First two weeks of school, been late EVERY DAY, HELP

[systemsaddict]

Please please help, I was in tears over this this morning. Ds has just started school, half days in reception, he's loving it but we cannot seem to get out of the door in time to get to school on time, we are consistently 10 minutes late.

I am getting up at 5.45, getting clothes ready the night before, kids are up between 6 and 7, we need to leave between 8.15 and 8.30. I am never late for anything if it's just me but I simply CANNOT get the kids to get ready on time (dd is just 2, ds is just 4).

It's a behaviour issue rather than an organisational issue; I can get them ready earlier but this doesn't help. Getting them dressed is always a real struggle. If either of them is dressed in good time, one will just get undressed again while I'm dressing the other one. Or there will be an ill-timed poo to be cleared up just as we need to leave. Or ds will refuse to do a wee and start to wee on himself and need changing. If we get to the car in good time, they refuse to get in their car seats, or one straps themselves out while I'm strapping the other one in. Or a major tantrum or fight just at the wrong moment. I guess this is fairly normal behaviour for small children; but then everyone else at the school has small children and seems to get them there on time. It didn't matter so much when they were at nursery (and fortunately my work is flexible) but it does now.

Dp is useless in the mornings - whole nother issue there - so let's assume it's down to me. I feel COMPLETELY powerless and really upset about this. Can anyone help??

Well done - what a successful morning, systemaddict!!

Hurray!!

Well done to you systems, sounds like you had it all under control. It's a good way to start the day when all goes to plan and it's relatively smooth and hassle free.

Fingers crossed it continues for you

Oh dear...terrible two's joined by terrible 4's! We have all been there! It's no easy task when they all start kicking off at the same time but reward charts are quite efficient in this house (only ever used when in desperation). We do use the naughty step for extreme behaviour consistently and it does work for us. Try to relax and don't let on that they are getting to you because they will do it even more. You seem to be very organised like myself and that's a bonus! Also, have you ever tried reverse psychology?? It does work you know! "I bet you can't get dressed in 5 mins! Oh no you can't!" Good luck!

Fantastic, well done

Well done, Systems! Don't be too disheartened if it occasionally unravels at first. As long as it works more often than it doesn't work, gradually it will become a routine and you (and your DS and DD!) will find it becomes almost automatic. The day will come!!!

I know chitchat, I had novelty on my side today - I keep telling myself not to be disappointed if it all falls apart next week! But the idea of getting them into an automatic routine eventually will dangle before me as a wonderful-and-maybe-just-possible dream ...

yay! that's really great, continue on great work next week and report back as promised! so glad you had a better morning

No tv until everyone is ready to leave, shoes and coats on then time for tv.
My 2 will be ready for 7.45 if they want to watch tv and we don't have to be out of the house until 8.30.

Thanks to the excellent life-coaching from you all, we were the first ones there today! I clearly need to fine-tune my approach now as this is not ideal either but much better than the reverse!

We did have a couple of near-disasters. I went to the loo just before leaving, came out and ds had scribbled all over a book I need for work, shouted at him and went into the kitchen to discover that dd had poured a glass of water onto the kitchen floor to make a puddle to paddle in and was soaked. But there was enough time to deal with all of that without it making us late.

I realise that by turning the TV off at 7 and aiming to 'beat the pips' and have them ready for 8 I am now doing a LOT more shouting / pushing / hurrying them up early on (between 7 and 7.30) which used to be a pretty chilled-out time with the tension winding up as we got nearer leaving. But, they are then ready, and we can all unwind a bit and leave without trauma. This is a pretty good trade-off.

Used sweets to get them into their carseats which worked like an absolute charm, but I need to find a slightly healthier reward than that for the long term. Not to mention that my neighbour is a dentist and saw me doing it - not my finest parenting moment!

Stringerbell it especially helps to have routines from people who think themselves 'slack' - although must say on reading it you don't sound slack to me!!

Sounds like you are really getting it more under control!

I have 3 (aged 5, 3 and 17 months). I arrange all bags, clothes and shoes the night before and lay the table for breakfast, put out the cereal packets etc. Our routine is as follows:

I get up at 7am dress etc then go in to them at 7.15 with warm milk in beakers which they drink in bed to wake up slowly as all in filthy moods otherwise. They all have to be completely dressed before breakfast and this acts as an incentive as they are keen to get downstairs and eat. 5 yr old basically does herself, 3 yr old can be v uncooperative and if the baby is being difficult he comes in PJs and a coat (with shoes and socks). Usually down by 7.30am. Although they are well past the bib stage I put aprons (plastic overalls meant for painting etc) on the 5 and 3 year old as there is nothing worse than a bowl of cereal spilt down the clean school clothes!). Up to clean teeth at 7.50 and leave at 8am.

Like a few others have said, if anything I would say you are maybe giving the little ones too much time. I'm not sure that TV in the morning is such a great idea as they always hate being dragged away from it. Could you get them up at 7am after you are dressed, showered and dishwasher unloaded and go straight into the morning routine?

Thanks Nelly! Ah I would love to be able to get them up at 7 but sadly they have inherited my early rising gene and just get themselves up bright eyed and bushy tailed not long after 6, and come and prod me if I'm not already up. In principle I don't really want TV in the morning, but resort to it because I am not in any fit state prepared to entertain them before my coffee!! The thought of a couple of sleepy children drinking warm milk in bed to wake up slowly is nirvana ... On the other hand, breakfast isn't that much of an incentive for them, it's more that I have to nag them into eating it.

Do you know, one thing about this conversation that is really helping me is that I always think 'how do other people do it?' and now I am realising that even in the very specific details, everyone's context is so different.

Good going systems addict :)

Thanks everyone, final report back here hopefully as I think we've cracked it, have been in good time all week so far. It's been shifting the focus to JUST getting them fed, dressed and ready between 7 and 8 rather than trying to do other things at the same time that's made the difference. Also using the Radio 4 pips so there's an external timer to beat, rather than a timer I'm setting.

I have realised ds really, really does struggle to stay focused on things like getting dressed which I hadn't quite clocked before amidst the chaos, so better to be aware of that now - he's going to need lots more structure now he's at school, in lots of different ways. The person who said this morning thing could be a touchstone for getting other things sorted too was absolutely right.

Now we have to avoid getting there EARLY as he gets too giddy from playing to line up in the playground!! nice problem to have though compared to last week's series of disasters we are all much much happier, thank you all.

So pleased to hear you've turned this around well done, enjoy the more pleasant start to the day