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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

17 week old - feeling a bit fraught now

27 replies

OnlyWantsOne · 04/04/2011 19:24

DD2 is 17 weeks, breast fed, and up till now we've co slept, but she feeds all night and im exhausted - in the evenings shes awake or feeding, and she wont go down for naps any where but on me - how can I change this?

I'd like to be able to do sme work in the evenings when DD1 is in bed, and I cant as DD2 is awake!!

Plus it would be lovely to be able to curl up with DP xx

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 04/04/2011 20:00

desperate bump

OP posts:

sancerrre · 04/04/2011 20:08

Hi, mine's 17 weeks too, also bf, think I remember you from the Nov 2010 thread. We made the transition to the cot from cosleeping a couple of weeks ago and it's gone quite well and is such a relief to have some time to ourselves in the evening and to myself during the day! He actually seems to sleep better now, we think he was being woken by our movements when he was in our bed. He still wakes every 2 hours to feed but that's another issue. What have you tried so far? Do you put her down when she's already asleep? Have you tried the shush pat for resettling.

Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 04/04/2011 20:09

she just cries and looks all sad at me :(

OP posts:

Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 04/04/2011 20:09

shes asleep in my arm rght now

OP posts:

sancerrre · 04/04/2011 20:18

Can you try putting her down next to you (in cot or basket) so you can still put your hand on her so she knows you're there. Then gradually move away.

Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 04/04/2011 22:06

I put her in her pram wrapped up and rocked her to sleep. But normally she would have woken up by now.

I just feel like I still do nothing but feed her.

OP posts:

TheSecondComing · 04/04/2011 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 04/04/2011 22:17

At least I'm not the only one. I feel like a failure. My friends babies that are the same age and sleep from 7 to 7 in their own rooms.

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katekitkat · 04/04/2011 22:27

My DD2 is 19 weeks today and never sleeps longer than 45 mins for a nap and the most ever at night is 2 and a half hours, often she wakes every 45 mins. I have started to be able to put her to bed in the evenings but it is never guaranteed and she always wakes at least once from between when I put her down and her next feed (I put her down about 7.30 and she wakes at about 10.30 for a feed). She co slept with me for a while but now goes in her cot. The way I did it was by laying her down on her tummy (controversial) swaddled with her dummy in and patting her back. I am now a slave to back patting! I thought it would be easier, or at least less worrisome, with DD2 but I'm not really finding that. No real advice to offer but wanted you to know that not everyone?s baby this age is doing 7 to 7, in fact in reality I think that is be pretty rare at this age.

PrivetDancer · 04/04/2011 22:45

No advice but a bit of solidarity! I have an 18 weeker and her sleep is getting worse and worse and now the evening cluster feeding seems to be coming back in fashion.

It's just so frustrating isn't it, being stuck on the sofa thinking of all the things you want to be doing. And you know the baby just really needs to be asleep and is not really drinking (in my case anyway). I am dreaming of the day I can pop her down awake and she can just settle herself happily to sleep.
DD1 was self settling for a full 12 hrs by 3 months, so I know it can happen, but that was a complete fluke, I have no idea how to encourage it!

When I'm feeding her and getting fed up, I think 'right, we have to try popping her down half awake and she must learn!' but then as soon as she's crying, it just makes me sad and I want to pick her up and feed her :)

It can't go on forever! My current plan is to get to 20 weeks and then think about solids and see if that helps. Thinking of only two more weeks makes it a bit more bearable, although who knows if solids will actually help, of course!

specialmagiclady · 04/04/2011 22:54

"At least I'm not the only one. I feel like a failure. My friends babies that are the same age and sleep from 7 to 7 in their own rooms."

Your friends are lying - or freaks. You and your baby are normal.

There's lots you could try - giving your baby a dummy or a muslin to suck/hold when feeding. You may get the miracle I had with DS2 who chose to suck a muslin at about this age. It really helped to soothe him. I dunno what else - check books etc.

What worked for me was acceptance. Accepting that I wasn't going to sleep for a year (sorry) and that I should just try and enjoy myself during the daytime so that the nights were less unbearable.

I wish I could say "input x, output y" but your baby is a baby not a robot. (Unfortunately, I used to think!) Something might work to help her (you!), try the same thing for no less than 4 nights though - don't chop and change.

It will pass, though. Next week you'll have a different set of problems and rewards!

