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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Who gets up at night?

30 replies

spacetraveler · 27/10/2010 08:14

I have been getting up at night(for the baby) EVERY night for 13 months, My husband told me yesterday that he has a problem with the fact that I sigh when the baby cries.

He thinks that I dread getting up and he has a problem with this (he is right I do dread it, because I am exhausted) . He says its the only thing he expects from me because I am at home with the baby, and he has to work. I don't have a problem with getting up most of the time, BUT I feel I am at a point where I am going to crack if someone doesn't help me.

Who gets up in your house do you take turns? Do you ever get a night off?

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Bumperlicious · 27/10/2010 08:19

Currently me as I am breastfeeding but after that stopped with dd1 dh usually got up. I am so vile with lack of sleep & find it hard to get back off.

Can he do weekends?

eldritch · 27/10/2010 08:23

I used to be on night duty during the week, but he did Friday and Saturday nights. I think it's only fair - surely there are some days when he doesn't have to be up for work?

TrinityTheTwattyRhino · 27/10/2010 08:24

I've always got up in the night with every child every night

currently working on gecko NOT waking in the night anhmore

We are getting some progress but dd2 was 2 when she was born and still night waking so at the mo I'm looking at 5 and a half years of never having had more then 3 hours unbroken sleep

one day....one day, I will be able to go to sleep and wake naturally after 6 maybe even 7 hours.....I cannot wait

TrinityTheTwattyRhino · 27/10/2010 08:25

tell him to ignore your sighing, what a selfish thing to say, I'm sure as hell he would be sighing by now

ronshar · 27/10/2010 08:29

I always got up with all of ours. However DH did get up eventually with DS but only after I was stood at the side of his cot sobbing with exhaustion. I think DH was fed up I woke him rather than concern about me

I have no real constructive help to give you other than if you lie still long enough and give a gentle kick to the ankle it is just enough to wake up dh and he may get up instead.

Tee2072 · 27/10/2010 08:29

We take turns. He does 3 nights a week and I do 4. We each get one weekend night to not get up and have a lie in the next day.

Of course you also work taking care of the child during the day. That's a job just like his.

SpottyMuldoon · 27/10/2010 08:35

There is only me so I had to see to him. Although, he's nearly 4 now and sleeps fine so I get a full night's sleep again. Yay!

Zoidberg · 27/10/2010 09:41

I do all of the night wakings. DP used to do the evening one but DD stopped settling for him and tbh we're in a phase (ha) where our priority is as much sleep as can be got no matter what it takes, which is DD in bed with me come the middle of the night and DP asleep downstairs. But he would do some nights if he could, even tho working ft. He does early mornings at the weekend so I can go back to bed for a couple of hours then.

katiepotatie · 27/10/2010 09:53

Always me, even on the nights I'm working the following day (earlyshift) yes I sigh too. Dh snoring too loudly to notice though I don't think I have had a full nights sleep in 3.5 years

Gargula · 27/10/2010 10:01

I think my DH is a saint! Even though i am bf my DH wakes up each time with me - DD is still in cot in our room - and helps me get her off to sleep. He also helped out with night wakings for our first as well.
Sleep deprivation is utterly crap and, in my opinion, something that partners (if they are around) should help with.
I wont show this thread to DH just in case he gets ideas!!

Al1son · 27/10/2010 10:57

Your DH goes out to work, you stay at home and work. You have a right to a good night's sleep too. Not every night but one or two undisturbed nights a week is not a lot to ask. When you are this sleep deprived one full night can make an awful lot of difference.

I think you need to suggest that your DH gets up on Friday or Saturday nights, maybe both.

bigchris · 27/10/2010 11:02

He should definitely be getting up at the weekend, lazy sod!

Bumpsadaisie · 27/10/2010 11:35

My DH would do his fair share but DD just wants me in the night, so if DH gets up it just ends up taking longer and is more disruptive. So I tend to get up most times.

