Where can i be refered to for childs anger?

[sarahbeth2]

Please dont tell me oh yes my child has tantrums etc etc. This is different and I am concerned. I have tried everything.
Whats my next step, can i be referred somewhere?

Thanks

Talk to your GP if the child is not yet at school or nursery.

If they're at school or nursery talk to the SENCO, they may be able to advise.

She is 3 years old, forgot to add...

I think you need your health visitor if your child is a pre schooler and if at school the SENCO or your Gp.

Sometimes anger can come through a variety of sources it could be a learning disability,a speech problem or a hearing problem.
Sometimes when a parent is having problems these problems can cause her reaction to a childs anger to be enhanced.

Before you seek help try and have a think about the causes behind the anger that is displayed not because you should sort it out yourself clearly you already have tried but because it will help the professionals narrow down the reasoning.

Dont be surprised if your parenting is questioned sometimes some of the very best Mums just need a little support my own friend (an excellent Mum) has attended a course purely to help her parent from a different angle her dd has adhd.

Is there anything you want to talk about on here?.

(btw im always on here asking for advice on parenting lol)

nickschick,

Thanks but there is nothing. I do feel narked when parenting is questioned but i know you mean well. I have been nothing but calm and my husband is supportive and consistant with me too so there is nothing other than her personality i think, we try to help her deal with her anger and explain its ok to be angry but not hit me etc but we just lose her when she is in the zone. We cant even get her everytime before it happens.

I went on a parenting course which was good but if i am honest no one understands what its like at all. She is otherwise extremely bright, loving, polite and sensistive, its just when she flips!!

Hey I wasnt saying it is your parenting,I was just saying I was a bit when my friend was referred to a course.

I could tell by your op that youve tried everything and this really is a situation you need to get her help for.

Is it possible that although shes only 3 shes 'older than 3' and is bored by the constraints being 3 means?.(iyswim) .

my son{and me} saw child pschologists at the child and family centre that my nhs trust run.
very placid child but when he flips he flips.
turns out he couldnt process language properly and was becoming very angry and frustrated,and because he couldnt express himself ,hed flip.
hes now 12 and still has trouble but not as bad.
go and see your gp,we were refered to a consulant pead,who tested him at home then arranged for appointment to see psychologists/portage/speech and language.

Thanks, i will see the gp i think as the health visitors are still saying she will grow out of it etc.
Nickschick, i wasnt offended so sorry if it came across that way ;)

Yes she is probably brighter than 3 though.

wfrances, my daughter is excellent at talking so the health visitor said she didnt think there was a problem.. She is so extreme when she gets cross though but hv said its just her extreme personality and that she isnt developed emotionally but what to do they cant say!

I would take a list with you to GP of every thing you have tried with her and exactly what happens and why she gets angry, I.e. If certain situations/noises etc make her cross that way you can't be fobbed off and will remember everything. I took a huge list to my GP when I went about dd1 and she listened to what I had to say (even when I started blubbing!) an promptly referred to community paediatrician and 6 months later we had a dx of ADHD and possible aspergers. I can't thank my GP enough for being supportive

I recently spoke to my HV about dd2's anger, (she is 3.10). They were quite helpful with tips about ways to deal with the anger, some of which has helped. But they admitted that a lot of it is something she will have to grow out of, and in the meantime I have had to change a lot of things about our day to day in order to avoid the huge explosions. They did say that if things didn't improve the gp could refer her to a child psychologist.

It is difficult to explain to someone just how awful the explosions can be, and how difficult they are to deal with.

I can see a lot of the reasons for dds emotional state at the moment (moved house, arrival of a sibling, started preschool etc), but knowing why, didn't seem to be able to help deal with it.

The HV said she seemed extremely bright, and has a very vivid imagination, which I think leads her to get quite fearful, and this leads to the angry outbursts. Another way her insecurities come out is through her speech, she has an amazing vocabulary, but has a stammer, which seems to get worse when she is feeling unsettled.

The things that have made the biggest difference are,

1)trying to avoid situations where the worst meltdowns happen

2)ignoring as much as possible (difficult when she is trying to run out into the road)

3)creating a 'calm down area', so that when she is starting to flip, she gets sent to the 'calm down sofa' (I am thinking of getting a little tent!) where she grabs a teddy, buries herself in blankets and I walk away to stick my head in a cupboard and scream

Thanks Hazeyjane but i have done all of the above ;(

Chundle, did your child have any other symptoms pf adhd or aspergers? My hv asked questions about how she interacts with kids etc and i said everything else with her was fine apart from her being hugely sensitive and independant.

