14 month old can't speak or point. Really worried :(

[NotANatural]

Please help, I'm really starting to panic about this :(

My DS has still not said his first word. He babbles but that's it. I wasn't worried until we visited some family at the weekend who's DS is six weeks younger and who is already saying about four words correctly and with intent.

Today I did some googling and found lots of sources saying that it's usual for babies to say their first word at about 12 months and that by 14 months, they should be able to say about 7 words! And apparently it's ok for them not to speak at 14 months, so long as they can point at things. My DS doesn't point or gesture at anything, ever. He can wave and clap but it seems to be pointing that's the important one and he doesn't do that :(

I'm really freaking out now. I've had lifelong difficulties with communication (think I have undiagnosed ASD) and was afraid it was a bad idea for me to have children in case they inherited my problems. Today I'm feeling really guilty and sad. Have tried ringing the health visitors all day but it's permanently engaged. I have tried to talk to DH about this and also to my mum but they just dismiss my worries and tell me to stop reading stuff on google.

Don't think 7 words is correct. It was certainly 6-20 words at 18 months when dd1 was a baby. I don't think standards have been raised that much in 10 years.

Do talk to the HV or GP though if you're worried. I would stop googling too.

Agree that HV would be your best starting point. Not sure whether it is something to worry about or not. The fact he hasn't said his first word is not something to worry about yet, I don't know about the pointing.

Do stop googling stuff though - it really doesn't help. Either talk to your HV or GP, or use a reliable UK based site (assuming you are in the UK) like the NHS site. Even on mumsnet anyone can spout crap and try to pass it as fact. Remember anyone can publish stuff on the internet and also what's considered 'normal' is society/culture based as much as it is scientific.

talk to your GP if you're worried, but do remember that it is pointless to compare one's child to other children as the 'normal' learning curve is absolutely gigantic and kids really do learn/progress at startlingly different rates to each other, even if brought up in the same house! I know someone whose children walked at 10m and 23m respectively for example and they're both completely 'normal'. my boy is a late talker as it goes, just turned 2 and just coming out with words/sounds now that some friend's babies were doing months ago. he started pointing with intent at things he wanted to do/go see/touch/describe at about 15m, is completely normal, just doing stuff at his own pace, he can do things other kids can't at his age, and has always been very physical, i.,e., he could catch a ball at 10m but not say Ball till about 16m, and is very communicative now but no big sentences, yet he can name nearly all the colours now... I could go on but try not to panic as you could make your DS anxious as well. Each toddler is unique and probably you have nothing to worry about, patiently show him things by pointing and simple naming of things and he will probably start to copy you. some kids need more repetition than others before they start to repeat stuff, and remember to keep it simple - too much will go over his head - and stay calm. With mine I think we were so in tune with him and able to see what he wanted we didn't 'ask' him much for ages, now that we say "whats this or that?" he answers us! But of course if you are worrying do go to your GP/HV, thats what they're there for :)

PS I asked a speech therapist who runs a local group by the way when my DS was 18m did they think he was ok as he wasn't saying much at all then, and she said but he's babbling beautifully and I said what do you mean and she said its much more worrying if they don't babble, as babble is intent to speak, they just don't have the tools to turn it into speech yet, silence would be more worrying! And sure enough he's gone from about 8 words then to about 35+ now :) and quite a few songs/numbers/small sentences/colours too :)

Hi, thanks for the replies. I kept trying to ring health visitors all day yesterday & it was constantly engaged. Checked with doctors surgery this morning and it turns out I had the wrong number. Have now spoken to HV and someone is going to come out to see us. HV seemed more concerned about the lack of pointing than the lack of speech. Thanks again.

I'm sure it will be fine he is still very young and many children don't speak until later, mine were all different and babbled and then spoke after 18 months The best things you can do is speak to him, read to him and continue to enjoy his company, stop googling and freaking yourself out.

NotaNatural,

hi, I'm lingle, I also have strong ASD traits that my children have inherited.

and that's ok, it's really really ok.

Practical point: do NOT attempt to teach your child to point. Pointing is only mentioned so much because it is evidence that the child can show you what he wants. If you persuade your child to imitate a pointing motion now you'll just muddy the water.

2nd practical point: it's 18 months, not 14 months - you are definitively jumping the gun.

Your relatives sound irritated and dismissive which I fear might make you feel backed into a corner and encourage these feelings of guilt and fear. Even though you are jumping the gun a bit, if you feel you need to channel the feelings into productive action, then post again saying so and I'll link you to some non-scary materials.

