14 month old can't speak or point. Really worried :(

[NotANatural]

Please help, I'm really starting to panic about this :(

My DS has still not said his first word. He babbles but that's it. I wasn't worried until we visited some family at the weekend who's DS is six weeks younger and who is already saying about four words correctly and with intent.

Today I did some googling and found lots of sources saying that it's usual for babies to say their first word at about 12 months and that by 14 months, they should be able to say about 7 words! And apparently it's ok for them not to speak at 14 months, so long as they can point at things. My DS doesn't point or gesture at anything, ever. He can wave and clap but it seems to be pointing that's the important one and he doesn't do that :(

I'm really freaking out now. I've had lifelong difficulties with communication (think I have undiagnosed ASD) and was afraid it was a bad idea for me to have children in case they inherited my problems. Today I'm feeling really guilty and sad. Have tried ringing the health visitors all day but it's permanently engaged. I have tried to talk to DH about this and also to my mum but they just dismiss my worries and tell me to stop reading stuff on google.

Thanks for the link, Lady, that will teach me to jump straight to Amazon for these things!

If I could only get in touch with ds's SALT! We fall in between counties, and it is a PITA trying to see anyone, I have just spent the morning trying to get in touch with ds's SALT with regards to a videofluroscopy referral and and it turned out the referral had been lost.

I ordered it direct from Hanen and it's £33.95

you mean Winslow

Thanks again for the replies and advice

Have just ordered the Hanen book and also the Oxbridge baby DVD that was recommended. Also been looking up dietary advice and am wondering about giving DS goats milk instead of cows milk, to see if it makes a difference. I know that sounds nuts, given that he hasn't been assessed yet (!) but the idea of taking practical steps to help him if it's needed just makes me feel less helpless. And obviously I wouldn't make any drastic diet changes without first running it past the health visitor.

Lingle you're right about the 'nameless dread' and about that making it easier for people to dismiss my concerns about DS. Actually, I do have a generalised anxiety disorder and tend to panic easily so it's not really surprising that DH and others see this as just another ridiculous non-issue that I'm getting worked up about. (Also, I came off my antidepressants last week because of the current pregnancy, so have been experiencing quite bad withdrawal symptoms and not been coping well). So DH and my family tend to only 'see' the anxiety and depression and disregard what I'm actually saying, even if there is some substance to these concerns. It's a bit like being the boy who cried wolf

thought so. I had similar experience, and like you I tend to get hold of an idea and then can't get it out - but sometimes that's because I'm right!!!!!

it's daft isn't it because you DS either does or does not have some delay, and he has or not does have this delay whether or not you also happen to be depressed!

Anyway, the Hanen book should enable you and DH to meet halfway. Try to be patient with DH and your mum as you'll see from the book that they are key members of "team DS language" - think of them as staff you need to keep happy so they are meaningfully employed

like you I tend to get hold of an idea and then can't get it out - but sometimes that's because I'm right!!!!!

Exactly!!!

Think my approach with the 'staff' is going to have to be a sneaky "ok I know I'm being silly but please just indulge me in this". [shamelessly manipulative emoticon]

Thanks again for the book recommendation - I'm stupidly excited about it arriving now and really hopeful that it will help the littl'un

Oh my god, just realised I forgot to namechange back I only used a different ID because I'd already posted a stressy, upset thread about a major issue with this pregnancy and didn't want to look like a total drama queen

Just to add my experience: my ds is 21 months and he only says maybe a max of 20 words (if that) and none of them well, only the first syllable. He points now but I'm not sure he was pointing at 14 months. To be perfectly honest I don't think he was. Maybe your ds doesn't really point or say much because he's really chilled and not bothered enough, iyswim. Please try to relax. The fact that he's happy and laughing shows he's capable of empathy and is sociable. He may be a bit shy but there's nothing wrong with that!
Oh, and shame on your dhs familiy!!

Thank you tugamommy, it's reassuring to hear of other children who weren't pointing or talking at the same age but are now doing so. My DS is a very chilled out little boy, always has been - he's never thrown tantrums and even if he does get upset, it's easy to make him laugh again.

