Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Bottle-feeding guilt

28 replies

Margie32 · 10/05/2011 10:45

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-13336986

Am reading this in floods of tears, why are bottle-feeding Mums always made to feel like they've given their babies a horrible start in life? I combination fed my DS from birth, as I never had enough milk for him, and I switched to bottle only when he was 3 and a half months.

Am I a monster? Is he going to be a monster? This article seems to suggest that the answers are yes and yes.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

severalyearsdowntheline · 10/05/2011 10:54

Please ignore these results. There are many millions of bottle fed babies, children and adults in this world and believe me by the time your baby starts school you'll have no idea which children were breast and bottle fed and it really makes no difference. My eldest as bottle fed from a week and he's one of the most delightful, polite, intelligent well behaved children I know. My DD was breastfed and she can be a horror. It's about parenting and loving your children.

sweetuphoria · 10/05/2011 11:01

I know how you feel, I've been carrying around my own guilt that I only breastfed for the first few days (couldn't get DD to latch on and she was starving) that I really dont need other people to make me feel bad too.

daimbardiva · 10/05/2011 11:24

No, no, no you are not a monster - none of us are, and I'm sick fed up of all these articles that lay on the guilt.

I started of bf-ing my ds, and brought in top-up feeds at about 10 weeks as I was just not producing enough milk...however I really dithered over this because of the guilt, and wish I'd done it earlier as my baby was instantly happier and healthier as a result. I do however remember feeling soooo guilty even the first time I put a bottle to his lips containing expressed breastmilk, such is the anti-bottle pressure!

Next time I will definitely try to breastfeed, but if that doesn't work out I'll have no qualms about moving on to bottles.

Piggyleroux · 10/05/2011 12:45

I don't see how this article is laying on the guilt. You are just perceiving it that way.

The article is stating findings. It is not out to get you.

saoirse86 · 10/05/2011 12:51

I had just the same situation as sweetuphoria. I tried for a week to get DD to latch on but no amount of help from me, MW's, breastfeeding counsellors or passing strangers' help could get her to latch on so I just FF.

I've felt loads of guilt about this even though I don't really know what I could have done differently.

She's only 7 1/2 months but she seems ok so far. Come back to me in 20 years!

smoggii · 10/05/2011 15:10

Me too, after 5 days of starving my baby i gave her formula. I may be going to hell but at least she got something to eat.

I saw this on the news this morning and just thought - great, so now, as well as having every childhood illness, loads of allergies, being obese and not bonding with me, she's going to have behavioural problems too! As if i didn't already feel guilty enough.

Honestly though, i've had enough of all of this, of the people i know that have recently had children only about 1 in 5 have managed to successfully breastfeed - that's a lot of messed up kids coming

Lollypolly · 10/05/2011 15:23

Me too, starved my baby for 10 days, nipples looked like they'd been through a mincer, been bfing for 20 hours a day, baby rushed to hospital with failure to thrive and dehydration, only then did anyone suggest formula (mws and hvs kept telling me to "persevere dear"). Was told to try bfing again once I had healed (we were kept in for 3 days with people poking their head round my cubicle asking to see the "most painful nipples they's ever seen"). I felt like a case study and sometimes beat myself up about it even now she's 6. Not the lack of bfing but the fact that I didn't give a bottle sooner. Formula had been throughly demonised while I was pg that I felt bf was the only option.

Fortunately I have a bright, cheeky, healthy, intelligent and beautiful 6yr old daughter, who I might have lost if I had continued to listed to certain hvs....

Lollypolly · 10/05/2011 15:23

Oh yes, and I 'm still waiting for the La Leche league to respond to my increasingly panicky voicemails I left at the time asking for help and advice....

sweetuphoria · 10/05/2011 15:29

I honestly did not intend to bottle feed at all but was shocked at how difficult I found breast feeding. All I was doing all day and night for the first 3 days was trying to get DD to latch on, it was taking breast feeding experts half a hour to get her to latch on for a bit but then she was coming off fussing and crying. I couldn't cope with it in the end and went and bought some formula and now she is thriving. But even now 4months later I feel guilty when someone asks if I breastfeed. I think most of us can appreciate that breast is best but some of us really don't have the choice!

sweetuphoria · 10/05/2011 15:33

Oh lollypolly your post has really touched a nerve. I think I was heading to where you were but the only thing that got me down to the shops earlier for some formula is that it was really really getting me down and I was terrified of getting PND.