Its so hard to explain!

How did they diagnose this, did your lo have tests? I am feeling totally unsupported by mine and worried as i have a baby due soon ...(its not this though which has made her like this, this has been way before my pregnancy)

I have a similar 3 year old DD and my (humble) guess is she is brighter than her age peers yet still very emotionally dependent on you.
Give her some "baby".As advised above, be no-nonsense about tantrums but at the same time do create islands of "babying" time so she feels completely secure.
DD and I have the most mature conversations while we cuddle on my lap drinking milk from a bottle (ok shoot ).

Thanks but i do all the above ;(

Hi.
I think you need to keep a diary for a few weeks or days even, depending on how often your little girl loses it. Not massively detailed but with maybe the reason for the flip, where, when, how long it lasted etc and maybe what triggered the build up.

She is young and I'm sure that health profs don't like to give kids a label or diagnosis of anything medical so young iykwim.

Good luck.

Sorry, meant to say see your gp then with diary in hand.

Stupid question but has she had a hearing test and eye test to rule out the basics? Also, her actual speech may be fine but is ot possible that she has problems with understanding and or processing info?

Does your daughter attend a nursery? if so then ask the nursery to keep a record of her outbursts using the ABC method which will help to look for patterns and triggers.
The nursery can request guidance from the area senco who can access a range of services including an educational psychologist.
You can also speak to the health visitor and ask for a referral.
Or you can pay to have your daughter assessed by an ed pysch.

Not sure flipping out is the same as a prolonged tantrum but if it is then hopefully it won't last forever. At your dd's age my Ds was dreadful. His tantrums left friends and strangers open-mouthed and speechless. So many instances that there were times I dreaded taking him anywhere. When he lost it it was as if he lost the ability to communicate and be communicated with. He was also physically very strong so trying to pick him up, eg to put in the car, didn't work either.

Everyone said he'd grow out of it so I waited and waited and managed as best as I could. By the time he was 5 he was old enough to understand he needed to develop some coping mechanisms for his anger. If he got angry and didn't use any of these we would discuss it and remind him what he needed to do. He is now nearly 7 and greatly improved.

Not sure if that is much comfort bearing in mind your dd is 3. All I can say is I have never met any other child who behaved in the way Ds did when he got angry.

There is a girl I teach who seems the same. Sometimes she behaves as though she has been spoiled, but she hasn't. Her parents seem to be quite firm and consistent, i.e no means no etc. Normally she is lovely but when she flips over something tiny she goes beserk for a really long time. Sorry no advice but her parents hope it's something she'll grow out of. I have noticed when she is left to play on her own or a while, which she seems quite happy doing, a tantrum can suddenly happen over nothing. Could it be she got impatient waiting for/expecting attention or interaction?

Thanks, i have an appointment with the gp tomorrow although feel like i dont know what to say as i am scared he will just say its her age etc and down play it which is what the health visitors do. I just feel her tantrums are so much more extreme and its very tiring! Not sure how they can assess a 3 year old either. But she hears and understands everything so i know its not her language... ;(

Feel for you, but wonder what you define as "extreme" or being "different". How often are these episodes and how long do they last?

The level of anger, she will throw her things round the room like a teenager and trash it, hit me, and you cant reach her to talk to her when she is like this. I also do leave her to have space too. The frequency can be bad too and they can last a while...

sarahbeth2, does your DD behave like this for everyone or just at home?

For me and my husband, she doesnt go to nursery as im a sahm but does it infront of the grandparents and friends. Especially if i say no to something its worse. In the night she will sometimes scream and scream in a rage, sometimes nightmares i can tell other times just pure rage..

How did it go at the GP?

Rubbish, came out and just felt crap. Heard lots of its her age etc and a smirk on his face ;(

Been out this afternoon and just got in to see her, within mins i have had more of the same and she is screaming upstairs now!

She wanted to eat something off the floor i said please dont eat that and she tried and so i said not to so she hit me 3 times. We then out her in the corner which took ten mins she said sorry but going up for bathtime she has played up in the bath and out of it too, currently screaming mummy im crying.

Its a nightmare, i dont know what to do ;(

I cant walk with her anywhere as she wants to run off, when i say no she has a tantrum...