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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

babies at weddings agree or not? two parter!

73 replies

Buddhamummy · 08/10/2005 23:22

went to lovely wedding the other day. It was such a momentous occasion as the journey there for the bride and groom had been a real rollercoaster. It was always going to be real tear jerker!! the venue, the dress all gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous, and then part one:...............the baby/toddler that shouted all the way through the vowels. I kept thinking they will take him out in a minute, but they didnt. Afterwards it was as if lots of people were thinking it but it wasnt polite to say anything. Why do some parents think its "sweet"? its sooo selfish.

part two: the reception was also fantastic, such a great atmosphere, but there was one guy dancing with what looked like a 7/8 month old baby ALL night! and i mean he was REAlly jiggling her/twirling her all over the shop. I was getting quite worried but bit of an awkward situation to go and say something, but had planned to just say hello and say how sweet baby was and say oh similiar age to mine etc in hope that dad would stop moving. He did thakfully stop but also the day after all our clothes just stunk of smoke and i was thinking if we had taken dd all that smoke in her little lungs.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

triceratops · 09/10/2005 10:17

We had a no guests under 20 rule. I'm not paying for the bar for someone who is going to drink until they are sick, and I didn't want the day to focus on anyone but me. Children steal the limelight .

I am of the opinion that you should do just as you like on your wedding day. If you want everyone to dress in tartan or to have a pink coach then that is what you should do. I like parties with kids and I like parties without them. For a wedding it is entirely up to the bride to choose.

I don't approve of people being in charge of children when they are drunk (the adult not the children obviously). And I get really anxious when I see those inept uncles who throw babies into the air as I know it is extremely dangerous. I think the only thing you can do in those circumstances is ask for a cuddle. It would be very rude to start a fight at a wedding and drunk daddy being told by a stranger how to hold his baby would start a fight.

projectmanagerCOd · 09/10/2005 10:22

throught the VOWELS?
aeiou?

parp at this htread

love em

NotQuiteCockney · 09/10/2005 10:23

I think ghosty has the right idea. Also, people chasing around after kids and shushing them are much more disruptive than the kids themselves.

At SIL's wedding last summer, DS1 was 2.10, and the ceremony itself was hell. He wanted to wander around, and that was not to be tolerated. They had a nursery type arrangement during the reception, which worked well.

projectmanagerCOd · 09/10/2005 10:24

no more parpers?

TheRtHonBaronessEnidOBE · 09/10/2005 10:27

thats life though isnt it?

if it were mine squawking through the vows I would take them out but some people jsut dont bother.

much squawking through dds harvest festival last week incurring very hard stares and stiff note from Head.

dont care about babies at receptions much as long as they arent mine and I dont have to have anything to do with them.

rummum · 09/10/2005 10:33

my brother and SIL had a no children rule at their wedding.. Daughter was bridesmaid, When I asked if my 4 month old baby could come to the wedding my brother said I'll have to let you know!! they did allow him to come to the wedding in the end, just as well as we wouldn't have gone (no one else to look after son) and daughter wouldn't have been bridesmaid.

The best wedding we went to was where they had a childrens entertainer... brilliant.... the hog roast was a winner too...

Mojomummy · 09/10/2005 10:43

I didn't have babies/toddlers at my wedding. But they we only had about 25 people !

I agree, babies/toddlers making a fuss during vows/speeches etc is a bore. Prefer not to invite them, or either go alone or take them outside if they start ANY sort of disruption. It is the bride & grooms day, afterall.

HRHWickedwaterwitch · 09/10/2005 13:09

Well I think I have to parp at this thread, I've already said my piece loud and clear on another 300 odd post thread

Em32 · 09/10/2005 13:14

There is no way I would take mine at the moment as they are too little (20months and 6 weeks) and it would be unmangeable. Friends of ours wouldnt have come to our wedding if we hadn't invited children though. They were all very appreciative of it as I will be when mine are a bit bigger - not everyone has childcare on tap and I'd be sad to miss going because I couldnt take them in future. Incidentally we took ds when he was 6 weeks and he pooed very loudly during the vows, people behind us in church were very amused and bride and groom didnt notice!

jessicaandbumpsmummy · 09/10/2005 13:18

Jess was 10 months old at my Brother and SIL's wedding earlier this year (dressed in full matching bridesmaid dress even though she couldnt even crawl let alone walk!). My main concern was she would cry or be noisy all the way through the service.... as it was YES she was a bit chattery but i didnt think it a problem to start with. I kept looking around to see if i was getting any evil glances and to be honest, all i got was smiles! I spoke to my brother and SIL after the service and they both said they thought it was really cute and it really made it feel as if the whole family was there and it was special to them.

