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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

What makes you feel most connected with your newborn?

46 replies

alishinwonder · 11/11/2011 22:56

I am currently researching the bond between mother and child for a design project and it would be very interesting to get different views on what you feel brings the bond closer between you and your newborn child?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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TwoPeasOnePod · 12/11/2011 00:22

My instinctive response to your question is smell. The smell of my two DDs when newborn was like a drug to me I think the first thing I did with both of them was sniff their heads! Also it suddenly became very important for me to smell like 'myself' if that makes sense? eg. no perfumes, change of washing powder etc.
Not sure how useful that is to you, lots of cuddling and talking to them too, but thats kind of obvious

recall · 12/11/2011 00:25

Wearing them in a wrap type sling is pretty good. During the first week or two, when they moved in the sling, it felt very similar to the movements when they were in the womb - to me.

Tinker3 · 12/11/2011 02:53

Breast feeding without a shadow of a doubt. It's the most incredible, amazing, wonderful, wonderful thing. Staring into your babies eyes while feeding them beats everything...

Flossbert · 12/11/2011 03:43

Disconnecting the doorbell and snuggling down in bed together for a good 3 or 4 days when she was a couple of weeks old helped me enormously.

Finallygotaroundtoit · 12/11/2011 04:02

Night feeds - when the rest of the house is quiet and it feels like just you and new baby

And smells. The new baby smell, smell of their breath after a feed and poo

minicorrect · 12/11/2011 05:23

Another one for breast-feeding. There's nothing that comes close IME to having your tiny baby feed from you and look up with a milky smile. That first feed during skin to skin post birth is like a drug in itself. Incredible!

Octaviapink · 12/11/2011 06:14

Umm. I never found there was that much of a bond when they were new - IME it comes much more as they get older and their character emerges. With a newborn it's more about managing them. I completely agree with slinging and all the rest of the attachment routine - I did it with both mine - but that was for their benefit, not mine. Breastfeeding is just eating - I don't get the 'magical' bit at all. It might be because I'm not at all sensitive to hormones - I never got PMT, was never tearful during pregnancy and so on. Now I have an incredible bond with both my children - I'd do anything for them - but I think there can be a harmful emphasis on If It Doesn't Happen At Birth It Won't Happen!!!!

Georgimama · 12/11/2011 06:36

BFing, particularly at bedtime.

BleughCowWonders · 12/11/2011 06:41

Agree with Octavia. It can take a while, sometimes a long time. I felt more connected once they were old enough to smile and respond.
So for me it was time that made the bond closer.

BertieBotts · 12/11/2011 06:46

Co sleeping and doing that thing where you close your eyes as though falling asleep and then open them quickly to check whether they're asleep yet - and seeing them do it back to you Like they are falling asleep but have to just quickly check Mum is still there!

DS used to feed, sigh, and settle down with his head on my boob like a pillow! It was so cute - that made me feel like I was needed by him which I think helped develop the bond in the first few days. It wasn't there immediately at birth for me.

choceyes · 12/11/2011 06:51

co-sleeping most definitely. I sometimes had them asleep on my chest and it was so lovely. Feeding comes a close second. And slinging a third.

Jojay · 12/11/2011 07:29

Agree with breastfeeding, but not at the beginning with my first baby - I was far too stressed about the latch, whether we were doing it right etc to get any pleasure out of it.

Conversely, when my twins were born it all went a bit wrong, emergency section under general anaesthetic, both babies in scbu being tube fed, didn't see DTD until nearly 24 hrs after birth etc, but we managed to get bfing going after a few days and it just felt so 'right, the bonding effect was incredible. I so clearly remember the moment I first fed them both, sitting in scbu in my nightie, surrounded by incubators and bleeping machines, it was amazing.

I also agree with co-sleeping and slinging.

How sad that so many parents don't do any of these things!

MitziKinsky · 12/11/2011 07:33

Having time to just sit and hold them/look at/smell them. I didn't just didn'thave the time to do this with DC3.

TheFidgetySheep · 12/11/2011 07:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minicorrect · 12/11/2011 07:44

Oh yes to co-sleeping too. Just hearing their breathing and their little body wrapped up in your arms and their tiny hands on your body. Also love wearing them too - like being pregnant without the aches and pains!

exoticfruits · 12/11/2011 07:56

Just time, holding them looking at them. Definitely breastfeeding. Having them is a sling, but I wouldn't call it wearing them-it reduces them to a status of a handbag!

Booboostoo · 12/11/2011 09:10

Bfing does nothing for me! I do it because it's good for the baby but most of the time it varies from neutral to boring. Co-sleeping she kicks/punches the daylights out of me, so I move as far away as possible!

What I do like is when she is awake lying side to side with each other looking into each others' eyes. That's wonderful. She also really likes me singing to her so that's quite special and I find smells very important too.

Later on I love smiling and laughing, it just melts the heart!

frasersmummy · 12/11/2011 09:17

I'm with finally.. night feeds were special

Ds is 6 now and I still remembe how still the house and street was and it was like it was just him and I alone in the big worlld

cory · 12/11/2011 09:35

nappy changes were our great bonding time

singing to them was another

I have this lovely memory of one of dd's first nights at home: I fed her and sang a lullabye and she fell asleep and so did dh who was lying on the side of the bed and I sat there alone thinking Now I am really Mother

interesting what several posters said about the smell. My mum who adopted her youngest said it took her a few weeks to connect to his smell, but then it just clicked into place.

lilbitneurotic · 12/11/2011 09:44

Another one for night feeds - I love it when I'm winding my DS and he falls asleep on my shoulder and I'm in between him and my DH both snoring gently and I feel like the keeper of them. Bliss.

saldoozer · 12/11/2011 09:49

Afternoons in bed gazing at your sleeping newborn, this was my favourite part of the first week (and my favorite week of my whole life) and her falling asleep on my shoulder.

BroomForMyChin · 12/11/2011 09:53

I agree it's the smell. I spent ages just sniffing DD's head and breath. But I remember the moment that I felt truly bonded and finally felt like a mother, the HV had come round to help me with DD sleeping and basically made me leave her to cry it out. Listening to her cry, knowing she needed me and being unable to go and pick her up was awful, almost like physical pain. After that I knew that whenever she needed me I'd always do everything that I could.

BertieBotts · 12/11/2011 11:30

It's weird, I never smelled the newborn/baby smell. It is a mystery to me! DS' head usually smelled of my armpit as that's where he ended up sleeping

101North · 12/11/2011 11:35

bertie thats so funny

i'm with most, 4am breastfeeds with a newborn are crazy and magical. hearing the birds wake with him. Oxytocin is it? the hormone?

SjuperWolef · 12/11/2011 11:41

holding him, i feel naked when he isnt on me, even now he is lying across my chest cuddled in with a muslin :) tho he is only 10 days old so...

also co-sleeping, i didnt intend to but we have half and halfed between cot and co-sleep, dd co-slept half and half too and i love it, waking to see this tiny perfect little person beside you is just for want of an explanation :)

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