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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

could your three year old do this?

34 replies

Kelly1978 · 29/10/2005 21:41

I have niggling concerns about ds. He has always been slow to meet developmental milestones, I really jsut put it down to his personality. He is also quite quirky. He is three now, and I have 7 mnth dts who are middle of the road and making me realise jsut how odd ds is.
Last night, for example, I thought he had gone to bed when his sis did. He doesn't always come for a kiss beforehand - he isn't fussed about it. Well, three hours later I was off to bed, and went to the downstairs loo and there he was standing there. He had been in there all that time, doing god knows what. He wasn't uopset, or stuck, jsut in his own little world. That can't be right can it?

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bubble99 · 29/10/2005 21:43

Kelly. Do you know he had been there all the time? Could he have crept downstairs without you hearing him?

aloha · 29/10/2005 21:43

What did he say? What other things seem odd to you?
I have to say, I always put my ds to bed so this couldn't happen. He needs lots of encouragement and hassling to go to bed, and almost never goes to the loo on his own. My ds is just turned four.

SenoraPostrophe · 29/10/2005 21:44

dd does exactly that sometimes and she's 3. I put her to bed, she gets up and sits in the bathroom.

I just thank my lucky stars that she's able to entertain herself like that (we're working on getting her to do it sometimes in the day instead of watching telly).

she doesn't put herself to bed though!

Original poster

Kelly1978 · 29/10/2005 21:47

ytes, because I was busy doing things and the stairs were blocked by boxes. He also said he hadnt been bed. I tried to ask him why and he shrugged. Then he said he wanted something to eat. He was also wide awake, def hadn't been to sleep.

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Original poster

Kelly1978 · 29/10/2005 21:53

its really hard to say. He just seems so out of it most of the time. He will interact wih me or dd but no one else. He cant follow basic instructions very easily.
ds doesn't need putting to bed. They have a wind down time with us and books, then go off to bed themselves. They don't generally get up again. He is mostly very well behaved.

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SenoraPostrophe · 29/10/2005 21:54

he could just be very shy, kelly.

ime no 3 yr old follows instructions incredibly well unless they're really interested. dd is a champion ignorer.

Original poster

Kelly1978 · 29/10/2005 21:55

oh and physically, I still have trouble understanding his speech. His walkign has improved, but he is very clumsy and awkward.

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Original poster

Kelly1978 · 29/10/2005 21:55

oh and physically, I still have trouble understanding his speech. His walkign has improved, but he is very clumsy and awkward.

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aloha · 29/10/2005 22:12

Talk to your HV and ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician if you are worried about him. We cannot diagnose your son here, though I appreciate you are just asking for opinions as to whether he is typical of his age. My ds has dyspraxia and I knew he wasn't quite right.

tomal · 29/10/2005 22:36

Hi Kelly, does your DS go to playgroup or nursery? If he does, have they said anything to you about his devlopment? If they haven't you could ask them how he is progressing. That may help you when you speak to your health visitor.
Ps - how old is your DS exactly? Is he closer to 3 or 4 yrs?

anniebear · 30/10/2005 19:25

I agree with aloha, ask about a referal

There is no harm getttng it checked out

Original poster

Kelly1978 · 30/10/2005 19:54

I have asked for help many times before and not got anywhere. He was suppsoed to be referred for assessment for his speech and his walking, etc. He keeps being put on waiting lists and not getting anywhere. I'm hoping things might be a bit better.

He doesn't go to nursery yet. He should be due to start, but I put it off as we were planning to move and I want to get settled and find him a place here rather than having started him else where and then moving him. tbh I don't feel that he is up to nursery. dd should start school later this week and then I will sort out gp/hv etc.

I will ask about the developemental paedetrician. I don't know very many people with three year olds, but something def doesn't seem quite right.

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aloha · 30/10/2005 20:00

I think nursery can be wonderful for children this age. My ds has dyspraxia and is quite an eccentric little chap but he is very happy at nursery and has made friends. I really think it benefits older toddlers of all sorts, including those with special needs. Thomcat's little girl with Downs has a wonderful time at nursery.

Original poster

Kelly1978 · 30/10/2005 20:24

Eccentric would be a great word to describe my ds.

I've been concerned about him starting nursery mainly because of his speech and lack of social skills. I have visions of him sitting in the corner all day doing nothing, on his own - which he would be perfectly content with! I am hoping to find him a place now we've moved though, and see how it goes.

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madmarchscare · 30/10/2005 20:30

Starting nursery could help him with his social skills.

fullmoonfiend · 31/10/2005 09:07

W/R speech problems, lack of social skills and nursery - in my experience (5 yrs helping at a preschool)shouldn't be a problem. We have had children with no English at all, a child with elective muteism (sp?) and a variety of speech problems/language delays and they have all been fine, having fun and making friends. I can't think of one child who never made any friends at all - although sometimes these things take time. My ds was a total little horror in his early days at preschool (grown out of some VERY vile tantrums) and to my amazement, other kids still liked him!
Preschool children seem to be very accepting of a wide range of 'problems'. Many 3 year olds do not have 'social' skills, they soon learn at nursery Hope this is reassuring?

