Help, I need help, sleep deprivation and night weaning

[SharkSkinThing]

I really need some advice about this. I've asked HV, NCT Milk group and random women in the street, but I'm seriously beginning to go bonkers with lack of sleep, and don't know what to do.

DS is 7 months old (EBF) and is waking at least three times a night to feed - but he is eating masses and masses in the day - one large jar of food, plus snacks, plus what seems to be a lake full of yogurt, plus bf.

I feel like I should be discouraging him from feeding at night because I genuinely don't think he needs it - when he wakes at 10.30pm DP goes to settle him but he screams and screams until I go and feed. He'll then wake again at 1.30 and again at 3am, before waking up for good, at around 5am.

I just need some straight advice. Should I totally close the door on bf at night - am I actually stopping him for having a good night's sleep?

Should I get DP to offer formula at 10.30pm until he takes it, even if it means him screaming for a few days? What do I do the rest of the night? Offer boob?

I never thought I'd day this, but I currently hate bf, and just want done with it.

Should I just accept that my baby is not a great sleeper and will get there in his won time?

Sorry for long post, I'm feeling very low and alone and totally unsupported by those who could help!!

Mig...if you feel that you caused some issue that is nothing to do with my post

My 2 DDs stopped waking in the night for feeds by 2 months, still gained weight very well, I also stopped waking them at 10/11pm to feed by 3 months, they did not wake themselves, and continued to gain weight well until 4 months, when they both suddenly started to lose weight. I introduced solids and immediately they put the weight back on.

This is one side of the story that worked very well for me and my DDs, it may not be suitable for all, but I thought the idea of this forum was to get various different views and experiences. If someone posts a question asking for views and advice I would like to think that they are interested in those different views and experiences.

Mig - did you mean my post has caused you to worry? I'm really sorry if so - I have in no way intended to offend. I'm just one tired mum on the edge of tears most days, looking for some reassurance that I'm doing ok.

I don't have any friends or family who have experienced what I am experiencing and I often feel like I'm failing. The Sears link is great, thank you, and what I have taken from everyone's thoughtful replies is to just relax (!) a bit more and DS will get there in his own time, but that the occasional nudge and help from DP is really ok.

We're all so hard on ourselves as Mums, and it's clear from these posts that we're all trying so hard to do our best, and feel so strongly on this subject because we love our children and want them to be happy. And I'm certain they all are.

Now, it's 8.30pm, must be my bed time!

Well, for what it's worth we had a horrendous night. DP went in at around 10.45pm to feed, but then had to do a nappy change and growbag change, resulting in one very awake baby, who didn't do back down to sleep until just after midnight.

DS then woke at 2am, and then at 5am for good (despite me feeding at 5.45am, he wouldn't go back down. He always does a huge poo at this time, so I have to change him, and -PING!- he's awake.

So we all lost out on sleep last night. I've had, I think, abut 3 hours, and have spent most of the morning quietly crying whilst DS plays. He is now having a nap.

But he did take almost the whole bottle of formula, so I'm having thoughts now that if he's taking that at 11pm, around 6 ounces, he is quite capable of going through.

I feel like a failure, I hate this, DP and I are at each others' throats and I sometimes wonder if I should have had a baby. It is bone-grinding hard and it is never getting any better. Every other mum I know, I swear, is doing so much better than me - DS hasn't even cut a tooth yet, I am so worried that the lack of sleep is affecting his development.

Still. I guess it could always be worse.

Shark my dear, you poor soul. Honestly, your best is all you need to do. These babies are such hard work, and one really awful night makes everything seem so dark and impossible. I've been there, along with many others, and it is brutal.

In practical terms, ask for help from your HV and try to get yourself a night off or even just a few hours. Sleep when he sleeps - all the newborn advice is just as applicable now. It's about survival, and it's short term, I promise. Hard to see that just now but try to cling to it.

Thanks, Badass - I never used to be so needy and negative, I know this is all the cause of sleep deprivation.

I'm clinging on to the positive stuff (he's healthy, happy, eats well), and just reminding myself that all this will, in time, pass.

I am also going to have a large glass of wine tonight with dinner - my first in 16 months. I may even suggest an early night and a bit of slap and tickle to Mr Sharkskinthing - I think we could use the endorphins!

No wine for sixteen months? Holy crap, you deserve a medal as well as a rest!

SharkSkinThing - No it wasn't your post's at all, it's people like evolucy7 who keep going on about how there babies slept through at 2 months so yours should be able to as well. That made me feel like I was doing something wrong. And I'm fine now it's when I was where you are now with DD (who's now almost 4years old). So that was some time ago. Dr Sears book's and some good real life freinds who also had small children who just didn't sleep well, made me relax a bit.

Your doing a great job if your baby doesn't sleep well then it's probably nothing you are doing, that is just the way he is. It will get better, DD is a prity good sleeper now. But it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when your so tired, I know as I've been there to.

Oh and why haven't you had any Wine in 16months you can have a small glass while BF.

