Oh dear. 4yo has done something so very naughty. Am a bit too stunned to think of appropriate consequences.

[poissonrouge]

4.8yo dd is off school sick today.

We (her, me and little brother) were playing a quiet game in the sitting room.

While I sat with my back to the sofa, dd climbed up behind me and stood picking a good spot of paint off the middle of the beautiful painting her grandmother painted and gave her for her first birthday.

I can't believe it.

She doesn't really know why she did it.

I didn't even have the oomph to rant and rave about it. I'm a bit speechless really. I rant and rave when she clouts her brother with a golf club - this is... I don't quite know what to say.

She put on a good show of fake crying until I pointed out it was fake and she stopped and looked a bit sheepish.

I haven't lost all perspective. I know she didn't mean any malice. It was jolly naughty of her though, wasn't it? I am just so gutted that she did it.

She has gone for a sleep now (not very well) and was a bit tearful. She asked if I could tell Granny and Grandad not to come and visit us so they don't see the painting. She also asked if we can fix it.

I have told her that I am really disappointed, and that it is very wrong to destroy things and damage things, and that Granny would be very sad if she saw what dd had done.

Q1: How naughty was this? How cross should I be with her? I don't really do punishments, but what are the appropriate consequences? What would you do?

Q2: How do I fix the painting? It's an oil painting. The damage is very obvious. Dd peeled off a yellow bit to reveal the dark blue underneath.

I take it the painting wasnt behind glass in a frame.
If granny can't fix it and it means that much pay an artist to repair it.My mother-in-law is an amazing artist and a repair like that would be easy.She would repair it if It was me in your situation.
Im sure your daughter has been punished enough with the knowledge that she will upset granny when she finds out.
Good luck,hope it gets fixed.

Oooooo and buy a frame!!!

Agree with notyummy and ChippingIn.

I think it's right to teach children from a young age that actions, even if they're thoughtless rather than malicious, have consequences, and that thinking before you act is generally the wise thing to to.

Chucking fire extinguishers off the roof, anyone?

I think if she can see your disappointment in what she has done she will learn the value of the painting - how special it is to have been painted by granny.

Can I suggest that the emotional attachment to the picture and its importance, being painted by granny, given to her on her first birthday is yours not hers (dont mean that rudely). She has to learn the importance of such things and she will - through your disappointment,sadness, not punishment.
I would expect a 4 year old to know the importance of hitting a sibling but not neccessarily the importance of a picture.

Remember in this day and age we constantly encourage children to paint, draw. These are every day objects in their lives to be touched, played with. This one is just a bit more important.

But she hasn't done anything naughty. The painting is hers and therefore hers to break. All she's done is something foolish. This is time for a lesson on consequences and things which can't be undone, not on naughtiness and respecting other people's property.

She now understands she will have upset her Granny and surely that's punishment enough?