What rewards/pocket money etc do you give your 6 year old?

[bodiddly]

Ds is just turning 6 and Ive decided to try a positive reward based approach to his behaviour than the usual shouty attempts at punishment. I am fairly strict, probably overly so at times and feel I am not really getting through to him. He is not badly behaved, just the usual showing off, not listening, copying his peers type behaviour. Taking toys away etc doesnt work as he isnt really attached to any one thing. He doesnt get tv during the week either so that isnt a threat! So I thought that as he turns 6 I would try to give him a bit more responsibility, later bed time, treats or pocket money etc IF he behaves. So, does anyone else do this successfully? What time do your 6 year olds go to bed? Do you give them pocket money and if so do they get to spend it on what they like or do they have to save part of it?

Any and all ideas gratefully appreciated!

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Nothing daily, he gets the Dr Who magazine and sometimes I will let him watch a film on Friday nights, which he can choose.

If my 6 yr odlds behaves well through the week he gets a copy of the Beano or Dandy on Saturday. This works well as he loves them! We felt he is a bit old for sticker/reward charts and a little bit young for pocket money.

He is in bed by 7.30pm and has reading time until 8.30pm then lights out.

thank you ... I used to buy ds comics/magazines until I realised he was really just after the toy on the cover rather than reading it properly. He loves reading so I tend to buy sets of books from red house/book people and he gets the next one in whatever series he is into instead. Not every week! He has so many because of Christmas etc that I need another incentive!

I feel a bit mean. My 6 year old ds doesn't get pocket money and is in bed by 6.45 every night.

I do buy him and his brother treats occasionally like Star Wars books and I say I've bought them as a special treat because he's been so good/done X/managed something tricky at school.

Im the same fivefeettwo but figured the carrot might get greater results than the stick at the moment. Hence I thought if I gave him a few rewards like reading in bed for longer (he will quite happily still go to bed earlyish) then it might help.

I do pasta jars with mine (4&6). They love it. changes it to money in their jar and they asked to go back to pasta! 2 glass vases, pasta pieces in when they do as they are told/do homework/help round the house. When jar is full they get a treat of their choice.

Nothing else really seems to work. No tv would hurt memoirs than them! Not that attached to toys ( and the one each they are really attached to I could never take off them they'd be heartbroken doesn't really fit with minor misdemeanours).

Both go to bed at 7, neither get regular pocket money...

Bloss

Hate predictive text ! For "memoirs" read "me more"

I think the Beano is a good weekly comic, lots of reading and appeals to the sense of humour of that age - dd(9) still gets the Beano and her and dh share it, Dr Who is a pretty good comic, for my ds anyway, we tend to read it with him and it gets read more than once - but I read him two books at bedtime and then lights out.

I also let him choose a film from itunes to download/rent, depending on whether I think it is a keeper, it is a pretty good incentive too.

I was looking at a money bank today which looks like it would appeal to a lot of children here looks great for saving up for stuff and counts the money you have too.

that money box looks great! I want one! Ds doesnt get pocket money at the moment but I give him all my 2s, 1s and 5p pieces and he has to use these to buy his books etc from me or a puzzle from a car boot sale.

TheGoddessBlossom .. what do your dcs get to swap their pasta for? Do they lose it when they misbehave?

Ive never downloaded films from itunes .. are they expensive?

Both my dcs get £1 per school day for good behaviour. Any misdemeanour and the £1 is not given.

They rarely get the full £5 a week but do sometimes.

From this they are expected to save to buy small gifts for each other and those who give them gifts for birthdays and Christmas. The rest they can spend on themselves.

This means they get about half of that £5 per week and about half is saved into the gift giving fund. I started the gift giving fund as they were given so many gifts and I wanted them to understand that someone had done without to give it to them.

Other motivators are Gogos or Mini Lego Figures - the things that come in little plastic packets at the newsagents for about £1 or £2. I use these to bribe reward for specific events if we are struggling and this works well.

They also earn tv time at the weekend and computer, ds and wii time - mostly because I don't want them doing these things for extended periods of time. We use a kitchen timer to manage the time and they don't seem to argue with that when they might have if I just said time was up.

I have to admit I really like the pasta jar idea. I might have a go at that one myself.

What I do find is that you need a variety of tactics up your sleeve as they get bored and lose interest in one system. Keep it fresh.

My ds, 6, goes to bed at 7.30pm.

thank you carrots.. what would you class as a misdemeanour that meant they didnt get their money for the day?

What do they tend to spend their money on?

Ds has tv at weekends and I dont put a time limit on it .. some weekends we are out the whole time and he has nothing .. others he watches quite a bit. I am a single mum and work full time so weekends are the time I have to get a lot of chores done so there are times when tv is very helpful! He only gets his ds at the weekend and only then if we are out at a restaurant etc for a family do. Other times he has it for a while but isnt desperate for it. We have just signed up to club penguin though so maybe i could use that as an incentive!

I think a slightly later bed time will be good - he loves reading and reads to himself in bed every night so I will get him a light he can turn off himself at a set time and maybe he will feel that is a bit of a privilege!

