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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

9 week old clingy baby

32 replies

pugglefan · 18/12/2010 16:17

Hi there, as title says, my 9wo ds is very clingy all day and all night. He suffers from trapped wind which doesn't help. But he really hates being put down in his crib, moses basket, playmat, bouncy chair.
So, as well as any tips to overcome this, I'd also like to know if it'll affect his development as we struggle to get him to do tummy time for more than a couple of minutes each day, let alone getting him to lay happily on his back for extended periods?
Help!

OP posts:

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faverolles · 18/12/2010 17:08

9 weeks is still tiny.
IME, babies don't start to get independent (in the loosest sense of the word) until they can sit up and do things by themselves.
Try putting him in a sling. You'll be able to get more done, and he'll be happier being near you.

RobynLou · 18/12/2010 17:17

he's still so so tiny, just hold him, don't worry about doing anything else, it can all wait.
do make sure you get out so you stay sane, just put him in a sling.
don't think there's anything particularly vital about 'tummy time' much more important that he's held when so tiny imo.

HumphreyCobbler · 18/12/2010 17:22

while I think it is absolutely normal for a 9wo baby to want to be held all the time, I also remember how hard it is to cope with. It is hard work. I started a similar thread to yours iirc, just after I had DD.

I wouldn't worry about it being damaging developmentally not to have tummy time.

Have you tried swaddling? Although this might not be useful if he has trapped wind.

Igglystuffedfullofturkey · 18/12/2010 17:27

I don't think I put DS down for any length of time until he was about 4/5 months. Even then no longer than 10-15 mins. Now at 14 months he doesn't cuddle much! Your little one might not like being under a playgym as it's too overstimulating and he's trapped. Or the wind means he's uncomfy and wants to be with you for comfort.

Can you get a sling and carry him around? The time will pass quickly when you look back and you'll miss the cuddles.

Tummy time will only be for a few mins at this age too. I used to do it with DS on my chest which meant he could look at me.

As for the trapped wind - try tummy time before bed as it can help. Also swaddling can help as the pressure on the tum can soothe it.

Bumpsadaisie · 18/12/2010 18:25

TBH don't think this is "clingy" - but normal. My DD wouldn't be put down till about 10 weeks and even then ONLY in her carseat.

She lived in the sling!

Don't worry about his development - if your DS is healthy and you feed him and love him and keep him warm, he WILL develop, by himself! You don't have to make it happen, it just happens. (I know its hard to believe this esp with your first DC, but it does!)

LauraHigh · 19/12/2010 12:18

My daughter is the same age and I struggled to get her to go down anywhere during the day. She has a routine and sleeps really well at night in her moses basket but daytime was another story. She has literally just allowed me to put her in her chair and on her playmat where she will sleep and play for good chunks of time. Don't push it and I realised that they change their minds as they develop. Just keep gently trying different things, that's what I did anyway. It will work itself out.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 19/12/2010 12:22

mine's 8 weeks and is in the sling most of the time, naps included. she'll do 5-10mins in the bouncy chair if happy and very recently fed.
it is utterly maddening. but what can you do?

tostaky · 19/12/2010 22:08

at 9 weeks old a baby is not clingy!!!
True some babies want to be held more than others...
the sling, a simple routine, and also being able to do everything one-handed (you)

on babycentre;co.uk they have games to do with a baby for every week, you could try that too.

tummy time, not an issue; DS1 hated it but was crawling at 6 months.. you can still put your baby on his/her tummy for a small minute from time to time with an interesting toy in front of him or you can try when he is around other babies doing the same thing (at a baby group for ex)

colics and wind get better around the third month usually and then once they are able to sit up they can play by themselves for 5-10 minutes and it is lovely (and with time they play for longer on their own)

DS1 was like your DS and he is a great two years old now - still crying "mummy mummy" whern tired or bored but great otherwise

Cosmosis · 20/12/2010 09:37

Tummy time could equally be on your chest with you lying on the floor or bed, this will actually encourage him to lift his head to see your face - it doesn't have to been on the floor.

agree with the others though, it's not clingy, it's being a baby, enjoy it while it lasts.

Rollmops · 20/12/2010 09:49

Kerrist on bike - WHAT do you expect a 9 week old baby to do? Get his people to call your people to do lunch, daaaahlin'?
You are his mother, he wants your love and cuddles!
Poor mite suffering from trapped wind - no wonder he really needs somebody who he hopes would make him feel better!

Cosmosis · 20/12/2010 10:24

That's a bit harsh rollmops, there are plenty of people out there who have no idea that some babies don't like being put down at all!! I had no idea for example that babies didn't just fall asleep when they are tired!

hmmSleep · 20/12/2010 10:45

Rollmops, the op was asking for advice not scorn. Pugglefan I have the same problem and what some people don't seem to realise is that occasionally you do have to put the baby down, and it would be nice if anyone could advise ways of helping them settle a little on their own for short periods. I have to go to the toilet, I have to take a shower, I don't think it's safe to carry her whilst cooking, I have 2 other children that occasionally need my full attention too, it is impossible to carry my little one around constantly, and it's doing my back in. May be there isn't a solution Rollmops but I don't see the harm in asking.

purpleduck · 20/12/2010 11:02

my son was like that (many many moons ago)

It will pass. Are you breastfeeding? If so I used to drink peppermint tea, and that would help him pass gas. I also used to rub his back and tummy with a carrier oil (jojoba/ apricot - you can get them at holland and barrett) with a drop of peppermint oil in it. I think the ratio was about 20 drops of carrier oil to one drop of peppermint. My son would never burp, and I still remember the corker he let off after rubbing him down.

