Whining all the way home!

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

My DD(5) has always been highly strung. She is lovely and very creative but also controlling, argumentative, and disagrees with most things I say. When she is tired or a little bit poorly she is so much harder to deal with.

I have always had trouble with her on the way to and from school. Mostly on the way home. She whines, moans, complains it's too far, wants to get in the buggy (2yo in there), says her feet her, legs hurt, asks questions that I don't understand and gets very upset when I can't give her the answer she wants, I ask her to explain more but she gets more and more hysterical if I don't understand her. Her and my youngest take it in turns in the buggy as my little one likes to walk so that works fine but she won't get out when it's his turn or gets out but starts crying, starts moaning again and generally being unreasonable. I also get whining voice all the way home.

I take a snack for her to eat on the way home but that doesn't help much.

What complicates matters is that I am not entirely sure if her legs do hurt as there is a possibility that they actually do. Plus she does get very tired due to a health issue. This really confuses it and makes it hard for me to know what to do as I don't want to punish her if she is in pain.

Today their dad picked them up and he is absolutely fuming about the amount of screaming, crying and whinging she did on the way home. He has told her that she is going to lose tv time/toys/favourite things etc is she doesn't stop the behaviour from now on. I had always told him how bad it was but think he has only just realised why I am in such a terrible mood when he gets home each day. I can feel the stress levels rising each time!

I try to be fair but firm and tell her to stop that voice and I won't talk to her until she talks nicely etc. I also have put her on the naughty step as soon as we've got home for it as well and told her she won't be allowed in the buggy if she whines everytime she needs to get out and walk for a while. I also try to ignore it but it's impossible as she gets hysterical, so instead I tell her I will listen when she talks nicely. I am ending up telling her off all the way home and feel close to losing it some days. It makes me so fucking mad!

I just don't know what to do!

Would it help for her to stand on a buggy board so she doesn't have to walk to/from school?

We did have a buggy board a while back but she used to moan that she had to go on that instead of in the buggy.

She really is one of those children that nothing is ever good enough for. If I offer her one thing she wants a better thing, if I offer her the better thing she wants an amazing thing, and on and on (IYSWIM).

Now though, the buggy board doesn't fit on our newer buggy as the old one broke so if I were to do that it would take money for either new board or new buggy.

It's 0.4 miles to the school. I know generally people on here think that kids should be able to walk for miles everyday, I am not one of those, but even I really don't think it's that far. Although the health issues do complicate it of course so i am not sure what is really too far for her. I know that she finds PE a bit too much and is slow (physically) at it and takes rests.

Maybe break the journey into stages - as far as the bus-stop, to the yellow door etc and before you set off set a reward for walking a section, and see how many she can collect?

Or try and distract her - do silly things, sing, march skip, if she starts to whine, make her laugh. It's hard work, but it changes the pattern of behaviour so she realises that the walk can be more than just a trudge.

I can't guarantee they'll work, but I've used them with mine with partial success (enough that I keep my sanity anyway)

Can you take a bus to school instead of walking? Just thinking your journey is likely to get more difficult as winter weather sets in.

Do any of your dd's peers ride in a buggy? DD would have been mortified to be in a buggy at that age because everyone else was walking. Can you make peer pressure work in your favour?

Also do you bring her a snack to eat after school (wondering if being hungry is part of the issue)? Wondering if eating something yummy would distract her as she walks.

AutumnWitch We do some things like walk along the walls, chat, skip etc. But she's whining before we've even left the playground some days so I find it hard to be in the mood to make her laugh (I just find it impossible if I am stressed and angry), especially as my youngest has now adopted the same behaviour and I have them both doing it all the way home some days! I also try to have nice chats with her, look for bugs, pretty leaves etc.

Earlybird We can't take the bus as they are residential streets. It's a 6 min walk when I am alone. I think one or 2 who live further away do part of the journey in buggies although a lot of the kids live as close as we do to the school and those who don't often come in cars. I do take a snack every day. She often complains about it!

I think this is very common in young children and some of it is just because they have been well behaved all day and let rip at you instead.

0.4 miles is a really short distance, I can imagine how horrific that 10 minutes is!

Could you get her a mini micro scooter to use - at least you would get home quicker.

Wear a hat to drown out the whining

i think whatever you do, consistency is the key.
so ignore as much as possible. and keep reiterating that you will talk to her when she can speak to you normally but use the same phrase "dd i will listen when you can talk nicely" and just repeat that

it doesn't matter if she gets hysterical. let her. it only takes a few times of you giving in and giving her lots of attention for her to want to carry it on, iyswim?
so if you ignore it mostly and then finally say "oh ok, you can go in the buggy" or whatever then she is just learning to be persistent!

so i would have a blanket ban on going in the buggy. it simply does not happen. she is a big girl, and it isn't a long walk.

then just ignore, ignore, ignore.

you could also try a reward chart (we have a small laminated one that we can stick stickers on when out and about for ds1).
when she talks to you sensibly then give lots of praise and a sticker. if she walks for a little bit without complaining then praise and sticker...

