Large babies - advice

[Wilbert]

Advice and other mothers in the same position needed.
I gave birth to my first DS in April and he weighed in at 10.15, at 17 weeks he weighed 21.10, he is now 21 weeks and god knows what he weighs, I am going tomorrow to check it out.
My DS is gorgeous with a fantastic personality always smiling and laughing, he is not chubby just solid and very long.
BUT nearly everyone has to comment on how big he is, they call him - huge, a bruiser, big, chubby, giant, massive etc etc etc. As you are all aware out there, any perceived criticism of our children leads to tears, frustration and anger. Has anyone any ideas on how to deal with these comments.
Also feeding a larger than average child, I breastfeed DS and he gets 2 meals a day of fruit and rice, but how much milk should he be getting as he does not fit in with any of the general advice you get.
Any advice would be gratefully appreciated.

my dd1 was 9lb at birth, now weighs around 28lb at a year old, most people are shocked when they find out her age, most put her at around the 2yr mark, some go as far as saying she is 3.
i fed on demand, she has been bottle fed since around 10weeks, she now has 8oz feeds between twice and 4 times in 24hours. she has 3 meals a day.
most people are more struck by her gorgeous curls than her size, i dont really know how to deal with the comments about her size, as i generally am in too much of a rush to listen.

My friend's son was 12lb 2oz at birth. You can imagine the size of him He is a tall 3 year old of average buiild now. Personally Wilbert I would stop getting him weighed. It only invites comment. You should not think about restricting his breastfeeds either. Once he becomes mobile he will lose some of the chubbieness. Very helpful for when he gets his first stomach bug - he has plenty of reserves. Try not to worry - he sounds adorable

Wilbert - my son was 10lb (induced two weeks early). I couldn't buy clothes fast enough as he kept growing so quickly! I had all the comments, but personally I think bigger babies are cuter . He was never weighed much, partly because of the comments and partly because he never followed the centiles on the chart anyway!

I breastfed him for six months and gave him as much as he asked for. He never got really chubby but lost any chubby bits when he started crawling and walking.

He is now three and is possibly a little taller than most three year olds - but his dad is tall!

The worst was getting pregnant again with dd and having to see a different midwife every time, who all went through my notes and said "10lb two weeks early - mmmmmm" . (incidentally she was 10lb and born on her edd!)

Wilbert - Agree with mears about the tummy bug thing! ds got an evil bug at 6 months which persisted on and off for a few weeks. He'd hit 21lbs something (need to get the red book) at about 5 months and was 91st centile and rising so the GP was never concerned about weightloss.

I have been asked several times if I'm going to put ds on a diet (he's now 11.5 months) and you do have to wonder whether some people have been hit one too many times with a stupid stick.

ds is now only 25 lbs and crawling/cruising - he's "thinning out" before my eyes which is odd. But he still has thighs that complete strangers have to squeeze. He's healthy and looks it too.

ds wasn't weaned till 5.5 months and was still on 5 breastfeeds a day. Once on solids that dropped to 3 fairly quickly.

hth

Wilbert .... please don't worry ...
My baby was 10lbs at birth and I got all those comments for the first 12 months of his life ... I hated it.
As mears says, he has lots of reserves and will not suffer too much if he gets sick!!!
DS is now nearly 4 and is an average sized child ... with a healthy appetite and is very healthy and bright.
Don't worry about it ... big fat babies are much nicer and cuddlier than skinny ones ...

Know what you mean Wilbert. Ds was 3.910kg at birth and 9.27kg at 16 weeks...until then he was completely breastfed. He's 71/2 months now and we're on three meals a day plus milky feeds and his weight gain has slowed a lot but he is still very long. He's a gorgeous little armful though
Everyone was very nice when I panicked about it here

Why do you hear "huge baby" as a criticism, Wilbert? It's a compliment! Would you rather have skinny scrawny pint size runt babies like I do, Wilbert? Then you might be worried that they weren't growing well enough on breastmilk alone, weight percentile below height percentile, must supplement, etc., etc.