Misdemeanours in our house include things like: fighting with each other (our main issue at the mo), not putting washing in the wash, not tidying up if asked to a couple of times, not brushing teeth and putting on pjs if asked to a couple of times, cheek, not doing music practice after several requests, getting into trouble at school (never happened to dd but ds has had a couple of incidents)... you get the idea.

Other mums in the village think I am really strict but I hope I am reasonable, clear and consistent.

A punishment, rather than reward, that is very effective in our house is not getting a bedtime story. I hate having to impose this one but the suggestion of it does get results.

DD tends to save her money up for bigger things like a Sylvannian set or similar. Ds spends his more regularly on Lego sets, super hero figures and, lately, cheaper ds or wii games. They don't spend every week, they don't get comics as they rarely get the value for money out of them and they do get a sweet once a week if they have done well in their music lesson, not connected to pocket money. They are not allowed to spend their pocket money on food.

As for the cleaning bodiddly, mine help with that. DD can do quite a lot as she is older (9) but ds (6) is getting better all the time, especially if computer time is rewarded for it. I never force more than the basic chores but they can earn extra "rights" within the household the more they play as a team (ie help me.)

that is helpful thanks Carrots. I dont want ds spending money on sweets etc as he has a whole tin of them .. he comes home from school with treat size things every time someone has a birthday, chocolate coins from christmas, easter eggs, halloween sweets etc ... and he so rarely asks for them so they end up going out of date and being thrown away or I eat them! If he thought of it he would of course want them.

I think people probably think Im a bit too strict as well but to be honest I think ds likes it. He is fine one on one .. although cheeky etc but does most things you ask of him after a couple of nags. Its more the odd school incident and over-excitement that leads to showing off and non listening etc. He is an only child so I dont have fighting issues inside the home which is good and generally he doesnt really fight though obviously there is always the occasional pushing/shoving issue.

Ds tidies his room, makes his bed, puts his clothes in the washing basket, puts his dishes on the draining board, lays the table etc ... what other chores does your 6 year old do?

Your chores sound the same or similar to ours bodiddly. Ds also sometimes helps clean the kitchen cupboard fronts, "mops" the bathroom floor (I often have to do it after on the sly), puts his clean washing away, feeds the dog, puts his toys away, tidies the shoes in the vestibule and dusts (again closely followed by his sister ).

Kids like clear and consistent boundaries - then they know where they stand. It generally makes them feel secure as they know there is a limit and they don't have to go too far to test it.

Kids will also fight at school in some way or another. With some it is nipping at people and sly underhand comments, others wallop each other, sometimes tempers flare etc. They are still young and learning and need guidance how to cope with their feelings and what behaviour is acceptable.

My ds gets very excited with company and can be quite a challenge. My dd, who is usually fairly easy going, can be thoroughly obnoxious if she has a friend to show off for. I put it down to the learning curve.

You sound as if you have similar ideas to me on discipline and helping out around the house Carrots. Basically if ds mucks around on the way home from school, when we walk with another couple of families then I want to be able to have something up my sleeve as a punishment as although there is always a result to his consequences I think I need a new approach. Perhaps the incentive of a treat/money towards something may be a very good idea. Do your dcs get a few chances or do they lose their £1 straight away if cheeky or not listening etc? I want to have firm guidelines so he knows what to expect. Is the threat of no bed time story as the result of your dcs playing up after they have lost their £1? Also,if they get in trouble at school do they have any further punishment or just the loss of the £1?

Sorry for all the questions .. I am keen to start all this from his birthday as I think he will be excited at the prospect of treats/money plus a later bed time linked to good behaviour as a result of him turning 6!

our ds is going to be 6 in a few weeks.

We make great use of sticker charts.. when he fills one (35 stickers per sheet) he gets to choose a treat

He usually chooses to go build a bear and get something new for one of his bears. I suspect this is because I wont buy outfits for bears at any other time

But he has been know to ask for an outing eg to safari park or ice skating.
He likes the build up towards the end and does lots of helping.

eg putting recycling out, making his bed finding something i have misplaced

I always feel they need a lot of praise as well as consequences for poor behaviour. It needs balance. I used to be a secondary teacher and we were taught to criticise as part of a sandwich eg praise work, next step, praise work or the child will become demoralised. I don't do that exactly with my dcs but I do look for every opportunity, however tiny it may be to offer genuine and specific praise for good behaviour, achievements, helpful actions et.

If the misdemeanour is big (eg this morning dd refused to get off the bottom step, where she was huffing, to let dh put his shoes on, giving him a, "no I won't" in an angry voice) then they lose the £1 outright. If it is a less serious thing they get a warning, or two, and then that is it. There is a little flexibility.

The threat of no story usually comes in at night time toothbrushing, washing in wash basket, feed the animals time at the end of the day as the impact if virtually immediate. It is more for low level faffing that they just can't stop doing, rather than aggressive or serious misbehaviour.

If one of them loses their £1 early in the day I give them the opportunity to earn it back over the course of the day through good behaviour. If it is a really serious misdemeanour, like dd's this am, though there is no going back.