Mig...sorry I didn't realise that you could only join in conversations like this if you were going to say 'oh yes me too, my 7 month wakes several times a night too'

I really did think that the OP wanted to hear yes some babies do, but also some babies don't. I thought we were discussing if you're not happy with the waking how can you try and fix it, experiences, advice from others etc, not just agreement it's normal.

Hi OP

I think they are all different. My DD is 19 months and has only really started sleeping reasonably in the past 4 months. Even now there are nights when she sleeps 715 til 5.30 or even 6.30 and those where she wakes and is starving. Don't suppose it helps that she is very very resistant to solids and only eats marmite rice cakes and fairy cakes this week. Was toast last week and yoghurt the week before! iF she wakes we ask her what she wants (oh the benefits of an older communicative child) and is she says "milk" she gets milk. She'll drink 6-7 oz and then say "bed" and lie down and sleep til the morning so I think she really is hungry.

I find it amazing that so many babies can go 12hrs with nothing in their tummies - I can't and I'm 32 and as I often wake for a drink or snack in the night I'm not surprised DD is the same. My mum and grandma both always go (went) to bed with milk and biscuits in case of midnight munchies and my gran dies at 86 and my mum is 65 so a 7 month old needing milk is really not unusual

Christ, you all probably think I'm a right old martyr on thw wine front! It's more that I'm a Wine Pig, so if I couldn't have a few glasses, I didn't see the point of bothering with just the one! Plus because DS s such a rubbish challenging sleeper, I didn't want to throw anything into my milk that may upset him.

Not any more! Lovely large glass of red with dinner!

FF at 11pm went really well, but then he woke at 1am with burning cheeks so fed (should have just given Calpol really), then again at 3am soaked through. Woke for good at 5am, fed, left babbling in cot until 6am, then got him up as he was clearly wide awake. I feel we're getting there slowly.

He seems to be wanting less milk in the day now. Should I wean him off daytime boob do you think?

Sleepless - we're all united on this, aren't we, I only wish I knew some 'real' people in my 'real' world who were going through this. To say your child isn't sleeping or that you are still offering bf at night (or even ff) seems like such a dirty confession. I agree that 12 hours is a long time, so I'm happy to keep the 11pm ff in, and work on dropping the 2am one.

MigGril - that means a lot, thank you. DS is such a great day time napper and general all round star, I'm just bummed about the fact he's so up and down at night!

xx

Personally I would be careful of giving a large amount of formula at 10/11pm particularly if you say that he is now less interested in bf in the day. I wouldn't want to create a situation where he is expecting a large ff at night, the milk should really be being given in the day.
I have been reluctant to mention this so far but have you read Gina Ford Contented Baby book for feeding/milk routines? I swear by it.

Evo - he's still interested in the bf, he's just not having as many, which would make sense. And if the 11pm can be done by Dad for a while so that I can sleep for more than 2.5 hours in a row and therefore function/not cry most mornings/hope I don't crash the car from exhaustion...then..well..I'll live with the consequences of that for now. He'd be having a boob anyway!

Sorry, no can do on the GF stuff... I just don't see how someone who has never had children gets off on trying to condition other people's. Life (my life, anyway) is a bit more fluid than that!

TBH, the more I read Sears and the stuff about developmental milestones, the more I'm thinking we're doing alright, in the long term.

Fair enough about GF, but remember that many people do find that the methods work very well, particularly when it comes to sleeping at night, whether she has had children or not for some the methods work.
Please don't think that I am implying in anyway that you are not doing alright, I just thought that it may be heplful if you were unhappy about the nights. I may have managed to get 2 babies to sleep well, but there are many things I can't for live of me get them to do now though!

Oh, I have friends who say she saved their lives, and I have even read her stuff in my moments of desperation. But it just didn't sit right with me.

I always try and remember what DS is flying with (eating is a breeze, a total joy!) - but sadly the not sleeping knocks everything and leaves me feeling like a failure.

'Fair enough about GF, but remember that many people do find that the methods work very well, particularly when it comes to sleeping at night, whether she has had children or not for some the methods work.'

I've come to the conculsion that it's the baby that fits the GF routine not the routine that fit's all babies. eg DD could never have done GF wouldn't go long enough between feed's naped terrably and woke a lot a night, and no more sleep during the day didn't help it just resulted in less sleep at night. Where as DS if I really wanted could easily fit into a GF routine no problem's, but it just wouldn't fit DD preschool routine so there is just no point. Plus I agree with Shark, a women who's had no children off her own doesn't really know what it's like. I've friends who worked in nursary's before they have had kids and they've all said it's so much different when you have your own.

DrSears is fab, I read a lot of his stuff with DD made me feel like I wasn't a complete failure and that is was normal to follow your instintes.

SharkSkinThing - red cheek's is offten teething related, but feeding is a great way to comfort them. BF is more then just about food, it's about comfort/closeness/sleep it's a great distractor and carmer for babie and toddler's. And it really doesn't creat bad habbits, we're odd in the west at restricting milk to feeding time's many culters don't do this. It's not the biological norm for human babies.