Children who CANNOT entertain themselves....do you think this is due to parenting or just the personality of the child?

[Ceebee74]

Just wondered as I seem to have produced 2 DS's who absolutely cannot keep themselves entertained and it is driving me potty!

I am now starting to wonder if it is due to something that we have done whilst they were babies or whether it is 'just the way they are'

I end up using the television far too much just because it is the only way I can get any peace without one or both of them hanging of me. Seriously, they have so many toys to play with - they just choose not to.

Any advice would be very gratefully received

How old are they?

Mine didn't used to play together at all - then they got a it older and just go off and play with each other now - hurrah!

But the trick is to politely ignore them.

And Playmobil.

i have 2 that always entertained themselves-i just got in the way!and one who just couldnt seem too!so i put it down to personality!
sometimes i think too many toys is worse than none.how old are they?theres nothing wrong with a bit of tv btw!

Sorry forgot their ages. DS1 is 4.2 and DS2 is 21 mo.

They rarely play together, and if on the rare occasion they are actually playing together, it doesn't take DS2 long (who is by far the clingiest) to wander off to find where I may have dared to go to

DS2 just wanders round like a lost soul most of the time - I am not sure what he actually wants to do as he doesn't really show much interest in any toys (unless they are the ones DS1 is playing with )

I know my mum thinks my children are a bit odd in that they won't just go off and play - she comes round and thinks I can just sit there and chat to her for hours when, in fact, I am constantly batting children away!

before the summer holidays ds was very happy to occupie himselve. he has had to become more grown up over the summer (twatish comments from ex, family death etc) and has become incredibly clingy and insecure and now cant be on his own. I am hoping that as he settles down emotionally he will go back to playing on his own.

We rotate toys and he has something randomly left out for him when he gets home. Plus i am evil and tell i need time to me mn a bit of healthy neglect

ceebee i feel your pain..

I felt like that with my kids and i all but stopped tv (in the week anyway) and now they are brilliant

my personal opinion is that electronic toys and games and loads of tv make the hyper stimulated and unable to occupy themselves

I would maybe invest some time in them with the tv off and you will be surprised how quickly you can start nipping out and letting them get on with it

good luck

its personality

i have two who can play fine and one in the middle that needs entertained. sigh

Personality. My brother couldn't spend a minute on his own (and still can't). I can spend hours entertaining myself and could from the youngest age. My brother's son is exactly the same as him! :o

notanotter no television??? I wonder if I am brave enough for that......Ds1 started school today so I guess I need to let him settle there before I do anything drastic at home.

DS1 is much better than he used to be but I am quite worried about DS2 - he really does just wander around aimlessly although nursery have never expressed any concerns about him.

Personality. DS1 at nearly 13 still finds it hard to entertain himself - needs to be have a full, structured day or it's a bloody nightmare. DD (11) is easy come, easy go, and just gets on with things. DS2 (3) is happy to amuse himself too (and that includes swinging from my curtains, the toe rag)

Put a few toys away and just give them a small choice.... I think kids struggle with choice sometimes. Boys are worse for not being focussed than girls, well in my limited experience anyway.

This is what you get for playing with your DC. If you only interact provide their essential needs form birth they will learn to entertain them selves.

Disclaimer; I haven't actually tested this theory.

Actually I'm with NotAnOtter on this one.... my two (now 10 & 8) are really bad at initiating stuff, and are particularly bad if they've had their brains dulled with TV/computer games beforehand .

In fact this school term we've put in place a new rule - no TV/screens in the morning before school, and none until after 6 p.m. (used to go on after homework).

I find that they are doing much more interesting stuff - games/ arty things/playing outside. TV definitely becomes a habit which (IMHO) needs to be broken.

Skyplus/iPlayer is a godsend too, as we don't let TV rule our lives with programme times etc - you can always watch it later....

DD 10yrs old still can't entertain herself and can be very tiring!

I think a lot of it's down to temperament, my parents said I was "exceptional" at amusing myself from v young then they had a bloody shock when my little sister came along. Not too bad though as she had a 5 year old sister to take some of the burden off them!

My dd can be a bit crap at entertaining herself. Thought I was going mad 18m to 2.5 as she was round my legs and believe me i did encourage her, in fact i totally ignored her! Eventually she got the hint and now plays ok on her own. Mainly when she's with me. when dh is about she lapses back into attention junkie mode as he panders to her every whim. MiL even worse

Ds is only 11.5m but already seems more interested in toys than she ever was which pleases me bit obviously has his clingy phases.

I do think some mUms bring it on themselves tho, constantly playing with their dcs even when they're tiny babies as they believe it's part of the good parenting manual. i have a couple of friends who never leave their dcs alone and are like slaves to them, they never tell them they're busy never tell them to go off and play never raise their voices to them and on the rare occasions they do find something to do on their own follow them round trying to get involved. Insanity! And v v irritating when you attempt to spend anytime with them.

Ditto overscheduling their day, a mistake i've made, dds first request on waking "where are we going out today mummy?" I now sometimes say we're spending the day playing at home.

Second whoever said switch the tv off. It definitely makes them better at amusing themselves.

I think this problem is usually worse in eldest children who tend to by default get undivided attention most of the time.

DD1 and 2 are both good at entertaining themselves but I childminded with dd1 so she didn't get everything she wanted when she wanted it - consequently she learned quickly to choose something to play with herself!

Parenting does play a huge part in so far as it is better not to run around after them all the time and as they develop say 'go and get it out of the box' in response to 'can I please have?'instead of going to get it for them.

Minx
Playing with even very young babies is important and most who have had lots of attention speak earlier and gain better understanding of the world more quickly. This all helps when they get to school. Reading especially develops important concentration skills.
However, there is a fine balance between being a good parent and pandering

I know i sang/played/baby yoga/massage with my 2when they were teeny tiny and awake, but sometimes we just walked around looking at stuff, or sat quietly, or allowed them to lay on their back looking at something soothing but interesting at the same time (well with ds, dd had colic all day long so it was just pat pat rock rock and both of us in tears).

I have friends who were in their babies faces quite literally. It's stressful and overstimulating for a baby.

Personality. DS2 has always been able to entertain himself, ds3 not at all.

fluffy i agree
In the holiday and due to some extenuating circumstances - we had the tv on more than just weekends and it becomes habit forming

term started and i gritted my teeth and stopped it again and they asked a couple of times but soom got into the swing of playing again ( 7, 4 and 2)

It is the way i like it ( not a big screen fan) and i think kids should learn to please themselves ( almost through boredom) BUT not wholly altruistic. My life is loads better if the children are content and not 1. begging for a screen or 2. moaning at me to play WITH them

Definately agree Minx, it takes lots of energy from babies when they are constantly being handled and giggled, they do need to be put down sometimes

Lots of people I know with 4 and 2 year olds find it hard to hold a conversation without them wanting to join in - they seem to have some radar for adults' conversations! Although usually we just include them in the conversation for a bit and then they get bored as we are talking about boring adult things and go off and do something. (Or badger mum to do something with them) It helps if we are somewhere interesting like a playgroup with lots of new toys or a park with slides etc.

I never put DS down as a baby though and he plays by himself now - so I think it's personality, definitely.

Mine starting arguing playing more together when youngest was around 3.5 and had better language. Maybe your mum is remembering slightly older children?

My DD was hopeless at entertaining herself until she learned to read. As she spent four years (2.6-6.6) living in Thailand and we had a home help who adored her it made my life easy. Once we moved, all hell broke loose. I don't enjoy playing with a dolls house, although I did spend hours playing bingo with her. Once she mastered the written word though, I am redundant.