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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Mornings: am in despair and need sound advice

49 replies

MissM · 07/02/2011 09:50

DD started school in September. She's not 5 until May, but has coped reasonably well so far.

My problem is the mornings. We have to get out of the house by 8am to get DS to pre-school. It has to be this early to be able to get back home and out again to get DD to school.

Every single morning she dithers and dillies and dallies over putting on her uniform, eating her breakfast, cleaning her teeth etc. etc. etc. Every single morning one of us ends up shouting at the other, and she often cries. She just will not get herself ready!

I have tried everything to get her to stop procrastinating: from gentle words, encouragement, star charts, being understanding, to shouting, nagging, yelling, screaming... (not quite, but you get the picture).

I know everyone has nightmare mornings, but I'm getting to the stage where the stress is getting too much. How can I persuade DD to get herself dressed so we both don't end up in a state? I feel like I need to crack this now or we'll be in a horrible place by the time she's 15.

OP posts:

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LadySanders · 07/02/2011 09:54

not to be unhelpful, but i think 4 is quite young to be getting herself ready (i know some of them can do it at this age)... i've got 3dc and have to be up at 6am in order to get them all out of the house for school run at 8.30am mainly because ds1, age 9, is unbelievably slow at doing everything.

Lulumaam · 07/02/2011 09:55

why do you have to take DS to pre school first and then come back for DD? can DH take DS?

does he have to go to preschool?

you need to get up earlier , make sure everything is ready and make sure DH is being helpful if he's around

4 is young to get yourself ready

the issue to me seems to be having to be out at 8 am for a pre school run

ruddynorah · 07/02/2011 09:58

Why do you come back to the house after preschool? Explain the whole routine. What are you doing while Dd gets ready?

Plumm · 07/02/2011 09:59

Does she do her own teeth, get dressed by herself, etc? If so you'll find it a lot quicker to do it for her (I know she should learm to do it herself, but it doesn't always work that way).

DD always wants to play in the morning which she's only allowd to do once she has all uniform including shoes.

I have considered (though haven't done it yet) setting alarms on my phone to tell us when to do things, eg finish breakfast, finish cleaning, shoes on, etc.

ThreIsNoSpoon · 07/02/2011 10:04

Something that has worked for myself and for some friends is Supernanny's "Get up and Go" chart. Maybe try this? Although 4 may be too young to do it by herself, but would get a flow and routine going, even if you had to help her along the way.

girtlush · 07/02/2011 10:05

why do you have to go back home between dropping off at nursery and school? Can you not drop everyone off in a round trip?

DD is 4 and started school in september. I have to prompt her to do everything, but i just ask her to do one thing at a time, so she cleans her teeth whilst I make breakfast, she eats breakfast while I make her lunch, then I tell her to get dressed, and she does this while I wrestle with get DS dressed. I try to keep it as calm as possible, otherwise if she's being told off she is less likley to get ready.

We are all out of the door by 8.40 and everyone is dropped off at nursery, or school.

BlueberryPancake · 07/02/2011 10:33

I am not sure I understand well your situation (I also think that she is very young to do all this by herself) but a fixed routine might work, especially if there's a treat afterwards. For example, DS1 puts on his uniform whilst I put on clothes for DS2 (they are 5 and 3). They we have breakfast and IF they finish their breakfast for 8:00 they get to watch The Octonauts on Ceebeebies (great timing). Then they know we run upstairs, have a wee, brush teeth, and shoes on etc. We do it in the same order every day and I think it helps.

Original poster

MissM · 07/02/2011 10:34

Ok, need to be a bit clearer about our morning routine!

I work Monday to Wednesday so DS goes to pre-school on those days. His pre-school is too far to walk, but DD's school isn't, and I want to encourage her to walk to school. This means though that for us to get to her school walking we have to get DS to pre-school by 8.15. By the time we get home from dropping him we have about 10 minutes before we need to leave to walk to school with her. I couldn't take him to pre-school afterwards as that way I wouldn't be at work before 9.30!

DH helps where he can but needs to be out of the house by 7.30 to get to work.

I'm usually up at 6am and refuse to get up earlier than that! DD is up by 7 (either by herself or I wake her), which gives us an hour.

I don't expect her to do everything by herself (I brush her teeth, for example), but I do try to encourage her to put her uniform on as much as possible as that's what they expect from her at school. I also want to help her be independent - I refuse to put her knickers on for example!

