Disastrous Playdates - Ever Had One?

[Earlybird]

DD's little friend was supposed to be here all afternoon. She arrived crying and in a stroppy mood, and within 30 minutes we'd had 2 major incidents resulting in tears on both sides. Thought things might calm down with a bit of food in their tummies, but not the case. The friend was demanding, wouldn't share (even with me involved), and said things that caused dd to cry. The sitting room is a complete tip, as most everything was pulled out in an effort to engage them and change the mood, to no avail. The friend finally said she wanted to go home, and her mum came and got her 3 hours early!

Must say it was a huge relief to send her home, as I didn't know how we were going to make it through the afternoon! I think perhaps she was just having an off day because normally the two children really get on. Sometimes maybe it's just better to cut your losses, and try again another day....

Has something like this ever happened to you?

Try once - any hassle don't invite back! DS2 (6) recently started at a new school so I've been doing my best to do the "good mummy" thing and invite kids back. (I've got to admit, with three of my own and various bad experiences over the years I have come to dread the words "can so and so come and play"). To be fair most of the children have been if not delightful, then completely acceptable!, one will never darken my door again - the story is too long to relate here, suffice to say when his mum came to collect him and I saw how she behaved with him it all became clear!!!!

Lol Playdatefromhell! That will become the standard by which all other hellish playdates will be measured in future!

Earlybird: i think you ought to be careful what you say to little girl's mum. The lines like "i'm unhappy with you' which she came out with sounded 'grown up' and sounds 'rehearsed'. To me it sounds like she hears them in the home either said to her or to someone else. Children this age learn to mimic v. effectively what is said around them.

We had a little boy over with his mum - the mum was a fledgling friend of mine and my ds had not met the son before except at parties. Well her son spent the entire visit of some 3 hours rearranging my fruit in order of size, and wanting to sit on the windowsill 9despite many pot plants). my ds (then 3.5) was bringing all his fave toys to share and every time my son came near this child, he squealed. Loudly and for a long time. My ds, after an hour of fruitlessly trying to play with this child, ended up sitting in front of the mum saying. ''When are you going home? When are you taking him home with you. Your son is boring me.'' over and over again. I was mortified, the mum was mortified but she persisted with the visit, and didn't seem to want to leave. I kept gently asking if he always behaved like this at other people's houses and she confessed that he was ''a little eccentric''. Needless to say our friendship suffered as we were unable to have our boys in the same place at the same time. Around a year later, the mum finally acknowledged that something was ever so slightly unusual about her son's behaviour and had him assessed, and the poor boy is autistic. But at the time, it was just awful.

Its my eldest who is the problem, just moved to the area, started at school and again trying to make friends. But my eldest is so bossy, rude, aggressive. Ah well, work in progress.

am having one now

dd1s friend has burst into tears FIVE times over nothing and farted and burped and called dd2 a poo poo head at the table.

poo poo head is ds2's fave saying

Goodness, sounds as if we've all had some teeth-gritting experiences with other people's children!

Enid - so, you're part way into a loooonngg afternoon? Sometimes I think the solution is just to give up and put the telly on so the chance for disagreement/conflict is minimised.

playdatefromhell - truly a nightmare experience! Farted on your leg? Gave you a wedgie? Sounds a hideous child that only a mother could love!

alux - I agree that it sounds a very grownup thing to say...perhaps that was why I was torn between shock at the manipulative/mean statement, and admiration for such a mature expression from a child of barely 5. But, you could be exactly right that she's mimicking something she's heard at home. Think I'll not say anything about it to the mum, put it down to a bad day, and be on my guard for future.

Must say I don't feel inclined to invite the child over again anytime soon. I've heard nothing from the mum - not hugely unusual, but a call to check in/apologise for the behaviour wouldn't have gone amiss. Not to get into the "blame game", but I realise that afterward I felt guilty that I had failed to make the playdate "work", rather than feeling an early departure was in order (and desirable!) given the unpleasant behaviour of the child.

Has anyone ever had that horrible end-of-playdate-nightmare? The whole thing goes well enough until the other mother arrives to pick up her child/children and in the spirit of warmth and hospitality, you offer her a cup of tea/glass of wine (even though you had enough at about 5 to 4 and would really like to shove her children, holding their shoes, out onto the pavement) and the two of you sit politely in the wreckage of the tea table... Whereupon all hell breaks loose upstairs.

