Napping at home - friends think I need to be more relaxed!

[bluesmile10]

My 9 mo DS used to be a real cat napper - 40 minutes here and there. Recently, he has started napping longer - sometimes 2 hours in an afternoon (fingers crossed I've not jinxed it by this post!). He used to cat nap in his car seat if we were out and about at friends etc. However, now its longer I always tend to make sure he's home in his cot.

I have 2 friends, however, that keep going on that their children used to nap on the sofa or in their pram when they were this age.

Am I being a hung up first time mum about it all - trying to get him home to bed? Should I be more relaxed and allow him to nap wherever? I do sometimes miss out on gatherings and social times with friends as I bring him home!!

If my son does not fall asleep in his pram while I am doing the morning running around (we don't have a car) then he will only nap in the afternoon at home, in bed.

Therefore I do not go out in the afternoons if he has not had that morning nap. He's 21 months and if he doesn't have that one nap he is a total monster by bedtime.

Ask your friends to meet in the morning!!

Do whatever suits you best.

I'm a fan of routine, and ime good daytime sleep aids good night time sleep so I would shape my day around whatever routine was working for us at that time. Yes it meant missing some activities or meet ups for a while but it was worth it for us.

do you miss meeting up with friends or don't you mind being at home all that time? it would drive me nuts so I never bothered and just let them kip in the buggy. but that meant usually one morning and one afternoon sleep at that age. some people are just more home bodies than others - if you're happy enough to be at home pottering around then why not? it's certainly not necessary though

IMHO I think babies probably sleep better in their cots so you are probably right to make sure he has at least one nap in his cot of a day.
But be careful you don't get stuck with a baby that will only nap in their cot. That can really tie you to the house and reduce your opportunities to socialise with other mums and your DSs opportunity to socialise with other kids - especially if he starts having his nap early afternoon - which then wipes out the entire afternoon for going out.
Maybe try and have at least one day a week when he has to nap in his buggy while you are out or in a car seat as you drive home, just so that he doesn't get out of the habit.

My DD2 is a similar age and has also just started to have a decent length afternoon nap. I try to make sure I am at home so she can sleep in her bed at this time. We go out and about in the morning and still have a bit of time to pop out in the afternoon when she wakes at about 3 ish.
If she does have this proper sleep she is happier for the rest fo the day.

Do what suits you, you will know what is best.

i like a bit of routine as well, i always made sure ds was in his cot for his naps once he started his longer naps, had a lot of pressure from everyone, including dh to just take him out and about, but he doesn't sleep well when out and is then tired, grumpy and night sleep goes to pot. if it suits you and your son, keep doing as your doing

I think a lot of toddlers crave routine - mine certainly does. Sometimes after lunch if I take a bit too long clearing up, he picks up the toy he likes going to sleep with, tugs at the stair gate for me to open it and goes up of his own accord to his cot.

On the occasions we don't get home in time, he falls asleep in his pushchair later in the day, won't go to sleep at 7pm and is generally pretty cranky the next day.

Nearly all my friends with toddlers do the same and try to get home for the nap - most of us love those two hours in the day where we get a break so they are as precious to us as they are to them!

It is your ds, not anyone else's and you friends should respect your parenting decisions.

my first was a cot sleeper and would very rarely sleep in his car seat or pushchair, I just used to structure my/his social life around his sleeps.
They are all different and have different places they feel comfortable sleeping

it was not too bad when he went down to one sleep a day as it would usually be over lunch time, sometimes for up to 3hrs. So I would make plans first thing and meet friends in the park or go to a toddler group etc and just make sure I left to get him home to sleep.

then I would go out again once he woke up to meet different friends.

otherwise I would invite people to visit us so that it didn't matter that DS was in bed.

I found that most other first time mums also structured their day similarly so it didn't adversely affect us.

To me it was more important that he slept well rather than my social life - also I used to use a lot of the time when he was asleep socialising on MN

Do what is best for you and your ds.

My ds was a cat napper and at 11 months dropped to one nap a day. After a while he would only go off in the pushchair so I had to go out for a walk just after lunch every day to get him to sleep. I would have loved him to sleep in his cot!

Thank you for all your posts, very reassuring. I am quite happy pottering at home so not too worried about that. Also he is quite grumpy if doesnt nap well so would like to keep that at bay. But thank you monkoray, might take up your idea of once a week and see how it goes.

My dd is 2 and although I make exceptions for special occasions - birthday parties etc - I try and be home for her afternoon nap - she just won't sleep anywhere else (and sometimes not at home) and also it gives me a break! Friends have either got used to it and we meet later or I don't see them as much - but we're happy!

I have to say that my ds was the same. He was such a good sleeper in his cot that I kept naps out to a minimum. If he had a short nap he would generally wake at night so I decided I'd rather stay in for a few hours and have him sleep 12hrs at night.

Now at 20 months he has a 2 to 3 hr nap but what has changed is he will fall asleep in the car on the way home and then I can now move him to his cot without waking him.

Do what works for you at the end of the day.

Oh, the other I've done is if I've gone to a friend's house for the day, I'll take the travel cot so ds can have a sleep.

I think it depends on the baby.

I'm always at home for 14 m.o. DS's nap as he'll sleep in the pushchair, but won't stay asleep unless I keep pushing it around. I treasure that 2 hours to get everything done! Also a day of poor naps inevitably means night waking / early rising, which doesn't do him (or me) any good.

