Bullying - is it really getting worse or just more publicised?

[pfer]

I'm sure we all worry about bullying, but it seems that it's always in the news now and increasingly it's girls. Is there really more going on or is it just on the telly more? I don't recall it being this bad at my school. Anyone else?

I honestly think it's getting worse. Combination of so much violence around us that some are becoming innured to it and "children" knowing all about rights but b&gger all about responsbility.

So what's changed over the last say 15-20 years?

My brother and I watched so much more on TV that was of a 'violent and scary nature' but we've not turned into bullies. We know right from wrong and always have. So how come some kids today don't know? Why does the violence on TV in Gangsta Rap (?) video games affect them in a way it didn't affect children on my generation? God I sound so old...

It's more violent
My ds has just recovered from a broken arm from an attack outside of school but based on the fact that he did not play football and goes to the grammar school and does not have a crew cut FFS
When I was kid we were nasty, picking on kids with glasses calling them 4 eyes
calling fat kids podge pot and freckled kids freckle face, I got ribbed for being skinny and looking like a boy.
I do remember being unhappy but I can never remember an attack like those of late or like what happened to my son
I think and may get shot down here, the removal of corporal punishment in schools, there is no respect, teachers have too much to do, class numbers are too large, and society as whole promotes, image over attitude and respect.

My sister was bullied terribly badly at school 20 years ago

the school were crap but then my mum rang the bullies parents and they also didnt care so what are you to do?

Getting worse. The school seems to let pupils who commit crimes for which they'd likely receive a jail term if their actions occurred on the outside go unpunished. I mean, the girls who beat up the latest victim are coming back?! WTF?! They should be excluded. FOR GOOD! What if the poor lassie had hit her head the wrong way when they took her down? She could have been killed or brain damaged.

Bring back permanent exclusion and reform school for these thugs!

One young lady in Scotland has won Legal Aid to sue the council after she was bullied repeatedly - the school did nothing, she has them on tape telling her just to ignore it. She was thrown down a flight of stairs and suffered several broken bones as a result. Now she is suing the council for their inaction. That's the only way she was able to get htem to take notice.

Pitiful. Just pitiful.

I have to say, I have a group of friends who send their children to the same school (mine doesn't go there). They have have all had problems with bullying in the school.

One friends was told her son had social problems thats why he was uspet, he wasn't being bullying.

Another friends daughter is making herself sick having asthma attacks at the thought of going to school but its not the another childs fault. Its her daughter imaging the problem,

Another friend has a son who had an operation to put a metal plate in his leg. He has been told, no running, no jumping. He must NOT hit he leg with anything hard. Therefore cannot go out to play. They allowed to play outside AND he got pushed over. Lucky with no serious consequences.

This school has a good reputation in the area and people fight to get their children in the school. I would rather home school than send them there. The about is just a small seletion of incidences. The school maintain that bullying does not occur in their school!!!!

My children school, say yes bullying does occur and its dealt with imediately and they will not allow it to go unchecked.

It's difficult to say whether it has got worse, the notion that it has got worse is partly based on statistics collected by Childline who have reported a huge increase in calls concerning bullying.

more chools now have programmes which encourage reorting as well.

I think it's also symptomatic of increased violence generally, more social divisiveness and envy, increased racism, perhaps more girls use violence whereas they used to just mentally intimidate.

Schools are a lot bigger than they once were.

I think there used to be more interschool fights and now they are more within a school.

I also think there is a lot of copycat stuff and more drinking and drugs which must influence behaviour.

I think that, if there were a simply defined reason for all this, the powers that be would have dealt with it by now. I think it's a very complicated issue which can't be resolved by changing one or two things. It's a cultural thing which has built up over a long period of time and consequently doesn't seem to have a simple root that you can treat.

There is so much more violence around than when I was growing up, not just on television, but in games, films, etc. Also our consideration for each other is less than it used to be. Language is more aggressive, driving is more aggressive, people seem to be obsessed with their own rights to the exclusion of the rights of others.

Children misbehave in school and their parents go in and attack the teachers who report it. What sort of message is that sending? Referring back to bullying in general, the sooner they start treating these attacks as gbh etc, the better. A lot of physical attacks in schools don't even have the police involved because the schools feel it is an internal issue which they can deal with. This is wrong. Children who attack others physically need to learn that it is assault, not bullying, and will be dealt with as it would be with an adult. Being on school premises doesn't make it a lesser crime, but it is treated as such.

A friend's son had his nose broken by another child in school and at no time were the police involved. The school insisted they could deal with it and the parents went along with that. I don't think I would have.

I think there does seem to be an institutionalised concentration on the victim having problems rather than the bullies being punished.

Schools are scared of admitting to bullying as it undermines their reputation particularly the competence of the head.

Some schemes set up to combat it are too woolly like lots of counselling and mentoring which can be brilliant but too often is ineffectual and theoretical to the extent that it is practically flawed.

Involve the police AND the court system. The thought of their losing a court case, having to pay out money and all the bad press that goes w/it seems to get their attention. Unfortunately, nothing else does.

If a lot of these attacks occurred on the pavement they'd be punishable in court. Why not in a school? Is that not public property?

