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Original poster

How to handle obnoxious boasting child?

54 replies

Whippet · 27/10/2010 15:20

We have friends with children who are friendly with our DC. Eldest is pleasant enough, but the youngest (let's call him Z)(aged 8) is just generally obnoxious - never stops talking about himself and how brilliant he is, and always seems to be 'putting down' DS2 (who is a bit lacking in self-esteem anyway).

For example:

DS2: "I'd like an XYZ for christmas"
Z: "My best friend, N, is going to get me a MASSIVE present for my birthday. Bigger than anyone elses, or anything you've ever had"

DS2: "Our cars are the same"
Z : "No, ours is miles better - ours has a roofrack and has alloys"

Me: (after we had a new kitchen extension)

  • we're having tea in here... do you like our new kitchen?

Z: "Our kitchen is much bigger and we can get 8 people around our table..."

It's just so boring and irritating. I've always taught my kids not to boast, but when he's going on, they look at me as if to say, "Mummy, can I argue back/cut him down a peg or too?"

It's not just boasting either, it's downright nasty too soemtimes. Last weekend the kids were adding something up. DS2 got the sum slightly wrong.
Z says, "Are you any good at Maths?"
DS2 proudly (cos he actually IS quite good at Maths) "Yes, I am..."
Z: "Well it doesn't seem like it, cos you can't even do that sum..."

The thing is that Z's mum even heard him say that and didn't say anything Shock. I would've pulled my child up on it straight away and told him not to be so mean.

I'd really rather we never had to see this child, but it's not that easy, as they are neighbours and long-standing 'friends'.

What would you do? I don't feel comfortable letting him do this in front of me/the kids, but it's hard when his parents don't seem to deal with it.

Surely it's not right for a child of this age to be so full of himself and sneering and critical of others?
(To be fair, he probably gets it from his Dad, who is just the same, and always has the 'best' golf club/ car/ wine etc etc Hmm )

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louii · 27/10/2010 15:25

He's 8, if he is being mean, correct him on it, tell him that he is being rude and it's not polite to talk like that.

maryz · 27/10/2010 15:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dracschick · 27/10/2010 15:35

It doesnt stop there.

Ds1 had a friend in secondary school who apparently lived in a huge house,Dad had a ferrari etc etc shamefully I did a property search on his address the house was 150k Smile.

cece · 27/10/2010 15:36

He sounds like he has low self esteem himself. Tell your DS to feel sorry for him.

overmydeadbody · 27/10/2010 15:36

He is 8. To me that is old enough for you to put him down a peg or two, and allow your children to do the same.

I would talk to a child speaking like that all the time in my class, so would do the same at home too.

Wordsonascreen · 27/10/2010 15:38

There is a boy in my 8 year olds class that won X factor last year and is training with the England Football team

fact

Ishouldhavechosenagoldfish · 27/10/2010 15:39

Flick his ears.

activate · 27/10/2010 15:41

tell the child to stop being obnoxious

It think I'm missing the problem - if you let a child in your hearing be obnoxious without pointing it out they will continue - if you stop it they will realise they're doing something wrong

JenaiMwahHaHaHaaaaah · 27/10/2010 15:52

To be fair on the boy, I think it's pretty normal to boast about having the biggest, fastest, best whatever. Ds boasts about my car all the bloody time. Admittedly I love my car, and I'm thrilled that he loves it too, but it gets embarassing.

It's how you handle it that matters I guess. And I do address it.

Original poster
Whippet · 27/10/2010 15:54

Yes, I'm being a wimp by not addressing it, aren't I? Blush I always talk to my kids about it afterwards, and we agree that it's a mean/ nasty way of talking behaviour.

But how do you tell him off etc in front of his parents, when they are right there, and do nothing about it? Surely that's at the heart of the problem?

I can never seem to find the right words - after all, I don't want to be accused of 'being nasty' back?

