I think there should be a bloody support group for parents of 3 year olds

[Limelight]

It's like DS woke up a couple of months ago as a completely different person.

'Trying' incidents today:

1. Complete refusal to even consider wearing any clothes. I mean, would genuinely have been very happy if I'd agreed to send him to pre-school in the buff.

2. Running out into the road.

3. Massive screaming kicking throwing things level tantrum because I'd dared suggest we go out with his friends to a club he normally loves. Because the children are naughty and it's all soggy. Apparently. Needless to say we didn't go because by the time he'd calmed down it was too late. So he had another massive tantrum because he couldn't go.

4. Massive sulk because a kid he didn't know decided to play on the wrong slide. Apparently.

5. Complete refusal to eat the dinner he helped me make because it had (completely imaginary) green bits in it. I wouldn't mind except it's normally one of his favourites.

Now admittedly he's very recently had chicken pox and is still a little irritable but when I think about it, he's been like this for a few months. I also have a 10wo DD which isn't helping. He loves her but is not hugely happy with DH and I for changing his life.

Totally exhausted. Going for a bath and a lie down.

I'd like a badge for mine that reads, 'I chose my own clothes against Mummy's advice'. Because I really would not choose to dress her in orange leggings and pink top with wellies (when it's sunny) but it's just not worth the meltdown to enforce some dress sense.

Does anyone have a suggestion for helping a 3-year-old become more confident? :(

God, I feel like an average wife at best and a crap, crap, CRAP mother right now. :(:(:(

..Although today we had "WHY HAS DADDY MADE ME CHICKPEAS?Why? Why? I WILL NOT EAT CHICKPEAS." that took up a good half an hour.(she likes chickpeas..).Then the tantrum about the tights "the seam is wrong on my toe" Me"I'll twist it round" "NO!!! I want the other tights without the horrible toe". Then the bathtime tantrum "PUT THE WATER BACK IN NOW DADDY!!! MUMMY, make Daddy put the water back in" Said in the manner of Hitler addressing the masses,with full on arm pointing.

oh jeeezus - DD is 2.5 - I'm afraid to read too many of these posts for fear of what's to come!

I'm terrified of what my 10 month old will be like. Already having tantrums, I'm being whacked for slow service and biting other children

oh YES! DD 3.7yrs and THE ATTITUDE - far too busy is one of her favourite excuses. But best is when she refuses to eat and simply turns her face to the wall with a determinded flick of the hair. I seem to spend a lot of time on the brink of screaming at her. Grandparents have even remarked that she's changed and usually they can quosh any 'incident' before it starts

Aah this cheers me up every night!

DD's new favourite word is NEVER!! As in,

Me - pick that up please DD
DD- NEVER!

sigh....

OSJ - I'm sure you're not really a crap mum!

DD insisted today in blazing hot sun to wear her pink wellie boots, mittens and scarf to pick up DS from school and I was too weary to argue, you can tell it has been a looong day [grin

Caz - it is the body kanguage that gets me, DD regularly say "no" or "never" etc but its the kevin the teenager attidude that comes with it, ie full on body shrug etc!!

sorry about typos, pants keyboard

Ooh yes and hands on hips too! I quite often get the waggly finger directed at me too, which makes me as I presume that means I must do it to her.

Made me laugh the other day when she told the dog she was "very disapointed in him"!

So I started this thread, and then had a couple of days of flawless behaviour from DS. Lots of helping - 'yes Mammy, I'll get that for you'. Marvellous big brotherness including an unprompted rocking of the pram and song for DD when I was upstairs having a wee doing important things.

You can understand I was feeling just a bit smug - 'oh look what a marvellous Mammy I am'. I even thought that I was wrong to rant on MN about his madness.

Today he hit a random child in the supermarket with a large stone (which he'd hidden somewhere discreetly about his person) before throwing the tantrum to end all tantrums when I asked him to give it to me. Cue piteous and/or disapproving stares from fellow shoppers and random pedestrians as I manhandled him, DD, and three bags of shopping home.

Shaming.

Now where is the wine....

And OSJ, you're really not a crap Mum. They're mad I tell you, MAD!!

I used to watch all these tantrumming toddlers and think, smugly, that I had obviously parented DD properly as she never had tantrums, wore/ate/did whatever I wanted and was generally angelic. Had DS several years later - he hit 2 and turned into The Child From Hell. Tantrums over everything; what to wear/eat/play with/watch. Did what Supernanny said; didn't work. Bought another parenting guide. Didn't work. Listened to mother/MIL/grandmother. Didn't work. He would switch between being the sweetest boy to Devil Child multiple times daily. Actually took him to nursery naked one day hoping it might shock him into getting dressed (it didn't).
He is now almost 8 and I would love to say that he is fine now but he isn't. High maintenance I think they say. My mum loves to tell me that I was exactly the same and that this is karma....
ps DD is 17 and still the same as she was as a child. She is so laid back,she's horizontal! Doesn't care if she's late or if she has no clean clothes or if her homework is late etc. Very easy going, never gets upset, moody or angry - but this is equally as frustrating!!! Different strokes for different folks as they say!

I have a mad three year old DS too...