You should be proud of your Bruiser Baby. That's your hard work and good quality milk that grew that big baby. He won't get picked on in class for being the runt (DH had kids fighting to be his best friend, but reckons it was just because they wanted someone to look "Big" next to). Your child is statistically more likely to be happy, sexually satisfied and intelligent than anybody who had lower a birthweight. My small son is almost a year behind in trouser sizes where he is supposed to be. This means that trousers people give as gifts we have to store for at least a year before DS can wear them. In theory DD should have been rear-facing in her carseat until 14 months old since it took her that long to hit 9kg. My dad has a booster car seat that is in theory good from 3yo, but my DS didn't hit the weight threshold until 3.5yo.

Only bad thing I can see about big babies is their contribution to Mother's bad back.

Wilbert, I agree with mears, stop getting him weighed. My son was 9lbs 10 0z at birth and at almost 3 is in clothes for a 4-5 yar old. EVERYBODY, almost without exception comments on his height and his being 'solid, chunky, a bruiser' etc... and yet he is not even remotely fat. It does feel like criticism. Equally because our son is full of energy and has a very good imagination, and picks everything up first time, he is handwork and often gets up to mischief. My family particuarly make me livid with comments about his being a 'devil, a monster, a terror.......'etc., etc so despairing was I that I have taken to actively challenging such statements. I will not allow them to pigeon hole him any longer. Have they never heard of self fulfilling prophecy? I truly believe that if you tell a child that they are x, y or z often enough they will believe it and so my response these days is to counter a negative comment with a positive one (unless the criticism is fair and sometimes he is naughty... no ones perfect). So next time someone makes a comment about your childs size why not respond with a comment like 'oh do you think so? I don't...' and then add something really positive about what you love about his appearance. HTH

Obviously I meant hardwork, not handwork. Really must preview!

Just to agree with everyone here. DS was 11lb 2oz at birth and has grown steadily since. You must have really good baby growing stuff inside you and fab quality milk is all I can say. Just ignore the comments (I know it's easier said than done) - he sounds absolutely perfect to me. I think the key is to feel that you don't have to defend how he looks, if he is happy and healthy then that is what counts. Perhaps you could think of something like 'don't you think he has gorgeous eyes - and he's so flirty with them!' when people start on these comments and divert them away from just noticing his size???

Agree, agree. Stop getting him weighed ! What's the point? That's only for underweight babies, which yours most certainly is not. I think it might help to 'reclaim' those words by seeing them as compliments not criticism. I call my boy chubby all the time - it's one of my favourite words. He's quite short but very round, and at two still has bracelet wrists, a huge tummy, a round little face and squeezable thighs. We call him baby tubby, chubster, etc etc. I think you should just smile and say, 'Yes, isn't he gorgeous!" when someone says 'Oh, what a big boy!' Remember, if it's old ladies you are talking about, in their day a baby only won a beautiful baby contest if he was properly big and fat. Don't worry about milk. You clearly have more than enough or he wouldn't be such a splendid chap. People love to comment on babies because babies are so lovely. Try to see it as a compliment and a testimony to your ability to nourish him. And yes, there is lots of evidence that babies born big have health advantages etc.

I agree with challenging critical words like 'a devil' a 'little horror' etc - I always say, "no, he's lovely' if someone says 'I bet he's a little monster' or something just because of his age.
But I disagree that comments about size are critical in most cases. After all, just about the first thing anyone tells you about a baby after their sex is their weight!

This is the research I always quote. works every time!: Big Babies

Aloha, whilst I understand what you are saying about reclaiming words regarding size I do believe that negative comments about a childs weight can be detrimental. (I've personally struggled against that one from an incredibly young age and I've struggled to stop it happening to my daughter - who was not a big baby but developed 'puppy fat'. The number of people who remarked that I should put her on a diet and assumed I had when her weight fell off as she grew in height). It can become such an issue. And, unless everyone is like you, comments can be delivered in a tone of criticism that tells a child that they are bad for being the size they are. I think this is particularly relevant with girls in this society. A comment about size to boys can be passed off because boys are 'meant' to be strong and physically powerful. But I have met men who were made to feel worthless from a very early age because of their size too

