I think there should be a bloody support group for parents of 3 year olds

[Limelight]

It's like DS woke up a couple of months ago as a completely different person.

'Trying' incidents today:

1. Complete refusal to even consider wearing any clothes. I mean, would genuinely have been very happy if I'd agreed to send him to pre-school in the buff.

2. Running out into the road.

3. Massive screaming kicking throwing things level tantrum because I'd dared suggest we go out with his friends to a club he normally loves. Because the children are naughty and it's all soggy. Apparently. Needless to say we didn't go because by the time he'd calmed down it was too late. So he had another massive tantrum because he couldn't go.

4. Massive sulk because a kid he didn't know decided to play on the wrong slide. Apparently.

5. Complete refusal to eat the dinner he helped me make because it had (completely imaginary) green bits in it. I wouldn't mind except it's normally one of his favourites.

Now admittedly he's very recently had chicken pox and is still a little irritable but when I think about it, he's been like this for a few months. I also have a 10wo DD which isn't helping. He loves her but is not hugely happy with DH and I for changing his life.

Totally exhausted. Going for a bath and a lie down.

Thank you motherinferior, for offering a light at the end of the tunnel!

Thank you ladies for a thread that makes me feel so much better!

Simpson the screaming tantrum about a particular stick is a regular feature in this house! Last week it was a leaf that first was dropped in the middle of the road, tantrum 1 when I wouldn't go back for it. Later retrieved when we crossed the road again. That's right, I held up traffic to pick up a leaf... Later she left it on the grass in the park and oh the noise on the bus home when she realised... The worst bit is when she frightens her baby brother with all her wailing and he joins in too!

Phew. Some fellow sufferers. DS1 isn't too bad but he has his moments. The irrationality of the things that make 3 yr olds completely lose it is staggering!

DS1 is into milking incredibly minor injuries at the moment (like, brushing past a rough surface) and demands 'magic cream' for them. We tried potty training for a couple of week last month and have firmly shelved that for the time being because it was just extremely stressful for both of us. He is totally obsessed with Thomas and every.single.conversation features f-ing trains. He doesn't like walking in town, even to the park, and likes to collapse in the middle of the pavement, whimpering piteously that his legs don't work. He refuses to use cutlery most of the time, and if it's possible, he's become pickier about food than he was at 2. He raids the fridge for snacks a lot though. He's also recently started spitting, which is the only thing he does that makes DH see red. I'm blaming some sinister influence at pre-school. He has just got into the 'scribble on the floor/furniture/walls' stage so I'm dreading the holiday we've got coming up in a rented cottage...

But he's also extremely affectionate and loves his new baby brother. Some of the things he comes out with make DH and I beam for hours, and listening to him spinning himself stories as he's playing with his trains is magical. He cuddles and kisses us a lot, and tells us he loves us frequently. Long may that continue!

Oh my God, I am almost crying with happiness at this thread.
(not wanting to belittle anyone's misery by saying that!)
My 3.3 DS could give you all a run for your money, or so I thought, till I read some of these
He is also SOOOOO massively different to placid, cooperative, willing DD that my DH is constantly diagnosing learning difficulties (although there are verbal issues as well to be fair - have posted in SN if you are interested!).
I think, on reflection, his behaviour is really not that bad (erases from memory the fact that he screamed all the way home in the taxi yesterday cause said taxi was white and he wanted 'navy blue'.....)

Three-year-olds are the only people who punish you forever for one tiny mistake.

Mine was laughing the first time DD (3.3) sang me a song of her own devising, Humpty Dumpty did a FART (yep, fart is definitely caps). Our local shopping centre has one of those domed ceilings that amplify sound if you stand on the marked spot beneath it. Of course this means we can't get in or out of the supermarket without a rendition of "Twinkle Twinkle little FART" or her shrieking "OH MY GOD, A FISH HAS LAID EGGS IN MY BUTT CRACK!!!!" all amplified for the benefit of a thousand other Saturday morning shoppers.

And how do they know how to inflict maximum damage?

She is not one of those kids who is into everything - she knows which baskets and drawers are hers, and sticks to those.

Until last week, when she walked into the sitting room with some US dollars to put in her little purse.

I said er, where did you get those from?