At the meal, she was as good as gold, but got restless at which point we got her out of the highchair and she "walked" holding our hands for a little bit and played on the floor with some toys we had packed.

MY friend had agreed to have her overnight for us, so she got picked up at 7.30pm and we didnt see her again til 9am the next morning. But im glad she wasnt there in the evening - it had been such a long day for her, that she needed her own cot, and we needed a drink!

doormat · 09/10/2005 13:52

imo I think it is bad manners to keep a baby who is making a noise at a service, agree that the child should be taken outside

also most people get weddings video'd, do the bride and groom really want to hear a babbling baby over there vows
we invited all the families children to our wedding but made it clear they were to be taken out (including our own children)if they started acting up, luckily they were all great

as for the reception I think it is the wishes of the bride and groom whether they want children or not, it is their day afterall
I personally dont like taking my kids with me to the night functions as we would like to get pissed in peace

bosscat · 09/10/2005 14:01

I don't mind a bit of babbling and wouldn't have cared if anyone was making a noise at my wedding. I think people get a bit too precious about weddings these days, if you invite children then its par for the course. But having said that if my own child was really wailing I would have probably gone outside but not for a bit of babbling.

teeavee · 09/10/2005 14:41

me too - PARP

teeavee · 09/10/2005 14:42

ooh, my first ever Parp! cathartic!

staceym11 · 09/10/2005 14:44

i wouldnt mind a baby babbling/talking as long as it isnt too loud, if its disrupting things then its just a bit inconsiderate, but as for the reception everyone knows its prob gunna be smoky (unless stated by bride/groom) so its our choice and as for the baby dancing, my dd isnt happy unless being thrown around (quite litterally) or hung unside down by her waist (which she thinks is fantastically funny) or being jiggled about, its just in some babies nature to like rough play and theres no real harm in it!!!

in the first year of her life my dd has been to two funerals and a wedding, she slept through one funeral and the wedding and the other funeral she was quietly babbling to herself (which i let her do as it brought smiles to everyones faces!) but if she had acctually cried in any of these occasions i would have removed her even if it meant i missed it, as its discourtious to others but i chose to take her there knowing she might cause a scene and i might have to leave, its just part of being a mother!!

hunkerpumpkin · 09/10/2005 14:49

Stacey, rough play could kill your daughter.

staceym11 · 09/10/2005 14:50

no it couldnt, we are careful and she loves it, i would never do anything to harm my daughter and i find it rather insensitive and insulting you would insinuate such a thing!!

hunkerpumpkin · 09/10/2005 14:52

Throwing babies around isn't careful. It is dangerous.

staceym11 · 09/10/2005 14:58

if i throw my daughter up in the air holding her head and catch her that is not dangerous it is play.

each to their own, you parent your child the way you like and i will mine, she is happy and healthy and i will continue to do what i do with her.

FrightfullyPoshFloss · 09/10/2005 14:58

My brothers wife said we could go to the service, but not the 6 pm evening meal. Meant we would do 3 hrs travelling for a 15 minute service with a 5 month old baby. Wasn't worth it for us, as looking at spending out £60 on hotels too. Am still bitter really, and have to try really hard not to let it stop me liking her. DP dosen't want anything to do with her.

ScreamEagle · 09/10/2005 14:58

That's a bit OTT hunker.

Some babies, mine included love rough play.

What a shocking thing to say!

hunkerpumpkin · 09/10/2005 15:05

Why OTT? Lots of parents have no idea that seemingly harmless "rough play" can actually cause a great deal of damage. And babies have died from being thrown in the air. Until they're close to two, they don't have the neck strength to cope with being chucked about.

swizzles · 09/10/2005 20:52

I started a thread about this recently.

Our friends are getting married on new years eve in a castle hundreds of miles away and my daughter (who will be 18 months) isn't invited, or rather, I'm expected to leave her with a nanny I've never met and pay for the priviledge.

There's no way on earth I'd stay put in the church if she even started talking during the vows...and I'd like to think I could contain her behaviour at the reception.

But no....not trusted, it would seem. So we aren't going to the wedding, which is a terrible shame

hunkerpumpkin · 09/10/2005 20:54

I remember that, Swizzles - did you speak to her about it? Or just decline?

spidermama · 09/10/2005 20:58

It drives me crazy when selfish parents allow kids to scream throughout ceremonies spoiling it for everyone else. I always get an aisle seat so I can rush out with my baby or toddler if necessary.

I think these experiences are great for kids and children can add to the atmosphere and deserve to be around as part of the group celebrating .... but these parents who stay in church while a child is making a noise are spoiling it for responsible parents like me. They're giving the idea of kids at weddings/funerals/restaurants a bad name.

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