TheSecondComing · 04/04/2011 23:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DuelingFanjo · 04/04/2011 23:21

"My friends babies that are the same age and sleep from 7 to 7 in their own rooms."

you know, I find this so hard to believe. Perhaps they are ignoring their babies?
My DS is almost 16 weeks and co sleeps. He naps regularly in the day (often on me) and then sleeps from 10pmish until 2am. After that he wakes me every 2 hours until we get up around 8am. I am coping with it but like you would like some time to myself. I would love to get him down earlier (about 7pm) because once he is asleep I can get stuff done. However I just think he's a baby and unless I do something like controled crying (which I won't) then I am just going to have to hope he finds some kind of natural sleep patter some time in the future - or not. It is relentless but I am prepared to just ride it and accept it.

PrivetDancer · 05/04/2011 05:36

No, honestly, DD1 self settled by sucking her fingers from a v early age, and slept 8-8 consistently by 3 months. I really hate the implication that I am / was lying about it or ignored her and we never did any form of sleep training or controlled crying. She was sleeping right next to my bed until 5 months.

DD2, as I said, is a completely different kettle of fish. I feed her to sleep and then very gingerly place her in bed!

BabiesNeedInstructions · 05/04/2011 07:32

I think that's pretty unusual though. My experience is that mums (myself included) tend to exaggerate about how long their babies sleep when chatting (not saying you're doing that Privet, just that it does happen in RL). Even if a few of them do go through its so hit and miss they could be back to square one next week - that happened to a couple of my NCT buddies who used to have 'good sleepers' and are now up all night at 17 weeks.

washnomore · 05/04/2011 07:51

I have a 28 weeker and she didn't stop the evening cluster feeding until around 20 weeks, and that was with a bit of a push from me. I just started feeding her upstairs in the dark in a grobag, after a massage, and then resigning myself to a night of patting. I too put her down on her front - not recommended so you have to do your research and make your own mind up about that. I still go up and down the stairs between bedtime and her next feed most nights but she goes to bed no bother now.

I think you need to just try it but make sure you have low expectations. I was astonished that after 2 or 3 nights she was staying asleep for more than 45 minutes and quite happy to go up there in the first place!

systemsaddict · 05/04/2011 08:01

Just sending sympathies; I found I had a 4 month dip with both of mine, combination of cumulative exhaustion and the feeling that 'surely this must be easier by now'. In some ways this is even harder than having a newborn because you start to feel it's never-ending, especially when other people seem to be getting it easier at the moment. I did do a lot of co-sleeping to get through it, went back to prioritising naps over housework during the day, got whatever help I could, and it fairly rapidly got better - by 6 months I was feeling human again. But this is really a tough time and I do feel for you.

But maybe those 7-7 babies will have a hell of a time with teething and yours will sail through it - nothing stays the same for long!

noheroicsplease · 05/04/2011 08:51

Specialmagiclady - I really think you need to watch what you say and how you explain yourself. 'Your friends are lying - or freaks'? Who the fuck are you to say that about people? They might not be the norm, but there are good sleepers, babies who do sleep well from an early age and your implication that the parents are either doing something wrong or lying is outrageous. I've got several nieces and nephews who were brilliant sleepers from early and continue to be - their parents are wonderful, relaxed, baby led folk.

katekitkat · 05/04/2011 20:59

It is good to know that there are other people out there with babies the same age who are going through the same thing. Last night I patted my dd for 45 mins to get her back to sleep after a feed at 2.30am (total turnaround time of an hour and a half) and then she woke again an hour later! The funny thing is that when she isn't sleeping, or supposed to be sleeping, she is the most content baby ever.

specialmagiclady · 05/04/2011 23:21

NHP - sorry to offend. It was meant to be a flippant remark to reassure OP who is feeling like the only person in the world with this problem.

Probably should have said "statistically it is probably the good sleepers who are more unusual at this age than your child" but it was less catchy.

Wrists duly slapped.

Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 06/04/2011 08:38

do I want to give her formula?

last night she fed from a boob, for a few minuts, scremaed and turned away till offered other boob, same again - this happened for over 2 hours before she finally fell asleep

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MamaChocoholic · 06/04/2011 08:47

there's a big developmental leap around 4 months. she can suddenly perceive much more of the world, which probably seems a bit freaky to her. everything goes haywire around these leaps, but if you understand why, it can help you know it's just a phase and comfort her through it. can'y google right now, but look for a site called the wonder weeks for some detail.

PrivetDancer · 06/04/2011 09:09

I have been giving a bottle in the night sometimes, she doesn't sleep longer afterwards, compared with a breastfeed, but the feed itself is quicker and she is easier to settle afterwards. You could try expressed if you don't want to use formula. Have also tried a dreamfeed the last couple of nights which has at least stopped me being woken up half an hour after getting into bed.

Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 06/04/2011 09:28

icant express i get nothing

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systemsaddict · 06/04/2011 10:19

Might be a growth spurt? Has it suddenly got worse? If so it might settle down after another day or so. Or teething - have you tried rubbing teething gel on her gums? Will she take a dummy?

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