He does get up initially on "his" nights - sometimes all she wants is her dummy back, so its good that he does that.

My DD started sleeping through reasonably consistently, roundabout the time she started walking confidently (13-14 months). I think the walking tires them out! I think the period before they start walking can often be particularly bad for sleep, so maybe you're dealing with this at the moment.

Maybe your your DC will start to get better too soon, if s/he is 13 months now. Fingers crossed.

glasscompletelybroken · 27/10/2010 11:43

I would seriously consider moving on from just sighing to full-on weeping and wailing...

neverenoughMEtime · 27/10/2010 12:21

My DH is fab. He works 12 hour days and still gets up to settle DD2 when she wakes. I get up to settle DD1 when she wakes but it is less often than DD2. I really struggle mentally if im up and down all night wheras DH just gets on with it.

wannabeglam · 27/10/2010 13:00

Your DH is living on cloud cuckoo land. I think you should get him to take a week off and do all the nights. He would be doing more than sighing! Sleep deprivation is a form of torture.

I did all the nights because I breast-fed and hubby was away.

My DH had huge sympathy for me and tried his best to help me in other ways. A few times after the 6 month bit he tried to do a few nights for me. They'd be sleeping in the same room - baby right next to DH. I had door shut, earplugs in, pillow over head. I'm the one who woke up, DH snored right through it. But he tried!

The use of the word 'expect' is disrespectful. It demeans what you do at home and shows he thinks you have an easy ride. Seriously cross on your behalf!

gorehaginhellsbum · 27/10/2010 16:25

Now that my DCs are no longer breastfeeding we take it in turns.
Whoever is on early morning shift does any night wakings too and alternate like that so we each get one lie in at the weekend.

Whilst I was BF, I would feed and DH would change nappies when necessary (we had 2 in nappies) at night. My DH would sometimes remark on the fact that DD had slept through. In fact, he had, and DD had woken 2 or 3 times

EnSuiteShed · 27/10/2010 16:41

I honestly think that it should be a fatherly duty to swap roles with the mother for one month in the early years of childhood. It put put a sharp stop to all their moaning and expectations!

EnSuiteShed · 27/10/2010 16:41

It would put

OooeeeoooeeeoooeeEthel · 27/10/2010 16:43

We do shifts: Before 2am him, after 2am me.
That way he does his duty if necessary and at least gets a few hours sleep before getting up and going to work.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 27/10/2010 16:47

Get him to do one hight at the weekend. That's what I did right from the start

Rollmops · 27/10/2010 21:59

I always did, (DTs nearly 3 so sleep well), every night every time one of them made a noise. Would do it all again....

ghoulishglendawhingesagain · 27/10/2010 22:28

I do. I hear them first, and by the time I have woken DH to take a turn I could have sorted them out and been back in bed most of the time. 22mo DS still rarely sleeps through.

But - he regularly takes them away overnight to get me a full nights kip, has done since youngest was about 13m. When it was just DD he took her from about 6m but she was FF then and DS is still BF.

Otherwise I would be extremely resentful and murderous

Mousieme · 28/10/2010 10:01

Agree with the turn taking.

I have four kids work 12 hour days and study part time. DH is home with 22 month old in the daytime but he goes to daycare two days a week. I get up at night which is every night as DS is a restless sleeper...includes weekend early morning mummy duties.

If your DH doesn't like the sighing why doesn't he get up you work too!!!

HelenLG · 28/10/2010 11:10

DH does one or two nights a week, but sometimes I feel like I might as well do it myself as it ends up waking everyone up.

When DS wakes, DH goes to warm up a bottle without picking him up, so he keeps snuffling unhappily in the cot until I go and get him.

Then he can't get DS to settle again when he's done, so ends up using white noise.

And then sometimes, DS wakes for a second time in the night, and I get asked what to do.

But he hasn't ever once said I should do all feeds.

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