7-9 month development review didn't go well...

[Criminy]

DS (aged 9 months) had his 7-9 month development check by the nursery nurse a few days ago. It didn't go very well, so I'm hoping for a bit of reassurance or advice.

She said that DS has a developmental delay because by 9 months he should be waving goodbye, clapping, saying "mama" and "dada" and bashing two blocks together to make a noise.

I pointed out that DS was 6 weeks premature, and whilst he's been walking holding onto my hands since 5.5 months old, and is now crawling, pulling himself up and cruising, he didn't smile until 3 months old and didn't start putting things to his mouth until nearly 7 months. She just replied that his prematurity didn't count and so he was still showing a developmental delay, and that she didn't count him as crawling anyway as he "only does a commando crawl."

Apparently babies often show a delay if their parents don't spend enough time talking to them and encouraging them to do these things. I really appreciated that vote of confidence

He's now on some developmental delay list and has to be monitored.

Has anyone had a 7-9 month review that can offer an insight into this? It's been a very difficult 9 months as DS has had a fair few medical problems, and I've had PND rather badly, so this has really shaken me up and made me feel like somehow I need to do more with him.

Please make a complaint about this woman, she has been talking nonsense in a way that has been detrimental to your health.

My DD didn't sit until about 8 months (although she was commando crawling at 6 months) and didn'tsay 'Mama' or 'Dada' until around 14 months. She was, and is, perfectly normal.

As others say, prematurity should be corrected for until at least 2 years. And as for forcing a baby to finish a bottle when there's a good reason why their weight is a little low, that's awful.

Make a complaint then put her out of your mind and don't go back.

ok. my hv caused my pnd. she told me my baby could go blind because i had a urine infection , then prescribed me anti biotics which weren't safe for breastfeeding - my ds spent the first three months of his life screaming in pain because his stomach was sore, was continually told by gp its colic, ds them was dairy intolerant when i tried to get him on to solids. the first 2 years were a nightmare. hv told me at review that he was under weight also on 0.4 centile, told me i need to stop breastfeeding and said she was going to come round my house and give him a bottle of formula and she would decide if he was dairy intoerrant! he was sick every time i gave him tiny bit of dairy.

at 8 months review i said i was worried he wasn't babbling, she wrote in book that moher had pnd and baby was babbling - even though he was just crying all the time.

Now I came out of there a total wreck. But I moved away and never saw a hv again.

I went to counselling for PND and it really helped - there was no way I was going to take meds. I also realised that the weight chart plots the normal average weight of babies. Therefore if he's 0.4 he's on the chart, therefore he is normal average weight. the end.

As i said before I have an MA in developmental movement, and although I don't carry out these checks and can't remember from my own child, I do not think your child has developmental delay because he can't clap, say mama and wave.

My ds is extremely good at movement skills and he did not sit up til 7.5 months for definate because i have that written down.

I think you should go to counselling. it really helped me.

criminy please, please, please think about making a formal complaint about this woman.
you are "lucky" in that you thought to double check her "advice"... many other parents won't have and goodness only knows what else she has been telling people

it IS normal for a nursery nurse to assist a HV, and to do developmental checks, but as I mentioned before, if there is anything they think is a problem, or anything out of the ordinary they should ALWAYS get the HV in for their opinion too, because, as you say, they simply are not qualified to make that kind of diagnosis. in fact, a health visitor isn't either... they can say that they suspect a developmental delay or say that they are concerned at your child not reaching milestones and then refer you, but it most certianly is not something they can diagnose by seeing a child one time.

you don' thave to go back to her. all child health checks are optional, so I would write to the practice manager putting in a complaint and saying that you are opting out of all future health checks, or that you will arrange to see the GP for them.

I would also consider seeing a different GP yourself. I expectyou have more than one at your practice? or even change surgery if there is not a sympathetic GP there you would feel comfortable talking to

Lastly, I am absolutely certain that your son's paediatrician would not mind at all if you called to talk to him/her about his development, so perhaps do that to put your mind at rest?

I'm sorry but after the 4 month check, I would have refused to see her and have in fact demanded somebody who is medically qualified to attend to my children, all these cost cutting exercises and who are the losers, mothers and baby.

haven't read responses just OP

to reassure you!

DD is 12 months. She has only just started saying mama (she said dada to everyone and everything from 9 months). DS was very forward language wise but only had 5 words at 1yr. I really don't think he should be doing anything other than making sounds at 9m

DS commando crawled until 11m (wooden floor!) and then started properly. walked at 16m.

I know lots of babies who never put things in their mouth

From what you say he sounds like an average 9m old! She's being silly!!

And don't worry - I bet you give your DS a lot more attention than my second born gets!!

Dd does all the stuff listed BUT doesn't crawl in any way.

Ds on the other hand was crawling at 7m and walking at 10 but didn't clap or wave until well over a year and didn't babble until 11months.

I wouldn't worry. Ds is 4 now and bright as a button.

ok..you mention quite a lot of things there!

FIRST - what other support do you have with this baby? and for yourself? I'm thinking not just HCPs, but friends/relatives?

Second - what utter tosh

www.babycenter.com/0_milestone-chart-7-to-12-months_1496587.bc

Just to take the mama dada for example....on above chart the most do this extends to 11 months.

Give youreslf a break love. My dd is 8 months next week and can't do what this woman says and mine wasn't a premmie. She is fine and yours is too.

Whilst I appreciate the earlier the better for identifying things to help earlier is a good thing there's a big difference between farting and shitting yourself and this over zealous woman is full of the latter. xx

and i cannot type yourself quickly!

I think you need to report this nursery nurse as presumably she is scaring parents like this a number of times each day.