She had dragged her little stool over to the high cupboard where I keep all the paperwork, and had a dig through the passport box. Why that? How did she know it would be a massive administrative nightmare to replace three passports from two different countries, and her foreign birth certificate?

oh God, ninedragons, I know what you mean. DS has never shown any interest in any important paperwork until this last week, when I've been filling in my stuff for my visa upgrade (temp spousal to permanent spousal). First he wanted to draw on my passport (FFS!!) then he wanted to "help" me with my Form 80 - and today he managed it. I don't know what the hell the brown smear is that is all over one quarted of a page - but he told me he wiped it there. WHY???? For the love of God, could he not have managed to wipe it on the 3x photocopied bit of scrap paper that was right next to my form?? Apparently not.

Be thankful, Thumbwitch, he could have weed on it... just as you were on the way out of the door to the Post Office....
(not that I have any experience of accidental wees)
(runs sobbing out of room)

oh doooonnnnnn'tt - there's still time!
Sounds traumatic - want to share more?

Oh lying on the pavement I can so empathise with that. And he doesnt move.

Yesterday DS2 was an angel until walking home from a lovely day he decided he must walk a different way- I let him even and then he kept going backwards and forwards and at one point I actually coudlnt find him and when I did he ran off, I had DS3 in sling and DS1 was already waiting at the door. Lost it a little and then finally got him into the building when he layed down on the stairs. By this point just managed to get him up the stairs with him wailing that I was hurting him for the whole universe to hear and then cried for 15 whole minutes whilst i ognored him.

He was lovely after dinner though all cuddled up telling me he loved me and was sorry.

93pjb - totally PMSL at you holding up traffic to pick up a leaf

DS was devasated this morniing. He found the dandelion he picked yesterday sad and wilted on the floor.

Oh and he also threw a tanrum when I refused to sell my red car to buy a blue one because he wants a blue one.

And no-one else is allowed to have blue and green as their favourite colours

(catches Thumbwitch's tissues, mops self down, takes deep breath and continues...)
This weekend's tantrums include:
My breaking his breadroll in half, he didn't want two pieces, cue me 'sticking/holding' it back together with him taking bites (picture a 'bite the suspended apple' game at a Halloween party) and howling each time the sodding thing fell apart...
Insisted on walking on wall too narrow to walk along, refused to hold anyone's hand, obviously then fell off, banged his head, got embarrassed at injury/failure, had tantrum, refused to be comforted because of embarrassment factor, then went back to the beginning of the (rather long and tiresome by this point) wall to repeat procedure from start without injury...
My refusal to let him "ride" the labrador retriever soft toy in Ikea up and down the floor of the Bedding Section / under other shopper's feet / accompanied by 'barking/yelping' noises...

I have been unable to do anything right this weekend as far as dd is concerned. Even when I give her a choice.

Yesterday getting dressed:
me: which t-shirt Hello Kitty or red stripes?
dd: red stripes
I get her dressed cue major tantrum - screaming, crying, throwing herself about, shouting for daddy. When she finally calms down she says she wanted the Hello Kitty one! and this has been the case all weekend.

I have however just finished a very good book Divas and Dictators - Charlie Taylor he makes it all seem so simple am going to give it a go but if nothing else it was actually a good read and made me feel a bit more positive.

Sometimes - just sometimes, you can break into the repeated questioning. When asked for third or forth time, say "well you tell me why." "well what do you think?" "can you think what the answer is to that? etc

My DS is 3years 4months and hes got a phase of just saying no 2 everything. Hes also at a phase at bedtime of constantly saying read one more story and asking 4 everyone thats in the house 2 read 2 him 2,it gets very annoying. I must admit I had the bad behaviour early on,so he`s actually calming down a bit, but I still have a few days where i want 2 pull my hair out.

Oh God, I need to join this thread. Have just despatched DH with DS (5 months) and instructions to come back with v large bar of toblerone after day from hell. I can hear DD is not asleep yet, but I am ignoring her.

All seems to have gone downhill since she dropped her nap. She gets really tired and whiney with no nap, then after a couple of days will have a day when she will suddenly crash late afternoon and is almost impossible to wake. This then means she's not tired at bedtime and sometimes plays up until 8.30 or 9 going in/out of bedroom, pretending she needs wee/drink/something hurts etc. Without fail she wakes at 6-6.30 the next morning, still tired, which means another grotty day. Sigh.

ok positivity is gone, totally obliterated by a 3yo.

She has a cough, sore throat and runny nose. Last night and this morning she complained her ears hurt so I got a drs appt and kept her home from pre-school (her only full day there).

