If your DS/DD had gone swimming with friends --- and one of them had held your DS/DD head under the water so they couldn't breathe .......

[RTKangaMummy]

If your DS/DD had gone swimming with friends --- and one of them had held your DS/DD head under the water so they couldn't breathe .........

What would you do when they came home to tell you?

DS is 10 years old and went to a swimming party on Saturday

There were 10 children all class 6 {some 11 years old}

The parents didn't sit near the pool but were in a cafe on the balcony

but the pool did have lifeguards it was a public pool and so had other children as well

Anway, DS had been playing with 2 friends and had tickled one of them {drew} - which had irritated him

And then drew swam away and ds played with greg

ds and greg swam in differnet directions

then greg and drew were splashing togehter and ds swam up to them and greg swam away

AND THEN DREW GOT HOLD OF DS AND HELD ONTO HIS HEAD {drew is quite alot taller and bigger than ds} AND PUSHED HIS HEAD UNDER THE WATER AND HELD IT THERE

DS COULDN'T BREATHE AND WAS STRUGGLING TO GET OUT OF THE HEADLOCK {drew could touch the bottom of the pool easily but ds could only just touch the bottom}

EVENTUALLY DS GOT AWAY AND WENT TO THE SIDE OF THE POOL WHERE 3 OF THE GIRLS WERE AND HE WAS COUGHING AND SPLUTTERING AND THEY COMFORTATED HIM {but they had not seen what had haoppened and he didn't want to tell on drew}

SO ANYWAY HE DIDN'T TELL ANYONE AND DREW WOULDN'T APOLOGISE COS HE SAID DS WAS ANNOYING HIM - WHICH DS ADMITS HE WAS TICKLING HIM

BUT IMHO TICKLING AND HOLDING SOMEONE'S HEAD UNDER THE WATER ARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT

So ds comes home and won't tell us what has happened and in the end we get him to write it down - he is so upset and then tells us the whole story.

I phone greg mum to ask if he saw what drew did and he didn't.

The next day DH rings drews dad to tell him and to say that DS wants drew to apolodise

so on monday drew doesn't apologise, yesterday ds had his exams and is back to school today

DO YOU THINK WE DID THE RIGHT THING IN TELLING DREWS DAD ???

WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE ??

WOULD YOU BE ANNOYED THAT THE PARENTS WERE IN THE CAFE NOT NEAR THE POOL ???

.

oooooops sorry it is soooooo long

I would be livid and very frightened re the what ifs..... I would ring again and say soory you are harping on about this but you really feel Drew needs to understand the consequences of his actions and what may happen if he does this again ie someone could drown.

Yes, you were right to tell Drew's day (although I wouldn't necessarily expect anything to come of it)

"TICKLING AND HOLDING SOMEONE'S HEAD UNDER THE WATER ARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT" Sadly, this probably isn't the case for 10yo boys. They don't tend to realise the consequences and see it as just "mucking baut". Drew could easily say that he wouldn't have drowned your DS, that he would have let him go etc etc but obviously your DS wouldn't have know that. (not an excuse BTW!)

I would have spoken to Drew's parents and explained what had happend and suggested they have a chat about how dangerous it was to hold someone's head under water. I would not necessarily expect an apology to be forthcoming but would be reasonably happy if the boy was made to understand it was dangerous and wrong.

No, I wouldn't be annoyed that the parents () weren't at the poolside - I assume the pool is visible from the balcony. At a swiming party I would expect the lifeguards to be supervising and since they clearly weren't, I would actually consider complaining to the pool management. ()I assume you mean the parents of the birthday child?)

Kanga- annoyed isn't the word I'd use to describe how I'd feel out this. Your poor DS must have been terrified!

I would've spoken to the parents definately. At 10ys old they know the difference between right and wrong and what is acceptable and what isn't.

This boy should be punished for this and if he isn't then his parents are just condoning what he did and he'll think it's ok to pick on people like this. I hope you get this sorted out and get an apology for your ds.

It is the what ifs that frighten us too

drew is actually a nice intelligent boy but does tend to flare up unexpectedly if things don't go his way

DS admits that perhaps he shouldn't have tickled him but we don't think tickling and nearly drowning are in the same league

day = dad.

Drew is 11 btw

and yes I do see that DS shouldn't have tickled him

yes do mean parents of the birthday girl - who we don't know very well btw

Actually, to some degree tickling could have been dangerous too - "what if" Drew had gone under and taken a load of water on board? Both boys should be made aware of the dangers of mucking about like that in water.

