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Original poster

masturbating toddler - help!

47 replies

BettyBiscuit · 14/11/2011 22:16

She start doing this lying down humping thing at age two and became really obsessive about it. She is a bit better now at age 2 1/2, but still wants to do it a couple of times each day.

Advice please? Will she grow out of this? I feel quite uncomfortable with it.

OP posts:
hester · 14/11/2011 22:22

Yes, she will grow out of it. Or at least learn not to do it in front of you!

Is there any particular reason for your discomfort? Does she do it very publicly?

Janiston · 14/11/2011 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BettyBiscuit · 14/11/2011 22:26

Yes, swimming pools, toddler groups etc.

It bothers me that she will stop playing with toys to go and do it on the couch instead.

And she sounds like she is trying to reach a climax many times which is very uncomfortable to be near.

I don't want to give her a sex hang up but find the whole thing a bit weird and sad really.

OP posts:
RealityIsADistantMemory · 14/11/2011 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iggly · 14/11/2011 22:28

She's not doing it for sexual pleasure so please have a think about why you find this uncomfortable.

In yesterday's Times there was a letter on this to Dr Tanya Byron - she basically said don't make a big deal, consider your own prejudices and why you think the way you do, she's only 2. Also provide her with sensory input eg big cuddles when reading book. And consider triggers - it can happen when there's too much going on around her (is she tired, has she had a busy day, too much tv etc etc).

bumpybecky · 14/11/2011 22:29

she will grow out of it honestly :)

I had to ask dd to 'sit up nicely' or to 'stop that please'. We also had chats about some things being private and that if she wanted to do that she needed to go to her room(!) - she used to be very public about it e.g. on the sofa next to her grandparents!

hester · 14/11/2011 22:31

It's not weird or sad. It is very normal, honestly.

I'm afraid you do need to do some work on your own discomfort.

Original poster
BettyBiscuit · 14/11/2011 22:33

I feel uncomfortable because I do not know why she is doing it.

I will try to find the article as I don't understand the sensory input bit.

I am glad for your post also bumpybecky

OP posts:
scarlettsmummy2 · 14/11/2011 22:35

my two year old does this too sometimes, although not as often as she used to, generally she would bounce about on her blanket. I just distract her and it seems to work.

It makes me very uncomfortable too, and I always stop her doing in straight away.

liger · 14/11/2011 22:35

My niece did this at a similar age to your daughter and it lasted a few years afaik. No big deal was made if it, it's perfectly normal for her to begin to understand her body and how it works. As she got older she was encouraged to be in her room if she wanted to do it. My boys started a similar fascination with their bodies at 2-3 yrs, it's a case of guiding them when and where and when is appropriate but reassuring them that they aren't doing anything wrong.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 14/11/2011 22:35

Agree with others that it is not uncommon.

But posts like this are contentious, as they can be picked up by the wrong sort of people. You will probably find that many posters will be reluctant to share stories of this sort of thing, talking about toddlers in relation to sexuality/ climax etc on an open forum is considered unwise.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 14/11/2011 22:37

She's doing it because it feels good! Nowt weird there. Can you just explain that private parts are private and anything we do with them should be done in private?

Original poster
BettyBiscuit · 14/11/2011 22:41

I feel OK being uncomfortable about this. Society generally has taboos about public sexual behaviour, I don't think my feelings as a parent are that abnormal.
I do not want my child to be ostracised by other children or their parents. Look at some of the other people on this thread as a reminder of types of people we all have to mix with daily.

I do value the advice - but vague one off lines like 'it is just your problem' don't really take the issue anywhere IMHO

OP posts:
hester · 14/11/2011 22:41

She does it because it feels nice! That is all.

Nothing wrong with telling her that some things are done in private (picking your nose, touching your front bottom..) but I wouldn't just stop her without this explanation. I have a dd this age, and one older, and will intervene if it's an inappropriate time and place, but otherwise I just ignore.

hester · 14/11/2011 22:43

"Look at some of the other people on this thread as a reminder of types of people we all have to mix with daily".

Who/what do you mean, Betty?

Original poster
BettyBiscuit · 14/11/2011 22:43

Maybe I can start talking to her about it, I guess she can handle more complex ideas now.

OP posts:
CointreauVersial · 14/11/2011 22:45

I would just try to distract her as soon as it happens.

Original poster
BettyBiscuit · 14/11/2011 22:46

Well one person called me horrible and another said she was hiding the thread.

So I have :

  • it is norrmal
  • and you are uptight
  • but don't talk about it, that would be wrong
OP posts:
Original poster
BettyBiscuit · 14/11/2011 22:50

"try to distract her as soon as it happens"

Yes I did that at first but she thought it was funny and I think it made it seem more like a fun gamne to her.

Anyway, maybe I should have the thread withdrawn as I do not want to attract any criminally minded people. I think of this as a parent area but of course this a public site.

OP posts:
hester · 14/11/2011 22:52

Oh I see. Well, I expect everyone is sympathetic to your feeling, since it is always strange for a parent to see their child doing something that looks sexual. For myself, I was just trying to breezily assure you that the behaviour is normal. Your discomfort is probably something you have in common with 97% of other parents, but still something worth being a bit self-challenging about. We all need to think this one through, and work out the dividing line between teaching our dc something useful (appropriate public behaviour) and just communicating to them our own discomfort.

That's all. You are normal, and your child is normal. Good luck.

Original poster
BettyBiscuit · 14/11/2011 22:52

thank you xxxxx i appreciate your time

OP posts:
hester · 14/11/2011 22:53

Betty, don't fret about having the thread withdrawn. I've read zillions of threads like this on MN! And I find it a bit hard to believe that paedophiles can't find online material a bit more appealing to them than this!

MincePieFlavouredVoidka · 14/11/2011 22:54

Anyway, maybe I should have the thread withdrawn as I do not want to attract any criminally minded people. I think of this as a parent area but of course this a public site.

Well you are going to do that with such a brash thread title.

RealityIsADistantMemory · 14/11/2011 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trulyscrumptious43 · 14/11/2011 22:54

Wow this thread reminded me of something I'd forgotten all about!
When DD was the same age as yours, BettyBiscuit she used to masturbate a lot too.
She would drape herself over the edge of a chair and fall asleep humping it. It was a bit embarrassing if anyone else was there but I turned a blind eye mostly, otherwise just picking her up and distracting her if my mum was around.
Mostly I was just relieved that she'd found a peaceful way to go to sleep rather than bawling her head off!

The other thing she would do was put her rear end in the concave door of the washing machine when it was on spin and half sit in it. This was actually quite hilarious and I just let it go, after a couple of years she forgot all about doing it.
God forbid she ever knows I've written about it here; she's 19 and at university now, so she turned out ok!

Seriously, don't worry about it. I can't imagine what kind of people are chastising you on here for asking advice, how ridiculous.