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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Disheartened by 'routines'

34 replies

kcj748 · 14/12/2011 09:34

I know that you should never put too much stock in what people say or what you read as every baby and mother is so different. But I am getting really disheartened. I have been trying to get my four week old son into a routine and it just isn't happening. All the books say that it will take a matter of days, a week at most and I've been trying for a lot longer than that! The books make it sound so simple but they don't say that you will have to put up with a hell of a lot of crying to make it work. I don't rush to him as soon as he makes a noise or grizzles a little but he seems to cry and cry I spent three hours trying to settle him to sleep the other day.

Can anyone give me any advice on how they made a routine work for them? I would really appreciate hearing some real life experience on following the books that is a bit more realistic than all the examples they have of mothers doing the routine and seeing results in 24 hours!

Thanks so much.

OP posts:

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Set a reminder

Flisspaps · 14/12/2011 09:38

Four weeks is too little to even attempt a routine. He should be eating and sleeping when he needs to at this stage - trying to get a routine going now is just going to cause you unnecessary stress

tabulahrasa · 14/12/2011 09:38

I found it took about 6 weeks for them to get me in a routine

Firawla · 14/12/2011 09:40

the problem is that he is 4 weeks, it will be a bit more realistic when he is older imo.. i got my 1st two in some kinda routine about 8 weekish, and my 3rd took a bit longer cos i was more lazy with it but about 3-4 months started to get a routine.

MerylStrop · 14/12/2011 09:42

4 weeks is way too young
Don't set yourself up to fail. These books are just about selling books.
Relax and go with the flow a bit lot. In my experience they kind of fall into their own loose pattern or routine eventually. (Which they decide to change by the time you get used to it)
If you must have some kind of routine (and be aware if you do it's for you, not the baby), at least try to take some cues from them, and maybe at first just aim for a fixed bedtime.

choceyes · 14/12/2011 09:43

Too young for a routine IMO. With DS he went into a routine at about 6wks, but it was his own doing, I never enforced a routine on him.
With DD, now 16 months, there's never really been a routine as such. She is fed and she sleeps when she wants to (except at nursery). She is not a routines baby and also with being a second child with a small gap, easier to not have a routine , and good to be flexible so I've just gone with the flow.

reallytired · 14/12/2011 09:44

I think you are finding out the books are bollux. Very few people get a 4 week old baby into a routine especially if they are breastfeeding. Some of these books are written by people who have never had children.

To get a four week old into a routine I bathed and breastfeed my children at 7pm. The key is to feed/ cuddle a child unti they are very sleeply but not asleep. I also used to put on some soothing music to help my children relax.

I use to let my children nap and feed pretty much whenever they liked at this age. I kept nightfeeds quite and used a nightlight rather than switching on the light. I tried to put my babies down in the cot awake after a feed, and I picked them up and cuddled them if they cried for more than two minutes.

I found that my children fell into a convienent routine without being forced. Although they had night feeds for quite a long time the feeds were quick and we all got back to sleep again.

I think at four weeks its a matter of survial especially if you have an older chid. I found it helped to have the baby in my room next to my bed. It made it less tiring getting up. Also I only changed a nappy at night if it was dirty.

I recommend "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. It shows you what you can reaslitically expect for a sleep pattern in the first year.

LIZS · 14/12/2011 09:47

Babies don't read the books and they are often written by people who don't have kids ! Forget the routine and go with what your baby needs at the moment, enjoying him as he is . It will fall into a pattern almost without you realising and that pattern could change every day/week/month as times goes on, but for now that will be about as much as waking up, dressing, feedign sleeping, bedtime, night feeds ...

MoonFaceMamaaaaargh · 14/12/2011 12:59

imo the beauty of a four week old is that they don't need a routine! They just sleep and feed as necessary. In the mean time you can have whatever routine you want. There will come a time when your lo is more distractable and may try to refuse naps etc. At this point you either need a routine or to be prepared to be flexible yourself(ie brake of what you are doing to feed/help get to sleep). Babies don't need routines, they just need to have their needs met. There may or may not be a pattern to them!

MoonFaceMamaaaaargh · 14/12/2011 13:02

ahem. Break off. Sorry.

Sibling4 · 14/12/2011 13:07

I just don't do routine. I'm not they kind of person. I feed my babies when they cry, they sleep when they want. I cuddle them whenever they or I want to

Ds is 2.5 and is delightful, chilled and well adjusted. DD is 4 months, just started sleeping all night, and again is everything you'd want and expect a little baby to be

Take the pressure off yourself. Relax and go with the flow. Life will be easier, less stressful and more enjoyable. Before you know it upu and your baby will have fallen into a pattern that suits you both

Good luck, the early weeks are scary and hard work, but will soon be gone

Mytholmroyd · 14/12/2011 13:09

Can only agree with most of what has already been said - I tried to follow the books, sleeping in a separate room, not letting them fall asleep on you, leaving to cry blah blah blah with my first and ended up depressed and a failure.

