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Original poster

2.5 year old says these ALL the time - (please help)

36 replies

mojomummy · 08/11/2005 11:11

& is driving me insane. I'm actually glad to be at work today, which is a shame.

No no no no NNNNNNNNNNNNNo

I do it

I not fall down.....I FALL DOWN (getting on to the toilet)

I DO IT !

No tights

No coat

I clean my teeth

I wipe...I DO IT

I clean it (the table, the potty, the floor etc)

I BIG girl

I appreciate my DD is asserting her independance, but my patience is rapidly wearing out & I'm fed up with this constant battle.

It seems everything is confrontational & I don't want to be beaten by her. BUT I don't want to turn in to an old dragon. SOmeone suggested giving her choices, so she has choice of dress/ skirt & tights, or if no tights, socks & trousers. We do manage to dress her, so something is working.

She has also started climbing out of her cotbed, so proving difficult to get to nap in the day, which doesn't help her patience . Everything is just getting ridiculous

We've tried a sticker chart, but she hasn't grasped the fundamentals. There is no reasoning at all. She will say sorry after she has been on the naughty step, or I've given her 2 mins on her own - is this the only way ? how long is it going to last ? SHould I put her in a bed ?
I will be most gratefiul for any suggestions

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Fistybit · 08/11/2005 11:20

give her a choice, where you can. Say "do you want these tights or those?" "What shall we do first, brush teeth or hair".

I have a lot of success with this tactic.

Fistybit · 08/11/2005 11:21

oops just seen you already do that!

Also, if my dd has been for a poo, I say you wipe your front aand I'll do the back. Try and share tasks that she wants to help with, so it gets done properly.

throckenholt · 08/11/2005 11:24

try moving her to a bed - with the rule that she has quiet time in her room even if she doesn't sleep - or if it is just the two of you - lay down with her until she sleeps (worked well for me when just has DS1).

And the choice - do you want this or this - works well - don't say - what do you want and give her free choice - you will be there forever with her not knowing what to choose !

I don't think sticker charts work until nearer 3.

Give her jobs to do, and also tell her some jobs you have to do - eg wiping bottom - or let her do it after you have.

And remember - it is just a phase - it will pass

nailpolish · 08/11/2005 11:26

choices are what works here - skirt or trousers? purple or pink tights? apple or banana?

and the "i want to do everything myself" is not such a bad thing really, i just say "if you need me to help im here" and usually after trying for 20mins to get the tights on independently, including a tantrum, dd will ask me to help.

brushing teeth is difficult though, only because you want to make sure it is done properly. i tell dd she has the most beautiful teeth, that if she wants to keep them she has to let mummy brush them to make sure they are done properly, and if she lets mummy do it she can brush mummys teeth and barbies (it works!)

i also let her pick her own brush when we buy it

i also think you should take the sides off the cot bed - my dd was in a bed when she was 18mths, with a bedguard, which we have only just recently taken off (shes 3)

we bought her a gorgeous girly bedcover and cushions too, she is very proud of it and jumps in

if she is not happy to go down for a nap, keep her up and maybe let her doze on the couch? is this practical?

good luck

nailpolish · 08/11/2005 11:28

with bum wiping i tell dd to "touch your toes" which she thinks is hilarious! and i give her a baby wipe to wipe with herself after ive finished

flamesparrow · 08/11/2005 11:29

Oooh, I wish I had a job some days to run away too

I have a matching DD . She wants to do EVERYTHING herself (yesterday she learnt to pour herself juice from the fridge )... we have also gone with the choices when it comes to clothes, but she knows what clothes she has, and we end up with screaming tantrum when things are dirty "Pupple coat mummy - PUPPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" followed by tears. "Mouse Top MUMMY - MOUSTHE!!!" again, with tears when she realises that its in the wash.

Daytime nap - she will only have if she is tricked into it by a car journey. She is in a bed, so that doesn't work, and its been too long now to go with the "quiet time" in her room.

I'm tired of getting cross with her when she isn't actually doing anything wrong.

Sorry - none of that helps you, but at least you know that you aren't alone.

WigWamBam · 08/11/2005 11:31

My response to "I clean it", "I wipe it" was, "Yes, you do, don't you; thank you, you're such a big girl! Now, (grabbing the loo roll or cloth) you've done a really good job, but you just need to let me finish it off for you, because if you miss a bit you'll be sore/it will make a mess".

She's 4.5 now and I still have to use the same tactic when she brushes her hair or cleans her teeth, and it still works ... although she now understands that she has to let me finish off for her so I don't have to lay it on quite so thick.

flamesparrow · 08/11/2005 11:31

Teeth is my biggest battle - she will let my mum do them, she will let my friend do them... for me she clamps her mouth and tries to steal the toothbrush.

I either have to wait til DH can help me (she sits on his lap, and he holds her arms), or have her laying on the bedroom floor, pinned down - it is more gentle than it sounds, before you all report me for child abuse.