Both mine slept for two hourse in their cot every lunchtime, right up until the age of three (they were in cot bed by then of course!) and that was my saving grace. Just nice to have a bit of time to myself and to get stuff done. Makes for a happy baby and happy mummy IMO.

nothing wrong with putting your baby's needs first
he needs good quality sleep like he needs love and stimulation and a good diet.
dd2 is a cot monster, and i prioritise these naps wherever possible.

I have nannied for lots of children who always napped in cot after lunch.
Would always make sure we were home in time, though lunch could be earlier or later to suit, so wasnt stuck in concrete.
I think a nap in a cot is important... they seem to sleep better for longer and sleep better at night too.
Most of my nanny friends had simialr routines, we all had travel cots so could still spend whole days together, as the children didnt care if it was their own cot or a travel cot at another house.

Am currently pregnant and would like on all normal routine days (can be more flexible on holidays etc) for my baby to nap in a cot after lunch.
I wont care if its at my house / grandmas, or a travel cot at a friends house though.

I think its nice to have a bit of structure and a couple of hours every day when you know you will be free to do stuff for you, and a little break etc.

I also find babies who nap at a regular time every day nap longer, and when they outgrow their nap can still have 45mins "quiet time" upstairs in their room with books etc, giving more structure to the day.

I have always kept on with nap / quiet time until they start primary school

I felt awful for saying no to my mum yesterday when she wanted to take DS out with my sister and niece shopping just when he was due his lunchtime nap. You know your baby best and it's your job to put your DS first. My DS hadn't napped for long in the morning, he's going through a very alert phase and i knew he just would not switch off. If he did, he'd catnap for 20 minutes and be a grumpy bum in the afternoon.

I'm trying to make sure he's at home, in his cot, for at least one proper nap every day - preferably his lunchtime nap. It's not always possible, in which case i try to make sure we do something that will allow him to nap en route to somewhere.

I have a similar problem, my ds is 7 months and has recently become very good at napping in his cot (2 and a half hours in the morning and 1 and a half to 2 hours in the afternoon). However he will not nap for half as long in the car or in his pram. He also won't eat if we are out - I think he's too distracted but this is a real problem for me because when we get home he is starving and has often missed 2 bottles and lunch.

I'm becoming a hermit.

I always put DS to sleep in his pram when he was a baby. As he got older he always had 2 hour sleep in pram/pushchair - but he never ever slept in a cot full stop so slightly different!

If I tried putting him in his bed as a young toddler he would just mess. In his pushchair out like a light for 2 hours!

So everyone is different I guess. I am quite chilled and not massive fan of set routine so all fairly chilled in this house as to what hapens when tbh! DS is 3 and a half and same as me - very chilled, but just his personailty. DH not like that at all!

I agree with you absolutely. You know your baby best and they are all different. If mine at that age was not in his bed he would be grumpy then AND later in the day and no one wants that.

I was anal about this nap for a long time but now he is a bit older (12 months) we can be a bit more lucid but I do fine that if he doesn't get a good nap he is more tired the next day so we can't burn the candle at both ends as such.

Your friends may have more easy going babies when it comes to sleep. I would push the boundries every month or so and you will get a feel for how much he needs that disciplined sleep every day and how much he can handle not always having it.

Good luck!!

I think it's fine. My DD would nap anywhere as long as it was after lunch but I didn't want her to nap anywhere, I absolutely loved the two hours I got in the afternoon to clean/Mumsnet/nap etc.

What would be the point in going to see your friends when he is tired and hard to manage or just falls asleep anyway? Meet in the morning or for afternoon tea.

Am the same - always try and be here for lunchtime as I have just managed to get him to sleep in his cot for up to 2 hours at 12:30pm.

DS is now 6 months and although he has always been a relatively good sleeper up until I got this lunchtime nap in the cot sorted he would only sleep on me in the day. He will fall asleep in his pram if we are out but not for very long.

Even when he was teeny tiny he would never fall asleep in his bouncy chair or while lying on his mat like some babies do - far too alert.

I have a 19 month old who has never been good at sleeping properly out of her cot. When she was young I used to get quite irritated with people telling me all I needed to do to get her to sleep was to put her in her pushchair and go for a walk, because I knew that would just lead to her being wide awake watching everything and then getting more and more grumpy. I tried everything inlcuding completely covering the pushchair so she couldn't see, which worked a bit when she was younger, but soon that didn't work either and she would just pull them off and grin at me.

So now if I want a happy pleasant child I have to stay home for nap times. Just the way it is and I ignore everyone who thinks this is me pandering to her needs or some people who seem to think I have been uptight and created this sleep "problem".

All children are different and yes I envy the mums I see pushing children around who are completely out for the count - I just know my own child and know that isn't her. On the upside she is a fantastic sleeper when given the right conditions, so I feel it is small and reletively short lived problem.

It's funny, until I saw this thread, it hadn't really occurred to me that making sure I was home for ds's nap after lunch could be considered by some (present company excepted) as odd or me being uptight.

Of course, we shouldn't pander to their every desire but surely sleep is a basic thing. We wouldn't dream of not giving them their lunch just because it didn't fit in with our plans so for me, sleep is the same. Or maybe I just like my two hour trash mag reading time after lunch too much...