Toilet training?

[EllenandBump]

When do i start toilet training and what do i need to do it? My son is 18months and i am not sure, he is my first, mum said i was dry night and day by 14months. eek. x

My DS was potty trained by 18 months and fully toilet trained by 2 years. He started giving cues that he was ready by waking up with dry diapers in the morning and holding on to wee wee till I would prompt him.

For potty he would disappear into the corner and start straining himself. And that would be my cue to offer the potty. If he did manage to use it I used to reward him with smarties.

However there were occasional wee wee accidents (once a fortnight maybe) till he was 2.5 years, esp. when he was busy playing.

I feel that he was toilet trained early because I used terry nappies at home instead of disposable ones, so maybe he was more aware of his body functions.

we taught DS to wee using the toilet, bypassing the potty. We told him to use his Fireman Sam hose to put out the pretend fire in the toilet bowl. Worked for him

I read you should start around two somewhere online, but unfortuan tely the internet isnt a reliable source of information sometimes. Maybe when he can start saying toilet, pee or something i will start. x

I think that the definition of "fully toilet trained" has changed over the years and, as a previous poster has said, you can't expect an 18 month old to use the toilet completely unprompted and with no adult help taking off clothes and wiping, etc.

However, I know several children who were able to communicate the need to go and hold on until taken to a toilet before age 2. They weren't trained using the cold turkey method, though, but encouraged to sit on a potty at set times of the day and praised whenever they did something and left in nappies until they were more or less dry.

DD's nursery trains all their 2 year olds in this way - taking them to sit on the potty/toilet after every meal/snack, before and after nap time, etc. The peer pressure of being in a group and the routine aspect undoubtedly makes it easier than it would be for a parent doing it at home. This method can be used with a 14 month old, though, and is probably easier (less resistence to accepting the potty as part of the daily routine) the earlier you start.

DD is 2.7 and out of nappies during the day. She is not yet "fully toilet trained" according to the current definition. She wants help with her clothes (could do it herself, but is lazy), cannot climb onto the toilet by herself, or reach her bottom from behind to wipe herself and she asks for a nappy when she needs a poo. Personally, I find it easier not to have to change nappies an more.

I can understand why a lot of people want to wait until their child initiates toilet training. Cold turkey training with a child who isn't ready is probably very stressful. However, I think the gradual method isn't traumatic either. It's just what suits you as a parent best.

My friend's DD was trained at 18 months. Her grandmother did it over the weekend when she went for a visit and she was dry at night by age 2.

I was advised by the OFSTED inspector (via my CM) to start training DD when she was around 20 months, but I didn't think she was ready. She's now 2.1. I'm going to start training next week, but if it doesn't work I'll wait until summer. I'm quite nervous about it.

When you manage to potty train early, they are often more pliable. With DS1, we would put him on the toilet before going in the car, and normally once we had reached the destination. He would obligingly wee.

DS2 will generally wee when I put him on the toilet - he's now 14 months. So he's then normally fine for an hour or so after that.

The toilet is his cue. What's so odd about that. It's much easier than being faced with a sudden desperate rush to find a toilet, and something we all have to learn ie control. It's just that control can be learned from a much earlier age than we are generally led to believe, although seemingly requires more intervention from parents.

Although how it is easier, or nicer to have a pooey nappy to change rather than a quick wipe and a flush of the toilet is puzzling.

I don't suppose I have spent any longer in popping Ds2 on the toilet since he was 7 months old, than most people spend changing children, and I have had the bonus that in that time he has probably pooed in 10 nappies!

I tried the gradually introducing your child to the concept of a potty/toilet and DD used to freak out everytime she saw them.

The first time she sat on a potty she was 2.5!

I'll probably try it again with DS but have no expectations that it will definately work - children are just different. Nothing works for all of them.

Do it before they are ready, you will probably have accidents, do it when they are ready, no accidents. You choose. I chose the latter and both mine were trained fully when we stopped putting nappies on at 2 and a half - eldest actually asked to take her nappy off.

I seriously do not know what an OFSTED inspector would know about potty training.

I bought a potty when DS was about 2 and, if I left his trousers and pants off, he would quite happily take himself off to have a pee in it. However, I found that this could not be replicated if he was clothed. I also noticed that he went quite frequently - 2 or 3 times in an hour, so what might have passed as potty training in the past, may have been little more than co-incidence.