It will get better. :)

Original poster

pugglefan · 20/12/2010 14:16

Thanks for the constructive advice Rollmops. The reason that it I ask is becuase my husband works away a lot (is currently away for an entire week) and we've no family nearby to help, and friends all have full time jobs as well as their own lives and commitments.
So a baby who refuses to be left on his own, including at night, is both extremely tiring and awkward.
I am well aware that I am his mother and he needs me, but having no experience of babies except for a friend's baby, who just slept anywhere all day, I am still learning what's "normal".
To everyone else, thank you for empathising and offering advice. I will just let DS lead and wait for him to become a little more independant as he grows. It's reassuring to know I'm not doing anything wrong, as MIL seemed to have the opposite opinion and it's left me doubting my abilities as a mother.

OP posts:

BlueberryPancake · 20/12/2010 14:28

pugglefan, it's just that the tone of your message suggest that your expectations are ones of a new mum. Very normal. But I would never say that a nine week old 'refuses to be left on his own' you make it sound as if he is doing this because he is stubborn. He is not. He is a nine week old baby. He is not manipulating you, he is not refusing to do something that you want him to do. You'll have plenty of that when he's 5 years old, but not at 9 week old. Please don't worry about this affecting his development! He wants plenty of cuddle. Have you tried skin to skin contact? Strip him down to his nappy in a warm room, take your top off, and have plenty of cuddles. It's all normal. For trapped wind, what helped with my DS1 was to lie him down on his tummy across my lap. So you sit down on a low sofa or chair, put him across your lap on his tum, and rub his back. Somehow it helped.

Also, if you can leave him for a couple of minutes at a time to start with, you might be able to increase that time a little bit every day.

blinder · 20/12/2010 14:35

Great advice here regarding slings etc.

I assume you are burping your ds frequently during and after feeding. My dd had loads of trapped wind which would only come up in this magic position:

Baby's head on my shoulder. Me supporting her bum with one hand and her head with the other. Then I would lean forward as age as I could and then sit back up. As I sat up she would let out an almighty burp. Was the only way to dislodge it. I later found that it gets trapped in a certain fold in the intestines.

Hth.

blinder · 20/12/2010 14:36

Lean forward as FAR as I could (damn you iPhone)

Original poster

pugglefan · 20/12/2010 15:12

OK, apologies for the description, I am well aware he's not doing it on purpose, nor is he capable of minipulation. He's too new! I agree that I am maybe expecting too much, but I nothing to compare him to. And others (OH, MIL and HV) keep telling me to just leave him, as he has to "learn", which I disagree with. And it just leaves me doubting.
Blinder - I do burp him frequently and usually manage to get a good burp out of him, but it's his bottom-burps that cause the problems.

OP posts:

Cosmosis · 20/12/2010 15:48

Don't listen to them, listen to your instincts. But at the same time, it will do him no harm to be put down while you have a quick wee or shower, even if he doesn't like it much. Do you have a swing, often babies like those.

My DS is 15 weeks and in the last 2 or 3 weeks has he decided it is ok to sleep in his moses basket and not on me, so you will get there :)

MoonUnitAlpha · 20/12/2010 15:54

A good sling will count as tummy time too as they push against you and look around, so you can kill two birds with one stone!

You can tell your DH and MIL that all leaving your baby to cry will do is teach him that the world is a scary place and he can't trust people to care for him! Keeping him close and comforting him when he needs it is normal and natural, and will help him be secure and independent later.

Original poster

pugglefan · 20/12/2010 19:38

Thank you. He's actually decided he quite likes his chair today (must've read my post!) and sat happily in it whilst I did the ironing!

I don't have a swing, but really wish I did as he loves being rocked.
I've got everything crossed that he'll start sleeping in his crib soon. I'll keep trying, and I am sure we'll get there. But in the meantime, I'll continue as we are and enjoy being his most favourite person in the whole world!
Again, thank you for all the advice and reassurance.

OP posts:

Cosmosis · 21/12/2010 08:52

Yay!

Do keep trying with the crib, we just persevered, we'd try every night, and also sometimes put him in it for a bit when he was happy just to get used to it a bit. It started off so he would be happy in there for part of the night and then want to come in the bed, and then it just got that he would happily settle back in there after every feed.

jellyhelly · 21/12/2010 09:20

I remember this so well- I used to cry with frustration at how other peoples's children would go down out of their arms with ease, but then I decided to go with the flow!please don't think your baby is clingy- he is just doing what baby's do, he's been with you for 9 months and just wants that closeness to continue. I know it feels like forever but very quickly they're crawling away from you at top speed!
It will get better, but the more you TRY to make them less clingy the worse it gets so I found giving into cuddles the best option- good luck, you are doing a great job!

hmmSleep · 21/12/2010 10:02

I'm not entirely sure why everyone is objecting to the word clingy, it's just an adjective to describe how a baby is behaving, clinging to their mother rather than being put down. We say sleepy baby, hungry baby, windy baby, also all very normal things for a baby to be and no-one objects, so why object to clingy?

jellyhelly · 21/12/2010 10:37

In my experience it's because it's how other "well meaning" relatives have used it, or described baby -as a negative put down meaning " give him to me...I will sort him out"
But as you say it's only an adjective!

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