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relentless negativity from ds

40 replies

thecattleareALOHing · 22/12/2005 16:39

Feeling so frustrated atm. Ds (4.3) is so negative at the moment and some days it feels as if I am dragging myself from one battle to another and it's so wearing. Constantly trying to get up the energy to get from A-B.
Whatever I suggest, ds's automatic reaction is 'no, I don't want to'. This afternoon I said we were going to a Christmas party - with a puppet show, stories, and party food at a local venue. Ds shrieks no, he wants to watch a dvd. He sobs, shouts and is definite. Then he says he might go, but when I get coats, he's changed his mind again and is adamanant he doesn't want to go. As I am tired and cannot face paying £8 for something that I will have to drag him to screaming and sobbing, we don't go. Of course, now, when it is too late, he wants to go.
Normally I would have just dragged him there, but it gets so tiring. He doesn't want to go anywhere, and when we get there, doesn't want to leave. Lots of tears and shrieking. It rather saps the pleasure from things. I was really, really looking forward to taking him to this party and feel really that we missed it.
Is this just ds or is it common that kids are like this? I get pretty much the same reaction to everything from popping to the corner shop to going to a party. he was enthusiastic about seeing Narnia this am, and he is nearly always enthusiastic to see Grandma, but anything else is a battle. Help!

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Twiglett · 22/12/2005 16:42

its pretty common I think ...

I also think you're just having a low moment and everything will feel different after a long sleep / large bottle of red

have you tried not telling him where you're going to just get him out of the house? I sometimes play surreal games with DS .. tell him we're going out and maybe he could try and find an octopus on the way .. but then I think I'm just a little bored ..

merrycompo · 22/12/2005 16:43

God, that must be so draining. I think I would have dragged him to the pty on the grounds that you knew he would enjoy it when he got there

merrycompo · 22/12/2005 16:43

sorry, party

thecattleareALOHing · 22/12/2005 16:45

I normally would have dragged him, and tbh regret not doing so, but sometimes the thought of doing all the dragging and paying £8 is too much!
There are days when I feel practically trapped in the house because I can't face the habdabs about leaving!

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merrycompo · 22/12/2005 16:46

fingers crossed it's juat a phase

thecattleareALOHing · 22/12/2005 16:48

Here's hoping!

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KeyserSoze · 22/12/2005 16:49

does he knwo what he is doing in advance?
a lot of kids liekt he day very planned out sot hey can get thier heads around it
also dont ask him if he wasnt to go just tell him.

also maybe he has sussed he gets attention by maoning
jolly him along joyce grenfell style adn ignore any prtotests

FairyTaleinNewYork · 22/12/2005 16:51

aloha i'm the same, but the thing is i cant mention wqe are going to do something as a maybe, cos dd2 will then have a meltdown as we havent done it. so i keep schutm till things are definate, say we are going, get ready and go, no arguements, my word is final. i sound harsh, but i also cant do the screaming thing, drives me insane.

DinosaurInAManger · 22/12/2005 16:52

Agree with cod, actually (swoon).

Lots of advance warning, and telling them what they are doing in jolly voice even if I don't feel like it, are standard mo chez dinosaur.

WickedWinterWitch · 22/12/2005 16:52

I was going to say the same as Keyser, have you tried telling him the day before and in the morning of the day what the plan for the day is? I always find my ds more compliant and less stroppy when I've done this and it was certainly the case when he was a couldn't be bothered 4yo.

KeyserSoze · 22/12/2005 16:52

thunk

thecattleareALOHing · 22/12/2005 16:53

I know it is feeble. I know I should just announce and go and ignore habdabs, but habdabs are so depressing when you think you are going to do something jolly. It does take the festive spirit out of it all somehow.

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KeyserSoze · 22/12/2005 16:54

ok well when he satrts ogig " i odnt want ot go" ignore hinm tell as storya dn remind him of allt he times he didnt want to go soemwhere

thecattleareALOHing · 22/12/2005 16:54

yes, I do give lots of warning, but it seems to make no difference. He's like that Catherine Tate woman, no matter how much warning, it's always a terrible surprise!

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FairyTaleinNewYork · 22/12/2005 16:54

i know it does, but i think as long as they enjoy it whilst they are there then it'll be ok. iots when you are wrestling them into the car that really drives me up the creek. if my neighbours kids didnt have their own probs i'd be ashamed of how often they hear me and dd2 arguing in the car.

DinosaurInAManger · 22/12/2005 16:55

Advance warning - DSs have their days planned in advance - always remind them before bedtime what we are doing next day - and remind them as soon as they get up as well!

DinosaurInAManger · 22/12/2005 16:55

Sorry - cross-posted!

thecattleareALOHing · 22/12/2005 16:55

Oh, and he always cries at the end too!

'I don't want to see Auntie X! I don't want to! - sob - sob' - hour and half later.... 'I don't want to go, I want Auntie X to stay...sob-sob' - mother beats head rythmically on nearby wall...

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LIZS · 22/12/2005 17:00

Sounds familiar .... we have to forewarn ds and remind him. Usually we don't get bad behaviour once there but the moans and defiance beforehand is very wearing. If it is somewhere/something eh has been to or done before then we give lots of positive reminders too.

thecattleareALOHing · 22/12/2005 17:24

It is wearing, isn't it? [tired and frustrated emoticon here] -

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tamum · 22/12/2005 17:28

I would like to post but can't possibly have yet another person agreeing with cod

Is he particularly bad at the moment? Ds always used to be particularly trying in the run-up to Christmas, I think because of all the unpredictability. It does sound wearing, but I would second Twiglett's suggestion of a bottle of red.

Earlybird · 22/12/2005 17:28

aloha - much sympathy from this corner, because I can relate to your situation. DD is similar. She wants to stay in (and often protests loud and long when I announce a plan of action - even when she's been given advance notice), but then gets bored and ratty at home. Not fun.

Hope the situation improves - for both of us!

DinosaurInAManger · 22/12/2005 17:33

DH's parenting philosophy is to make life at home for the DSs as boring as possible, so they are always desperate to get out, even if it's only to go to school.

singersgirl · 22/12/2005 17:39

DS1 (7) is exactly like that and we have had it about every activity this week; DS2, who's the same age as your DS, is generally much more amenable. And, just like your son, when we get there (eg farm visit with 8 other boys yesterday) DS1 has a fantastic time and doesn't want to go. I don't have a solution, except that we always do go. I have explained to him that we have to do things that are fun for everyone, and if one day that means seeing a friend of mine with boy DS2's age and (boo!hiss!smelly!yucky!) girl of DS1's age, then he just has to put up with it. And of course he then gets on famously with said female. So will add my tired drained emoticon and join you in the red wine or other festive tipple!

thecattleareALOHing · 22/12/2005 18:18

Have opened the white. Emergency red on standby. Can hear dh shouting at ds in the bath
he is appalling atm. Just had horrendous time trying to get him to write his name in his Grandma's birthday card. Started out really nicely too

Planned such a nice day too

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