ditching the dummy

[ames]

I gave ds (now 6 months) a dummy because there is a close age gap between him and dd and I couldn't physically hold him etc whenever he cried. Now we both seem to be getting far to reliant on it! So for this and other reasons I'd really like to get rid of it but having spent one completly unsucesfull evenning pacing the floor etc till I gave in and gave it to him, was wondering if anyone had any top tips!

In the same position as my DS2 is now 4 months old and I used the dummy to deal with him because I also had his big brother to deal with.

He gets the dummy during the day but not when he is put down for the night - it took a couple of nights of screaming before he accepted that he does not get his dummy at night. A friend of mine still gets up once every night to replace the dummy in her DS's mouth and he is nearly 2. No thankyou.

When he is sleeping through - which he is not yet then I intend to tackle the daytime sleeps.

My advice - tackle one of his sleeps first, one when you feel strong and you are pretty sure that he is tired. Ie: The night one or maybe the morning nap. My DS does seem to accept that there a different rules for different sleeps.

THe longer you leave it, the tougher it will get. Good luck.

My top tip is to stop worrying about it until your child is a little older unless it really bothers you for some reason. My dd and ds gradually lost interest in the dummy around 12 months. I secretely put the dummy out of the way every morning and they didn't ask for it. My ds (who is 2) still uses his dummy at night and I think it's fine.
Can I ask why it is so important for you to get rid of the dummy ? Perhaps you can do as we did and limit the use of dummy to nights and daytime naps? It might be quite hard to just go cold turkey......

My dd was the untimate dummy addict. When she was around 2 we restricted use to nightime/naps/car journeys. At 3.5 she was still really reliant at night and I worried she would never give it up. Then her friend who was nearly 5 gave his up and she decided herself that was it and threw her dummy in the bin! That was 2 months ago - for the first 6 weeks we had more nightime wakeups but this is now getting better - she has hardly asked for the dummy since giving it up. IMO you shouldn't worry too much - they will all give them up when they are ready

My DD (18mo) only has her dummy at night time, or if poorly. She had a dummy from the start as it helped with her colic. I can't see the point in getting rid of it yet as she has no understanding of why I want to remove her comforter - from reading other threads on here it seems it may be easier to wait until he child can 'swap' it for something, etc.

DD doesn't have a dummy during the day at all now really unless there is a big upset over something (maybe ill, etc.) and she certyainly isn't allowed it at all if speaking. In fact she knows even at night to take it out of her mouth before talking herslef now.

BTW, DD doesn't need me to go and put her dummy in during the night at all. If she does stir she can put it back in herslef no problem. And a dummy has not affected her speech at all. She is already a real chatterbox, has an amazing vocab, can put short 2 and 3 word sentences together and her speech is very clear.

I would really strongly advise you to keep it. It won't do him any harm at all and he sounds a bit like my ds, very sucky, and the dummy gave him so much comfort. He's now two, using it less and less during the day, talking loads - six and seven word sentences, lots of four syllable plus words, can sing most of Five Little Ducks and Old McDonald and is very happy and confident. I never have to get up in the night to replace his dummy - he sleeps through every night and still naps two hours a day too. I feel sure he will give up the dummy for sleeping when he is older. BTW the advice from the British Dental Association is that dummies do not deform the teeth and mouth, and there is no need to worry about them before second teeth come through. Thumbs are worse for teeth, mainly because thumbsuckers carry on longer than dummy suckers (my stepdaughter's just had to have a very expensive brace just to break her thumbsucking habit at age nearly 12).

hi, well my dd is the oldest here.2.6 and she still uses her dummy at night! I keep thinking that i must get rid but she LOVES it! She is sleeping right through now.(touch wood!), and although she'll ask for it during the day it's a sleep thing.........just thought i'd add my bit to make you feel a bit better ames! How i'll get rid i don't know.maybe give them all to Santa in exchange for lovely pressies..

DS from about 12 months had a dummy only at night, I did half attempt on a few occasions to get it off him, but he was too distressed, i decided that if he was getting comfort from it then I wont rush him to give it up, and one morning about 3/3.25 yrs he came into our room and said "I don't want my dummy anymore" and happily gave it up and never asked for it again.

I too use a dummy for sleeps. (Short pause for Aloha to pick herself up off the ground at this news ) Basically I needed something that would stop him scratching long enough to drop off to sleep (he has pretty bad eczema). It took some training at 6 months old, but now his eyes roll back and he goes straight off. I used to be able to do this with breastfeeding, but he has eaten enough long before he has sucked enough these days. I will deal with getting rid of it when I have to, not having infected eczema is preferable to an idea that dummies somehow make you a less good parent.

