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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

First time you breastfed in front of Friends/Family?

26 replies

MoaningMedalllist · 06/02/2011 13:07

This is based on a convo I had the other day.

How did you friends/family respond when you breastfed infront of them, positively?negatively? do you mind doing it in front of mixed genders?in public? any nasty incidents.
who fed in public with no problems?

I was 19 when I had my son and infront of female family apaprt from my partner I was okay with I was discreet, had a blanket over my arm to shield so not all was hanging out. out of respect to them. My mates were all the same age and was anxious about BF infront of them. they were okay they all support BF and some were like'I'm going out for a fag' but I thoughtthey may feel more uncomfortable then me. I was never brave enough to BF in publi, we have a long way to go interms of countries like france I think. Also i'm quite large chested, so I felt there was no way of doing it discreetly. Anyone else have this hang up?

I'm being nosey and also BF attitdue pop up in my CWK,.

OP posts:

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PrincessScrumpy · 06/02/2011 13:26

Before dd was born I thought I would never bf infront of fil etc but I tore bady and in laws came to visit when she was 3 days old. I wasn't moving from the chair in the living room so dh asked his dad to help him make tea in the kitchen - fil didn't get this and asked why dh couldn't make tea himself. After a while dh got fed up being subtle and said "*** is going to get her boob out to feed dd so come in the kitchen until dd is attached!) fil was rather embarrassed and always rushed out of the room when I went to feed after that. My dad always made a point of looking away - I was very subtle though and was covered up.

I only had one experience in a cafe when a couple of old ladies kept looking over and scowling then whispering. One came over and I was ready to have a go back if she started being nasty - she didn't and was lovely. Turned out she was fascinated and said she wished she'd been able to bf in public when her kids were babies. Made me realise that people aren't always thinking what you think. Tbh if they're offended they can look the other way.

Flisspaps · 06/02/2011 13:39

I really struggled to feed in front of anyone other than DH. I either scuttled off to my bedroom, or ended up building a huge wall of cushions under DD to hide my belly and then put a blanket over the top of her.

My fear of feeding in front of people meant I stopped BF at 7 weeks as I never left the house alone, and would always insist on coming back home to feed her if DH came out with us at weekends.

CilantroLarry · 06/02/2011 13:45

I largely got on with it (and dd was bfed for 3.4yrs, though friends/family didn't really see me feed past 12 months tbh). BIL was the only one who didn't like it but he left the room if I needed to feed dd.

MIL drove me a bit mad as she'd come over whenever dd was latched on, level her nose with my breast and stare with a running commentary about 'ooh isn't she enjoying that, isn't it beautiful' etc.

It was nice to be accepted but tbh I wanted to intone 'can you get your nose off my tit'.

tholeon · 06/02/2011 15:47

I felt self conscious about it but I did it in a lot of places. Then I was cross that I felt self conscious....

But a friend of mine was bottle feeding her young baby at the same time and I remember her saying that she felt judged sometimes when doing that in public. Not good.

ThierryHenryismyBoyfriend · 06/02/2011 15:51

I only bf in front of DH and a couple of friends. I just didn't want to do it in front of others and if they were put out that I went elsewhere that was their problem!

PlanetEarth · 06/02/2011 16:16

Have to say I found it easier in front of strangers at first than in front of (male) friends and family - apart from DH obviously! I even breastfed at the hairdressers once (male hairdresser).

Easiest I think if you get the hang of it in private so that when you're in company there's less fumbling and fussing, which can of course make you anxious.

AnathemaDevice · 06/02/2011 16:16

I fed in front of anyone who happened to be around, from when DS was born until we stopped when he was 16 months.

My dad was a bit funny at first (probably because it didn't seem that long ago to him that my mum was feeding me), and my BIL was a bit of a prat about it- making a bit thing about turning away and not looking, but I generally found that if I didn't make a fuss, neither did anyone else.

As for feeding in public, I think the most public place was at Glastonbury last year, while watching Slash in the Pyramid field. I don't think anyone noticed, and, if they did, sod 'em.

rr16 · 06/02/2011 16:39

I bought a "bebe au lait" nursing apron on ebay quite cheaply (£12 instead of £30 in Mothercare) just in case it wasn't any good but it was brilliant - the best thing ever, could bf anywhere with complete discresion so was able to bf in front of my in laws and at cafes and out and about town... Highly recommended!

HarrietSchulenberg · 06/02/2011 16:42

Male members of the family, apart from dp, hastily left the room, hrmphing a lot, and female members stayed put.

MoonUnitAlpha · 06/02/2011 16:54

My mum, my nan and all my aunts had breastfed, so I didn't feel any awkwardness - I've fed in front of everyone (including dad, grandad, teenage cousins, PIL) and no one has ever felt it necessary to leave the room. Luckily it was never an issue for me.

I felt a little shy about feeding in public in the first couple of weeks, especially as it was still difficult to get ds latched on sometimes. By the time he was a month old though I think I was feeding anywhere and everywhere. I have never been stared at, made to feel uncomfortable or had anyone comment to me.

I don't make a particular effort to be "discreet" (hate that term!) and have never covered ds with a muslin or anything, but I think most of the time no one even notices you feeding.

EauRouge · 06/02/2011 16:56

I think my dad and brother felt a bit awkward and embarrassed at first but I just acted normally so I think they followed my lead. It helped that everyone else in my family has BF their DCs so it was nothing they hadn't seen before.