Lollypolly · 10/05/2011 15:40

Sweetuphoria, so glad you didn't follow me down that road!!! You are doing the best thing for you and your DC given your unique situation so don't worry. I know that I was formula fed, as was DH and think that 1970s formula was glorified evaporated milk - and we're OK (well DH is a bit odd but prob not due to formula ).

Had another DD 2.5 years ago, combined fed from day 1, stopped bfing day 7 after pumping for 20 minutes yielded 5ml - haven't looked back since.

Enjoy your little one - I feel that that the lack of stress in a mum feeding formula outweighs a mum really struggling with bfing and a potentially dehydrated baby every time...

ElsieR · 10/05/2011 16:09

Can someone find some study/data whatever showing ffing on a positive light? There must be one somewhere.

sprinkles77 · 10/05/2011 16:26

somewhere you will be able to find "evidence" that black is white. I never BF. tried a couple of times in hospital but didn't fancy it. FF was in vogue in the 70's, and I and my brothers were all FF. Between us we have an Oxford graduate, a teenager about to start at Oxford, and a dentist. not the things you achieve with behavioural problems. I think the report linked the problems with not being to cuddly and physical with your baby. Bollocks. If you treat each bottle like a breast, and hold the baby close and cradle him, and never give a toddler a bottle to carry round with him, you're getting all the closeness, and none of the cracked nips, worry about weight gain.

saoirse86 · 10/05/2011 19:31

I hate that my sister and I get compared, but we both get judged differently. I have FF since day 7, she is EBF. Both babies are 7 1/2 months and I don't think either has been treated differently due to how they feed. I actually like how DD can look at me while she feeds and always has done. It's really sweet.

Stricnine · 11/05/2011 09:58

My DD (now a healthy happy 14 year old) was incensed by these reports - she was FF as didn't latch on and ended up dehydrated and in special care... (long long story and a long time ago!)...

BUT she's fit, healthy, happily bright, had no problems bonding with either mum or dad (actually being FF was better for dad!) and gets seriously annoyed at reports that rubbish FF in favour of BF...

NEVER feel guilty - you do what you do at the time and it will all work out in the long run!

When I look back all those years ago and remember how stressed I was that I was 'letting her down' by failing to master BF I now realise how unimportant that was... although at the time ...

MigGril · 11/05/2011 14:14

Make's me feel quit sad to read a lot of your post's, what is quit clear is a lot of women want to BF (and most can given the right support) but aren't supported enough by well enough trained Healthcare providers.

You shouldn't feel guilty but angary that when you needed them most the right support wasnt there. And I'm not talking about support from midwifes as most just don't have enough traning in breastfeeding.

This artical says' it better then I can.
www.acornpack.com/content/breastfeeding-research-massive-guilt

Davsmum · 11/05/2011 14:27

People or articles cannot 'make' you feel guilty ! The feelings come from within you !
Breast IS best for your baby - so the point needs to be made in articles etc. to encourage mums.
Bottle fed babies are not being neglected or abused... Some mothers don't WANT to breast feed - some feel they cannot or they have problems and I really believe they do not get enough support.

I did not breast feed my first child as she was in special care for a week and I couldn't cope with a breast pump,.. It made me feel sick for some reason - but I breastfed my son for 4 months and it was lovely. I started having a few problems and was told by the doctor that I had done my bit and I should just put him on the bottle now.
Looking back I wish I had tried harder, both with the expressing milk with my first baby and feeding my son for longer.

Once you have made your choice just get on with it - No point in blaming others for any guilt you feel !

Tee2072 · 11/05/2011 14:44

What a load of crap. I had no milk. Fact. 2% of women don't. Was I suppose to let my son starve?

tiktok · 11/05/2011 14:57

It's horrible to feel bad about feeding - but it is even worse to feel bad as a result of misinterpreting a study! There is a long thread in breast and bottle feeding folder about this, but briefly:

the majority of kids do not have the problems looked for in the study, however they were fed
those that did have the problems are likely to have been more affected by other aspects of their life, family and circumstances the link between ff/bf seems clear but in any individual* baby it would be very difficult to pin down, especially as it is clear that the other aspects are more significant
the study showed no difference between excl bf and partial bf - any bf had an effect with the 'peak' effect showing at any bf to 4 mths, so OP, you are pretty much within the study's 'golden' zone, for want of a better word!

