How do i deal with a 3 yr old that just won't do what is asked....I'm in a state of dispair ;-(

[brandnewme]

Its like his brain doesn't work......things have to be said 5, 10 a million times and he still ignores us.

No matter if he's been told off, 10 mins later he's the same. Tried stickers, naughty step, praise etc He just doesn't get it.

I know he's only 3 but I seriously could walk out the house and leave ..... he's pushing me and Dh to breaking point. It's so frustrating.

DD was never like this so this is a shock - i feel like a shit, useless parent

I'm also a teacher who finds parenting much more tricky than teaching! Last year we had 45 Reception children in a FS unit - that was infinitely easier! DD is 3 and we also have 6 month old DS. A couple of things to try that I have found sometimes work....

1. Putting the toy back scenario - I think because we are so used to children doing as we say instantly at school we expect this from our own. Of course it doesn't work like that! What I do when DD says no to putting the toy back is say, "Ok, but I'm not doing anything else with you until you do, so it's up to you." Initially she would leave it there for ages, but then of course wanted me to do something so would give in eventually (she's VERY stubborn!). Now, she does it as soon as I say that. "Ok then, Mummy."

1. Hurting the baby - I think when he's not doing anything with the baby and it's just the two of you I'd talk about how fantastic the baby thinks he is and also talk about what DS was like when he was the babies age. Then you can also talk about when he pulls the baby down the stairs it's very dangerous and the baby doesn't like it and he feels very sad and cries. Then when he's actually doing the dangerous thing I'd say - "Look at his face DS he doesn't like it!" Quite firmly - if he ignores this then take the baby away and go away from him. Also, when he's doing something nice with the baby, I'd say, "Oh look at the babies face, he really likes what you're doing there. Look! You're making him laugh." This shows him the intrinsic good feeling of doing something nice rather than just to get praise. If he's anything like my DD he hates overt praise anyway.

Sorry if you've tried these things already! Another thing that's often sited on here is to imagine there's a film camera watching you. When I do this it makes me keep calmer and deal with things more thoughtfully which can only be a good thing I think.

Definitely yes to cutting yourself some slack - I find two DCs impossible some days and you have 3? 3 is tough.

Some more fab advice - thank you all. Another good morning so hopefully now I;ve changed my attitude things will continue - onwards and upwards. I knew I needed to take a step back and reassess, as I was just knackered and getting frustrated and nowhere!

Very interesting what the dr said shopping and ignoring is far easier than shouting so I can easily do that!

Can I suggest a book - The Incredible Years - A Troubleshooting Guide for Parents of Children Aged 2 - 8 Years by Carolyn Webster Stratton.
This book is brilliant and will help you devise ways of managing and responding to this behaviour that will work soon and in the long term.
www.amazon.co.uk/Incredible-Years-Carolyn-Webster-Stratton/dp/1892222043

Three year olds are insane. All of them. Demented. They drive you to screaming tears.

I can however assure you that they get over it and become quite human. I realise this is no consolation now, but really it's him not you.

Marking my place so I can read this later.

You could be me, OP! Have you looked at the parents of 3 year olds support thread?

I think as others have said that it's about you asking him in a different way

If you want to acheive something, make it a game or challenge as has alreay been suggested.

Also with my DS I found reverse psychology absolutely brilliant, as in "now DS I am leaving my food next to yours, whatever you do, do NOT eat any of my tomatoes" (said with a big twinkle in the eye) DS would grin and duly pinch the tomatoes. Job done - if I put tomatoes on his own plate, he would have whinged!

Also saying things like "I don't think you're a big enough boy yet to put your shoes in the cupboard, are you" - result, shoes away.

Kids are v v clever and they know the difference between a real "don't do that" and a jokey challenge delivered with a smile and a twinkle.

I think if you use humour alot rather than just a very straight "DS put your shoes on" then it's much nicer for everyone, makes your day more fun and has the lovely side effect of developing your child's sense of humour.

You're dead right - I've been joking with him more, and being a bit daft and it's definitely made things easier.

yes, join the thread somewhere in this section which is a support group for parents of 3 year olds...and have a large glass of wine every night!

count to three slowley then take something off him? what ever is most precious. warn him mid count though. and when you are telling him something go close and make eye contact. don't move away, just satnd there waiting for him to do the task . worth a try anyway

making things a game also works - try being mummy dog and baby dog or dragon

Thanks - DH will definitely think i've lost the plot if he comes home and sees me being a mummy dog