I have just screamed my head off at my children.

[Beachcomber]

Just lost it with my two girls, they are 7 and 4. They are not naughty or badly behaved, they are nice normal kids.

However it feels to me like they are very often moaning/crying/squabbling. They do play well together sometimes.

I picked them up from school and as soon as we got in, it was the usual demands one on top of the other for snacks/drinks. They squabbled about which chair to sit on. The youngest kept repeating that she wanted sugar (wtf?) on her toast and jam and whined and cried when I kept saying no. Eldest complained the youngest got her snack first/moaned that youngest makes too much noise when she eats. They squabbled. Eldest finished toast and then said 'I'm still hungry' in a sulky voice rather than asking properly for something else. More squabbling.

I was just behaving normally throughout and then all of a sudden I lost it and screamed at the top of my voice 'stop complaining'. I think I shouted it three times. Then I left the room and slammed the door. They both cried.

There was nothing particularly bad about their behaviour - it is just the god awful repetitiveness of it. It feels like they are always complaining/squabbling the minute they get in the door. They come home for lunch too (French school system) and it is the same at lunchtime too. I work from home and fit my work around the children's hours.

I feel like when I go to get them I'm happy to see them and I imagine we are going to laugh and chat but then within minutes the negativity starts and I feel frustrated, irritated and disappointed.

I know some of this is normal but I really want to find a way to get out of this rut. I'm bloody sick of the negativity. Any advice would be welcome. Thanks.

Sorry to go on - needed to get of out my system.

I did say I was sorry to have shouted at them but explained that their complaining made me very cross. They are playing upstairs and being Very Good now.

oh,welcome to my world.Have 8,10 and 11 year old girls.I think the squabbling carries on til they leave home!I've come to terms more with the fact they all shout,and sometimes i shout.It's hard letting go of the perfect picture of family life that you had in your head though,been doing a lot of letting go of that image over the last couple of years.Also the week before my period,a glass of wine around tea time,can calm my nerves,and at least make me feel calmer,if not my girls.

Totally know how you feel. My DC are 4 and 3 years and spend the day arguing, fighting, and moaning. No matter what we do, or how many things we do, they never seem happy. It does make you feel very tired and fed up and its hard to face a new day when they are like this but hey, im sure its only yet another phase they go through (atleast thats what my mum always says when I have a moan . The joys of children eh! Youve go to love them though when they do those special little things that make you go "awwww"

Thanks again for all the replies. It does help to know that this actually how lots of people experience being a parent. Can't help but wonder if everybody else is mostly having a fabulous time with the odd bit of discipline in between.

I actually think my shouting yesterday has got though to the children. They are being careful today not to wind each other up and pointing out to me how they are not squabbling. We are all agreeing that it is much nicer when they don't squabble and mummy isn't cross.

Perhaps a good shout once in a while is a good thing? Clears the air, made me feel better and showed children that Enough is Enough. Mmmmmm.

Life would be easier if they didn't come home for lunch but budget is a bit tight and eldest has allergies that the school can't always cater for.

Agree working from home is a godsend but lunch time does my head in boundaries are tricky to get right.

It is natural for children to fight & squabble - they are trying to compete and assert themsleves - sibling rivalry !

If left to escalate its like being pecked on the head at by a flock of angry birds !
Probably best to deal with it when it starts and not ignore it and bottle it up until you snap. Distracting techniques may work ?

My daughters two sons scream and shout at each other all the time and she tends to ignore it until she loses it and starts screaming too !

Beachcomber FWIW I have just yelled at my 4 dcs, AND, put the youngest to bed without brushing teeth . Long boring story involving much sibling fighting and hiding of toothbrushes...one minute we were all happy and looking at old photos together, the next thing it was time to brush teeth and I lost it. Amazing how quickly the atmosphere can change.

I think the odd yell is no bad thing tbh. It seems to have got the message through to your dds that Mummy does indeed have a limit. Now, if I could just reduce it to now and again...my dcs don't bat an eyelid generally, which means I do it too much.