I tried to potty train properly at 2.4 but it didn't work. DS wet himself continuously, whilst not being particularly bothered about having wet clothes. However, I was getting bad tempered, so put him back in nappies for a month. I then tried again at 2.6 - and it just worked. No problems. I can't really offer any advice because it just happened - so presume he was just ready.

I left a nappy on at night until he was about 3 because he was always wet through in the morning and all the books said to wait until you had a dry nappy in the morning. Once I had realised that this may never happen, I left the nappy off at night and all was fine. No wet beds. I think he must previously have just been having a massive pee in his nappy first thing in the morning.

I have also wondered at older mums saying their DCs were dry at 14 months. Even though I would not expect them to be able to manage their own clothes, they would have had to be able to indicate to their mum that they wanted to go and be able to hold on long enough for mum to stop what she was doing and get them undressed and on the potty.

My gd was three and a bit and it took about two weeks for her to get the idea - she also liked a reward which was a picture taken from a comic type book - just used to cut out pippa or dora and she loved that. She was dry at night very quickly which surprised everyone. I think in the old days we potty trained early because of the terry towel nappy - the soaking the drying the sore bottoms (i won't go on :))

Interesting to hear other people's stories. I have tried doing DS1 twice. When 2 yr 2 mth and 2 yr 4 mth. Both times he has clearly not been ready. I think he may have developed a phobia of the toilet. Any ideas?

In my case, I made absolutely no mention of potties or toilets in the time between my two attempts - just used nappies as per normal - in the hope that any stress would be forgotten. This seemed to have worked.

DD1 trained at 2.2
DD2 was 2.4 (27th Dec, her choice! )
DS started yesterday and is 2.3 and a bit.

My grandmother started bothering me about toilet training DD1 at 6m. I was only just getting the idea of motherhood at that point! :o

I think our parents' generation either have a very rosy-tinged remembrance of our own childhood days, or they're barefaced liars! It's definitely true that people used to potty train a lot earlier. But then nappies were either cloth, or expensive disposable, and there was every incentive to train early. I think it was also a cultural thing in those days - everyone had an expectation that babies would be out of nappies well before they were two.

My own MIL claims that because there was only a year between DH and SIL, when she came to train DH at about 2, she did SIL (11 months) at the same time. TBH, I actually don't believe her, or at least, I don't believe that it was quick and wholly successful. I've borne the brunt of a lot of pointed comments from her about how late we left it with DS1 (he was extremely resistant to the whole idea until nearly three and a half, and is still having the odd relapse at 3.10). My mum also thinks we should have 'done' him sooner, but she's better at biting her tongue!

Anyway, we waited until we thought DS1 was receptive to the idea, about 3.2, and went cold turkey, a la GF, and in line with the Mumsnet Rules. It was an unnmitigated disaster and I think it put DS1 off the whole idea for months. After I'd started, I realised that going cold turkey completely went against all my other parenting decisions. I'm quite lentil weavy attachmenty; I bf on demand and until my boobs dropped off DS1 wanted to stop; I've never done CC. But sticking DS1 into big boy pants and then taking him to the loo every 15 minutes, often against his will because he was too busy or didn't need to pee. Not very child-led and it went against my better judgement. Yet I'm not sure if potty training can always be child-led. Some children just don't seem to want to get involved and need some sort of coercion. We gently tried again at about 3.5 and this time, he was ready and took to it brilliantly. As I say, he still lapses, either because of illness or just because he's bored of it, I think. And most annoyingly, he started off by being completely dry in his nappy at nights, but after his first relapse he went back to soaking a nappy at night.

DS2 is in cloth nappies in a desperate bid to make him aware of what being wet feels like.

It's a confusing and often stressful path for both child and parent, potty training. I'd do whatever it takes to make it less stressy. There's an Elizabeth Pantley book (she of the NCSS) for those who like her sort of approach.

i think 18 months is a great time to PT. though not a common one by any means.

you can get them to the point where you just have to take them for a wee every once in a while (they will usually tell you too, by activity rather than word) in a week or two.

method is pretty much the same as older - that is regular potty sitting after meals, sleeps, etc distraction with a story or cbeebies if necessary, then heavy reward if even one drop goes in. Also weeing on the potty yourself saying 'clever mummy!' etc helps them get the idea.

