14 month old can't speak or point. Really worried :(

[NotANatural]

Please help, I'm really starting to panic about this :(

My DS has still not said his first word. He babbles but that's it. I wasn't worried until we visited some family at the weekend who's DS is six weeks younger and who is already saying about four words correctly and with intent.

Today I did some googling and found lots of sources saying that it's usual for babies to say their first word at about 12 months and that by 14 months, they should be able to say about 7 words! And apparently it's ok for them not to speak at 14 months, so long as they can point at things. My DS doesn't point or gesture at anything, ever. He can wave and clap but it seems to be pointing that's the important one and he doesn't do that :(

I'm really freaking out now. I've had lifelong difficulties with communication (think I have undiagnosed ASD) and was afraid it was a bad idea for me to have children in case they inherited my problems. Today I'm feeling really guilty and sad. Have tried ringing the health visitors all day but it's permanently engaged. I have tried to talk to DH about this and also to my mum but they just dismiss my worries and tell me to stop reading stuff on google.

Thanks everyone, I would have replied last night only got into an argument with DH about this. He gets irritated at any suggestion that DS might not be NT. I was trying to tell him about the pointing issue and the joint attention thing but he kept insisting that I'm paranoid and that I'm worrying over nothing.

Back to DS. He has good eye contact and he laughs a lot but he doesn't display any of this joint attention behaviour. As I've said, he doesn't point or gesture at things, also he's never showed us something he's interested in. He doesn't do the looking at something or someone and then smiling back at us and sharing the moment. One thing he does do is stick his tongue out if you do that to him but, in general, he doesn't imitate us.

This is all giving me such a cold, sick feeling inside. DH is completely NT and is one of the most sociable, popular people you could ever meet. I've been so desperate to believe that DS takes after him and not me.

if you feel you need to channel the feelings into productive action, then post again saying so and I'll link you to some non-scary materials.

Hi lingle, that would be great if you don't mind.

I think you're projecting your own insecurities onto ds tbh. I hope I don't upset you by saying that but he's only a baby.

Dd is 14m - she doesn't do everything she's 'supposed' to do and does do some things she isn't.

I honestly wouldn't worry at this stage.

i think you should listen to your instincts..and I am not saying that to worry you..but if he does have ASD traits or whatever then early recognition can only help.

People will probably flame me for saying but I remember saying when DD was 10 weeks old that I thought she was autistic. People thought I was insane...but she IS.

My DS started talking late and rarely points.

I'd push to see someone to put your mind at rest, because you are clearly worried. But if he is otherwise making eye contact, smiling etc then I wouldn't think you have too much to worry about. Babies develop at astonishingly different rates.

DS was slow (like 6/8 months behind lots of his peers) to crawl, walk and talk, but when he has started he's mastered it in a matter of days - rather unnerving when one day I had a crawler and three days later I had a sprinter! Similarly he went from four or five words to speaking in three-four word sentences in under a fortnight.

I mentioned my worries to a speech therapist friend when he was about 1.5, who said that he was doing loads of great babbling (he was!) and waving, and that was fine. By about 2 he had a couple of words "mama / Dadda / car" and a few signs / sounds that he had made up himself (opening his mouth and panting for a drink etc) and that was pretty much it. He was about 2 and 3 months when it all suddenly clicked.

I think it just took him a while to grasp the connection between "thing" and "word", once he had got the hang of nouns and names I was amazed how quickly he started picking up more complex / abstract language and little 'catchphrases'.

I can understand the worry if its something that you've lived with yourself. I've had my perfectly NT dd checked out a number of times by an HV after my DS got his ASD diagnosis.

I don't know if it helps to settle some of your concerns, but DS never babbled at all. He could do the odd single word, but no speech. He also had echolalia where he would repeat back the word you said, but didn't make spontaneous noise.

Speak to your HV about your concerns. Its unlikely that they will do anything in terms of referral until over 18mos old as at 14 months nothing you've described is unusual, but it won't hurt for you to discuss your concerns.

