Children who CANNOT entertain themselves....do you think this is due to parenting or just the personality of the child?

[Ceebee74]

Just wondered as I seem to have produced 2 DS's who absolutely cannot keep themselves entertained and it is driving me potty!

I am now starting to wonder if it is due to something that we have done whilst they were babies or whether it is 'just the way they are'

I end up using the television far too much just because it is the only way I can get any peace without one or both of them hanging of me. Seriously, they have so many toys to play with - they just choose not to.

Any advice would be very gratefully received

I was going to say personality, but then I thought that implies that they're always going to stay the same. My dd was surgically attached to my side for the first 4 years of her life: she is a very independent teen. Otoh ds was an independent easily entertained toddler, who seemed quite happy pottering around with a modest amount of attention- as a 10yo he seems totally incapable of amusing himself without electronic stimuli and keeps up an incessant stream of contact seeking drivel. And I don't think it's early neglect, either: as far as I can understand it's that blessed word- a Phase.

I'm not sure that simply switching off the telly is always the answer - DS1 couldn't have watched TV for longer than about 2 minutes, which was a nightmare when all I wanted was 10 minutes to clean the loos or whatever. For him it had to be structured, organised, busy activities - and believe me, I did my level utmost to steer him in the direction of quiet play/drawing/reading!

I'm going to say it's probably a bit of both.

Some kids who watch telly for hours will still play nicely on their own. But what you've descibed sounds like the tv is exsparating a problem.

Definately with mine the more the watch the worse their behaviour/ability to play is.

We did a weeks cold turkey about a year ago, no telly and the improvemnt in their behaviour was amazing.

We still have no telly in the morning as a rule, if they do watch it the difference in their temperement (sometimes for the whole day) is astounding.

The more they watch the less able they are abole to manage themselves.

I sometmes start them off playing then leave them too it.

thesecondcoming - what is that book you refer to then??

Thanks for all the posts - although it does seem very mixed as to whether it is going to improve or not

Redflipflops 3.5?? Really?? God, that means I have nearly another 2 years to go before they will play 'nicely' together!

The current situation involves them playing nicely together for about 1 minute then DS2 will snatch something off DS1 and either DS1 gets up and waltzs off in a strop about it or I make DS2 give it back and he starts screaming

I didn't put the television on for the hour from getting home with DS2 from nursery and bathtime and it kind of worked - DS1 had a minor strop but then got up and started playing and DS2 mooched around a bit....but I did need to keep intervening/reading books to them etc etc. I will persevere....

I tried putting most of the toys away too. That really helped as the things were a bit fresher when they came out.

Funnily enough I have found that if I am willing to give them my attention at the start of the day and at periodic intervals then they are more likely to leave me alone for periods too. If I am constantly resisting it then it seems to become a mission for them to get my attention.

It is down to personality, but you can help/hinder the situation.

DS is 7, DD is 5. They are great at playing together and entertaining each other when they are both here, and have been for a long time. DS has always been able to entertain himself if he doesn't have DD for a pretty decent amount of time. DD can't go 30 seconds without entertaining herself if DS is gone.

I've pretty much just had to include her in everything I do, from cleaning the house to making food, and just accept things will go slower. Sometimes the pace I have to go at frustrates me because she's so slow, but IMHO, it is better than having her sit in front of the telly.

I'm sorry, OP not a very helpful post for you. More along the lines of a therapeutic post for me, I'm afraid.