Thanks or all he views. I have really strong feelings of guilt attached to the dummy! I always feel that I should be able to comfort him myself. DD never had one - well we tried in desperation but she was having none of it prefering to scream herself silly. On odd occasions she sucks her thumb.

Ds is a very chilled out baby but sometimes he just really wans his dummy. He can and does settle himself to sleep without it sometimes. He doesn't have it in the morning, doesn't always have it for his morning nap and doesn't have it at night (unless dh puts him to bed) but I feel guilty as I tend to give it to him at the slightest cry and also when I'm trying to deal with dd. I also feel that at the moment he's at the stage where he could either give it up or be hooked - if that makes sense

I suppose we're 50% of the way to getting rid of it and the only way now is in the bin! I would just rather get rid of it now than try to deal with it when he's older

I gave dd2 a dummy for the reasons mentioned at the beginning of the thread - older sibling wanting my attention and dummy making it much easier to put dd2 down. However, by 4.5 months she was waking up for the dummy at least twice a night...not hungry, just wanted it to be put back in her mouth. After a couple of weeks of getting up 3 times in the night (once to feed and twice to put the b*** thing back in her gob I decided we had to go cold turkey. Felt so guilty as she was definitely sucky and loved the dumdums (as dd1 called it) but I was just getting tireder and tireder and more and more depressed from the lack of sleep.

Anyway, I put it off for a couple of weeks because I felt so cruel but eventually bit the bullet and it only took 3 days. First day she cried thru her morning nap (45mins) but then was so knackered she fell asleep at lunchtime and bedtime without it. From then on it was pretty easy. Now she goes down without it very happily. So it can be done...I think gearing up to it is the hardest part.

Ames, I honestly think your guilt is misplaced. Sometimes babies really, really want to suck - that's all. It's not because they aren't being comforted enough by you - they simply want to suck something. Sucking is a very primal instinct - certaily not all children feel it to the same extent, but then not all children want to be held to the same extent etc. But if you have a sucky baby I think you will find they know what they want! My baby had a baby sling, literally hours of breastfeeding, was carried everywhere, in bed with us at night, baby massage - the whole lot! - but none of those things fulfilled his particular need for something to suck on (except breastfeeding, but that just made him upset that everytime he sucked he got a mouthful of milk, which he didn't want!) I also don't believe in this 'addiction' model for dummy use. We all have things we find comforting and pleasurable. It doesn't mean we are addicted. I think addiction is only an appropriate word where there is harm involved and dummies are totally harmless. It's not like you've got him on hard drugs!
I truly feel that, particularly, if you are stressed with two young children and a dummy helps your younger one to feel happier and more contented, then why make all your lives less happy by taking away your baby's dummy. BTW my son didn't sleep through for a long time, but that wasn't because of his dummy - he'd wake up with it in his mouth. But from 8months he's slept brilliantly with his dummy. If he needs to put it back, I assume he does so himself because we don't hear a peep from him all night long.

I agree with Aloha. I never once felt guilty about giving dd2 a dummy - it just gave her the ability to relax and soothe herself to sleep. If it hadn't been falling out at night I'd be happy for her still to have it - why not if they gain enjoyment from the rhythmic sucking action?

Don't feel bad. Would it bother you as much if she was sucking her thumb?

My ds still has his dummy at night and he is 3yr 8 mth. I used to worry about it, but now I don't as dh had a dummy and threw it away when he was 4years. It hasn't affected his speech, it is only comfort and I'm sure many of us had dummy's and do we still have them now? He always looses it at night and up until the age of 2.6 he would wake up and ask for it, but I would ignore him and he would go back to sleep. So when he looses it at night time now he just goes back to sleep. I am going to let him get rid of it in his own time. Please don't let it worry you some people ween their children off dummies about 4-6 months and others let them throw it away in there own time. The decision is really yours.

Thanks for all your comments, I know I probably shouldn't feel guilty but I can't seem to get past it. Logically I know some babies are more sucky than others and no, it wouldn't bother me if it was his thumb as dd does suck her thumb occasionally put only for a few seconds before she goes to sleep, never when she's playing or talking etc during the day.
Ds doesn't wake up for it in the night as I've never really let him have it in his cot so thats not a problem (well, yet anyway!)
I'm sure a lot of the time when he is crying and I give him his dummy he really wants to be held and cuddled but it's not always possible because of dd and having to do other things. So I guess thats where the guilt comes from, I sure the dummy is really for my convienience and not for his comfort.

my 16month dd also has had a dummy from an early age as she never slept much and certainly not through the night. She only gets it for sleeping and i do agree that out of sight out of mind works wonders as when she sees it she goes bananas for it. The waking up in the night as the dummy has fallen out is a pain but she wakes up anyway and recently she has taken to holding one and sucking one so there is more chance of her finding one in the night! She says loads of words and chatters all day far more than her friends of the same age who don't use dummys. If it helps you stick with it, you never see adults with a dummy but you do see them sucking their thumbs!!