Fistybit · 08/11/2005 11:34

yes, and I know you don't want to hear this but my DD2 had given up her daytime nap at 2.5.....she still needed it, but had given it up - just had to ride that one.

nailpolish · 08/11/2005 11:34

i find the best way to clean their teeth is to sit behind them, hand under the chin and then you can see the teeth, and you dont poke the brush in too far, hurting them, which i find is what they are afraid of

flamesparrow · 08/11/2005 11:35

I can't seem to pin both arms down, and keep her from turning her head into my chest Oooh, maybe I should buy an extra arm from somewhere

WigWamBam · 08/11/2005 11:36

My dd had dropped her daytime nap by 2 as well - I thought she still needed it but forcing the issue didn't do anything for either her health and temper or mine, and the resultant paddy left her even more tired and crabby, so it remained dropped.

Enid · 08/11/2005 11:38

wrap them in a towel for cleaning their teeth. like a skittle.

flamesparrow · 08/11/2005 11:42

Oooh cunning! I like the skittle plan. Do they sell junior strait jackets

nailpolish · 08/11/2005 11:44

yes they are called pyjamas with long arms

flamesparrow · 08/11/2005 11:45

pmsl

Sorry Mojomummy... hijacked your thread a bit there.

rummum · 08/11/2005 12:07

ohhhh she sounds adorable

Original poster
mojomummy · 08/11/2005 12:13

that's ok flamesparrow - glad we're all in the same boat

Thanks for the tips. Tomorrow I don't work, so I will try to dismantle the cot & get the guard out of the garage.

I will also try the wiping bit. I did BRIBE her with choc yesterday after her final poo. She touched her toes & didn't attempt to fight it. I really don't want to give her choc every day though.

Will try to get her some quiet time after lunch.

She is normally ok with her teeth, although the other night I put her to bed with no kisses/cuddles as she refused to open her mouth. After screaming for 2 mins, she said sorry & let me clean her teeth. Got the result, but what a horrible way to achieve it

At least this is 'normal' behaviour.

OP posts:
flamesparrow · 08/11/2005 12:17

I'm just jealous she'll poo on the toilet... we have wees on there, but needs "cek ceks" (pullups) to poo

dollybird · 08/11/2005 20:57

Oh, I'm so glad to see my dd (2.2) isn't the only one! This morning she didn't want the trousers I picked out for her, but eventually agreed to put them on when I said she couldn't come down for breakfast till she did. She then wee'd her pants on the way down the stairs - I'm sure she did it on purpose!! Have tried choices but she always wants the one that isn't there. With bum wiping she has one piece of tissue and I do it properly at the same time. I, too, am glad to be at work some times but then the battle can be even worse when we get home and they've had a free rein at nursery all day (have ds, 3.5 aswell)!

flamesparrow · 08/11/2005 20:59

Oooh, mine would wee on purpose too!!!

We're having very weird clothes combinations right now... I don't know if people see her out and think "Awww she dressed herself" or "What is her mother thinking??"

dollybird · 08/11/2005 21:12

Well, the clothes match at the start of the day, but by the time she's gone through three pairs of trousers and run out of all other options she can look a right mess! It's not like she doesn't know what she's doing - just v. lazy at home about it. When she's in the mood she'll say (v. clearly) 'I need a wee wee Mummy'. v frustrating.

New thing is walking up & downstairs waving and saying 'bye bye - see you later' all the way up/down - takes about half an hour!!

jamiesam · 08/11/2005 21:26

Recent top tip for brushing teeth - if she'll let you have a go, describe what food you can see in her mouth (everything she has ever eaten possibly!) My ds's love it - ds2 is 2.4 so similar to your dd.

I know I'll regret saying this in time... but I WISH my ds2 said half as much as that. He still can't even say mummy properly. Comes out as 'muyie'. So I'm dead jealous of your dd's language!

Also, have to say that ds1 (now 4.2) has often been better behaved after a good few spells on the naughty stair. Never thought I'd find myself saying this but they do need to explore boundaries and have firm rules set. Ds1 sees naughty stair about once a fortnight now. Ds2 only been sent to his bedroom twice so far (far too strong willed to stay on naughty stair ), both times for hitting ds1 and not apologising - and apologised as soon as he came out of his room. So while I feel that he is basically too young for naughty stair and wouldn't use it generally, it's good for emergencies. Think it only really works after a long time though (ie lots of visits, not one massive long visit....)

geogteach · 08/11/2005 21:49

Another one here just to tell you you are not alone, DD same age hasn't done naps since before 2 and i'm supremely jealous that you have a bum wiping issue, any mention of toilets or potty here is met with the response 'I wear pill ups'!

Original poster
mojomummy · 08/11/2005 23:08

Well I'm certainly feeling better

My Dd refused to wear pull-ups when I bought them earlier this year, yet was very excited to wear knickers. I have had a bit of a struggle at nap times, with getting a nappy on her, but generally she wakes up dry, so don't put it on anymore. When I have put it on, she's taken it off.
And nursery have asked us to sign something to say we are happy for her not to wear nappies because she makes such a fuss.
At night-time she wears knickers OVER the nappy - & says KNICKERSON in a very loud voice, if you 'forget'

See how we get on tomorrow...

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