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Original poster

dd naked upstairs as im fed up of nagging.

37 replies

familyfun · 04/02/2011 09:12

dd is 3.7 and needs to get changed into her uniform for nursery (at 12).
i asked her to put her pjs under her pillow and put her pants,socks and trousers on, she is sitting naked in her bedroom reading books.
so ive come downstairs to play with dd2 and she isnt bothered at all.
ive tried racing her, helping her, repeatedly asking her but im fed up of telling her over and over to do things and she just ignores me.
last night i said take off your uniform and put on your lola top. she was singing lola lola lola, then sat down, i asked her what she was meant to be doing and she didnt know???
i am wondering about her concentration levels as she cant concentrate on anything.
when doing her homework (which might be drawing herself so nothing hard) she kicks her legs up and down rolls around falls off the chair several times, spills a drink asks random questions, then wanders off. then i remind her about the picture and she says oh i forgot and goes back.
i also have to tell her everything, when she goes to the toilet she gets off and stands there, i have to tell her to wipe, pull up pants,trousers etc, flush, wash hands. i have tried ignoring her to see if she gets on with it and she just stands there??
normal? ignoring me on purpose? i cant work her out?

OP posts:
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belgo · 04/02/2011 09:13

Turn the heating down. She'll get dressed soon enough thenSmile

pagwatch · 04/02/2011 09:13

Homework.

I want to answer but can't get past why a 3.7 year old would be doing homework

3littlefrogs · 04/02/2011 09:16

Are their consequences for not doing as you ask? Or do you just give up and leave her to it?

I think at this age it is worth investing serious effort into deciding what the boundaries are, what the consequences for non-co-operation will be and sticking to it.

In other words - make up your mind what your strategy will be and them follow it through, every time.

HTH

Original poster
familyfun · 04/02/2011 09:17

they get something home from nursery most days, like fing something starting with letter a or draw mommy, i like her doing it as she likes drawing and she feels like a big girl.
just checked she is still reading naked Hmm

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 04/02/2011 09:17

Although - I agree - homework for a three year old is ridiculous.

3littlefrogs · 04/02/2011 09:18

So in her mind - you are happy for her to be still reading naked. You have checked, but presumably left her to it? Actions speak louder than words when you are 3.

Do you see what I mean?

Original poster
familyfun · 04/02/2011 09:20

there are consequences for naughty behaviour but i have left her to it upstairs as she isnt being naughty as such, just not getting dressed, she could be down here playing but is on her own instead, maybe there should be a consequence for not listening but it would be relentless.
when people say ignore bad behaviour and pick your battles im not sure what should be ignored and what punished.
any hitting she goes on naughty step.
any back chatting she gets a warning then naughty step.
rudeness andshouting also warning and neughty step.
but dawdling and slowness ignored at the moment.
she has just appeared fully dressed, at last. Smile

OP posts:
KirstyJC · 04/02/2011 09:20

I also wondered about homework - that does seem very young for homework?

She is very ypoung. My 7yo DS still doesn't hear when we ask him to do things, and can't concentrate all the time - if there's something to distract him he will get distracted every time. Until recently we even helped him dress some mornings as it was that or get him to school naked. He has now started doing it himself again and it's fine.

It's normal, she's young, if you want her dressed then you probably need to do it for her. Or try a sticker chart - they work amazingly well!

Original poster
familyfun · 04/02/2011 09:23

i see what you are saying that by checking and leaving her im allowing it.
i have had mornings standing up there telling her to get dressed, coutning to 3, dressing her, she ends up crying/screaming and i suppose ive changed tactic and warn her im going down when im washed and dressed and leave her there if she isnt ready.
do people really dress their children? am i being harsh expecting her to dress herself, she is perfectly capable.

OP posts:
meep · 04/02/2011 09:27

She sounds like a normal 3yo as far as concentration goes - with mine there is also a lot of selective listening as well. The getting off the toilet and not wiping/dripping wee on the floor drives me nuts!

You do need consequences for not doing things - and you do still need to help/supervise to get things done at that age.

I would go up and tell her that you are taking the books away and she is to get dressed now - if she doesn't make a start doing it on the count of 3 then you will [insert consequence]. But you need to stay to help - if she at least makes a start (picking up her uniform or putting one item of clothing on) then you can help with the rest.

pagwatch · 04/02/2011 09:28

No. Dd dressed herself at 3. Like to chose her outfit too.
But still befuddled at the notion of homework for a three year old unless it is designed to put them off school Confused

Dd was at pre prep for an academic selective top 50 private school and they do not give homework until year one as it is counter productive at that age.