Start with this book
www.winslow-cat.com/catalogue/speech-difficulties/hanen/it-takes-two-to-talk-1.html

because:
it is beautifully written - hard writing/skillful editing makes for easy reading
it focusses on changing and improving the day-to-day techniques you use to communicate with your child - one thing that you can control.
you'll get ahead of the game. If it does turn out there's a problem, your speech therapist will want to train you in these techniques. If you can turn around and say "but I've mastered them and we still aren't progressing" then that will help her move on to more focussed work much more quickly - you don't want to be introduced to these techniques only when your child is 3.

and crucially, it will not drive a wedge between you and your DH/mum. It can safely be left on the coffee table - no mention of ASD, no scary milestone charts, just lots of action.

Talking to HV is avoid idea but make sure they really listen to your concerns and don't try and fob you off. Have you checked hearing as glue ear and other issues can be treated but do have an impact on talking.

I think that talking to your HV or a gp you trust is a good idea, and they can refer you on, or put your mind at rest. Ds has global developmental delay, and I remember at the beginning, lots of very well meaning people trying to put my mind at rest, by saying that, he would catch up in the end, boys are just lazy etc etc. The thing was that I could just feel that something wasn't right, we have had a lot of early intervention, and it is great to see the progress he is making now he is 16 months old. It is also good to know that we are doing things to help him progress, as every milestone for him is a lot of hard work.

He has just recently started babbling, although there are still no consonant sounds, and he doesn't point or clap. We have been using Makaton around the house (just a few signs, but used repeatedly, always whilst saying the word), and the other day he surprised us by signing the word 'more'. It was really the first time he had tried to communicate something to us with anything more than a cry and it felt huge!

I would definitely recommend Makaton/babysigning as a way of encouraging communication.

Health Visitor is coming next monday. This feels like a nightmare. I'm afraid DH's family are going to reject my son. Their other three grandchildren are all NT and are very lively and outgoing. Whenever we're round there and the other GC are there, I feel sad that DS is so quiet and shy in comparison. PIL are affectionate to him and pay him attention but obviously he doesn't have as good a bond with them as their other GC do. I'm scared they're going to wish their son had married someone else and had the chance to have "normal" children.

Forgot to say thank you to everyone who's replied and given advice.

If you call his name or ask him to point to Teddy, will he? Some children just don't speak until a bit later than 'the norm'.

Don't worry about the family - they will love him whatever. You are probably worrying over nothing, and this is quite normal. My DH was always finding something to worry about over DS when he was little (still does a bit). The times I have been to the doctor 'is this a mole?', 'are his eyes crossed?', 'is his hearing ok?'......... he must think I am completely neurotic.

Oh pet it's awful that you feel that way I'm sure your ILs would NEVER feel that way about your lovely DS. If you're worried about him getting lost in the crowd is there any way you could talk to them about this / try and arrange some special one-on-one time for him with them?

Is there anything your DS does particularly enjoy that they could do with him? Despite being a bit slow to speak my DS has always loved being read to and that was brilliant for my dad, who struggled to relate to him when he was pre-verbal.

You are doing the right thing to push for more help / info - even if it (as it most probably will) just turn out to be your DS doing some stuff at his own pace, these fears / worries are no good for you.

If your DS does turn out to have SEN of some sort then early intervention can only be a good thing (I assume?) so there is nothing to lose by talking to people about this.

Don't forget to enjoy the things your DS can do as well! Before my DS could talk my DH spent a lot of time working out what we could do to make him laugh there is nothing better than the sound of a giggle (especially if you've had to endure a batch of "comments" about your baby's development from twats other people) I used to think "Well, your baby may be a genius but my baby is happy! " and that really helped.

He is a happy little chap. I've just been crying and he thought that was hilarious! Honestly, I was trying to be quiet but every time I drew my breath in, he cracked up in giggles. You're right, there is no better sound.

