7-9 month development review didn't go well...

[Criminy]

DS (aged 9 months) had his 7-9 month development check by the nursery nurse a few days ago. It didn't go very well, so I'm hoping for a bit of reassurance or advice.

She said that DS has a developmental delay because by 9 months he should be waving goodbye, clapping, saying "mama" and "dada" and bashing two blocks together to make a noise.

I pointed out that DS was 6 weeks premature, and whilst he's been walking holding onto my hands since 5.5 months old, and is now crawling, pulling himself up and cruising, he didn't smile until 3 months old and didn't start putting things to his mouth until nearly 7 months. She just replied that his prematurity didn't count and so he was still showing a developmental delay, and that she didn't count him as crawling anyway as he "only does a commando crawl."

Apparently babies often show a delay if their parents don't spend enough time talking to them and encouraging them to do these things. I really appreciated that vote of confidence

He's now on some developmental delay list and has to be monitored.

Has anyone had a 7-9 month review that can offer an insight into this? It's been a very difficult 9 months as DS has had a fair few medical problems, and I've had PND rather badly, so this has really shaken me up and made me feel like somehow I need to do more with him.

oh criminy i am ANGRY reading your posts. This woman is not doing whats right for you or your baby, but i am sure her ego feels tended to by the way she is overstepping her abilities, training and remit.

I can actually feel my heart being angry for you... you are vulnerable, and you have to protect yourself, please do not see this woman again.

Is there any way you can move gps? you are not getting the support you need - from personal experience when you are depressed and traumatised from an awful birth, you are not in a position to fight your corner as much as you would normally, and it will take you longer before you can make yourself strong enough to get the support you need...

so, here's my plan of action (!)... but the most important thing is to be kind to yourself, believe in yourself and make sure every little decision you make for you and your little one is based on that...

a. cancel eye appointment
b. write list to take to gp...(eye referral to right hospital, counselling referral as you have tried it his way and its not working)
c. phone up the place that woman comes from... ask to be given the name and address of where to make a complaint to - don't give your name, then you'll feel like you can ask
d. see gp, can you bring someone else with you? look on it as a final chance for him to be useful and supportive

that will do for starters!

most important is to get yourself in the right places to get people working with you, not contributing to your worries.

also... from my experience... (ds is 15 months)

waving goodbye, clapping, (did these by around 8/9 mths, so would have maybe just be doing it but only just...)

crawling - bear crawled at 10mths and stayed that way til 13mths when he decided to do a bit of proper crawling...

saying "mama" and "dada" (does say these but not at me or anything, more like, he can say the sounds, but doubt he could at 9 mths)

and bashing two blocks together to make a noise (erm, i know he can do it now, but i suspect he would have looked past the bricks and not seen the point in it!)

so, basically, my ds would have failed a 9mth review by her as well... yet my health visitor thinks he is a lovely little chap who although doesn't do those things is alert and inquisitive and will be fine.

I asked my HV about the 'mama' 'dada' thing when my DS had his review a couple of weeks ago because i was concerned that he was making lots of noises (vowels) but not putting them together with consonants. She asked if he knew how to get our attention and if he had started playing copying games (i.e. he shrieks, we shriek etc) which he did. She said she suspected he would soon start making more consonant sounds, but that they don't consider it 'abnormal' unless babies are not making any sounds by 12 months. Yesterday, at almost 9 months, he started 'dada' 'mama' 'wawa' etc literally overnight. He doesn't direct them at us, at the moment they're just sounds to him.

He still doesn't wave, crawl properly or clap and is only just beginning to bask two blocks together, though not very successfully. And he wasn't a premature baby - he was born at 39 weeks.

It's terrible that this woman has worried you so much and clearly knows nothing about baby development at all, let alone development of premature babies. Everything i read, everyone i speak to, always comments on adjusted development for premature babies. This woman needs putting straight before she overshadows with worry other mums' early months with their babies. Such a precious time to spend it upset and concerned.

I know everyone else has already said this, but I was so cross reading your post I had to reply.

