to the potty all the time! And cut out all juices, just water.

Our ds has been like this for ages. Only recently righted himself again.

The thing that made a big difference for us was to stop getting annoyed about it. No sighing or huffing, no annoyed faces from us and no telling him off. We just started making no fuss and getting him to take his own pants off and get a clean pair so he had a bit of responsibility.

Nursery started a sticker chart and of he got 5 days we would get him a toy car at the end of the week (just a hot wheels).

We also went back to asking him if his pants were dry once he went for a wee, getting him to actually check and showing him that they felt wet. Just making him more aware of it. Lots of praise for keeping dry and lots of patience.

Tbh this is what we did but for months and months we tried everything and nothing worked and I was at my wits end. We discussed it with nursery several times and covered all angles to make sure we were all doing the same thing with him.

Hang in there, it'll get better.

I second Dairymps - consequences work. No fuss, no comments. Just "you are wet, please stop playing and take your wet pants off, put them in the washing machine and get a clean pair from your cupboard, then you can play again". Get nursery to back you up. Seriously, it will work. Hang in there.

(I felt like I spent most of my life, not just most of his life, potty training DS2)

He's still little . If he was 4.5 I might be a bit more concerned, but he's 2.6! I hadn't trained either of mine at that age. DD trained recently at 2.8. She was great, then had 2 or 3 weeks regression, then great again, and just now has gone back to nursery and we had one day of accidents- think it's just the change.

Take it in your stride if you can, it too will pass.........I know it's frustrating but it's normal- though do double check on the utis etc if there's a chance. DS when going to new school nursery at nearly 4 had accidents at home for several weeks in the afternoons. He was just adjusting and they passed, then several of his peers had accidents when starting reception despite being toilet trained for years.

Is the new nursery room more stressful- can any more measures be taken to help him settle in if so? Does he get on with the carers and other children ok? Is he particularly tired- I think DD loses it when she's tired sometimes as well as busy/wanting control more than normal.

looking at your latest post Lydia - balanitis springs to mind

do you ever find ''chalky'' residue in his pants at the end of the day?

chillax.

two out of three of mine were doing this in yr r. one of them in yr 1. oh, and he still occasionally does it in yr 5. and yes, one of them was dry day and night at 2.3. they are all different.

he is 2.6.

tears and anxiety are really not necessary.

this too shall pass.

I disagree with shineoncrazydiamond simply because he started so long ago nd was successful. This is a blip and will pass. I second, third... Other posters with remaining calm, "it's only wee"
My ds is 3 and is still up and down, not easy at all :( has had ballanitis and foreskin is tight and he says his willy hurts at times, but paed said wait it out. He has good days and wet days or constipated days.

There's another thing - is he constipated? This causes a lot of wee accidents, IME

Tbf I do think that as he was dry for a while, it did seen as if he'd got it. I know I'd be feeling low too. More for the fact you feel sorry for them being uncomfortable.

When ds had been trained for a couple of years he suddenly had a week of accidents. I took him to the dr. and he had an infection of the foreskin. He had cream (antibiotic?) and it sorted it within a few days. There was no obvious sign, possibly slightly red on the end, and he said it stang a little when weeing.

Interesting about the constipation HavePatience. DD was constipated the day she had 2 wee accidents after none for ages..... hadn't worked that one out .

What is balanitis? DS used to have z chalky residue in pants but I thought that was just where he'd dribbled a bit and then dried out

dairy thank you for your tips! I think getting him to changehis own pants ra ther than the nursery workers might help.
boys never heard of that before, i have to say i havent noticed any chalkyness.
tgger his new room is alot busier, more playing out side and activites. Alot of the children are also nearly a year older as the room is now grouped in to school years so he's with some children who were 3 in sept andhis birthday isnt til beginning of july.
poc and shine we tried pull ups i think it was end of oct and he regressed further and poohed. That was the first time since end of july.
Im getting in a 'tizz' because he spent the summer dry, as i mentioned above we had so many 'distracting' activities where i am surprised we had no accidents and he is dry at home apart from the dribbles which from posters above seems normal. The dribbles are about the size of a 10p at the biggest it is at nursery we're having the real problems. The 5 today is the worst for a long time.

My concern is that putting him back in nappies will confuse him. He has no soiled accidents ever, always takes himself to the toilet. Wouldnt putting him back in nappies then make him stop using the toilet for poos?

What does he drink at nursery and is it the same as at home. About 2 months after DS1 had been trained and was pretty reliably dry we bought some blackcurrant squash. Suddenly he was seeing everywhere 5+ accidents a day and a wet bed for the first time. After 4 days we made the connection, the blackcurrant squash was hidden and the accidents stopped immediately...

TBH I think he is a bit young to be too worried about it - why can he not have a pull up and use the loo. I have a very clever little boy who was 3 a month ago, ever so forward in walking talking etc. But I left the potty training until he was almost three, he wanted to do it and has only ever had one accident at playschool (because he was absorbed in doing something else). My two older dds trained at just two and that all went well. What I mean to say is that they are all different and do it in their own time. If he is having that many accidents in one day then (medical problems notwithstanding) he is not potty trained and is having too many accidents.

My ds is dry about 9 out of ten nights too but he is still in a nappy - this is because soon we are moving house and he is likely to be disturbed by that but I know he would be mortified waking up in a wet bed (and feel he had done something wrong) so I am keeping him in his pull up overnight to head this off until we are moved and settled again. It may not be a problem of course but what is a couple of months extra wearing a nappy??

If your son is only 2.6 now then really would not worry too much.

have he doesnt seem constipated but he does seem to hold it until it almost falls out! Maybe the holding could be causing it? with constipation would his poo be very solid or more soft? His pooh is sort of soft when he goes, which i always assumed was beacuse of the vast quantities of fruit and veg that he ate!

run At home its always been water, milk or diluted squash, at nursery they have water at snack time and if they are thirsty during the day. At snack time its milk.

He doesn't sound constipated tbh.
But also holding t in so long is something ds does even when not constipated and that can cause some accidents and leaks/dribbles.

I was told whitish discharge is a sign of infection. But then they did nothing for it

I wouldn't go back to pull ups.
Just relax about accidents