Is everyone on Mumsnet's kids gifted?

[colditz]

No, I'm not being bitchy at all. But some of the things that your 3 year olds can do, not one child at ds's nursery can do! Does Mumsnet attract high acheiving parents with high achieving kids, or are children in the SE doing better than other areas, or am I just missing something?

My ds is 32 months old, and when I see him with his peers at nursery, I am not at all worried, but when I read about what (it seems like) the majority of the children of his age of mumsnetters are doing, it worries me sick!

He isn't potty trained. He doesn't recognise his name when written down. He can't hold a proper conversation, and although he does see a speech therapist, this doesn't seem very uncommon in boys of his age. His only contribution to the computer is to stick inappropriate objects in the disc drive. Ditto dvd player, video, and cat. He is only just starting to use imaginative play.

I love him so much, he is the happiest, most charming child, but I am worried that I am doing something dreadfully wrong here, and he will suffer intellectually for my shortcomings as a parent.

Honestly, not a bitch-rant, I'm just getting quite worried now!

Don't panic! MN does seem to attract an unusually high proportion of high achieving ex-oxbridge mums. There're also bound to be a few who overstate their own & their kids abilities for whatever reason. If your ds is happy, charming and not falling behind his peers he will do well in life I'm sure. Try to avoid competitive mum syndrome - it's so easy to slip into, but no benefits at all.

I hear you! I am starting to think that my children need some kind of tutor to catch up... Feeling mighty LOW as my lot are currently home-schooled so I have nobody to blame but myself.

Colditz: Every child develops at their own rate. By the time all of the brilliant toddlers are in Year 4 it is impossible to tell them from their 'average' peers.

According to my parents I walked at 9 months and swam before I could walk. I slept through the night from 4 weeks and taught myself to read in english at 4 and in french at 5etc etc etc. I grew up to be very average and most days am clearly useless so try not to dwell on it too much. I would sooner have a happy, charming child than a brilliant one.

I am confident that you are not failing him as a parent. HTH...

He sounds like a fabster, colditz and just as gifted as any other 3 year old. More so even in the charm department, which means he'll go far, I'm sure. Please don't worry.

They are all different! You'll prob find that tho it seems like all the 3 yr olds can do this stuff, they won't all do all of it IYSWIM!

My DS got his first tooth at 16 weeks and I remember saying to my Mum that he would probably do everything else late. I was right! Sat at 8 mths, crawled at 11 mths, walked at 15 mths. Not worryingly late but not early.

Verbally he was earlier than lots of his peers - but he was emotionally younger. Toilet trained at 34 mths.

Is now 4 and in Reception and has just started writing his own name - badly! Not too interested in reading either.

As someone said they all catch up. I wouldn't worry too much.

Colditz you have described my ds to a tee!

dd was one of those annoying wunderkind!

They just are the way they are, raised 'em both the same. Love 'em both the same!

I don't get competitive parenting honestly I don't. it may be because I've at different times read the following bits and snippets .. and whenever I feel the 'my johnny can do x' feeling I remember:

it doesn't matter how early a child learns to read or write by the time they are 7 they all equalise .. so let them be toddlers I say

In many countries they don't actually potty train at all. In Switzerland it is unheard of to be worrying about it and yet by the time they are 5 most kids are using the toilet perfectly well

Boys are better physically than with fine motor control in the early years and there is some argument that boys should always be a year behind girls in schooling until they reach mid-to-late teens

and from my own head

a 3 year old is only 3 .. enjoy it

I was very proud yesterday - was talking to my friend about children starting to tell fibs (not huge lies ), and she said that they normally work it out from about 3... mine is only 2 1/2 and has started telling us she has been pushed over by someone not in the room . I'm so proud - she is an early fibber... she should be mugging old ladies by the age of 6!!!

Or was that not what you were thinking of with gifted children...?

I think you have to bear in mind that a few months really make a difference. and hey - does it really matter if your child is a few months late with things? it certainly doesn't matter if they're not early.

I know what you mean though - other mn 3 yr olds can do things that dd can't do (she's 3 and a half btw and has ony just started to be able to recognise her name, likewise can't do anything but make the mouse move on the computer, and couldn't hold a conversation at 32 mths either ). But I'm sure she can do things they can't.

this may not be the thread to post this, but you've just reminded me that the other day she tied up her goldilocks puppet (well, she wrapped ribbon around her and then asked me to tie is). then she tucked the ribbon onto the radiator. I asked why she did that and she said "so she can't go to bears' house and eat porridge". Not sure whether to be proud or worried!

