Talk to me about your experiences with attachment parenting - my GP said I am making a rod for my on back...

[plasticspoon]

I have a 7wk-old ds, and before he was born I read about attachment parenting and it felt right - luckily so as I have a total velcro baby (and have indeed posted before wondering if it was normal). He likes to be held all the time (mostly by me), to breastfeed very frequently in the day and wakes up screaming the instant he is placed in a moses basket/cot/pram.

So I am bf on demand, co-sleeping, persevering with slings (not quite there yet so am currently still just holding him most of the time) etc...had our 6 week check last Friday and GP told me I am making a rod for my own back. I was bf'ing him as we walked in to the room and made an off-hand comment about how he is only happy on the boob, which seems to have prompted the remark. I didn't even mention the rest!

This seems to be a fairly common attitude - even at the bf'ing group I've joined I seem to be on the unusual side - and I'm losing a bit of confidence. Although he is on the whole extremely supportive, my dh would like us to try using the pram more (ds hates it atm!), and would probably be more comfortable with a more traditional approach.

I thought hearing about other's (hopefully +ve) experiences with AP might inspire me and also help me understand how day to day practicalities might work. For example, if you co-sleep are you signing yourself up to years of going to bed at the same time as the baby?! I am at my ignorance...

Hello all, thanks for so many replies! Sorry I haven't been back before but the in-laws only left yesterday and poor ds has had a very grumpy Christmas :( I am so hoping that 12 weeks is a turning point - he actually seems to be getting worse at the moment! Nights especially are one long thrash-and-grunt-athon and I feel grim. Oh well, I just keep telling myself it would be worse if I was sleeping apart etc...

You say he's not that keen on slings - which one are you using? Have you tried a wrap-around sling, I reckon they're the snuggliest IYKWIM.

marvellous!

sorry i haven't read whole thread, don't usu like to post without doing so but what with my nickname I feel entitled to! (I chose my name as an ironic nod to the well meaning aunts, HVs and Ginaholics who told me the very same thing)

You are a lovely wonderful mum and doing absolutely the best for your baby. As a now experiences attachment parent, here are my top tips:

1. Tell your GP to fuck right off. (Don't actually do this. Just smile blandly, say something inane and non committal, and then go home and do whatever you fancy doing).
2. Be careful not to wax too lyrical about APing to other mothers IRL. They will feel defensive about their own choices and will think you are weird or that you are judging them. Save your waxing for MN.
3. Try to get your DH on board. Bombard him with literature (you mention you've already done reading so let me know if you want any ideas) and try to remember to have sex with him occasionally on sofa or spare bed, just in case he starts to think the little wriggler in the middle of your bed is a barrier to intimate relations. He needs to be on side for cooking while you breastfeed and defending your choices to PILs if they are anti APing.
4. Be prepared that there are drawbacks. Your choices may make it harder to leave your DC in the first year or so. While the rest of your breastfeeding group are out on the piss together in a few months' time, you may well be bfing in a darkened room, trying to remember a time when you had your own life and your back didn't ache. This happened to me but it was well worth it. DS1 is anybody's these days. I could leave him with next door's cat for a week and he wouldn't bat an eyelid!

We lived in London until DS1 was 5 months. Enlightened HVs were supportive of our cosleeping tomfoolery. Then we moved to the East Mids and met with local HV who is a right old crank of the rodforyourownback variety. She said if we let DS1 sleep with us he would be "playing up" for years. DS2 is 4 weeks now, we saw the HV from a neighbouring village last week as ours was off for christmas, I can't wait to see her and rub her sour old face in the loveliness that is our secure and confident 3 year old!

Congratulations to you OP for being such a fabulous mum making fabulous choices. Hurrah! and happy new year

Oh dear it is 4am!
OP I realise I didn't even read your whole post, never mind the whole thread. I'm so sorry! I just got over excited about the GP, the rod, and everything...
I will be back at a more civilised hour with no doubt far too many words of wisdom...

GPs say the weirdest things sometimes.

When DD2 cut her first tooth my (lovely, wonderful) GP said "well that will be the end of breastfeeding, then" :o

I was like "umm, no it won't be, are you mad?"

another gp told me to give her calpol after her imms just in case she had a reaction.

I didn't, and she didn't.

You have spent 7 weeks gazing adoringly at your new baby and figuring out what she needs. You are the expert here, nobody else :)

plasticspoon - remember, your ds is only 12 weeks old, so any form of parenting is going to be exhausting and difficult, and with your first baby you will always wonder whether you are doing the right thing or not. The only way to get over the fear as to whether or not you are doing the right thing is to stick by your instincts and not let the "rod for your own back" opinions get to you. If your baby is a poor sleeper for the first year, that is because that is the way your baby is, tbh - you can make it marginally better, or possibly stick by some rigid "training" regime, but some babies sleep better than others and that's just life. If sleeping right next to your ds makes it easier for you to cope with that and your dh is not vehemently opposed to this, then sleep right next to him. And don't give up on bf on demand - I really don't understand why people think that's harder than putting up with a crying baby that thinks it's hungry until 3 or 4-hours are up (unless you formula feed and have to sterilise everything). No-one can tell you what would have happened if you had parented in a different way, unless they are patronising idiots who think every baby is like their baby, so just do what YOU feel is the right thing (provided you can also convince your dh and don't make him feel totally excluded).

what everyone else said

ive had a loosely Aping aproach with dd (2.5) and ds(4mo) just do what feels right for you dont let others tell you whats okay and what isnt (that includes books) try a wrap sling like a hug a bub

doc's,hv's ,family members and total strangers say some extraordinary things,try to ignore them as much as you can

dd (2.5) is an amazingly outgoing little girl,i could leave her with pretty much anyone,and she wouldnt care, beacause she knows we'll be back to claim her,why wouldnt we? we built up so much strenght and trust by never abandoning her to cry 'it' out (whatever 'it' is) that she is totally independant,she sleeps in her own bed in her own room ,we moved her when she was ready.

good luck

i bottle feed my 4 month old on demand but apart from that have completely opposite parenting technique to you - from day 1 have put baby down frequently and in pram, never had sling, gave him to everyone who would have him... then i take him to baby group... he lies on floor really happy not needing/ wanting me at all... everyone is amazed.... then i get the dont you cuddle him line..arnt you going to pick him up hes made a slight noise ect. so there you go you will always be critisized what ever you do, i agree with jiltedjohnsjulie - you need to toughen up and not care what other people think, you are doing what you think is best just like i am doing what i think is best, there is no right answer but people always think that there opinion is the right answer - go with ur gut feeling, u'll only regret it if you dont.