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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

3 yr old daughter refuses to wear coat or cardigan when we go out. driving me crazy & making me miserable

45 replies

skiptatheloo · 18/11/2011 16:36

please help! it's cold out there, why won't she wear a coat? i have a range of cardigans and she claims they are all scratchy (even though she wore them all without a problem last year). i have tried ignoring it, forcing it (she just removes item), withdrawing privileges. today she sat in the park crying for 45 minutes because i refused to put her on the swing until she wore her coat. unbelievably stubborn. feel like i shouldn't have to bribe her 2x a day to wear a frikkin' coat! help. is making me dread going out!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

uniCorny · 18/11/2011 16:37

what will she wear?

Ripeberry · 18/11/2011 16:38

She is a child. They don't feel the cold and it's not cold. If it was snowing then you should worry. Chill!

DaveGrohlsgirl · 18/11/2011 16:39

OK.....don't make a big deal out of it, tell her that it is cold and that she will get cold if she doesn't wear one, but that is her choice. Then, take coat with you and do not mention it again.
One chance only when leaving the house to put coat on in this house!!
After that, when mine are cold they will ask!!

belgo · 18/11/2011 16:40

they probably are scratchy. She was probably too small last year to complain. Cut off labels etc to stop them being scratchy.

Relax about it, if she is cold she will wear them. Don't bride her; ask her once and make sure she can see the coat on the pushchair and then if she wants to wear it, she will.

plantsitter · 18/11/2011 16:40

It is a nightmare I agree. We don't leave the house if she won't put her coat on (easy because we never have anywhere we totally have to be).

GrimmaTheNome · 18/11/2011 16:40

If she's cold, she'll wear it. It isn't that cold yet, especially if you're running/playing.

I decided early on this was one of the pieces of Small Stuff which should not be Sweated.

ChippyMinton · 18/11/2011 16:41

I wouldn't worry, active children don't feel the cold.
How about layering, starting with a vest?
Maybe she'd prefer a gilet?

Oh, and check that labels aren't scratchy. DS2 complains he gets itchy with a coat on, and it's usually because the t-shirt underneath has a dodgy label.

Ilanthe · 18/11/2011 16:41

Mine is a coat refusnik as well but is still young enough to be forced, occasionally. It's actually still quite mild at the moment. How about a vest under a long sleeved T-shirt for maximum non-cardy / coat warmth?

The other thing mine will wear is a fleece that goes over his head like a top, rather than a coat that does up at the front.

belgo · 18/11/2011 16:42

Plantsitter - I would never let my child rule when we go out.

piprabbit · 18/11/2011 16:42

I think this is one you should ignore.
Ask your DD to wear her coat. Explain that it is cold outside. If she still refuses, let her go as she is (but take the coat with you in case she changes her mind).

The natural consequence of not wearing a coat is to get cold. Not being allowed on a swing is not a natural consequence and probably seems really illogical to your DD.

TapTapTapPenny · 18/11/2011 16:42

let her be cold if she wants

what's the worst that will happen if she won't wear her coat?

Flisspaps · 18/11/2011 16:43

I don't think that taking her to the park and then having a stand off with her because she won't put her coat on is particularly productive (unless you live somewhere that's been particularly cold today, it's not been too bad here recently, certainly not cold enough for a lack of coat to bother me greatly)

You could take one out with you and let her go without until she asks to wear it - she might not feel cold, particularly if she's running around as little children do. TBH DD is 20mo, and I'd sooner let her play with no coat than argue the toss with her unnecessarily

Will she wear anything with long sleeves (I'm thinking long sleeved t-shirts)? Layer her up with a couple of vests and t-shirts under a long sleeved top?

peppapighastakenovermylife · 18/11/2011 16:44

Do you have any spare money to take her shopping and let her choose one she likes (as long as she promises to wear it?).

A trick that works with my really, really stubborn 3 year old DD is to offer two choices so instead of 'Wear your coat' (NO! She will scream) I ask 'Which coat do you want to wear?' and she happily picks one as long as she gets some control

Saying that I would hate someone forcing me to wear a coat if I didnt want to and would certainly not want to wear one whilst runnning around a park! She is probably perfectly warm and as long as you take something with you the worst that will happen is she will get a bit cold

uniCorny · 18/11/2011 16:45

would she wear something like a lined hoody instead?

lynniep · 18/11/2011 16:48

i agree with the responses to a) not get too worried because she'll realise if she gets too cold and b) look for alternatives. Layering is good. Fleeces are good or jersey sweatshirts.
My two are polar opposites - DS1 (4) is a cold child and always wants to wear more, however he is sensitive and wont wear jumpers any more because they itch. He will wear fleeces and he is happy to wear his coat. DS2(just turned 2) HATEs outdoor clothing. He is a hot child and overheats easily, so whilst it goes against every fibre of my being to let him play in cold weather without a coat, I try to settle for a sweatshirt (he cant get that off, whereas if I put him in a cardi he unzips it as soon as we get out the door and pulls it off.) He does tell me now if he wants something, and if he's cold he'll say something like 'cold mummy' and I'll re-attempt to put his coat on.

WhoIsThatMaskedWoman · 18/11/2011 16:49

Where are you - it's not that cold here. Nice soft fleece over a vest and tshirt may be the line of least resistance here - even a Primark pyjama top.

leddeeburdee · 18/11/2011 16:55

DD is exactly the same (same age as well). She has a coat and I also bought her a hooded fleecy lined cardigan and now she has the choice. When it was just her coat she refused to wear it (and just took it off). Now I've introduced an element of choice she always chooses the cardigan (which is ok for this time of year) and I take the coat, hat, gloves etc. with me and if she gets cold she asks for it. I've also concluded that she just doesn't feel the cold in the way I do as she's asked for it once in the past couple of months, and that was when we were on a freezing cold beach.

piprabbit · 18/11/2011 16:57

BTW DS (3yo) hated his new coat and refused to wear it until I bought some reflective stickers from IKEA and let him decorate the coat. He's been fine ever since.

Original poster

skiptatheloo · 18/11/2011 17:03

really? because she got croup last week and i worry being freezing won't exactly help the situation (i am aware that being cold doesn't give you a cold). she wears a vest & a thin, long sleeve top. skirt & tights/leggings.

thanks DaveGrohlsgirl. sensible advice. will try. she's so bloody stubborn she'll be wearing a bikini to build snowmen come january.

OP posts:

belgo · 18/11/2011 17:06

The cold air can be very good for croup, so the doctor told me when I took ds to hospital last year.

Original poster

skiptatheloo · 18/11/2011 17:07

cardigans (and labels) aren't even touching her skin due to top underneath. will try fleece. and deep breathing. and a hipflask.

OP posts:

uniCorny · 18/11/2011 17:09

boden have some nice warm ones here and the GAP fleeces are warm and good for layering.

MrsJohnDeere · 18/11/2011 17:11

I have this problem with ds2 (3.9). The worst aspect is having to deal with tutting and comments from old ladies.

mrsravelstein · 18/11/2011 17:11

pick your battles. let her go out without coat, if she gets cold, you magic it out of your bag and all is fine.

gazzalw · 18/11/2011 17:15

Not sure it's a battle worth fighting! We have a DD who has always known her own mind - would throw off gloves even as a baby..... If she feels the cold she will soon protest - in a way she will need to be taught a lesson! Harsh but true...
Currently having a battle about tights....when it gets really cold she will soon know about it, wearing socks!
Good luck!

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