I need hand-holding and advice. Apparently my 9 year old has serious behavioral difficulties.

[QuintessentialShadyHallows]

I am gutted. I had a long conversation with his teacher today. He has only been in this school since the beginning of term. However, the teacher has told me that the problems are so bad now they are involving the special needs coordinator and head. 3 sets of parents have come in to see the teacher and complain that they dont want their child anywhere near my son. He swears at them, calls them names, and is generally unpleasant. He is getting into fights and arguments, lies that other children have said stuff first, and fighting.

We did have some issues in Norway, and I hoped moving from the school and the bullies there would help him. We have had so many conversations about how he behaves, how his behaviour is making him look, how he is unlikely to make friends if he continues, the consequences, etc. Yet not a day goes by without problems, it seems.

Today he sat down to eat lunch on his own. As he was looking rather sad, a boy in the year below came to sit with him, and asked my son how he was doing. My son proceeded to get up from the chair, lift the boy, and throw him down on the floor. The boy was very upset and sad. The teacher was not happy to have to explain to the boys parents what had happened.

She said that she spent too much time trying to deal with my sons behavior, it is affecting the teaching.

What can we do? How are we going to get through to him?

Rewards are not working. Punishment and withdrawal of treats and privileges are not working. And clearly, explaining to him where he is going wrong and what he should do has NO effect at all.

We have been asked to support the school in sanctions they may impose on him. I dont feel I have any other option than to just let the school handle it as they see fit, because we have honestly tried for the last few years.

Funnily, at home he is a different person all together. Helpful, nice, kind, considerate, and shows great care for his brother. He is bright, works hard and enthusiastically with his homework, and helps in the house.

I just dont know what is going to happen next.

UPDATE.

I have had a meeting with the Senco, who is very understanding, and seem to agree that the problems he has now could very well be related to the move and trying to settle into the class. The behaviours in question is relating to two incidents of swearing, some unkind comments to classmates, one racist comment, and the odd elbow, and general low level disturbance and some giggling and joking at inappropriate times. A lot of this is just thoughtlessness and him being impulsive. Some of it not. Neither is appropriate, however. But it occured to me that the behaviour he is guilty of, is the kind of behaviour he was on the receiving end of the last three years. He was looking up to the bullies, and on many levels wished he had their confidence. So we are thinking this is him trying to establish his place, rather clumsily. He will get support. They have a Plan.

We have had parents evening. Despite having "lost" two school years, when going from end of year 1 in London, to start over again in Norway (where children start school at 6), he has advanced maths skills. Teacher said that form a maths perspective, he could be in year 6. Obviously, from the perspective of literacy and emotional maturity, not at all. Yet, he is doing well with literacy, too, with the exception of a few grammatical errors. Teacher loves his creative language. He can work well and really focus. He got up on the whiteboard and explained the Pythagoras triangle to the rest of the class, he instantly saw the relations between the angles and the length of the sides.

But it is challenging for us because we still feel we have lots of gaps to fill in when it comes to method. He wants to do all the sums in his head.

His behaviour in school since half term has been good, and he is happy. I am sure you will hear from me again!