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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

babies at weddings agree or not? two parter!

73 replies

Buddhamummy · 08/10/2005 23:22

went to lovely wedding the other day. It was such a momentous occasion as the journey there for the bride and groom had been a real rollercoaster. It was always going to be real tear jerker!! the venue, the dress all gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous, and then part one:...............the baby/toddler that shouted all the way through the vowels. I kept thinking they will take him out in a minute, but they didnt. Afterwards it was as if lots of people were thinking it but it wasnt polite to say anything. Why do some parents think its "sweet"? its sooo selfish.

part two: the reception was also fantastic, such a great atmosphere, but there was one guy dancing with what looked like a 7/8 month old baby ALL night! and i mean he was REAlly jiggling her/twirling her all over the shop. I was getting quite worried but bit of an awkward situation to go and say something, but had planned to just say hello and say how sweet baby was and say oh similiar age to mine etc in hope that dad would stop moving. He did thakfully stop but also the day after all our clothes just stunk of smoke and i was thinking if we had taken dd all that smoke in her little lungs.

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ScarySkribble · 08/10/2005 23:28

I think if only fair to take screaming babies and noisy toddlers out of the ceramony especially at the vows. If the parents don't want to miss it they need to have a plan B in place, like getting bored teenage relative to rock pram outside.

I don't like being in smokey fuctions my self and hate it for my kids, thankfully there are not to many in our family and we manage to keep kids away from it. I think kids are an important part of family gaterings and good experience for the kids too. Perhaps with a small baby I would get a room at the venue and put them down to sleep if poss.

MrsSpoon · 08/10/2005 23:28

I like it when mine aren't invited.

Was the baby a relative of the couple? The last wedding we were at our DSs weren't invited (yeah!) but there were a couple of children there who were related to either the bride or groom.

ScreamEagle · 08/10/2005 23:28

Everyone of all ages should be welcome at events such as weddings unless specified otherwise. Except of course if they are totally drowning out proceedings in which case the parents should leave the rrom as quickly/quietly as possible. That's only good manners imo.

As for the baby at the evening do - can't see the problem with that really. I have taken my little ones to similar do's and whilst I too dislike the smoky atmosphere, it's to be expected that people will smoke and it's your choice whether or not to take them. A one-off evening here and there won't do much damage imo.

I guess if the baby was enjoying herself being twizzled round then it's no business of anyone else if they think it's inappropriate or not is it? Would you appreciate someone coming up to you saying they didn't think it was right to dance and jig about with your baby?

kid · 08/10/2005 23:29

I can see your point about the baby making lots of noise and also about inhaling all that smoke, but I think babies should be allowed to go to weddings as their parents might not have a sitter.

I took DS to a wedding when he was 4 months old. He behaved perfectly throughout, the drama came when we home. We were locked out of our house until 3am!

MrsSpoon · 08/10/2005 23:29

Agree with scribble about taking the baby out during the ceremony, good manners.

Original poster

Buddhamummy · 08/10/2005 23:30

Think baby was with friends, dd was invited but have to confess didnt contemplate it for a second. are you kidding? hotel + dh + grandma offering to babysit!

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Original poster

Buddhamummy · 08/10/2005 23:33

appreciate what your saying SE but man WAS dancing/lurching rather drunkenly and if it was me doing that then i would derserve to be stopped.

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flamebat · 08/10/2005 23:33

I'm fine with children but they need to be respectful. If you have a baby/toddler crying or talkng through the ceremony, then you take them out - it is courtesy. For ours we actually had a person on standby ready to take any unhappy children outside to play.

Smokey functions - that's really down to the parent. I got invited to a wedding when DD was tiddly and we had to take her, and it was just a smoke den, so we left the reception and spent our evening in the bar by the open back door. For my wedding, we banned all smoking for our sakes, and that of our children.

ScarySkribble · 08/10/2005 23:34

No family wedding is complete with out little girls on the dance floor all night,
boys skidding accross floor on knees (Peter Kay) and
silly uncles and daddies jiggling babies until they puke .

MrsSpoon · 08/10/2005 23:34

I agree BM, when they are older fine but just now (3 and 6) it wouldn't make for a relaxing day/enjoyable evening.

ScarySkribble · 08/10/2005 23:35

Re daddies dancing with babies not if overly drunk or daddy going to puke a offer to hold or cuchiecoo while they go to the bar or have a rest might have been in my thoughts too.

MrsSpoon · 08/10/2005 23:37

I've just remembered when my DS1 was 18 months he was a page boy (very cute, wearing the kilt), he was great during the ceremony but ran amock during the photos then at the reception someone had to sit at the door to stop him escaping as he kept hurtling down the dancefloor and straight out the door.

Loved him being a page boy (it was a family wedding), really appreciated them asking but wow were we exhausted at the end of the day!

Original poster

Buddhamummy · 08/10/2005 23:39

Dont get me wrong i love kids at weddings too and there were loads doing the chasing the disco lights around the floor thing and scooping up the confetti and i think its not one without them but i guess its just that i think if the baby is still a tiddler you either go to the wedding and stay sober-ish or get a sitter if you can, most invites come in plenty of time.

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ScarySkribble · 08/10/2005 23:44

My DS was at my own wedding so cute in full kilt outfit. He got fed up sitting with Granny so decide to join us up front for the 2nd half of the service. We have a brilliant picture of him leading us out of the church marching in front of us.
He charmed everyone at the reception then conked out about 12:30 in his buggy in the corner, still in his kilt.