Calcium - my 18mo DD recently went through a phase of wanting two dummies in bed too. I think it coincided with us trying to wean her off dummies for the day time nap. She seems to have passed that phase on now after about a month of it.

My DD2 didn't have a dummy till she was 4 months old, because until she was 3.5 months old she was an extremely happy baby, then got a blood infection which needed a week in hospital on IV drugs and she spent the whole time sucking on the boob buffet so that when we came home she just wanted to carry on and I couldn't put her down. So in desperation I tried a dummy which she has given up this week because I couldn't find one in the house and I decided that I was not going to buy anymore. She has just turned 3 and not asked for it all week so I think that they eventually give them up when ready quite easily if you keep them restricted to sleeps and not let them have them all day. If you take the dummy away the child could then start using their thumb and I had to have a brace at 7 to stop the thumb sucking which left dental problems and a thumb smaller than the other!

just to update. I (think) we've cracked it. Stopped giving the dummy to ds on friday afternoon and it's not been as bad as I thought it would be. He's been quite happy to go for his naps today and has settled himself again this evenning, so hopefully it will be fine. He doesnt seem to be trying to find his thumb, quite happy to hide behind his bib (which he's always done) I do take one up at night in case he wakes as I think it would be a bit silly to start having to take him out the cot and rock him back to sleep if the dummy would settle him, as it always falls out when he's asleep anyway.
Thanks for all your advice, and if he does want it again I don't thing I'll feel so bad.

I was getting slightly worried that I was the only mum who was still letting her DD of nearly 3 (next month) still have her didi (dummy). (Moosh you have made me feel a bit better). She will give it to me as soon as she wakes up in the morning and put it in her lunchbox to take to the childminders. Doesn't have it all day apart from nap time and then hands it back. Only as soon as I get in from work it is the 1st thing she asks for. Was thinking she would never give it up but had a small breakthrough last night, in a large shop with a big model santa, DD went up to it and said 'Santa I leave you my didi's will you leave me presents'. Other shoppers were laughing at her, put I nearly cried out of sheer pride. I have never made a big deal about her having it, but others have (parents, in-laws) so roll on Xmas. I'm sure she will do it when she is good and ready

Aaahhhh EMJ, that is so lovely. My ds1 gave his dummy up the night before his 5th birthday as he decided 5 was too old for a dummy. He just wasn't ready before then. I had begun to think he was still going to have it when he was 55 !!

Ds2 still has his and he is 2y8m. All mine had them until quite late , they get rid of it one way or another eventually.

Mine gave up the day after Kayleigh's - peer pressure. She was 3.5. They do it when they are ready - don't worry

I am glad EMJ that I made you feel a bit better. DS still hasn't given his up, but the funny thing is that he never goes out with it, it is just a night time or if he is really tierd. There are times when he will hand to me and say "Don't want that anymore" and I reply "put it in the bin then". He does get as far as the kitchen, but hovers around almost torn between chucking it away and keeping it. The latter always wins though!!!
I am almost glad that he doesn't suck his thumb, I have a friend who still sucks hers when she is tierd and she is 32 years old!! At least I know the dummy will get thrown away eventually.

ds 3 years next week and still wants his dummy for the night. I am just hoping his dummy will "fall apart" in the near future...

Just thought I'd add to the thread after my last post. Ds 3 years 10 months lost his dummy on Friday and I had told him that this was his last dummy and he needed to look after it. I said that mummy wasn't going to buy anymore because he was getting a big boy and only demanded it when he had misplaced it. So we got through, Friday night and he only asked for it when he was settling for bed. We got through the weekend even though his behaviour was a bit irratic (I seriously think he was having withdrawal symptoms). He found it at the bottom of his toybox on Monday, so when I got in from work I took it and threw it away, no complaints from him until night time. But he got through it. It is now Wednesday, and I think if he can make it to the weekend he has cracked it. My ds has had a dummy since he was born and I am so proud of him that he has come this far. So it is possible they will get rid of it eventually. Fingers crossed that all goes well !!! And don't worry any mums whose child has a dummy. I promise they won't have when they are adults.