For what it is worth my dd (10.5mo)
Clapping and block bashing - in the last week
Doesn't say mama or dada
Waving - not specifically to say goodbye and has only been doing this since 9.5mo (and only to DH for the first 2 weeks
Won't walk holding my hands, she just sort of collapses

We don't seem to have this sort of check here and the HV was very happy to hear that I wouldn't be taking her in regularly.

Oh dear. You really should complain tbh. She sounds like she doesn't know what she is on about.

FWIW my DS is 11.5 months and can wave but not say mama or dada. He does say cat and dog though but I expect your nursery nurse would say thats due to insecure and inappropriate attachment or something

queenoffeckingeveryhting.... have you gone back to work and left the cat and dog to raise your baby???

are you not worried that he will be confused having parents who are 2 different species??

What a load of shite! My dd was prem and was always accounted for she's nearly 2 and still doesn't say dad!! Go to your GP if you're concerned but they will reassure you that all is fine

Thank you all so much for your replies!

I called his paediatrician yesterday and she's managed to squeeze him in for an appointment next week. She said it sounded like rubbish and she'd redo his development review herself. She's based in a hospital in a different county to where I live and gave birth - I purposely picked that hospital because after the trauma of labour/birth/neonatal period, I couldn't face that hospital again. She was pretty mad with how they treated us then and has even written letters of complaint herself to the hospital concerned and the health visiting team.

Who do I complain about the nursery nurse to? Would it be the PCT? She's doesn't work out of my GP surgery, I have to go to the nearest Primary Care Centre to see anyone to do with health visiting.

EggyAllenPoe, my mother comes to visit once a week (she lives 60 miles away). I'm married but don't think that's going to last much longer (I'm currently working out the financial consequences for me and DS if we separate). I do have some very lovely friends from my NCT group, but they've started back at work now.

You sound like you have a lot to deal with and crap professional help too. Glad to hear your paed is going to see you though, atleast that should reassure on the development.

What you say about getting a new hospital is very familiar to me and I have textbook post traumatic stress according to therapist. I found counselling really helped / helps. Also a de-brief with the labour ward to talk over what happened and why with your experience.

My 1st hv also didn't work out of gp surgery but she told me they were assigned according to what gp you were registered with. Could you ask your GP receptionist, they should have a clear complaints procedure. In fact check website if they have one.

Keep in touch with NCT people even if they have gone back to work they may still want to meet at weekends eg if partners work or play on Saturdays.

Criminy, i have to agree with humphreycobbler and the other posts. utter nonsense. My 9 month old ds2 just had his check up recently and he can't do a single one of those things either. My public health nurse thought he was doing great! please don't listen to her, my ds1 was walking and climbing by that age but they are completely different children. I know ds2 is fine and is just taking his time. he's not crawling either. There's nothing you need to do differently, just sit back and he will do it all by himself.

My DD certainly couldnt wave goodbye at that age! She is 16months and only learnt to wave a month or two ago. She can only say dada. The HV made me feel terrible the other day but I know im doing my best for her, thats all i can do. She will catch up when she wants to and so will yours :)

I honestly don't remember mine saying anything much before they were two - they certainly were not saying anything whatsoever at 9 months. Please be reassured by what everyone else has said.

I don't recall any of these things being checked at mine's 8 month check, so it sounds a bit dubious to me. I remember him being given something to hold to see if he put it in his mouth and that was about it. Whether or not he's crawling at 9 months is neither here nor there either, because it doesn't shed much light on anything and in any event would be quite early. Mine was nearly 13 months before he crawled and then didn't walk until 18 - 20 months. Didn't sit up on his own until 8 - 9 months. I knew he was fine. Trust your instincts

Thanks everyone for your help and support with this!
DS waved back at my friend's 1 year old yesterday and has been waving at everyone since, so ner to that nursery nurse

BUT, that bloody nursery nurse has gone one stage further in pissing me off now. At the review I mentioned I was concerned about DS's eyes; one of them seems to point the wrong way some of the time. She agreed and said I should see the GP. So appointment with DS's GP is booked for tomorrow.

However, this morning I got a letter from the hospital that DS was born in saying that they'd received DS's referral and I had to call them to make him an appointment with the paediatric opthalmologist. So it looks like that ridiculous, interfering witch has somehow referred him to the hospital behind my back. The same hospital that I told her I wasn't dealing with any more. A completely different hospital to the one that he is currently seeing a paediatrician at.

Now, I do want him to be seen because I do think there's something dodgy with his eyes. I just don't want him seen at that hospital. Plus, what's the point in him seeing two doctors at two different hospitals (in different counties)? Surely it makes sense to keep all his healthcare at the same hospital?

What the hell do I do now?

Call the hospital and cancel the appointment, tell them your ds will be seen at another hospital.

There probably is a point in seeing an opthamologist as your paediatrician won't specialise in eyes and testing children's eyes. I would get your GP to refer you to the opthamology service at your preferred hospital and cancel the appointment she made. I can't believe that a nursery nurse is allowed to make referrals - that is just crazy as she really is not qualified to do so.

Hi OP I just wanted to chime in that this nurse seems a bit OTT and rigidly by the book so to speak. My child is almost 10 months and while he claps, he doesn't wave, he can babble the occaisonal dadadada but rarely and there is not a "mama" in sight. Mine can't crawl at all - not even commando crawl. He just spins around on his tummy and rolls. I have no concerns about his development. Its completely common for children to not crawl at 9 months for pity's sake. To suggest he has a developmental delay is completely out of line IMO.

She also should have discussed the referral with you and not just gone ahead and sent it off - I would firmly but politely call her on these things the next time you see her. Its great to see an opthamologist and if the other hospital is reasonably close I would probably just go with it but if your really uncomfortable than make your own arrangements.

I'm a developmental psychologist specialising in infancy (research based though)

This woman is talking utter crap.