No great advice from me, sorry. But lots of empathy. So much of this thread rings true for me. I also feel burnt out as DH is working away for 4 weeks, and like you said earlier, all I hear is "Mummy, Mummy, Mummy". Half the stuff they want me to do, they can easily do themselves, but it's obviously more fun to bug me about it. "I can't find my shoes..." etc etc. Well if I can look, then you can bloody look! NO MUMMY!!!

One of mines been sent to bedroom. Spent 2 hrs makeing Lamb cop hot pot and all the veg. Walked through door and eldest squirted water from her school bottle into middles ones face. Middle one threw a toy back. I didnt even have coat off. Served dinner whilst they all battled with each other. Put the tea down eldest said that is disgusting im not eating it. She likes Lamb Chops, she likes potatoes, she likes veg..does it matter how they are assembled. Anyway, she has been sent to her room and can come out when she apologises. Now middle daughter and youngest daughter are fighting over a blanket????????????Thank god they are going to Grannys tommorrow.

Do not worry over it, children are sent to try us and know exactly when we are at our most vunerable points. I have 3 children, aged 11, 9 & 7 and Good God do they know what buttons to press!!! Walk away, curse beneath your breath(!!) and shout if you need. DO NOT beat yourself up over getting cross with the whinging it is enough to turn you to drink.... off now to refill my glass of Chablis

OP thank you for starting this thread :).

I hate shouting at my two, but I lose it when I'm tired, run down and feel unappreciated by them. Sometimes it's the only thing which will make them stop squabbling/whinging and look up and take any notice of me! And yes, I have suffered the sore throat of shame too.....

I don't have any advice, but am watching this thread hopefully and feeling comfort that I am not the only one!

Exactly, it did show them that enough is enough. They learned that constant moaning makes people angry and then they lose it. I try and warn DD that she's making me angry before I lose it, but I don't always succeed in getting the warning in first!

Also, I would make an exception for listening to the she-said stuff from school - she doesn't have Mumsnet to go to! Maybe tell her the less time she spends squabbling about toast and chairs, the more time you can spend talking about things that happened at school.

Thank you HumphreyCobbler for posting up this link. The book has excellent reviews so I'll be ordering my copy right away! I have a three-year old who is impossible to discipline and ignores both of us most of the time. People on forums talk about naughty steps and such methods of ensuring 'time out' but if you have the kind of stubborn, determined child that some of us have, the idea of even getting them to sit on a naughty step is laughable and would require some super-strength velcro and earplugs! Look forward to reading it!

Ps. The book is titled: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk

Can I join in the book recommendations? I too have read "How to talk", but I find that with regards to cheering things up and shouting less, a book that helped me a lot is "Playful Parenting" by Lawence J Cohen.

even LawRence J Cohen

Non of mine would go on the naughty step. A HV tried once and got kicked in the face. I could probably get mine to the step but would have a full scale war trying to keep them there. Mine are all very strongwilled as i was. Their dad was a little angel apparently.

I'm sitting here filled to the brim with guilt as I too have just let rip at the kids (3 and 6). It starts almost as soon as they open their eyes ''muuuuumm he's taking up all of the sofa muuuuuum she's got all of the blanket muuuuum'' on so on and so forth until the red mist descends and the next thing I know I'm mid rant acting as immature as they are. My dearest wish is that all the whingeing, whining, moaning and fighting will magically stop. And when on the rare occassion that they are playing so very nicely together & I think we may have just cracked it, a split second later he's bashing her over the head with mega sized Lightning McQueen. Well what to do? They are only 3 & 7 after all, so it's probably only to be expected. I have come to realise that my low tolerance of it may be due to other pressures, I work 4 days a week, I do all the housework, shopping and taking care of the kids whilst hubby just toodles off to work. I'm so very tired. Each time I errupt I vow it won't happen again and I will try to be a better mummy.