There's something more important and foundational than the pointing/showing stuff and that's imitation. Sounds as though he's doing that just fine. That means you have a solid platform to build on.

You need to take him to your GP and explain your concerns. He may be fine or he may need some help. In either case early intervention is better than waiting. Have a look at the CHAT test for ASD, but remember it just for screening (it just tells doctors to have a closer look it does not diagnose ASD). Ignore the opinions of non professionals/family members. People say encouraging things to be kind/polite, but they dont actually know anything. So if you have concerns take them to the relevant professional and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If nothing is wrong, they will find nothing wrong. If something is wrong, then finding out sooner rather than later is only a good thing.

And please dont feel guilty or bad. ASD is not the end of the world and if thats what he has you are being a great mum by getting him the support he needs to deal with the way his brain is wired. That's brilliant of you - even more brilliant if you find communication difficult.

I remember none of mine pointed and I was a bit spooked by other peoples dcs who talked earlier and better than mine. They also toilet trained late. They are all fine now.

However, you are worried, and you know your child best. It's worth looking into. Meanwhile keep on talking as much as poss with your dc.

My DS has only just started managing to say actual words and he's 20 months. He's now doing just fine. Several of my friends were claiming their kids spoke at 12 months, etc. Try not to worry - it's another one of those things that babies do at different times I think.

Do you mean finger pointing or just indicating he wants something? Because ds holds his whole arm up with fingers outstreteched when he wants to grab something (mostly streetlights...) which is apparently the start of pointing. He is 16 months and just started in the last week or two to point (badly) at things in books.

But yes speak to your hv, that is what they are there for. Whatever happens worrying is not going to help, although it is also my base reaction.

I can't recommend the LEARN TO TALK dvd by Oxbridge Baby highly enough, my late talking DS has benefited enormously from it, he gained massively in confidence vocally from imitating all the sounds/words on there, we got it about 3months ago and he can say everything on there now plus the signs! its about 30m long and is written by a speech therapist and is just fun for them, imitating animal noises and small words and so on - I say the colours when they appear and he can recognise and say all the colours himself now, its really been a great help. :)

My DD is 15 months and can't say a word apart from "OH!" and she doesn't point either and can only walk if holding onto the furniture. I haven't even given it a thought until i saw your thread title. My friend's DD is 3 weeks younger and is walking about talking, I have learnt not to compare, they seem to level out later.

Babbling = talking when you are one.

Try not to worry but definitely speak to your HV. The lack of works isn't a problem at 14mths as non-verbal communication including pointing is far more indicitive of development. Pointing starts (usually in girls) around 9 or 10mths. Most children are pointing by 14 or 15mths and at this stage are often pointing excessively. Pointing should be in place by 18mths. You can google the CHAT or MCHAT test and have a look. This is a screening test rather than diagnostic and is designed to flag up children who may have a problem. It is designed to be done at 18mths though.

The thing with pointing is that is indicates joint attention. The child wants to show you stuff and bring you into their world. Does your DS show you things? Does he bring you objects he is interested in? This all indicates joint attention. Also does he copy you? Again, copying brings your worlds together in the mind of an NT child.

I'm not trying to worry you at all. Just a few things to consider. I always think it's all very well for posters on these threads to say, 'oh he sounds fine' and most children will be but it's also important for parents to be aware of any signs that things aren't quite how they should be as early intervention is always the key.

Oh and you could always speak to the HV about getting yourself assessed if that was something you were keen on.

lovingthecoast
That is interesting about indicating joint attention. Would that include them smiling at you when another adult makes them laugh, my DD always does this, I find it really endearing, it is like she is saying to me " look at Grandad, isn't he funny !" she has done that since before she was 12 months.

My 14 month old boy doesn't say any recognisable words either. He doesn't babble much unless we start first. We get dadada and rarara and very little else. I'm not worrying yet. I am nervous there is a potential problem though.

Pascha does he smile back at you and others ?

New baby smiling doesn't count as joint attention but a 1yr old watching something funny then turning to you and smiling and turning back to watch more does as long as that's what's happening. It's sometimes difficult to pinpoint but it's all about sharing the experience.

That is why waving isn't considered joint attention because it is usually a learnt skill rather than a spontaneous interaction if that makes sense.

Yes. He does everything else except point.

NT ?

non talking ?

Sorry, NT=neuro typical ie a child who is developing 'normally'.