Sounds OK to me.

I would again recommend you try buying Learn to Talk by Oxbridge Baby , I got it on Amazon and it really has helped us :)

Thank you Brighton, will definitely give that a go.

I felt EXACTLY like that about my DD when she was being diagnosed...I really worried that we were letting down my ILs, so it's a normal feeling I think, if there ARE issues....but we were further along in the process, I wouldn't let yourself think like that yet before you know if there are any issues :)

Good luck with all of this. Listen to your instincts, talk to your HV, and always investigate hearing properly if there is language delay.

Sorry for posting again but over the last day, I've realised that DS has stopped responding to his name. However many times I call his name, he doesn't react - even if I shout. He was responding to his name a while ago. I remember being very impressed (in quite a PFB way) that he'd learnt his own name . I'm not aware of when things changed as if he ignored me before the last few days I wouldn't have thought anything of it, so wouldn't have really noticed tbh.

Oh and apparently, spinning toy wheels over and over again is not a good sign. DS does this. He even tips up his baby walker so he can spin the wheels on it. And I've no idea if this "counts" but this morning I was woken up by banging coming from his room. He was sitting up in his cot, repeatedly banging his head against the wood. Seemed happy enough, to be fair.

It's weird cos since before he was born, I was petrified that he'd inherit my painfully shy/socially inept personality but now I'm just hoping for mild aspergers as opposed to severe autism

And I'm 6 weeks pregnant with DC2 and am having horrible, horrible thoughts about whether this really is a good idea after all.

Please dont jump to thinking this has to be some deficiency in you that has brought about whatever is happening. Try to focus on your son and what, if anything, is going on. I strongly recommend the Hanen book lingle linked to. Remember that getting professional input on how to support your child will help him do more, help you do more with him and will let you help people like your in laws connect with him because you will be able to show them how to interact.

I think it's normal to worry and you are absolutely right to be proactive in looking for a bit of support and an outside opinion. There are plenty of good ideas on this thread as well.

I think as well though that when you get an idea in your head, it's easy to see everything as the, 'proof' of that. Maybe especially, when it's something you are dreading seeing? Obviously everything I'm going to say now is anecdotal, but it may put things in perspective a bit: my little nephew loves wheels. He has always liked looking at them (from long before he could talk), turning them, turning things upsidedown to spin them etc. He is the brightest most talkative little chap imaginable as well.

There is a section in my Penelope Leach baby and toddler book about repetitive behaviours that soothe - eg: stroking a 'cuddly' to fall asleep (my DD does this). Head-banging can be one of them and as long as he is not hurting himself, is not necessarily a problem. She even suggests a test: attaching a piece of cardboard to the place where they like to bang, to see if they still do it even when cushioned (ie: see if they like the sound/rhythm rather than the pain). My DD does sometimes bang her head a bit off the wall next to her changing table. It's hollow and booms in quite a satisfying way. It doesn't hurt and she does it carefully and is clearly listening out for the noise.

"Oh and apparently, spinning toy wheels over and over again is not a good sign. DS does this. He even tips up his baby walker so he can spin the wheels on it. And I've no idea if this "counts" but this morning I was woken up by banging coming from his room. He was sitting up in his cot, repeatedly banging his head against the wood."

strongly agree with previous posts. Don't panic.

The very worst this could mean (and it may mean bugger all because loads of children do this) is that his senses are slightly unbalanced - if so, there's lots and lots you can do to help them rebalance themselves. It's about sensory integration. It's not necessarily a big deal. When we're panicking about ASD sometimes we panic about the wrong things. He's imitating - that's like the house having strong foundations.

You're coming across as being vulnerable to nameless dread, which if so will be worse if those around you dismiss your fears (in an "invasion of the body snatchers" kind of way IYSWIM). Have I got you right or am I just talking about myself?

Oh my goodness, I have just looked on Amazon for the Hanen book ......£62!!!!!!!

I don't suppose anyone knows anywhere cheaper?