Original poster

Kelly1978 · 31/10/2005 16:13

I hope that is the case, but tbh I'm not really hopeful. He has been going to m&t since he was a few days old. Is nursery going to be that much differnt? He just carries on completely oblivious to other children. If soemone was to take something off him, he would just get on with something else or just stand there until I redirect him. If someone tries to play with him he would just blank it.

His speech is like Mr Bean really. Not clear at all, most words badly pronounced and I can't think if I have ever heard him talk to someone he doesn't know well. def not to other children. he sometimes gets frustrated when he isn't understood, but doesn't throw tantrums. Just shouts and gets tearful rather than angry.

Also, another quick question, sp said about not following instructions being fairly common in 3yos. Does that include basic stuff? For example, I tell ds to put his shoes on, he picks them up and stands there in a daze looking at them for 20 mins. He can put his shoes on if he wants to. The other day in the flat I told him to eat his food out of the lounge (where I was sweeping) and he headed off downstairs and stood outside the front door!

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scaryclary · 31/10/2005 16:36

kelly have no experience of what you describe specifically, but just to say about nursery, yes, a good nursery or pre-school can and should bring a child on immensley. Much more interactive and specialised than M & T, good tho they are.
DS1 and DD's fab nursery school has qualified teachers and lots of brilliant activities, routine, story time etc. DD in partic came on leaps and bounds, behaviour imrpoved as did concetration and fine motor in partic (I realise these are not yr worries with yr ds buit just gives you an example).

Pinotmum · 31/10/2005 16:42

I work in a pre-school and as others have said a good one will bring her ds on. They can also help you get your ds "assessed" if your concerns continue.

Pinotmum · 31/10/2005 16:44

Sorry, bring YOUR ds on (not her).

bosscat · 31/10/2005 16:54

Kelly a lot of it sounds like normal behaviour to me. my ds1 seemed a little delayed to me when he was 2 but he was a month early and I always felt he sort of caught up eventually. He was very shy and I also couldn't really understand him that well at 3. He didn't take a blind bit of notice of anything I instructed him to do and still doesn't at nearly 4. He's totally normal just very imaginative and gets really lost in thought. You can ask him the same question 20 times sometimes and he just stares into space before you can see him realise you are talking to him! Get him checked out if you are at all concerned and get a referral if you aren't quite happy. I would take him to the GP not the HV but having said that I've had a great HV and now a terrible one so its pot luck. It may be nothing but get it checked out. It might be he will catch up in his own time. Now ds1 is almost 4 he is a total chatterbox and similar to everyone else. Finally, I really do think nursery makes a difference. ds1 went at 2 for 3 days a week and his speech really accelerated. They just seem to push them more and with the experience of all the other children it will amaze you I'm sure.

crazydazy · 31/10/2005 16:54

Kelly,

I have a 3 year old son and although he was quite late in his development and his speech didn't improve until he turned 3 in May I do not think his development is delayed as your DS. Sometimes I don't understand odd words but the majority I can understand and he does talk in sentences.

I am no expert believe me and don't want to upset you in any way but I have a friend whose child is autistic and he behaves very similar to your DS. I am really not suggesting he is but could you not ask for him to be checked for this? I know I would want to know.

Hope I haven't upset you, really I do but it is one thing to maybe think about.

Original poster

Kelly1978 · 31/10/2005 17:22

I can see where you're coming from, and Ido feel that something is nt quite right, but I'm no expert neither and so have stayed away from the temptation of trying to see if his behaviour 'fits' any medical condition. I know that if I start looking at something like that I could prob see lots of links which might not even been relevant iyswim. So I'm looking to identify which behaviours aren't really typical of a three year old and then I know what to raise with the HV.

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crazydazy · 01/11/2005 13:58

Yes I totally agree with that Kelly, I suppose as a Mum the worst case scenario does sometimes go through your head but yes definitely the HV should have a better idea!!!

They tend to expect boys to be later developers than girls. My DS was a hell of a lot later in his development than my DD!!! We were very worried about his speech at one point and to a degree still are as its not perfect to say he is three and a half!!!

binkie · 01/11/2005 14:10

I've been thinking of you, kelly. I do think your ds's "lostness", if that's the right word, is something to mention to your HV. My ds had, and has, qualities like that - a sort of odd lack of initiative and common sense - and it was certainly one of the things that made me think I ought to get some help with him.

My ds is 6.5 now, and while he's much more of this earth now, he is still the classic absent-minded professor type. I still have to explain things to him that his 5 yo sister picks up without saying.

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