There was bullying at my school, I suffered racial bullying - not ongoing but one-off incidents, but nowadays as piffle says, there doesn't seem to be any discipline. Some parents don't care what their kids get up to and I'm sure that in many cases, as Marypop1 said, schools don't take bullying seriously either.

But wasn't there always quite awful bullying in boys' private schools, or is that a myth?

There was bullying at my school, I suffered racial bullying - not ongoing but one-off incidents, but nowadays as piffle says, there doesn't seem to be any discipline. Some parents don't care what their kids get up to and I'm sure that in many cases, as Marypop1 said, schools don't take bullying seriously either.

But wasn't there always quite awful bullying in boys' private schools, or is that a myth?

There was bullying at my school, I suffered racial bullying - not ongoing but one-off incidents, but nowadays as piffle says, there doesn't seem to be any discipline. Some parents don't care what their kids get up to and I'm sure that in many cases, as Marypop1 said, schools don't take bullying seriously either.

But wasn't there always quite awful bullying in boys' private schools, or is that a myth?

It might be worth looking at your own local authority ewebsite for useful links and information as they do have eg text in about bullying and various initiatives,like here
and
eg \link{http://www.warwickshire.gov.uk/Web/corporate/pages.nsf/Links/1301BDA3D993CD7D8025707D002A3372/$file/info-bullying-professionals.pdf here}

The problem is that inormation, research, acknowledgement even is not the same as tackling the issues.

Funding is also a problem as soon as you try to take anti bullying projects into school in a big way they eat money which has to be found in the end from private sponsorship.

I was telephoned last week to participate in sponsoring a scheme between local schools and the police and asked for 200.00 or alternatively 100.00, which i couldn't affordbut it demostrates how difficult it is to raise cash for extra projects..and do they work?

eg here

I was bullied (verbally, exclusion, intimidation, being spat on, chewing gum in hair but no actual assaults) and had the whole thing about being told to ignore it and concentration on my 'social problems'. The school sent a counsellor round to see ME. I refused to speak to her as i didn't see it was 'my' problem.
I grew up in an absolute atmosphere of intolerance of different ways of being and of doing things (unfortunately this included my parents).
I think there might be more awareness rather than more bullying per se, but I also agree that the levels of violence have sadly risen or the inhibitions against violence have gone down.

I suppose looking back I was the victim of minor bullying but I didn't see it as that because it was so slight - I went to an all girls school and the local secondary school girls regularly called us lesbians etc and went on about eggheads and when you're on your own it can be quite intimidating and wasn't very nice. But as I said because there was never any physical aspect to it I didn't feel it was bullying. DH went through the same as he went to an all boys school (the same one as Piffles son actually!) and there was violence involved there.

It just seems to me that girls in general are going mad!!! They seem to be so much nastier. OK We've always been bitchy haven't we? But the attack someone with scissors? That's just crazy! Something I would never have even contemplated let alone done!

What can we do?

I was badly bullied too, by my parents, schoolmates but mst of all by my Teachers. I wasn't very likeable, mainly due to stuff going on at home, but they were absolutely horrid to me.

Dh has had bullying at work, too. In fact his depression 'miraculously' cleared (fingers crossed anyhow) when they 'persuaded' his nasty manager to go. The bullying varied from kicking chairs, physical threats, blaming him for mistakes amde on days he wasn't even there- the whole gamut. now, if you take into account that DH tried to kill himslef in the time he was most depressed and had to be found and brought home by the Police after I dialled 999 (he phoned me to say goodbye), I think you could understand that I would LOVE to have words with that woman. Shows how serious it can get though

DS1 also has bullying issues, mainly at last school. He's come home bruised and Dh took him to see Head (ony got as far as Deputy) who told us that in fact Sam was the problem. What do you do? Sam was badly bruised many times, but yes he is violent (SN). He also, unfortunately, lies so we really did not know how to handle it, and still don't (Sam in school today with black eye which I know he got jumping on an upside down chair, but he swears he got it another way).

Very challenging situation.

Find it horrifying that there seems to be a culture of blame the victim. Even the school where the girl was attacked with scissors issued a statement that seemed to imply the victim was to blame for having problems with her attackers. Problems? No shit.

Know what you mean Aloha. Dh received an official warning for having problems with the woman bullying him, and as I said below, her bullying at least contributed to him nearly losing his life.

Don't shoot me down as this is just a question - is this a 'class' thing?

Is there as much physically aggressive bullying (as opposed to name calling) in private schools or state schools in 'posh' leafy areas?

i think it crosses class barriers

My school was about as diverse as you could get, taking from both council estates (me!!) and the Somerset villages (no private schools in immediate area either). The bullying seemed to be fairly evenly spread from what I remember. Infact, the 'village girls' as we called them seemed very good at the exclusion form of bullying which is particularly cruel.

The scissors school is in Camberley, isn't it? Not posh maybe but leafier than Sheffield.

From expat's post I'm wondering if the problem about involving the police might be that if cases like this go to prosecution, would the parents of the victim hold the school/council responsible and sue?

I agree that some schools seem to be totally wet about dealing with bullying. Maybe the staff are frightened of the bullies' parents.