Drs appt at 11am, 10.45am and she is perfectly fine you wouldn't believe she was poorly at all should have sent her to school (my mum would have sent me). But she did lay it on thick for the dr she walked in flopped across the chair and said 'I'm pooooorrrrrrllly', she's such a drama queen .

She then spent the rest of the day winding her brother up by stealing his toys off him, he's 6mos and screams blue murder when you take a toy away. She is definately going to pre-school tomorrow.

My DD is immaculately well-behaved for other people but as soon as we turn the corner is a never-ending source of 'no'.

On top of the WHYs someone mentioned earlier, a lot of our conversations are like this ATM:

'Where's Brenda?' (manager at nursery)
Where's Emma?' (helper at nursery - then through all the other helpers)
'Where's Ethan?' - child at nursery, then through all the other children, then family members, then some poeple I don't know, then some clearly made up names, then, Where's mummy?' and, the one she finds side-splittingly hilarious, 'Where's DD?'

I'm sure there are lots of things she is trying to work out but it is DUUUUUUUUUULL.

i am clearly not going to make myself any friends on this thread when i say that, in my experience, the tantrums of a 3 year old melt into insignificance when compared to the (admittedly less frequent but nonetheless quite sensational) tantrums of a 5 year old

my ds1 spent his first year crying (he quite literally never stopped) but then turned into the sweetest, easiest, non-tantrumming toddler. and i felt quite smug about this wonderful even-tempered child i had created, whilst all around me 2 year olds were hitting, biting and having melt downs. my smugness soon faded when, exactly one month before he turned three, the tantrums began. he was an utter horror for over 6 months. then he became (mostly) pleasant again. but oh my goodness, he is now 5.3 and capable of the most outrageous tantrums and angry, defiant outbursts. give me a 3 year olds tantrum any day the very reason i am here, visiting the behaviour section is to look for some support for 5 year old tantrums, when i stumbled upon this thread

meanwile ds2 (2.7) has had tantrums and been in the midst of the terrible two's since before he turned 18 months. some days we move so seemlessly from one tantrum to the next that it is impossible to figure out where one tantrums begins and another ends. so i am praying for it to pass by the time he turns 3 and avoid the threenager stage with him altogether

This thread is my spiritual home.
Last night DD had her second ever sleepover, so this morning- for the first time ever since she was born- DH and I got up in our flat without DD. It was all very quiet but strangely lovely. But somehow it didn't feel quite right and I couldn't put my finger on it.
As I was having my shower, I suddenly realised, this is the first shower I have had in two years without someone yelling at me all the way through it GET OUT GET OUT MUMMY GET OUT and demanding weetabix/ octonauts/ that the weather be changed/ that the blue cup be moved from the sink and replaced with the purple one immediately etc. etc.
I think that the folk on the TTC threads should be forced to read this thread and consider their positions carefully.

love this place too - it makes me fell i'm not alone/going mad/really rubbish at being a parent.
it's a bit like a support group where you can admit your darkest moments....so, here's one of mine. Last night; i get home from stressful day at work, DD (3.4yrs) is happy & fine. nanny leaves, door shuts and DD turns into the devil. refusing to do things, or rather completely ignoring me, hitting me, whining, screaming, being the most contrary little madam on earth etc etc...after numerous entries into the 'naughty room' - the hallway with a door that is (the naughty step simply does not work as she wont stay there) my blood pressure is rising, i am loosing control and then i just snap and say it: "if you don't behave yourself i am going to call someone to come and take you away"... no effect. so i pretend to phone someone. omg; now she is sobbing, clinging on to me...trying her hardest to calm down (although is too far into the red mist by now)...eventually she does and then spends the rest of the evening begging me with the sweetest doe eyes to not get a 'person to take me away' ...i feel dreadful.... have i psychologically scarred her forever??!!!!

Am 38 weeks pregnant. DS (3) knows that I can't move very quickly. He thinks this is funny and will take full advantage. Like this morning, had to go upstairs, and rather unfortunately, left a few things on the kitchen counter. A few minutes later, he was making, 'pancakes on the kitchen floor including 3 eggs (broken) half a bag of flour, and half a bag of sugar.

Even managed to find the whisk

It helps me to remember that they take it out on you because you matter the most. You're the one that counts.

For example, for DD Playschool is wonderful and everthing is great and perfect and fantastic. I am mean and say no. Today though, she was tired and wanted to stay home with mummy. When push comes to shove, you're the one they need. And they need you to say no, too. Even they know that really.

you are so right latrucha must try to remember that when the red mist descends