I'm an F cup but have never had any problems feeding in public, I still feed 2.4 yo DD in public if she wants it that's when I actually get outside, am 38 weeks pregnant now and too knackered to get off the sofa.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 06/02/2011 19:57

It was the idea of feeding in front of ANYONE that stopped me from breastfeeding at all. My neice has recently had her first and didnt for the same reason. Weird really as EVERYONE in our family except us has breastfed so is definatly the 'norm'. Have also felt very guilty about formula feeding like your friend tholeon.

eveline22 · 06/02/2011 20:03

Nope. I felt that I would be so made sure to confront the fear and do it anyway.

First time, I just did it, latched the baby on and carried on chatting. My sister said it was hard to maintain focus on conversation
BIL took loads of photos on his visit

Gets more difficult as they get older and start whipping their head round to look at stuff.

You may feel self conscious to start with but persevere and youll be fine.

Original poster

MoaningMedalllist · 07/02/2011 00:15

eveline-BIL Taking photos? I couldnt do with that lol

you all seem to have had fairly good experiences. My bewbs never saw the light of day lol

OP posts:

trixie123 · 07/02/2011 08:57

never had a problem with this really, though FIL and my Dad did tend to find other things to do in another room! I was more concerned about belly on show than boob so I used to wear stretchy vest tops that I could push down rather than pulling top up.

Roo83 · 07/02/2011 09:54

I have no problems feeding in public or with friends-most of the time if you're discreet I don't think people even notice. My parents and even grandfather is fine with it. The only problem I've had is with the inlaws-they bottlefed there's so don't know if that's why,but they refuse to be in the same room as me (even mil and sil). Seems a bit daft when I always feed in pubs,cafes etc. with complete strangers,but if they happen to be there as well I get relegated to the car!

Meglet · 07/02/2011 10:02

I was ok feeding in front of most people. My mum had bf me and my sister so she was fine with it and so was my dad (although they split up 20 years ago). XP's parents were hilarious on the couple of occasions I fed DD when they visited they made their excuses and left .

I wore nursing vests which made me feel less exposed (and kept me warm). And as I had cs's I was at home a lot while I recovered so it was easier to get comfy and keep myself covered while bf. I was still happy to do it in public when I had to though.

MoonUnitAlpha · 07/02/2011 11:38

Shouldn't they leave Roo, not you? No way would I go to the car!

SharkSkinThing · 07/02/2011 11:59

None of my DP's family breastfed, so if were visiting them I would go somewhere quiet and just get on with it - tbh, in the early days, i liked having an excuse to bugger off and relax for a bit.

My family all very relaxed about it, so no problem feeding in front of any of them, though would warn 26 year old brother so he had a chance to grab a magazine - I can appreciate that he may not want to see his sister's boobs, but if he didn't like it, he could leave.

Now that DS is huge and 6 months old, I refuse, in my own house at least, to carry him off upstairs to feed when DP's family visit - the only person I don't bf in front of his FIL as he is 75 and really would feel awkward.

Never liked feeding in public a huge amount, but would do it. Mainly due to own self-consciousness of my giant boobs, rather than feeling stigmatized! And like Meglet had cs, so was generally more comfy at home to start with.

SharkSkinThing · 07/02/2011 12:00

The CAR?

No, no, no!

Woodlands · 07/02/2011 15:09

I was a bit uncomfortable for the first few days as it was still the stage where I was practically having to take my whole top off! I remember PILs coming to visit us in hospital and I was doing skin to skin and got all uncomfortable with FIL seeing me half naked.

I also found it a bit tricky when we had a big family weekend for my 30th when DS was 6 weeks old and wanted to be constantly attached - I was uncomfortable that I had to feed at the dinner table, while playing bridge, etc etc, but no one else minded and it was better than shutting myself away.

These days I'll happily feed in front of anyone, no problem, but now DS is almost 7 months his feeds tend to be just before his naps or bedtime so I tend to take him to somewhere quiet anyway.

HackneyHackette · 09/02/2011 21:32

I think the only people I would be uncomfortable BF in front of would be work colleagues. I don't know why, I just would. Odd, because I have often shared gym changing rooms with them (the female ones!). I've never had to do it though, and all other BFing situations have been fine. I was BFing on a train the other day and the inspector went "tickets please ...oh, don't worry." and ran off.
I think what really helped was going to a cafe with two other mums in the very early days and seeing that they had no hang ups at all, I might have been more shy otherwise.

vicbar · 09/02/2011 21:37

I fed anywhere but must have been discreet as there is a picture of my extended family on the wall of the cricket club and Im feed DC 2 in it.

I think once I had the clothes issue sorted it was fine. I never bought proper feeding clothes just wore a vest in a bigger size so I could pull that down on the side I was feeding and my top up.

Cosmosis · 10/02/2011 10:42

I'll feed happily in front of anyone, although I went in to work for a meeting the other day and I was hoping he wouldn't want feeding when I was there for some reason I didn't like the idea of feeding in front of my boss. Which makes me cross actually, because why should that be any different to feeding in front of anyone else?

christmasmum · 10/02/2011 11:18

I never batted an eyelid about feeding in front of anyone with both kids. Quite happily whipped my boobs out (well, you know what I mean...) anywhere and everywhere. At one point I even had my Dad watching while the midwife pulled on my nipples to see if I was producing milk yet or still colostrum! Nobody ever seemed embarrassed from family and friends to complete strangers. Never had any comments either way and was never aware of people looking or not looking.

I put it partly down to hormones though as the very thought of getting my boobs out in public now brings me out in a cold sweat :)

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