...and I am a high acheiving mum!

pmsl - shows initiative by thinking of ways to stop her, and compassion for the bears . You sound like me - I'm currently trying to decide whether I should be angry with DD for climbing on everything to turn her bedroom light on, or proud of her initiative for some of the things she has found to use when I think I've made her room clamber safe

All children develope at different rates some take off as infants others take a while to catch up but 9 times out of ten by the time they hit junior school they are all on the same level.

Not a high achieving mum and I don't push DD who is nearly 4 but the grandparents spend a lot of time helping her with numbers, shapes, colors etc. She doesn't recognise her name written down or know what the computer is but because we have chattered to her non stop since birth she can hold a conversation and has a very good vocabulary for her age.

As for DS he is only 2 momnths so ask me in 3years time if he is talented.

Don't worry colditz I'm an ex-Oxbridge mum and our children are "slow developers" DS1 has severe special needs, will always need care. Ds2 seems to be doing fine, but to be honest any normal kid seems weirdly able to me. ds3 is only 11 months and I would prefer him to be Joe average on all developmental milestones (am watchinh him like a hawk). I don't like to see anything too gifted- ds1 did weirdly advanced things as a 2 year old (in some very limited areas), but at age 6 can't talk etc- the advanced stuff was just a symptom of his autism. Always reminds me of Charlotte Moore who wrote about her eldest son George's early days and said that they were insufferable as parents as they thought they had a genius child. In fact he's ublikely to live independently as well.

Being able to point to an interestting doggy across the road is far more gifted than being able to name a few colours.

"because we have chattered to her non stop since birth she can hold a conversation and has a very good vocabulary for her age."

bollocks! (sorry) but early speech development has far more to do with inate development (such as rate of maturation of neurones) than anything else. The environment may make a difference to the vocabulary a child ends up with- but not early days.

I'm with you Baka - are you saying that I clearly don't talk to my child much because she has been slow with words??? I also spend most of my time chattering to her... she is an only child atm, and it is just us together most days - If I didn't ramble on to her I would go insane! ... but it has still taken her ages to start talking.

My dd doesn't do very well at all, she's 5.5 and only speaks 2 languages fluently, her recition of Shakespeare is, quite frankly, appauling. She wrote an essay last week on the merits of Ivan Illich's theory on deschooling, but I told her that her ideas were lacking in substance and she failed to back up any of her opinions! Plus the footnotes were all over the place! She isn't much better at Maths either, she struggled for 2 hours with Einstein's theory of relativity!!!

Honestly I'm thinking of having a word with her teachers and getting her put down a level, for her own sake.

So don't worry unneccessarily, they can't all be geniuses.

That's disgraceful Cliff!!! I'd consider changing her school (and possibly sueing) - they are clearly just not capable of handling a child with special needs.

FlameRobin when ds1 was 22 months I was told that as he wasn't talking a)I must not be talking to him and b) I must be talking over him (by his crappy nursery - pulled him out of there). God knows what they'd make of him now - aged 6 and still not talking.

Speech doesn't just involve vocab- it also involves making very complex motor movements and if your neurones aren't developed enough for that then it means your speech will be crap.

One of the biggest inhibitors of development is testosterone- it delays maturation - which is why boys are often developmentalyy behind girls. It doesn't tell you where any child will end up though so slow developr A may end up ahead of fast developer B.

I have always gone with the theory that although she was slow to get started with speech, she was faster than "normal" in other areas - which would make sense with it being all neurone based etc... different areas of the brain developing at different times lead to different skills.

Yes, agree with baka that most of these things are innate. Assuming you're not locking them in a cupboard or strapping them in front of Cbeebies all day they will pretty much do what they are preprogrammed to do.

I've had dd1 who could converse in complete sentences before her second birthday (and yes, of course we thought it was down to our great parenting), ds who at two had a large vocabulary but not much grammar, and dd2 who at the age of 2 is just starting to say meaningful single words.

It's just how they are. In the absence of any definable medical or developmental problem, it's best to develop a very thick skin wrt other people's children's achievements, either real or reported. In any case, I'd be very surprised if it correlated in any meaningful way with subsequent A-level scores, career success or happiness.

There's a lot to be said for Cbeebies - she learnt duck and dog from Something Special!

That is very interesting about the maturation of neurones being responsible for early speech development baka, I didn't know that. I've always thought ds' chattiness from a young age was down to the fact that we prattled at him non-stop, poor kid... out of nerves mostly!
We are also the proud owners of one early talker/fluent reader bla di bla and one carpet-fluff eating, late walking, monosyllabic little miss, like others here. Mr Chatty was only reliably dry at 34 months by the way colditz.