Are the nursery really giving her homework?

meep · 04/02/2011 09:28

ah she is dressed - bet she got bored on her own!!

And yes - I still help my 3.7yo to get dressed and undressed in the morning.

pagwatch · 04/02/2011 09:32

Sorry

Firstly my last post sounded awful and smug which I didn't mean, genuinely.

And secondly I am going off ops topic.

Glad she emerged op.
Ignore me
Smile

PfftTheMagicDragon · 04/02/2011 09:32

My tactic for situations like this is (attempt) to not get wound up. Get ready to go earlier than you need to and say "ok, you won't get dressed - but we are still going. Come on then, time to go!" And I make it clear that I will take them (DS still does this sometimes at gone 5YO) to school in their pyjamas.

This usually works. YOu need to allow extra time though, for them to then get dressed before you leave.

You have to be prepared to take them like that though Grin

3littlefrogs · 04/02/2011 09:35

I am not saying she HAS to get dressed, but I think you need to decide what is non-negotiable BEFORE you tell her to do something - so if it really doesn't matter whether she gets dressed NOW - don't tell her she must get dressed NOW and then ignore her when she doesn't. Sorry - I am not explaining very well. So yes - do pick your battles, but say what you mean and mean what you say.

Believe me - it is a good thing to get sorted out in your own head before they are teenagers.

I still helped my 3 year olds get dressed, but by the time they were about 4 - 5 they could do it themselves.

notskiving · 04/02/2011 09:39

i had a problem with this, talked to nursery and they said - just bring her in her pjs if you have to and bring the clothes!
I did this about twice.
At least telling her she would have to go in pjs then if she wouldnt get dressed had the follow through!

Original poster
familyfun · 04/02/2011 09:43

she needs to be dressed by 12, i found getting her lunch ate and changed at 11.30 is too hard with dd2 (10 wks) too so we get ready after brekfast.
dp ignores a lot more than me, like kicking the tbale while eating, bouncing her fork, general annoying things drive me mad.
she is at state preschool, they send us a book home saying what they are working on, like a seasons theme where they collect leaves etc, i like it and dd asks to do it when she gets in at 3.30 and loves getting ticks/well done comments from teacher.
maybe i will help her more with dressing, she has just dressed though and at 12 will put on coat hat and shoes when i do so i let her.

OP posts:
giraffescantdirtydance · 04/02/2011 09:47

I have taken a 3yr old on the school run before in her PJs as she was messing about - she didnt do it again.

Id just leave her if she was doing that, either she gets dressed with you or you go off and do your own thing and she does it on her own. Or if she isnt ready by time you need to go somewhere she goes as she is Grin

CrosswordAddict · 04/02/2011 09:48

Sorry you are having all this hassle. TBH I'd just let her go in her PJs for a few times and she'll soon get the message. Also you have a baby to look after and yourself to consider so give yourself a break.You need a bit of peace this afternoon and it ruins it for you if you are stressed out before you start. Give her a hug and lots of praise when she dresses herself too.

Original poster
familyfun · 04/02/2011 10:19

thanks, i did praise her as soon as she came down dressed and im hoping she learns to speed up so we get more time to play before nursery. Smile
she is playing with her baby sister now and being good Smile
its just getting ready for going out/going to bed and mealtimes every day she gets naughty.

OP posts:
RMCW · 04/02/2011 10:24

she is 3!!!

mamatomany · 04/02/2011 10:26

Mine went to prep school age three and do not get homework, change your nursery, the child is perfectly normal, the nursery is not.

MegBusset · 04/02/2011 10:30

Crikey DS1 is 4 in two weeks and I still dress him, otherwise he'd be happy to stay in PJs or naked all day Grin

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 04/02/2011 10:35

my 3yo needs prompts throughout getting dressed.
we come downstairs, and i read to her while getting dd2 changed. if dd1 stops getting ready, the story stops, which focuses her a bit. also breakfast only takes place once she's dressed. she may not care about going to preschool in pjs but she minds missing breakfast very much.

MumofSoJo · 04/02/2011 12:33

My two DC (4 and 3 years) both dress themselves, though in their own time and of course they know im happy to help if needed. I find the promise of a sticker for their sticker books does the trick on the days they are a bit difficult about getting dressed. They both go to nursery and I just make sure I allow plenty of time for getting out the door or I would be easily stressed out. Rewards of some kind are often a nice incentive when they are a tad difficult Smile, though I know how hard it is to keep calm when they point blank refuse. Homework of any kind at such a young age does seem harsh. I know my two wouldnt cope as their concentration levels are too short and I feel they learn and do enough while at nursery. Plenty of time for homework when they get to school