After what I observed with DS, I share your scepticism, reshapewhiledamp. There were definitely a couple of little girls at toddler group who were potty trained at about 21 months but that is the earliest that I definitely know. Perhaps you could ask your MIL how your SIL always let her mum know when she needed the potty, or how she managed to use it by herself. I can understand the incentive to try earlier in the days of terry nappies but I can't understand how it was achievable.

I don't think it needs to be child led. Modern disposables are so light and comfortable, why would they want to try anything else. I think you have to make up your mind to give it a go, if it works, it works, and if it doesn't to try again later.

I potty trained my daughter not long ago when she was 22 months. We did a trial day as I was in all day one Sunday, it went pretty well, so we continued and by Thursday she was done. She just seemed to be ready, and I really do think it varies massively from child to child, (she had been sitting on the potty a bit for about 2 months in the evening and had started to tell me every time she was doing a wee or poo in her nappy). I wasn't a disaster and if it had been I certainly wouldn't have continued. However, she still wears nappies at night and at nap time and they are not dry when she wakes up (occasionally after her 2 hours nap but not often). With sleep times I think it's not really something you can train, they just become ready when they are. So we will wait for her to have consistently dry nappies at nap time/in the morning, and then remove the nappies then. No rush. Personally I think I wouldn't attempt it pre-talking, as Stealth says.

Woops - Stranded!

Did post earlier, but have now name changed to ditch Christmas title, anyway, day 1 of DS (23mths) no nappies and only 1 accident. Took the approach of frequent trips to the loo/potty. We will see what tomorrow brings. Fully prepared to step back if I feel he's not getting to grips with it or it's distressing him.

My dc were born in 1970 and 1974.I agree about terry nappies-they were much less comfy for dc than modern disposables.My ds was clean and dry in daytime by 2.8 but not fully reliable at night for years.I used to lift him when we went to bed and carry him to the loo where he would wee in his sleep-this went on till he was over 5 I am sure.My dd trained herself beginning on her 2nd birthday-we were on holiday in the Lakes and she was wearing little terry knickers to play by a stream.She suddenly took them off and squatted to wee saying ,'big girl now'.I bought a potty that day and never used nappies in daytime again.I did have some waterproof pants with terry linings but cant remember many accidents.She became dry at night shortly afterwards.Interestingly her younger son was very similar whereas her older one was more like my ds.

I've just given up trying to potty train DS (2y8m). 9 days of trying and only 2 successes! He didn't want to sit on the potty/toilet, didn't care if he was wet, generally refused to take part!!! Not quite sure why it was such a disaster (DD was PT by 26m with minimal fuss), we certainly tried very had not to pressurise him or give off any negative vibes, but have had to take a break for a few months as he was SO against the whole thing.

Reading this thread, I am wondering whether I should have tried him when he was much younger and less strong-willed! I really felt he wasn't ready though. Hope we get it sorted before he starts school in 9m!

DD1 is 2.6 and are going to properly crack potty training when we move house (hopefully this month). I heard children can regress back to nappies from the potty after such a major change, so it seems prudent to wait. We have had her potty in the lounge for a few weeks so she gets used to it. So far she has done two poos in it but no wees, which is odd as I thought wees normally came first?

I'm echoing first half of Fleetwood's post above: my DD was dry in about a week (bar very occasional accidents) at 20months. I was advised by H/V to wait til 3 'and they're ready' but believed my mum who said we were done at 18m ish in the summer. What prompted us was DD pooing and smearing (!) at naps, and telling me 'weeweepoo' at times. Mind you, I'd had a potty for ages to normalise and she always refused to use it. But when I explained nappies were off and bought big girl knickers, she understood and a couple of days of me shoving potty under her as she weed, and she got it. I was very assiduous in taking her frequently and not waiting all the time; it was summer which helped! She had also been in cloth nappies which helps.

I'd say don't be afraid to try earlier if you think it might work. DD is a bit confident and stubborn which I think helped her at 20m but if I had waited I could see her stubbornness being a hindrance. I will try to start referring to the potty early with DS (5m) but am open to the idea he may be totally different. FWIW most friends have done their kids between around 2.5 and I know few who waited til 3.

Hi everyone. This is my first post and comforting to read that potty training is 'usually' from 2 onwards. Thanks for all your hints. Cheers x