A friend of mine's ds was so chilled that he didn't make any attempts to crawl or walk until worryingly late. Another friend we met recently who has a 3.5 yo ds was telling us oh your ds is just like ours - he only started saying full words when he was almost 3yo!...

"ok I know I'm being silly but please just indulge me in this". [shamelessly manipulative emoticon] "
great strategy.

"Thanks again for the book recommendation - I'm stupidly excited about it arriving now and really hopeful that it will help the littl'un"

great. I would recommend that you really make it your bible for a good month or so. It will change and improve your techniques.
My DH is a professor with a great reputation as a writer and he reckons it's one of the best-written books (in the context of terrified parents and couples at risk of falling out with each other) that he's ever seen (and trust me he's read a lot of books about everything). Our relationship could have really struggled if I'd started with something else.

However, if at 18 months you don't feel there's progress, then don't hesitate to start digging deeper.
So my story (just as an example) was

1. Started with "It Takes Too"
2. speech therapist recommended "More than Words" which is by the same publishers but talks about ASD which I found too scary so I didn't buy it!
3. Had figured out by that time that the problem was understanding language not talking per se so went for "Teach me to Listen and Obey" DVDs which are great
4. Then started to take seriously the speech therapist's view that DS2 was a "Visual learner". Got the superb "Visual Strategies for Improving Communication" and DS2 started to fly.
5. After about a year, was ready to accept that DS2 had some sensory issues too. Finally borrowed "More than Words" and found it really useful. Also started learning about sensory integration.
6. By this point, had learned enough about ASD to realise that it's just a name for the things that happen to you if your sensory/perception issues are persistent enough to affect your development - it doesn't make you strange.
7. As DS2's language took off, moved to books on social skills, my favourite being "Talkability".

Of course, in some ways, it would have been better if I'd had the courage to look at books aimed at kids with ASD first, because these deal with sensory problems. But we all have to work with our own demons and fears. What DS2 needed was for me to be curious, observant, responsive, playful and above all enjoying our communication. If I'd tried to force it all on myself and on DH, I wouldn't have taken in all the basic "It Takes Two" techniques, plus there would have been far fewer of the relaxed family moments that are the true learning opportunities much of the time.

good luck, keep posting.

Before I express an opinion on the diet question I wondered where the question came from? Do you suspect food intolerences?

Not saying the OPs child has ASD but "The fact that he's happy and laughing shows he's capable of empathy and is sociable. "

My DD has severe ASD and is capable of some empathy, sociable and always happy and laughing. Just wanted to explode that myth.

"The fact that he's happy and laughing shows he's capable of empathy and is sociable. "

Yup just like my son with ASD - he is one of the happiest children I have ever known & loves making people laugh. He is hugely socially motivated (just not very good at picking up subtleties) & demonstrates enormous empathy (he was distraught that he accidentally bumped his baby brother this morning).

There is an awful lot of crap passed off as fact when it comes to ASD - being antisocial or lacking empathy are not part of the diagnosis.

Hi, I wouldn't worry too much, they all develop differently. My DD didn't start making sense until 16mo, (now 18 and has good 10-15 words), her cousin is now 20mo old and has managed only one or two recently. Stop worrying, start it if he hasn't managed one by 22mo. It can all happen very quickly, I think what really helps is if he is around other kiddies of a similar age or slightly older - peer pressure does miracles!

Don't know about the pointing, we were checked out at 14 mo by midwife. DD just started pointing then occasionally, got better at it a month later.

Give him time, I say, boys tend to do it all much later anyway.

OP:
Please don't jump to conclusions.
Please do take one day at a time.
There are countless anecdotes on the Internet, too, about children who pointed or talked late and showed no signs of ASD later on. My DS2 is one of them.
I'm sorry, it's just a waiting game for you to know for sure. I am confident that in long run you can make the most of your son's abilities, whatever they are.
Many obsessive repetitive type behaviours are normal for 14 months, as is selective hearing! I wouldn't credit all that with meaning much for now.

@NotANatural Its been years, but how is your son doing now?

Hi , hope you are well?

How is your lb doing? We are experiencing the same thing