How can I punnish my daughter for her behaviour? Nothing seems to work.

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, My daughter is nearly 6. She's just messed herself and I've had to clean her up as she refuses to do it herself and probubly couldn't anyway. She hates being cleaned.
She got really angry while I was cleaning her and I have a saw finger at the moment, it's swollen and red (possibly chilblaine?) anyway she said to me "Which is your poorly finger?" I showed her and she grabbed it and squeezed it really hard.

I put her in her room and told her to stay there for 5 minutes. I've just gone in and said "Are you ready to appologise? and she said no. I told her she could stay in there until she does and she said "good, I want to stay here".

What can I do when this kind of disapline dosn't work? She's just sooo stubborn it untrue.

Any ideas would be appreciated.

Sounds like this is a physiological problem that Lucy has no or v limited control over and that doctors have not got a grip on controlling?

So the poor wee girl is sore and school have been treating her horribly and insensitively. No wonder she doesn't like being cleaned up and no wonder she feels angry.

There are some great suggestions here, big hugs to you both, and honestly I don't think punishments from her loving and supportive mum are going to help. You're on her side and she needs to feel in no doubt that this is the case.

Keep pushing for a solution/ improvement in management from the medical profession and I hope her new school are bit more humane and kind in their approach to your child.

Thanks.

She came out of school today, very stressed. I couldn't undrestand what she was asking for and she was crying and shouting at me.
She then came home a did a huge poo on the toilet, then she was fine. Like a different child.

She'd obviously been holding it in at school and it must have been really uncomfortable.

poor her :(
although, as a silver lining, at least you know she can hold it in AND... she did it on the toilet! go Lucy!

Yes, I was very happy with that.

Love your name FattyArbuckel.

Aww thanks mummyloveslucy, hope you and Lucy had a good day today

I have been thinking some more about Lucy and how she deals with her feelings and emotions about her experiences at school and I think using play at home may be helpful. I Would really recommend the playful parenting book as a way to explain how to communicate via play, which is the natural language of kids. It works loads better ime than trying to get kids to use our adult methods of expression.

I think this book is the best parenting book ever written and it has really brought me closer to my dd and helped us to work through problems together.Play in the way the book describes can be like a magic key to the experience of kids.

My dp won't read parenting books much to my annoyance, but maybe yours might read the book too? I am far more patient with my dd now I understand her more from reading the book and putting it into practice.

I agree with thisisyesterday's previous post about putting her in her room to calm down. I do this with my DD - it isn't a punishment, it is just a way of letting her recover her equilibrium. Generally she sits on her bed and reads - I either go in or she comes down and we make up/discuss.

The messing herself sounds really difficult (for you) and I wonder what lies behind it? I'd get some advice on it if I were you (I think the school can refer you to someone about toileting problems). It's just one of those issues that it is hard to deal with alone. It does occur to me that she may well have felt embarrassed and powerless afterwards (having literally lost control) - her hurting you may be a way of trying to feel big again.

Thank you, I will buy that book playful parenting. It sounds really good.

Well you will have to let me know what you think of it - I absolutely love that book and can't recommend it highly enough!

It has done more for me and my dd than any other book - and I have read a fair few parenting books! I also gave it to my best friend last christmas - she loves it too. I'm quite gutted I can't persuade my dp to read it - he just has no interest in parenting books.

I'll let you know. My husband never reads them either, I did catch him having a sneeky peep at my Junior magaziene once though.

Junior magazine, eh?!!

Erm...yep.

My daughter is only 2 so I have little experience with kids of your daughters age. However, wonder if you have thought about her diet in relation to her constipation? I find my daughter gets a bit constipated after eating alot of carbs (particularly if she has a bit of a junk food binge). Does she drink enough plain water (especially at school)? Wheat and cows milk are common irritants in children too.

Also, with regards to making sure she is clean. I'm a big user of tea tree oil. Dilute it well and give her a bit of sponge clean with it. Bergamot oil is similar, and used for preventing UTIs. Avoid soap, too irritating.