If they were not likely to get the message after the removal of the £1 early in the day then maybe it needs to be broken down into 20ps or something like that - 5 chances! Or reduce it to 50p a day and give 10p chances. To a 6 year old 50p is a lot of money. Ours is set higher because dd is older and also because they need to save enough for gifts.

If they were in trouble at school it usually results in a serious chat rather than a punishment. School has usually issued the punishment themselves. We would put the emphasis more on getting through to them why x, y or z is not acceptable. Having said that I would be unlikely to let them on the tv, wii, ds or laptop - they are seen as rewards earned.

I would also make sure I was visibly upset and worried. This troubles ds more than any punishment I have ever issued. At that age it is making mistakes rather than being out and out bad IMHO. (At dd's age they do know better a lot of the time but she has never - touch wood - done anything worse than forget her homework)

Don't worry about questions. Bring it on! It is making me consider and clarify my own behaviour too.

FWIW my dh also uses the back step as a time out zone. If he is cross he gets physically angry rather than shouty (like me) so he gets them away from him. He has never been rough but I think this is how he stops himself if he can't walk away. They are sent outside onto the back step (a minute for every year so ds goes for 6 mins, dd goes for 9). At this time of year it is a highly effective threat! We have to watch they don't take the dog with them though or it becomes quite a pleasant little while playing on the step with the dog.

I was just thinking that in your situation, where behaviour at home is less of an issue, that maybe I would remove the £1 if the teacher had to inform you of poor behaviour of any sort during the day. It would be a very clear signal of your disappointment and there would be no going back. That £1 would be gone full stop.

For the walk to school you could offer a specific incentive for good behaviour beside the road on the way there. To begin with you could give him a sticker once you reach the school gates every time he has done it successfully.

You could choose the sticker together before you leave and have it with you to put on his sweatshirt (or whatever he wears) when you arrive. It would be something you could "warn" about on the way to school if there was a suggestion that his behaviour was going to decline. 3 strikes and no sticker or something like that.
You could tell the teacher what you are doing so she can ask him when he gets to school if he got a sticker that day. It would give her/him an opportunity to praise him and your ds a second chance to feel pride. Even if she didn't ask him, he could show it to her on his way into school.
I know it would be a huge faff when you are in a hurry on the way to school but it would be worth it if it motivated him.
Hopefully you would find that after a while it just became habit to be a bit more controlled on the run to school.

The school my dcs got to operate a traffic light system within the school. They start on green but first warning moves them to amber and second misdemeanour moves them to red and loss of golden time. You could try a similar visual system at home - it would be easy enough to make.

You have to keep varying and changing it to keep them excited and interested in it (and to keep you motivated too.)

The main problem the school walk is in the evenings. My ex takes him in the mornings and they usually walk alone so he is ok as far as I know. In the evenings we walk with two of his friends and thats where the problems kick in. All three boys are very strong characters and all incredibly competitive with each other - showing off,calling each other names etc, typical 6 year old stuff! Some days they walk nicely and others they are like loons and bounce off each other. One of the children is quite physical and kicks, bites, tantrums etc regularly with no punishment by the parent and so of course the other two react on some level if not physically. I find it the hardest time to get through to him as they are usually a little way ahead etc but I dont want to restrict him too much as he has to learn and fundamentally they are all good friends. I think the saying three is a crowd is very true as they are better on the days there are just two. My ds is made to walk by me or hold my hand if he misbehaves but this can lead to serious sulking or unnecessary tears if he is tired at the end of the day/week and often its not really his fault. They have been ok this week and last week when they were tricky I told him that if he behaved every walk home for the week then he could pick whatever he wanted for dinner on Friday evening and that we would watch something on tv. It worked after reminders a few times!

I think I definitely need to make a far greater effort to praise as ds really thrives on it ... and I think adding to that some pocket money will help. I am thinking of maybe 50p a day but 25p to be saved perhaps to go into a bank account every time he gets to £10 and 25p towards whatever he wants to buy. I am not quite sure how to make it work though with books etc. I buy him books regularly in charity shops, red house/book people etc as Im a massive believer in reading and he cant get enough. I dont want to stop that so maybe I should do that over and above the 50p. Do you restrict what they can spend their money on, other than no sweets/food?

On another note, any ideas as to what to buy a 6 year old ds for his birthday? His grandfather and aunt both need ideas!

I do restrict a bit - if I think what they want is complete trash I will say no, but I will explain why.

When ds turned 6 (only a couple of months ago) we got him a three wheeled scooter like his big sister's. He loves it. We got it in JL. It was ££££ but we thought if DD was still using it aged nearly 10 then it should at least last a few years. this one

For his Christmas we got him a Playmobil Dragon Castle - the scooter has been played with more tbh.

He loves Lego of any sort - Lego Atlantis and Lego Miners are particular favourites.

His favourite books just now are the Captain Underpants ones which are horrid but if they encourage a little boy to read I am all for it.

He likes the new Donkey Kong Wii game although does find it a bit difficult and frustrating.

The Lego board games are fantastic and we all enjoy playing them.

What are the rough budgets?