And, as I said, the lifeguards need a damn good slapping for not stopping it TBH.

Yes we did think about complaing to the pool

will do that

I wouldn't be annoyed that the parents were in the cafe, I think that's quite normal seeing as the children are 10 and 11. They would be expecting the lifeguards to be supervising, which they clearly weren't, and I agree with SD that you should probably complain to the pool management.

You're right that tickling and drowning aren't in the same league, and I would have spoken to the boy's parents. It's important that he realises how serious this could have been and that it's something he mustn't repeat, no matter what the provocation is. I'm not sure I'd want him disciplined for it, just made aware that his actions were wrong and disappointing in an intelligent boy.

Soupy DS deffo now knows that tickling is not to be done in the pool

so he has learnt a lesson from this too

we told drews dad that ds admits to the tickling and that he knows he shouldn't have done it

We'd have rung the parents too.

What a frightening experience for your ds.

If I'd arranged a pool party for 10 children, I would not feel comfortable leaving them to it. A lifeguard should have seen this, but it's not always possible.

The pool wasn't busy btw

We don;'t want drew punished really just for him to realise what could have happened

I remember being held under the water when I was younger by my friends older brother and I was petrified.

His parents definately needed to know.
I would be fuming.
Your poor son.

I would be absolutely livid that the parents who were organising the party were not supervising. sorry but I just wouldn't put it all on to the life guards. there are too many children and this is a perfect example of how things can go wrong, luckily without tragic circumstances. swimming is a particular red flag to me and I personally wouldn't have let him go without me and I would have supervised myself. I would have told the parents and expected them to take it seriously. Their child has to understand how dangerous it is to hold someone's head under water. If I got no joy from the parents I'd assess how much contact in future I let my ds have with the child. This probably sounds harsh but swimming is a serious sport which has to be supervised.

actually I would have checked before the party if the parents were supervising and if they weren't I wouldn't have let him go. sounds harsh but as I said swimming is a red flag to me. people have different opinions and some feel its okay to leave it solely to the life guards. because I don't feel that I would have checked first.

Definitely right to tell the boys parents. As others have said it's a kindness to the boy to bring him up short and make him realise what could have happened - rather than let him actually drown someone one day! Kids feel immortal and need to be told what's really dangerous.

I'm not good on age-appropriateness for this age group but i do feel that parents should have been closer by - spectating at the side rather than in the cafe. Kids at 10 and 11 are still not reliably responsible enough to swim unsupervised in my view. Many at this age can get quite 'silly' in a group and easily led astray. And yes, lifeguards are there but they may not spot everything - they SHOULD, but they are only human - I'd rather know a concerned parent was watching too.

Gosh, how's your ds now? Must have been terrifying.

10 is the age of criminal responsibility (although it may have changed, happy to be corrected by any legal bods here) so legally a 10yo is expected to understand the consequences of their actions.

So I would certainly expect an 11yo to understand that their behaviour is dangerous and may cause serious harm to others.

Think you were quite right to let the parents know and they really should be making sure that Drew understands quite how serious this could have been - and that there would have been very serious consequences for him too if anything, God forbid, had gone wrong. 'He did something I didn't like to me first' is no excuse. What on earth will Drew do next time he considers there is any provocation? I certainly wouldn't allow my child to go swimming with that child or family again.

Unless his family take this very seriously, they are putting Drew in danger of getting into real trouble, as well as other children. That said, if they do drum it into him, I'd leave it at that.

Hope this doesn't put your ds off swimming.

I don't understand - who was in charge of teh children and were any adults in teh pool supervising them? - -at out local pool children have to be supervised by an adult actually in the pool in a ratio of 1:3.

and that's with lifeguards on duty as well

I agree with soupy. I would have told the dad, but not asked for an apology. I do think that lots of boys this age think before acting. I would hope that after and incident like this Drew would learn not to do it.

dur I mean act before thinking

That's only under 8's Iota, I think.

i think you did the right thing in phoning the dad
i dont think its was wrong for parents who attended to sit in the cafe
i would also tell my child to inform me of any future incidents and make my child aware that i would not be annoyed if this boy picked on him and my child used violence as a response

thats my opinion

from ROSPA

Supervision
Constant supervision of children whilst at the swimming pool is essential. Although drownings in pools are extremely rare, evidence suggests that children under the age of 11 years are most at risk and toddlers are the most vulnerable. It is not sufficient to rely solely on the supervision of the lifeguard at the pool-side.

rospa