Today's incidents:

1. Sitting in the bath with DD (10 months) - he decided his T-Rex wants a drink of orange juice, so fills a plastic bottle with water, holds it over his willy, and promptly wee's in said bottle "to make orange water, Mummy", all said with big innocent eyes. That was the end of bath.

1. Refusing to eat his broccoli and his peas for dinner because "I just don't DO green, Mummy"

Most used phrase at the moment? "Seriously, Mummy, that is just ridiculous behaviour".

Most embarrassing moment ever? DH hauling DS out of National Trust shop about 5 weeks ago with DS screaming at top of lungs " I want a TURTLE Daddy!! No, NO, Don't hit me AGAIN!!" I had to explain very loudly to anyone in earshot that we don't and have never hit/smack/tap our children, he was making it all up, which just made it all sound even worse....

He is 4 at the end of May. 40 days to be exact. And 8.5 hours.

Yes, where has this full body shrug come from?! And the arms wrapped around the body along with a 'humph'! Is this something they get taught at toddler school? In the class How To Really Piss Your Parents Off?

Bumperlicioso - your post made me snort out my tea! My DS does that too and I find it maddening but quite hilarious too. If I could find out who taught it to my DS I'd make them spend 24/7 with him and see how they like it!

I love this thread - haven't had chance to post lately but I read it and it helps, a lot. My DS is largely non-verbal - another story for another day, but what he can say a lot is NO and MINE and ME - always loudly and always when his poor brother is just trying to get on with playing quietly somewhere, but no, he is not allowed to. I think DS1 thinks DS2's role in life is to be sat on, laid on, hit, snatched from and generally harassed. Poor kid will be scarred for life (literally) at this rate.

Does anyone have any tips for toilet training a really, really unwilling 3 year old? Because of speech issues, he doesn't normally tell me about wees or poos and I really need him out of nappies so that he can start nursery (live in Hong Kong where won't take them in nappies). He's 3.2, cognitively normal but has verbal dyspraxia so can't make himself understood, and therefore keeps quiet a lot of the time. We're working on it, but it's a long haul.

DD1 was only just 3 when we potty trained (still not dry at night though, and with a 6 mo who still wakes 1-3 times a night I'm loath to attempt it). We finally moved in to a house with a garden and just let her run around naked in the garden with a potty and she eventually got it. Good luck!

DD also 3.2 has only been potty trained for about 6-8wks and I found bribery worked well

It took her about 3 days to "get it" iyswim.

DD has been on the naughty step twice already today for hitting her brother round the head with a plastic dinosaur (both times) Thank goodness the weather is nice and we can go out, I think its going to be another trying day

East end - chocolate button/sticker bribary reward and i also second letting them run round with nothing on their bottom half with easy access to a potty. Both mine needed to feel what it was like without pants on before they learned the triggers. Literally only 3 days and then started introducing pants.

Jacksmama - you are not a crap mum . Some children are just more sensitive than others (often boys) and like to feel close to their mums. Unfortunately i have two girls who are naturally very bold so no tips from here, but i am sure if you post a new OP there will be loads of people with strategies which you can try

DD declared she doesn't want to do 'ANYTHING'....

(except ride her nine-month old brother like a horsey).

Difficult to oblige on both fronts.

Otherwise, nice today. At nursery now

DS2: milk please
me: there you go
DS2: NOOOOOOOOO! Not the green cup. NOT the green cup. That is UNACCEPTABLE
me: Which cup would you like?
DS2: The BLUE cup. I want the BLUE cup.
me: there you go
DS2: NOOOOOOOOOO! Not THAT blue cup! The little blue cup. That is UNACCEPTABLE
me: tips large glass of milk into small cup, leaving half behind.
DS2: NOOOOOOOOOO! I want all of it in the little blue cup. All of it. You left some. That is UNACCEPTABLE
me: Well, this cup is smaller. It won't all fit in.
DS2 has tantrum on floor. Then drinks milk from both cups.

I'm joining this, my 3yo dd is normal hurrah! I thought I had scarred her for life after we moved house, started a new pre-school and had a baby all in the space of a month turns out not my fault she's just 3.

She was described the other day as a three-nager couldn't agree more and my god the stripping! As soon as we are through the door problem is we currently have builders/plumbers/gardeners working on our house she has no shame.

And I'm fed up of being told I'm naughty because I ask her to do things.

I would love to join too!

DS was 3 a few weeks ago and he has changed overnight. Whining, fake crying, acting up, being really cheeky - the works! SOOOOO much of what you have all mentioned is familiar.

I am going to find out if you can get "patience training" as I desperately need some extra patience. It is so difficult not just to get shouty at them which is prob where mine is getting some of his shouty behaviour from

I love "three-nager" it just sums up the whole situation perfectly. I hate to think what the actual teenage years will be like...

Oh, and he has recently started doing the throwing-myself-flat-on-the-floor-face-down-screaming style tantrums. Where do they learn this? Is there a secret club at nursery they all conspire together "Things to do when you're 3"...

DS is 2.7 and not too bad but having read this I'm bracing myself

He recently started being a complete nag and goes "mummy mummy mummy mummy mummy mummy mummy mummy mummy mummy mummy" endlessly, or repeats another word (can be a TV programme or object he wants) up until the point it drives me absolutely INSANE he's like a broken record aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhh!

Does anyone else have that going on?