With both mothers present there's an odd hiatus in authority, which the children seem to sense and take full advantage of. Loud thuds are heard as missiles and bodies are hurled off bunkbeds, duvets come flying downstairs, and the unmistabale sound of your bedroom being ransacked is heard. And you know that your children aren't the ringleaders because they know they're not allowed to do all that, and are probably waiting for you to come up and read the riot act, but you can't bring yourself to shout at someone else's children while their mother is there, and are hoping that she will take her own children in hand, but she's obviously sitting there looking at the toy-strewn ruin of your house and thinking 'blimey, what a liberal household this is...' So nobody does anything, and you wrack your brains for ways to bring the whole thing to an end.

Anyone? Or is that just me?

and they say how messy but friednly your hosue is becasue they have never had your kids ever

We had to call an ambulance yesterday as friends DS collapsed and couldn't be roused . Luckily his Mum was here when it happened.

However, he was fine and when I phoned later had eaten tea & couldn't wait to tell his Dad all about it.

Milliways - sounds a complete nightmare, and really scary too!

I was moaning about the playdate to a friend, and she told me a far worse story. Her friend had a child to play. Somehow, the child slipped and fell down the stairs and broke her arm. Imagine trying to explain that to the mum....

3Princesses! Yesss. You have put it so well.

I too have sat there with the 'other' mum in the wreckage that used to be called my home, trying to be friendly, but really the only thing we have in common is that we are both mums and that our (or if I'm really uncharitable, 'her') children are responsible for the terrible scene we survey and that it's going to take me most of the night to clear up.

And still I say casually, 'it's fine - it always looks like this here' which makes me sound like a total slob, because it looks like a scud missile has landed in the house and like I don't care. And I DO! But how do you lay down the law like you normally to your own children when it's someone elses kids? Especially when the mum is there and you hardly know the woman??

These are ace stories!
My worst playdate? ds2 invites friend from swimming club to play. Friend comes along with mother, whom I don't know well as her son is at a different school to mine. I assume mother will drop off her son and scarper after 5 minutes of chat. I have planned to do some urgent housework - have my time all planned out.

Friend's mother makes it clear she is staying. I assume she wants to check up on things and make sure her son is settled. Fair enough. I offer her a cup of tea. But then she starts talking to me, and talks and talks and talks. Too much information. 30 minutes into the conversation I am liking her less and less - we seem to have very little in common. Meanwhile the boys are happily playing upstairs, no problems, and I am thinking of the nice quiet tidying up time I could be enjoying alone. The two hours till home time pass very slowly.

...can I just add a completely irrelevant wedgie story? My ds has become obsessed by them (I don't let him do them, needless to say) and recently he said, 'Mummy, PLEASE can I give you a wedgie?' I said, 'No, of course not. And anyway, you should be extra kind today because it's my birthday' (This was true). His eyes lit up and said, 'Can I give you a special birthday wedgie then?'

tigermoth.

...And then the Other Mother starts saying things little things at first that indicate that she is psychotic/a raving fascist and member of the BNP/obsessive-compuslive about germs or similar (at this point her child comes downstairs wielding the loo brush) and you actually consider knocking your cup of freshly poured coffee into your lap because hospital would be a welcome diversion from the agony....

yes, that it to a tee, threeprincesses. Slow dawning realisation that this person is actually a bit mad.

Threeprincesses! Last time a very posh mum came to pick up her ds, as I answered the door, and dutifully asked her in for a coffee, my youngest ds then 3 bellowed downstairs at the top of his VERY loud voice ''MUUUUMM, I've just peed in the bath and Joe (ds2) has just peed in the basin! ''
Strangely, she suddenly remembered she hadn't got time for a coffee, grabbed her son (who had been hogging the loo apparently - hence the hideous bathroom antics of my sons) and fled. I stress my 2 are NOT in the habit of this behaviour

Thank goodness I'm not the only one!

What's a wedgie?

...um, it's where someone comes up behind you and hoiks your pants up really hard. The result is a highly unpleasant bottom-cheek-separating experience. It was mentioned earlier in this thread, honest!

Thank you Annie.

I imagine because it gets wedged up your arshole! (not to put too finer point on it)

These are such great stories! I feel a bit like I'm listening in to someone elses conversation, but made me smile loads! I've not been before, and I know I should have read all the bumpf at the begining but why are kids refered to as "ds"?

I haven't got any gruesome stories to share yet, but my oldest son (6yrs) has come up with an idea of having a bunch (5!!) of his friends round for tea and a video. I agreed thinking I could meet 5 kids in just one evening, but now I'm feeling a wee bit scared!!!

Anyone done anything similar?

DS DD = Darling Daughter or Darling Son.

Quicker and easier to type.

There is an Acronym link at the top of the page

Further to the wedgie question - an Atomic Wedgie is when you get the pants up over the shoulders whilst they are still wearing them