Guilt comes from within us. You can only feel guilt if you knowingly and deliberately did something wrong. No one can 'make' you feel guilty if you know you did not do anything knowingly and deliberately wrong....don't blame a study, or a picture, or a book, or a person. All of these and more can be insensitive or stupid or unkind and upset you....but none of them can 'make' you feel guilt.

Davsmum · 11/05/2011 15:03

Well said Tiktok.
I firmly believe that Breast is best - infact I would go so far as to say its a FACT ...BUT....Bottle/formula feeding is not cruel - its not 'bad'

Mothers seem to take on guilt from the moment they get pregnant and it never goes away - even when your children are grown. There is always something to feel guilty about !

It took me years to come to terms with things I supposedly did 'wrong' but the fact is my two children grew up healthy and are good, happy people - so how wrong could I have got it ?!

tiktok · 11/05/2011 15:12

The way I see it - and I am a breastfeeding counsellor with NCT - is that the knowledge that infant feeding has an impact on health and development (why would it not? No one suggests it does not matter what babies eat and drink!) does not have to be read as an instruction to individual mothers. Instead, it provides guidance and an evidence-base for public health programmes, for the training of midwives and other HCPs, and also government and employers, so it becomes as easy as possible for mothers to breastfeed, without cultural and social barriers, and with informed support when difficulties arise.

There will still be difficulties - no physiological process always goes 100 per cent perfectly for everyone - but there should be no artificial barriers.

Mothers who want to breastfeed and who find their bodies don't agree or who have some other serious difficulty should be able to access donated milk if they want to, freely and easily. If they don't want to for some reason, or if for some reason they don't want their baby to have breastmilk, then they should have the full facts about formula and support and knowledge to use it as safely as possible.

None of that should leave any room for individual guilt - guilt, begone!!

Davsmum · 11/05/2011 15:23

I think guilt sometimes makes people irrational Tiktok.

My sister in Law accused me of trying to make her feel guilty because I disagreed with her when she said 'Formula is JUST AS GOOD AS breast milk.'

I think a woman has a right to choose how she feeds her baby - but I do get annoyed when someone tries to ease their guilt by making daft claims like that.

Fantail · 11/05/2011 18:06

FF'ing mothers aren't the only ones that feel judged. Think about all the things that BF mothers get told and asked such as:

being asked if why they are still breastfeeding (at 6 weeks, 12 weeks, 6 months, 12 months etc)
being asked to feed in a toliet or out of sight or to leave a venue for breastfeeding
a recent study that was (mis)reported as saying that breast wasn't best as mothers who breast feed past 6 months are denying their children essential nutriants
and most importantly having made the decision to breastfeed not getting the support necessary if things go wrong. The fact that women rely on volunteers rather than paid medical professionals for (correct) advice makes me quite angry. I do wonder sometimes that if you were forced to give up breastfeeding due to incorrect or non-existent advice from a doctor or nurse you could somehow sue.

eclipse · 11/05/2011 19:10

I breast fed for over a year through intense pain and consequently hated the early months+ because of it. I was caught in a fog of 'breast is best'. I'm some years away from all that now and wish I'd had the guts to formula feed. I honestly believe it would have allowed me to enjoy some of that time. And my ds has eczema and asthma - proper retrospective kick in the teeth. Please don't feel guilty, whatever you do. Just make sure it's your decision and go with it.

Noop · 12/05/2011 11:35

You not a monster. Breast milk is amazing stuff, and you gave him some breast milk for 3.5 months. That is a great achievement! Every ounce of breast milk is a gift to your son and you should feel especially proud that you managed to give him any, in spite of problems.

I had horrendous problems BF and had to supplement at 3 days because DS1 was dehydrated. I was devastated. But I carried on BF and supplementing EVERY SINGLE FEED because I was so determined to do it. It was hell. And I got really bad PND. When DS2 came along he was in special care and I was pumping and getting literally a few drops (which he got mixed with formula!) but I had to make the decision to FF for my own sanity. Yes, breast is best, but not everyone can do it and nobody should be made to feel guilty if it doesn't work out.

Flip

1 2