My ds was also 6 weeks premature. Yes it bloody well does count, I think in his case (he was quite poorly to begin with and spent 8 weeks in NICU/SCBU) it counted until he was 2ish. He couldn't do any of those things at 7-9 months - in fact, my hv delayed his 8 month check to 9 months because of his prematurity and he was still pretty far behind. She said it didn't matter and if he wasn't babbling etc in a few months to give her a call.

Incidently he is now nearly 5 and utterly and completely normal.

Cancel the eye appt asap. I'm sure you can get referred to the other hospital, or ask your pediatrician at the appt and she can sort something out for you.

Ooh just hearing about your experience made me so angry - I also just wanted to say I'm so sorry it's been so horrid for you, as if you didn't have enough to deal with already. I have a 34 weeker who is coming up to 8 months and she would fail dismally if she was expected to do any of those things. Mind you I thought that was normal cos term DS was only doing the crawling and none of the other things by the 8 mo check

If you can face it, do complain. I know it's often the only way that a stretched NHS can be prompted to make important changes to HCP's attitudes and education and this dreadful nursery nurse urgently needs help with both.

Best of luck with everything, especially in getting the treatment you and your little one so deserve! Big hugs xxx

Just to say this sounds rubbish to me too. Mine wasn't premature - she was a week late but she didn't clap or wave at all at this age - certainly not on demand. She's now a totally normal 5 yr old. Please don't take this seriously. It doesn't sound to me like you have aproblem at all. They are all different and develop at different times. I'm no expert but I think this is really too early to tell if there's a problem. Best wishes.

This nursery nurse does not have a clue what she is talking about! A nursery nurse is not qualified to give out this sort of advice. I have never heard of a 7-9 month review....both my boys were given a 12 month check by a qualified Health Visitor. The only person who can really diagnose a developmental delay is a Pediatrician. To reasure you, my DS1 crawled at 10 months and walked at 15 months and I never even gave it a second thought. My DS2 is a different kettle of fish. He crawled at 11 months but is now 19 months and is still not walking (stuck on cruising around the furniture). Now that is when you need to start worrying, and I have been to my GP who is arranging an appointment for him to have a developmental assessment. If you have any doubts about your little DS then take him to see your GP and talk it through. Please don't fret about this person's advice, it is rubbish!!!!! Only worry when the experts tell you something is amiss and a nursery nurse is not an expert on this subject. Enjoy your little one and try not to worry, they all get there in the end x.

Utter rubbish. Just tell her they all do things in their own time. It is a sad day of babies have to jump through 'the right hoop' at 'the right time'.

I also meant to say that my DS1 didn't say 'mama' until he was just over 2yrs old! Yes that really is late and I was very worried. I would be more shocked if I saw a 9 month old saying mama and dada, I don't think I have ever seen a child say these words as young as this although I am sure some can. My point is, my DS1 was very slow to talk, and although I did take him to see a speech therapist they said he was completely normal and sure enough he was.....he is now 5 1/2 and never shuts up! Your baby is still VERY young and I would say you definitely do not need to be worrying at this stage. Just try to relax and enjoy him.

The nursery nurse would have had Einstein monitored for delayed development! Ignore.

your nursery nurse is rubbish. they are trained to work with young children in nurseries, they are trained to play with children (amongst other things) they have no health qualifications whatsoever unless they have done some training on top

hvs use them to free up time but i am surprised they are using her with a preemie?

Sorry but I would exercise caution in making a complaint. Mother with PND, seeing paeds in another county, baby with developmental delay, mother refuses to acknowledge it, mother refusing medical referrals that are for babys own good. I just wouldnt go there - they have a system and I really dont think you have the energy to fight it right now.

So I would duck out of it instead - many counties dont offer any more checks after this one, but if you are offered a check you could ask to see someone else.

Re the eye appt - cancel the gp appt and the hospital appt (telling them that you see a paed in the next county) and get the paed you see next week to refer you for an eye appt as well.

stupid people - you really dont need the aggravation