Winnie1, I do see what you are saying, and I agree completely that remarking on the size of children in anything but a wholly complimentary nature is unkind, but I think with babies it is slightly different. Wilbert's son is only four months so he won't understand or care anyway, and I do think that for most people, saying a young baby is big is meant as a compliment. When old ladies were young this was particularly so! The phrase 'What a big boy' is usually a compliment too and taken as one by the little boys I know. I'm appalled that anyone would talk about diets to a child or in front of a child who was a bit large. My stepdaughter has gone through dumpy stages but we just refuse to discuss diets but try to encourage her to eat healthily and normally and encourage her to go swimming. She's now suddenly looking much slimmer but I don't mention that either. I do tell her she's beautiful and that her red hair is lovely and that she looks wonderful in certain clothes, but mostly we try to boost her self-esteem by talking to her about the things she's good at, and by praising her to others in her hearing - eg She cooked an amazing meal the other day, or she's captain of her netball team or just that ds adores her and will do things for her he won't do for me etc etc.
But do I still tell ds that he's a lovely, cuddly bundle! And he even told me "I lully, cuddy bundle!" today.

My dd was 9lb 10 and god knows what she weighs now as the clinic is on Tuesdays when I work, dh sometimes takes her but as long as she is eating/drinking as norm, I don't worry. She is 10 months old now and in 12-18mth clothes, which I wouldn't see as excessive. Now if she was in 3 years olds.....

Agree that comments on big babies are usually complimentary, I took them that way anyway! She is my own Cabbage Patch Doll.

Misdees DD is bigger than her cousin (my DD2) who is a whole year older LOL.........she's a lovely lovely baby.
There is a differance though, dd2 was born weighing 3lb 8oz and misdee's dd2 was 9lb!!!

Bobsmum I'm afraid my cousin was a huuuuuge baby is she is as thick as mince.

Aloha, love the "lully cuddy bundle" and oliveoils "cabbage patch doll". Cuddly is definately a term of endearment in this house as thats how my children describe me Do concede that some references aren't meant unkindly and certainly hadn't taken on board the age of Wilberts son.

It's like that thing when people thought they had a right to prod your pregnant belly, somehow it is OK also to pass comment on a baby's size. I wish I was as wise as aloha and had realised that the belly poking and chunky baby comments were all because of people's amazement with how wonderful and gorgeous babies are.

I got really upset when two silly old moos (la-di-la 20something media bunnies) on the tube started braying to each other about "look at that really fat baby" "yuck its disgusting" and then delighted in describing different folds of fat - and we were only a metre away! I wish I had the courage to say to my son "look at those two whizened old trouts, only in their 20s and their skin's all orange and leathery"

Now, whenever anyone comments I point out my favourite bits of fat (I could die for those bits that fold down from the thigh over his knees - I kiss them often!), and it usually turns out that they were being complementary.

Thankyou for all your support, I did not go to the clinic today and will probably not go again, as you are all right, what is the point, I know that he is thriving.
I am going to take all comments positively in future, or challenge ones that I think are OTT.
The scary thing is what about my next baby, my DH wants five, so the fifth will probably be 13lbs - ahhhhhhhhhhhh
The midwives have already said they want to induce me 2 weeks early next time, but I am not too sure about that, I beleive they need to stay in the womb as nature intended.

Wilbert, good for you that you didn't go to the clinic.

Fisil, LoL @ "look at those two whizened old trouts, only in their 20s and their skin's all orange and leathery". How horrible were they? People can be truly offensive.

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Don't worry too much about babies getting bigger and bigger - it won't necessarily happen. When I was expecting my DD I was closely monitored (extra scans to check babies weight) because DS had been big and was induced at term and she was only 8lb 8oz.

Bigger babies can have as many problems at birth as smaller ones - they can have problems with blood sugar levels for example and end up in special care. They should monitor you closely all through pregnancy to see how big your baby is, and it's not really up to the midwives as to whether you're induced early your consultant will decide that after close monitoring. If you're not getting the service you think you should then speak up and don't be afraid to be pushy - you're after the best for your baby after all!

my dd2 has been discribed as a cabbage patch doll as well. i just grin. she is adorable!!