My DD is 4, she is a good girl until she gets tired (every evening) when she becomes a whingeing, complaining terror. I agree with RandomMess that if she has behaved well at school all day and takes it out on you afterwards, then that is better than her behaving badly at school. Try and hold onto that thought!

IMO the problem with your DH's idea of taking away tv time/toys/favourite things is that, if things are this bad, I can't see that kind of threat suddenly making it all better - so then you'd have more stress on your hands when you got home and had to follow through with the punishment.

In these situations I try to absent my brain and go to auto pilot, repeating "DD, talk nicely please", "no whining, DD" again and again in the same calm voice.

Scooter is a good idea too - my kids love theirs.

RandomMess 10 minutes?! It takes 30 some days! She does have a scooter but isn't very . . . erm . . . gifted at it! She gets that from her dad! She just doesn't get on with it.

thisisyesterday I am tempted by the blanket ban but what if her feet and legs really do hurt? I try to ignore but when she is crying and telling me that she hurts and I don't know for sure that she doesn't, then how can I ignore her? It just seems cruel. I don't give in when she whines, they take it in turns and she gets her turn when it is her turn, regardless of whining. What does happen though it that I lose my temper. I can't handle that noise! I know they say that kids want any attention even negative attention but she gets in so much trouble! I can't see how she would want that! It's horrible! I am also just not capable of ignoring it for any length of time, it is completely against my nature, abilities and tolerance levels! I am an impatient person at the best of times. I try not to be obviously but it pushes my buttons massively!

30 minutes (you soooooooooooo need a glass of wine) - is it a 2 wheel scooter or the mini micro one? We have had to stick with a mini and then a maxi one for one of our dds who is challenged in that area they are very lightweight and stable (and fast)

her feet and legs won't hurt. it's a 6 minute walk!!!!!

ok, i know it takes you a lot longer to do the walk with them, but distance-wise it isn't far is it?

does she complain of leg/foot pain when she is running in the playground? or if you are walking around the shops?
if not then I would wager that the walk to school is no different

mumofthreekids In these situations I try to absent my brain and go to auto pilot, repeating "DD, talk nicely please", "no whining, DD" again and again in the same calm voice.

I try that and it works for a bit and then the red mist desends! It massively presses my buttons. I know that doesn't help but what do I do?!

my favourite saying for ds1 is "well ds, if your legs hurt we better get you home so you can rest them, the quicker we get home, the quicker you get your rest"

trust me, i have a really short temper myself and i cannot abide whingeing, but you just HAVE to ignore. i really do know how difficult it is.
I sometimes find it helps if i talk to one of the other children "yes ds2, ds1 IS making a lot of noise isn't he? yes, he ought to talk properly so we can listen to him."
and just general pointing stuff out to the baby and trying to stay calm

RandomMess er, think it has 3 wheels. Can you link your lightweight one? She can't really push along (it hardly moves) and just falls off etc.

thisisyesterday Well like I say she has to rest during PE and last year at play time too. She used to have some health problems which mean she is unusually small for her age. She still has one which means she gets more tired then other children. She is also having tests for something else which could be related at the moment. It's not quite as simple as saying that it's a 6 min walk and she should be able to do it. We were walking to the shop after school to buy chocolate the other day and yes she cried and said she was too tired/it was too far the whole way there. So it really confuses it!

in that case i would definitely get a new buggy board.
if she is genuinely tired and her legs hurt then she will be happy to use it.

wht pushchair do you have? i have a kiddyboard you're welcome to!

mini micro

www.micro-scooters.co.uk/category/mini-micro-scooterss/

imitations are nowhere near as good.

What about a sit on buggy board like this

direct.tesco.com/q/R.100-5031.aspx

thisisyesterday Yeah maybe I should, just can't really afford it! When we got rid of our old buggy it wouldn't come off without cutting the attachment bit. I don't understand how people sell them on Ebay in good condition if you have to cut them off!

She did used to complain about the buggy board though and say she wanted to lay down in the buggy. Sometimes they sit on each others laps but that still isn't good enough for her and she'll often want it all to herself and will make a fuss.

I know you said it would involve buying one but is getting another buggy board an option? Or just getting a secondhand double? If she didn't have any health problems, at 5yo she should be walking, but it sounds like she might be having genuine difficulty.

If she still whines then you'd know it was a behaviour issue rather than genuine distress and could deal with it accordingly?

which makes me think that actually she just wants to fuss about something!

i'm seeing it through a strangers eyes though, and I appreciate that it's different when its your own children. it's easy for me to say "just make her walk" but I know how you must feel when she is saying it is hurting.,

your other alternative is to look for a cheapo double?

i think you can get replacement straps for them if you've had to cut them? do you still ahve the buggy board itself?

thisisyesterday It's a silvercross buggy (not the big pram things). It's called pop I think. What's a kiddyboard? And thank you that's very sweet!

RandomMess Wow they are so cute!

if it's a lascal buggy board you can def get another connector kit.

It does sound like it's a major attention thing though as well, very tricky.

thisisyesterday We did have a double but it just got too heavy to push.

PelvicF1oorOfSteel I asked my DH and he thinks he might be able to sort out the buggy board if I get new connectors off Ebay or something. I know she'd rather sit though.

Perhaps she could sit and the younger one stand on the buggy board.