Perhaps I'm putting too much pressure on her (in fact, I know I am as I'm anxious about getting out too). Is 4 too young to get yourself dressed?

OP posts:

Original poster

MissM · 07/02/2011 10:35

Oh I should also say that I'm completely ready by the time she gets up, and DS often is as well as he's an early bird.

OP posts:

doodledrawers · 07/02/2011 10:36

OK, this has worked for me: get up earlier, aim for everyone to be ready by for example 7.40. Then when she's ready you'll read her a story / she can watch one programme on TV / she can play - whatever she'd like best. That way, when she's slow she's using up her "fun" time, so there's a better reason to get ready quickly than just to go out in the cold & wet and go to school!

Lulumaam · 07/02/2011 10:37

can you leave later and drive to pre school then drive to school?

doodledrawers · 07/02/2011 10:37

Slight cross-post there - get her up earlier!

elliott · 07/02/2011 10:40

No, 4 is not too young to be putting on her own clothes, but you may need to incentivise as others have suggested. From very early on I insisted my dcs were dressed before they came down for breakfast. You may also need to provide some company - do you dress ds for example, she may be jealous of the attention he gets??
Agree that you need to aim for enough time so that she can have 10 minutes or so doing something she will enjoy, IF she is ready for it.

suzikettles · 07/02/2011 10:41

Can you drive on the days you're working and walk on the other two days?

Original poster

MissM · 07/02/2011 10:41

I like the idea of aiming for a story - that has worked in the past when they've asked me for one and I've said 'when you're ready for school'. Perhaps we should make it a regular part of the routine.

Lulu - that would definitely make life easier, but I really don't want to be driving her to school. I figure that if I start driving now we'll never stop!

OP posts:

FreudianSlippery · 07/02/2011 10:41

I understand that you want to get DD to walk to school but I think you need to accept that it's not practical right now. Coming back for ten minutes is, to an outsider, crazy!

I'm assuming you drive or bus to preschool - how about parking/getting off bus about 10 minutes away? Then you can all walk to preschool and back as far as the car/bus stop, and go to school from there.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 07/02/2011 10:42

Get up 15 minutes earlier. My DD loathes getting up and ready for school. She is dragged out of bed at 6.45 and is generally, though not always, downstairs eating her breakfast by 7.05
She then gets dressed, brushes her teeth and hair and is ready to leave by 8(ish).
It used ot be much later than that, somehow she seems to open a vacuum up in the time space continuum and entire segements of time disappear.

SummerRain · 07/02/2011 10:44

last year when I had ds1 at playschool and dd at school across the road I drove and dropped dd on my way to the playschool.

I walked to collect her in the afternoon and now with ds1 ijn the same school we walk every morning and neither od them are a bit bothered by the change or have gotten 'lazy'

stop making mornings difficult for everyone and just do what's easiest and most sensible... in this case drive them both at the same time.

IThinkTooMuch · 07/02/2011 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lulumaam · 07/02/2011 10:53

it's not worth the aggro and the crying if you can solve it by driving ! just drive !

and when she's a little older and things are easier all round, then you walk

honestly, you need to pick your battles

ruddynorah · 07/02/2011 10:59

Gosh. Sometimes Dd (also 5 in may) is very tired in the morning. I dress her. Sometimes she's full of energy and is up and in her uniform before I'm up! Take the pressure off.

BunnyWunny · 07/02/2011 11:08

Most 4 year olds can and should be able to dress themselves, I agree. BUT, in my experience, they do not know the meaning of the word QUICKLY!

I would just dress her for now.

Original poster

MissM · 07/02/2011 11:52

Thanks for all the advice. I think I need to cut her some slack on the dressing herself. I hear what you're all saying about the driving, but to be honest the walking is good for all of us and we enjoy it. So, helping her get dressed it is, with a story as a carrot if she's ready in time. Feel much better already!

OP posts:

elliott · 07/02/2011 12:46

i think in the scheme of things, the help with dressing is more sensible than 'just drive' - I wholeheartedly agree with trying to reduce the number of unnecessary cars near the school gates. And tbh you probably don't even need to come back in the house between times - just park, get out and walk? That would save you 10 minutes already!

PigeonPair · 07/02/2011 14:59

Mornings need to be made as stress-free as possible. If it makes for a quiet and happy morning, just help her get dressed and then you'll all be happy.

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