Honestly, what would you say to him (exact words, please Blush) both

a) if he is here on his own
b) if he is here and parents are within earshot

OP posts:
activate · 27/10/2010 15:54

Do you? I don't agree

activate · 27/10/2010 15:55

in front of parents just laugh at him "Oh there you again Jonny, always with the biggest, brightest and bestest - isn't he funny mum of Jonny don't you think"

Original poster
Whippet · 27/10/2010 15:56

Jenai - is it normal? Sorry, but I don't think it is - I think it's rude and naff to be so boastful.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whippet · 27/10/2010 15:57

activate - problem is that I think his Mum would take that as a criticism of her parenting, and his Dad would think I was being mean and petty....

Thinking about it, why are we friendly with these people? Grin

OP posts:
StayFrosty · 27/10/2010 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Whippet · 27/10/2010 16:02

I like that, stayfrosty!

OP posts:
TheProvincialLady · 27/10/2010 16:03

The best thing would be to try and improve DS2's self esteem so that he is able to laugh at/deflect boastful comments from this boy and others.

You could say "Do you realise that sounds like boasting?" to the boy. That is an acceptable thing to say in front of his parents IMO. Or else "We don't boast in this house, no boasting please."

Get DS2 to say "Stop boasting you big head" (but deny all knowledgeGrin)

JenaiMwahHaHaHaaaaah · 27/10/2010 16:04

I think it is normal, yes. I certainly remember lots of people - me included - showing off at their age. And plenty of adults engage in pissing competitions, too [hgrin]

The way this other lad talks is rude. I would pick him up on it if he was mine. And if he was someone elses, tbh. I have done in the past - or countered some other dc's boast with another on ds's behalf if I think they're belittling him. Which probably isn't constructive. [hblush]

Jeez, I sound really competitive. I swear I'm not - not at all. I'm one the the biggest underacheivers you'd could ever hope to meet.

There can be a fine line between being proud of your achievements - and sharing them - and boasting. I suppose it's down to why you're doing it. If it's to belittle someone else then it's boasting and you're being an arse. If it's to share good news with others who might give a stuff, then that's healthy imo.

JaxTellersOldLady · 27/10/2010 16:05

It sounds to me like this child is picking up on how he/someone is treated at home. He has heard/seen the behaviour and is copying.

I would feel sorry for the child and say something to the mum about the childs self esteem issues.

louii · 27/10/2010 16:07

"That's not how we speak to each other in this house" when he is being rude to your children.
I would say this and have done, regardless of whether parents are there or not.
God, I detest children who behave like this, it's not normal, it is just the height of bad manners.

Jux · 27/10/2010 16:07

"I suppose you have to blow your own trumpet if no one blows it for you" and wink with vague smile
"That's rather rude"
"That's unkind"
"Is that true?"
"Do you need to get 8 people round your table often? We'd rather have room for this comfy armchair..."

activate · 27/10/2010 16:10

but it is a criticism of her parenting because she thinks boasting obnoxiously is ok

JenaiMwahHaHaHaaaaah · 27/10/2010 16:12

ds had a birthday recently. He had a very, very cool present. Not a particularly expensive one, but one which, it became evident, has a fair bit of kudos among fellow 10yos.

I know he must have been (ahem) sharing his exciting news because every other DC at pick up came up to me asking "Is it true JenaiJunior is getting [cool present]?"

Now, I'd rather he didn't bang on about it, but he was excited. Was he boasting though? Showing off? I don't know, really.

piscesmoon · 27/10/2010 16:22

I think that you would do better if you thought of him as insecure-I am sure he is.
I would just pass off his comments with a smile and vague comment, if you feel the need, e.g.with the Maths,'people learn best if they are not afraid to make mistakes' or with the kitchen 'we find we don't need 8 people around the table' or with the car 'it gets us from A to B which is all we are bothered about'. Don't snap, just appear not to let him bother you.

JenaiMwahHaHaHaaaaah · 27/10/2010 16:40

There's an awful lot more to being a Maths whizz than a few sums though, as I'm sure you know you conceited little gobshite

[hwink]

Seriously though, ds and his friends are forever sharing increasingly outlandish-- tales about this that and the other. I did take exception to one lad who took one look at my garden and said "It's not very big, is it?". I think I replied with something like "Well it's a lot bigger than our old one." Which is a bit lame.

By the time he's 16 though the OP's ds will be a bit of a Jay and even his friends will think he's an arse.