With the other three I threw the books away and did want felt right and made me and baby happy.

First child was a nightmare, wouldnt settle, wouldnt sleep and cried all the time, the other three slept through from an early age and were contented happy babies. go figure!

dont beat yourself up about it kcj!

lukewarmMulledWhine · 14/12/2011 13:14

Four weeks?!

I love routines (well, they save my sanity anyway), but even I wouldn't be worrying about it at 4 weeks. Think again at 4 months. Remember, there is no 'right' way to do it, you've got to do what is right for you - and try to enjoy it along the way .

whenPaschagotstuckupthechimney · 14/12/2011 13:17

Babies don't read books, they just follow their instinct. You could do worse than react to his own timings for sleep & feeding and you will probably find he settles into his own routine after a while.

Its a damn sight less stressful.

hardboiledpossum · 14/12/2011 14:14

I really like routines so I started trying to GENTLY introduce one from about 2 weeks. I think he was in a loose routine by 6 weeks but it was very loose. I never left him to cry, even for a second. I took the lead from my baby also. He seemed to want to feed roughly every 90 mins so I fed him every 90 minutes at first and then 2 hourly, he could never go as long as the book suggested. I put him down for a nap every two hours because this is when he seemed sleep. I had a bedtime routine which included a bath feed and song, with dimmed lights. Don't try to force anything it will make you both miserable.

WowOoo · 14/12/2011 14:21

Congratulations.
Am sure your little baby will start to show clear patterns of sleep and wakefulness when they are a few months older. Then, you can follow their signals and get in to a bit of a routine.

When he cries just ignore what books say and sing to him, cuddle him, feed him, listen to music, pace around and rock him - whatever calms him and YOU down! We had some lovely lullaby CD's that instantly calmed us down.

AnotherMincepie · 14/12/2011 14:25

Routines didn't work for us at that stage either. Thought we might as well try it for a few days, but of course the baby doesn't know what time it is, they just know whether they are hungry, tired etc. So we went back to "take it as it comes" and it worked much better.

Once baby is older, and sleeping through the night and on solid food 3 times a day, it's easier to settle into a routine.

misdee · 14/12/2011 14:28

you should rush to him when he cries or grizzles.

sod the routines, throw the books away, just feed, cuddle your baby, and give him lots of attention.

Listzilla · 14/12/2011 14:52

We didn't get into any sort of a routine till DD was 10 weeks. At that stage she seemed to welcome it, so I'd try it a little earlier this time, but I certainly wouldn't persist if the baby was crying - as far as I'm concerned, a routine only works if it follows the baby's natural inclination anyway!

boredbuthappy · 14/12/2011 15:04

Agree with what everyone is saying, 4 weeks is way to little, go with the flow, they change so quickly that even if you managed to suss out some sort of routine, it would change very quickly. Also, what reallytired said about bath and breastfeed at a certain time that you pick as bedtime, this will give YOU a little bit of a routine that you can stick to. Doesn't mean that baby will sleep at 7pm every night, but he has this one even even happen everyday at the same time, hopefully you will be able to esltablish this as bedtime in the months to come, and then a routine that fits in with bedtime might appear. That is pretty much the only routine I had for my DS, he's 9 months old now and has had a bath and bottle between 6 and 7pm every night, and now his normal time to want to sleep for the night is between 7 and 7:30. HTH

boredbuthappy · 14/12/2011 15:06

Sorry, this line 'but he has this one even even happen everyday at the same time'

should have read 'but he has this one event happen everyday at the same time'

mumeeee · 14/12/2011 19:01

I agree with other posters. 4 weeks is way to young to get into a routine. Just let him lead and wait until he is older to try getting him into a routine.

AnotherMincepie · 14/12/2011 19:06

Slavetofilofax this just reflects on the organiser, it's not a good representation of church. Anyway this sounds like disorganised religion to me, judging by the lack of communication

EatMeDates · 14/12/2011 19:07

Also agree. I think these baby 'experts' are irresponsible to even suggest that a 4 week old baby should be in a routine and that if she/he isn't, it is somehow a failure.

AnotherMincepie · 14/12/2011 19:07

Wrong thread! Sorry, not sure how that happened Have some for your trouble!

MigGril · 14/12/2011 19:34

As well as not being able to read the book's baby's can't read time either. Time is a very modern concept. Baby's will faal into a pattern of their own.

Watch the baby not the clock and enjoy all of those lovely little baby cuddles.

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