Original poster

Buddhamummy · 08/10/2005 23:51

i love seeing little ones asleep on chairs! outlaws are spanish so plenty plenty children at our do's! but also scary parental discipline going on!

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ghosty · 09/10/2005 00:29

We prefer to go to weddings without our kids so that we can have a good time and not worry about them ... ie get drunk and stay up late etc ...
However IME there is a KEY to toddlers not making too much noise and fuss at functions like this.
I have found that if you try to contain the toddler and make them sit still and quiet etc that is when they become disruptive and noisy. At my sister's wedding a couple of months ago we just let her wander around during the ceremony and during the speeches later doing her own thing. The result? She was happy and quiet. When I had to stand up and do my witness thing DD wanted to come to me. DH tried to hold her and she started to squeal ... so I shook my head at him and he let her toddle over to me. I picked her up and held her while I did my bit and after a minute or so she wriggled and I let her down again ... off she toddled having not disrupted anything. She was so good.
I used this method when we were flying long haul too ... I found that if I tried to make her sit still and be 'good' she kicked off. If I let her do what she wanted (within reason obviously) she was angelic ... as a result the only times she screamed during the whole 2 back to back 12 hour flights were when she had to sit on our knees for take off and landing.
I don't have a problem with toddlers at weddings. I have a problem with their parents who do not think about how they are going to avoid the toddler disrupting things ... if the toddler wants to walk around, let him/her walk around ... if the toddler is a real problem then take him/her out.
With babies it is different ... I have missed wedding ceremonies when DS was a baby due to him crying ... I always took him out.
The baby dancing? No, don't have a problem with that ... I probably would not have had my baby up so late but at my sister's wedding there were a few babies up till midnight. We had a baby sitter take our DD home at 8pm but DS (5 and a half) stayed up until midnight with us.

Rarrie · 09/10/2005 00:44

Personally, I'm not keen... Had no young children at my wedding and am always willing to leave mine behind if asked. I think the problem is that parents' perceptions of noise levels are very different to those of non parents. BC (Before children) I used to think kids were being so loud... now I realise that they're just being kids... but now I'm immune to their little chatterings and noise and am amazed when I think DD has been really quiet, when one of my non parent friends comment on how noisy / talkative she is. It gives me a quick reminder!!

I do think that no matter how quiet you think you are keeping your child, its probably a lot louder than non parents think you're keeping them, and if the event is predominantly adult, then personally I don't think its particularly fair on everyone else to bring a young child. (Also I don't think its particularly fair to expect a young child to have to behave all grown up for such a long time). So I would always leave my DD behind if I could... But if the wedding is a whole family, lots of kids type affair, then I think it is a very different matter!

Tortington · 09/10/2005 01:14

i think its arsey and pretentious ( my own view) to send an invite out specifying no kids.

i think its bad manners to let your kid wail through the service without taking it out.

bubble99 · 09/10/2005 01:22

I love seeing children at weddings! Aren't they one of the reasons to get married in the first place? Agreed, if they start heckling (sp?) during vows etc. then a quick tour around the churchyard is probably in order, but other than that, where's the problem?

One night in a smoky atmosphere will not maim them for life and, in any case, I've come to realise that if I want to have an extended evening of grown-up conversation and free-flowing wine, I'd need to leave them with a baby-sitter. So a wedding with the children in tow inevitably means we have to leave before the 'drunk uncle' act starts. A small price to pay for the pleasure of seeing them dancing badly (can't think who they inherited that from) and getting over-excited (can't think who they inherited that from, either)

We've been to a few weddings without the children which were very artsy and photogenic, but they seemed more like a theatre performance than a happy occasion. Just my opinion, of course.

bubble99 · 09/10/2005 01:23

Custy. Posts collide!

flamebat · 09/10/2005 01:32

Yay HC - Arsey and pretentious sums it up so nicely!!!

bakabat · 09/10/2005 09:32

think custy's got it right.

Pruni · 09/10/2005 09:49

Message withdrawn

ScreamEagle · 09/10/2005 10:01

Thought I'd share this with you.

2 weeks ago my mother remarried. In the discussions pre the wedding the idea of no kids was floated - however, that would have counted out nearly all the guests. Then it was suggested that my dh stood outside the registry office babysitting all the junior attendees. Which mightily peed him off I can tell you and that idea was shelved. In the end all the kids were invited and it ended up being a great day.

Me and my brother have 8 kids between us aged 9mths, 2.5, 3.5, 6, 8, 9, 11, 14yrs. At the 3-course sit down meal we all sat on one table. We had a rucksack full of toys, crayons, paper, books etc to keep the kids entertained. I was a little nervous as we sat down that they would all kick off at some point and ruin the meal.

I neddn't have worried though. The groom's mother (who I had never met before) came up to our table at one point and said how impressed she was that our children were so well behaved. They had all sat nicely and eaten their meals with knives and forks and been well mannered.

So I agree really that it is down to the parents to think ahead and avert any behaviour that may spoil the day. Kids will be kids after all!

flamebat · 09/10/2005 10:06

We had a kids table at our reception, and they all sat and ate together... the only one that played up was mine!!!! Since she was the youngest, and hadn't seen mummy for a while, and when she did mummy looked wrong (no glasses), I didn't blame her for not doing too well!!!

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